Play Safe (Make the Play #1) (10 page)

The last thing I want to see when I show up to the party is Christian making out with some other girl. But that is literally the first thing I see. And not only is he kissing her, but he has her pinned up against a tree as if he wants to do much more than that. My gaze jumps to his hands in her hair, his fingers tangling in the strands, and my stomach sours. The bill of his baseball cap is pressing into her forehead, and I wonder if it hurts. Not the kiss. The bill of the cap on her forehead. I don’t have to guess what the kiss feels like. I know exactly what it’s like to kiss Christian, to have his fingers in my hair, to feel his palm against my cheek.

Man, why am I thinking about this at all?

“Helloooo, Emmy.” Ashley waves her hand in front of my face.

“Oh, sorry.” I blink as if coming out of a daze.

“What’s going on with you?” Ashley’s eyebrows knit together. “Josh was asking if you wanted a drink and you were just totally spacing out.”

Josh stares at me wearing a pensive look. Then he peers over in Christian’s direction (who is still kissing that random girl) before returning his attention back to me. My insides churn.

“Sorry. Sometimes I just zone out. You know me.” I force a giggle, and Ashley joins in. I’m not stupid, but every once in awhile it behooves me to play the dumb blond. Besides, Ashley likes it. She hates when I get all “brainy” as she calls it. Really she’s referring to me being rational or mature, but whatever. “No, I’m not drinking, remember? I drove. Go ahead and get one for yourselves though.”

“You sure?” Ashley asks, but Josh is already making a beeline for the keg.

“Yeah.” I’m surprised she’s even pushing this. I never drink. It’s one of the main reasons I always offer to drive. Well, that and the fact that I like knowing I can leave when I want. Thank god Dad’s mechanic was able to fix my car fast. If I hadn’t gotten it back today I might not have even come to this party. Ashley never lets me drive her car, but she also never refrains from drinking, so having her as designated driver is pointless.

“Cool. Thanks,” she says.

When she heads over to the keg, I spot Josh chatting with Chase and Nolan, already chugging from a red Solo cup. I know I should join him, but the idea of it exhausts me. Without meaning to, I find my gaze slipping back to the tree I’d seen Christian under. He’s still going at it with the dark-haired girl, and I feel sick. Maybe I shouldn’t have offered to be the DD. I could really use a drink tonight. Watching Christian stick his tongue down another girl’s throat makes me want to get so drunk I can’t think straight. But I know better. My parents have scared me with their endless stories of people wrapping their cars around trees or killing poor innocent families while driving drunk. It’s not a risk I’m willing to take. Besides, drinking has never appealed to me. In all the times I’ve watched Ashley get hammered, nothing about it has appeared fun. The first time I saw her fall all over herself and puke in the bushes, I decided the party life wasn’t for me.

Pulling my gaze away from Christian, I hurry over to Josh. Perhaps if I focus on my boyfriend I can erase all thoughts of the boy that shouldn’t be on my mind. As Josh drapes his arm over my shoulders, drawing me into his side, I remind myself that I made the right choice when I stayed with him. Clearly our kiss meant nothing to Christian. He kisses new girls every week. It’s like his lips can’t help themselves. They have to attach to any girl within a two-mile radius or something. I can’t believe I fell for his act. I would’ve thrown away everything for him, and that would have been the worst mistake ever.

Then I would be alone right now. My stomach clenches at the thought. There’s nothing I hate more than being alone. My mom loves solitude. I’ve heard her say a million times that her favorite part of the day is when we are at school and she has the house to herself. Which I guess makes sense because that’s when she gets to spend time with imaginary characters, and we all know that she likes them more than real-life people. As a kid I used to be so jealous of her characters. In her office she has a corkboard where she pins little index cards filled with information about her characters – height, weight, hair and eye color. I used to go into her office, yank down those cards and tear them into tiny pieces. It was like I believed I could truly get rid of them that way. But all I succeeded in doing was making Mom upset with me. As if I needed to give her any more ammunition.

But I don’t have imaginary friends or characters filling my mind. Therefore, when I’m alone, I’m truly alone. And I hate it. I hate the silence. I hate the emptiness. I hate the loneliness. But most of all I hate feeling like no one really cares. Being at this party with Josh’s arm around me, I can pretend I’m someone special. Someone worthy of attention. Even if deep down, I know it isn’t true.

Josh, Chase and Nolan are talking about baseball while chugging their beers. The bitter scent wafts under my nose. When Josh laughs some beer sloughs out of his cup and lands on the toe of my boot. He doesn’t notice and keeps on talking. Ashley sidles up beside me, her gaze flitting around. Clearly she’s on the prowl. I nod my head in Hayes’ direction.

“Hayes has been checkin’ you out since we got here,” I say.

“Of course he has.” She rolls her eyes. “But I’m so not interested.”

“Why not? Hayes is a nice guy.” I’ve always liked him. He’s funny and easy to talk to. He never judges me the way some of the other guys do. During the first baseball party I attended with Ashley, he was the only guy who talked to me at all. Ashley had immediately abandoned me for some guy she hooked up with, and I was all by myself. None of the other guys on the team would even look at me, much less talk to me.
Oh, the perils of being the pitcher’s sister
. But Hayes saw me sitting alone in the middle of the field counting weeds, and we struck up a conversation. By the end of the night I found myself crushing on him a little. Cal was upset when he found us, worried that Hayes had been hitting on me, but I assured him that Hayes wasn’t. And I was being truthful. Nothing about the way Hayes interacted with me felt predatory at all. He was nice, friendly, and funny. That’s it.

“I’m not looking for nice.” Ashley stares at Hayes, wrinkling her nose. “I’m looking for hot. And that tub o’ goo is not hot.”

I hate when Ashley says things like that. Hayes is a bigger guy, yes. But he’s not fat. Not even a little bit. And he may not be hot in the standard sense of the word, but he is good looking. Not in the way Christian or Josh is, but I still think he’s cute. Besides, doesn’t personality count for anything anymore? The truth is that there are times I wish I’d ended up dating Hayes instead of Josh. I’d probably be happier.

My gaze involuntarily skates over to Christian as if it has a mind of its own. And I realize that Hayes wouldn’t actually make me happy either. There’s only one guy I really want to be with, and he’s currently in the arms of another girl.

“Hey, what’s going on with you?” Ashley asks, her eyes following mine.

“Nothing.” I shake my head vehemently.

She knits her eyebrows together. “You sure?”

“Positive.” Man, I need to stop staring at Christian. I’m making everyone suspicious.

Ashley’s mouth drops open. “Is that your brother?”

My head whips to where she’s looking. “Oh, no.” I’ve never seen my brother so drunk. He can barely walk. He’s stumbling over his own feet while some girl tries and fails to hold him up. But that doesn’t stop him from laughing and hollering out unintelligible things. Even though I promised myself I wouldn’t look at Christian anymore tonight, I have no choice. He’s the only one who can help me right now.

Lucky for me, he’s finally stopped kissing that girl. And that’s when I recognize her as Selena, one of the softball players.
Great.
There’s no way I can compete with her. It was the main reason I wanted to play ball when I was younger – so I’d have something in common with Christian and Cal. Seems that Selena has an advantage I can only dream of. Cal’s laughing catches my attention, reminding me that there’s something more important I have to deal with right now.

“Um…Josh. I’ll be right back.” I nod my head toward Cal. “I have to go deal with…something.”

He nods with understanding, yet there is a flicker of annoyance in his eyes. I can’t worry about it right now though. Stepping away from him, I head toward my brother. The ground slopes downward and I lose my footing, my ankle rolling to the side slightly.
Geez, I haven’t even been drinking
. Cheeks warming, I hope no one noticed. Regaining my balance, I hurry forward. Christian catches my eye and moves toward us.

“Hey,” Cal slurs when I approach. “What are you doing here, lil sis?”

“Hey, man,” Christian cuts in. Looking over at the girl trying to hold Cal up, he smiles. “Thanks. We’ll take it from here.”

Relief passes over her features when Christian grabs Cal’s arm, drawing him away from the girl.

“What’s up, man?” Cal says to Christian.

“Nothing much. Seems my night isn’t as interesting as yours.” A look of amusement passes over his features. He hoists Cal up, holding him under one armpit. “Emmy, can you grab his other side?”

“Sure.” I do as I’m told.

“Emmy?” Cal looks bewildered as if he’s seeing me for the first time.

I shake my head.

Christian ignores his comment. “C’mon, Cal. Let’s get you home.”

“But I don’t wanna go home. I’m having fun.” Cal pouts.

“What the hell is wrong with him?” I hiss. My brother isn’t a huge partier. Sure, he likes going to parties, but he rarely drinks, and never like this.

“He and Melissa broke up,” Christian explains as we walk forward.

“Melissa,” Cal says her name with disgust.

“Ah, I see.” My heart goes out to my brother. I know what it feels like to lose someone you care about. I glance at Christian as we drag Cal toward where the cars are parked in the gravel. Not that I’ve lost Christian. He’s right here. But he’s not mine.

He never has been.

And probably never will be.

It’s a depressing thought, and I understand my brother’s need to drink. To forget. To be numb. The problem is that eventually he’ll have to wake up. He’ll have to face everything again, and I already feel sorry for when that happens.

When we reach Christian’s car, he opens the passenger side door and we guide Cal inside. Once we shut the door, Cal leans his face against the window, his cheek pressed against the glass. I’m sure he’ll be fast asleep by the time Christian pulls out of here.

“Thanks,” I say. Awkwardness hangs between us.

“Of course. I’m happy to help.” He smiles.

“Sorry I had to tear you away from Selena. Seems like the two of you were having a good time.”

I may be imagining it, but I swear I see shame cross his features. But then he shrugs. “It’s okay. Cal needed me.”

I glance at the car. Cal’s eyes are closed, his mouth gaping open. “Think he’ll be okay?”

“You mean from the hangover or the break up?”

“Both, I guess.”

“I think he’ll have a rough day tomorrow and then he’ll feel better. But it might be a little while before he gets over Melissa.” His eyes crash into mine. “It’s hard to get over someone when you really like them.”

I swallow hard. “Yeah, it is.”

“You want me to give you a ride too? I am going by your house, after all.”

“Um…no. I better stay.”

He shifts uncomfortably from one foot to the other. “Right. Well, you better get back to your boyfriend before he starts to worry.”

I hate the sarcastic way he says the word “boyfriend.” Frankly, I hate this whole awkward conversation. It’s not the way I want things to be between us. “Yeah,” I practically whisper.

A breeze fans over me, and I shiver. Christian starts to reach for me, but then pulls back. “You should have worn a jacket. That little dress is not gonna keep you warm tonight.”

“It’s Ashley’s,” I say, and then wonder why I feel the need to clarify.

He pauses, looking me over. “You look pretty.” My heart skips a beat, my cheeks warming. Clearing his throat, he adds, “Well, maybe you should see if Josh will let you wear his jacket.” He averts his gaze. “I better get Cal home.”

When he walks to the driver’s side, desperation blooms inside of me like a flower opening up. I want nothing more than to jump in the car. Riding home with Cal and Christian sounds so much better than watching Josh and Ashley get drunk all night and then driving them home. But I have to stay. I’m their ride.

As Christian drives away, my stomach drops. For several minutes I watch the headlights of his car as he guides it down the road. Once it’s out of sight, I take a few deep breaths. Then I trudge back to the party, dread descending on me.

My heart is somewhere on the back roads driving toward my house.

“Emmy.” A dark figure steps out from behind the trees.

I gasp, clutching my chest. “Josh,” I breathe out. “You scared me.” My heart thumps beneath my palms, reminding me of a frantic drumbeat, of that dubstep music Cal sometimes listens to. I take deep breaths in an effort to return it to its normal cadence. One. Two. Three.

“Everything okay with Cal?” He steps toward me, cupping my elbow with his hand. I want to think of it as a protective gesture, but it feels different. More like a gesture of ownership.