Play Safe (Make the Play #1) (11 page)

“Yeah.” I nod.

“What about Christian?”

My throat feels dry. “Um…yeah. But, I mean, I don’t even think he’d been drinking.”

“That’s not what I meant.” His tone hardens.

My chest tightens. “W-what did you mean?”

“You tell me.”

“Huh?”
Crap. Does he know something?
My head spins.

“Em, is there something going on with you and Christian?”

Now is the perfect time to spill my guts. I can tell him everything and then wash my hands of the whole thing. Then maybe it won’t have this hold on me. Perhaps then I can let it go. I can release its power.

Only I know it’s not that simple. If I confess it to Josh it will open up a whole new can of worms. Besides, the season is starting soon. I won’t have it be my fault that there’s contention amongst the team. Sure, Christian and Josh don’t like each other, but I have no doubt they’ll find a way to work together on the field. Mostly because Christian is a professional. He doesn’t let his feelings rule the way he plays. And it’s his senior year. He’s going away to college next year to play ball. No way will he risk screwing anything up this season. However, if Josh finds out about Christian and me he won’t be able to let it go. I know Josh. Once he’s angry he can’t control his emotions. Not on or off the field.

Saying something now will not only blow my life apart, but Christian’s too. And I won’t do that. Not even to clear my guilty conscious.

“Nope. Nothing,” I say with a smile. Then I lean in and softly kiss him on the lips. “We’re just friends, that’s all.”

“Okay.” Josh kisses me back. I can’t tell if he believes me or not, but I go with it, hoping my kiss will convince him.

He’s been drinking so his kiss is sloppy, his hands roaming freely down to the hem of my dress. I want to push his hands away, but I know better. Now is not the time. It will only make him suspicious.

“Man, baby, have I told you how hot you look tonight?” Rank, beer-scented breath blows over my cheek.

I used to love when Josh called me hot. It made me feel special. But for some reason tonight it turns my stomach. I think back to when Christian called me pretty. It meant more to me than all of the times Josh has called me hot. Once again, my mind travels back to Christian’s car, and I can’t help but feel like that’s where I belong.

Cal is on fire tonight. Too bad I’m not.

It’s our first scrimmage, and we’re playing our rival team. Every time I fail to block the ball I tell myself it doesn’t matter; that it’s not a real game. But that’s bull, and I know it. Even scrimmages count. At least in my mind. Every time I play it matters. I need to be on my game. Especially this year – my final year playing in high school. It’s a big deal. And I can’t afford to play like crap.

After the first inning, Cal intercepts me on the way to the dugout.

“What’s up with you tonight?” He clamps a hand on my shoulder.

“Nothing,” I answer quickly. “Just having an off night, I guess.”

“Well, get back on. I need you out there.”

“Yeah, I know.” I drum up a smile I don’t feel. Once we sit in the dugout, my gaze travels out to the bleachers. Emmy sits right in the front row, her hand halfway inside a bag of Doritos. After pulling one out, she chomps down on it. Orange residue coats her bottom lip and she reaches up to wipe if off. I wish I was sitting there. I’d gladly do that for her. Shaking away the thought, I glance over at Selena, sitting a few rows up. Her eyes are intently watching the game, her body rigid as she sits forward. My heart pinches.

I never should’ve started anything up with her. She’s a great girl. Hot, easy to be around, great ball player. She’s exactly the kind of girl I normally go for. But the timing’s not right. I’m only using her to get my mind off of Emmy. If it were anyone else it might be okay, but it feels wrong to do it to her. It’s obvious she really likes me. When we were talking on the phone last night she pretty much admitted that she’s had a crush on me for awhile.

I’m ashamed to admit that my first thought was that it was perfect. She’s the perfect distraction. And maybe if I tried hard enough she could be the perfect replacement. But as I’ve thought about it, it’s become crystal clear that it won’t work. Emmy is not a broken dish. She’s a person. And no one can replace her.

I’m hoping one day I’ll meet someone who overshadows her. Someone I like even more than Emmy. But not a replacement.

There’s no way I can replace years of conversations and moments. Years of games and laughter. It can’t be done. But one thing is clear. Until I can get over her, it’s not fair to string anyone else along.

“Ya feeling okay, Cal?” Josh sits down on the bench on the other side of Cal.

Cal gives him a funny look. “I’d say by the way I’m playing that I must feel pretty damn good. Which is more than I can say for you, Joshy.”

There is a collective round of “ooohs” around us.

My lips twitch at the corners. Cal and I exchange fist bumps.

Josh’s face reddens, but he recovers quickly, honing in on me. “Then I guess you’re the one who’s not feeling well.”

I shake my head. “Maybe you wouldn’t suck so bad if you spent more time worrying about yourself, Easton.” I purposefully use his last name because I know it will bother him. The last person he wants commenting about his family is me.

“I think it’s time you took your own advice, Alcott.” When he throws my last name back in my face, his gaze flickers over to the stands, landing on my mom.

“Trust me, I don’t worry about you at all,” I snap.

“No, but you spend a lot of time worrying about my girlfriend.”

Now he’s gone too far. Cal’s head spins in his direction.

“Hey, that’s my sister you’re talking about, dick. And she’s a lot more our responsibility than yours.”

Josh backs down after that, and it causes a smile to break out on my face.
That’s right. Be careful who you mess with, little boy.

When it’s time for us to take the field, I purposefully ram my shoulder into Josh’s as we pass. When he throws me a disgusted look, I smile back. But when I glance at the bleachers to see Emmy staring adoringly in Josh’s direction my stomach sours. Crouching, I get into position and try to focus on the game, but it’s no use. Emmy’s stupid expression is burned into my brain.

This is going to be a long game.

****

When the game ends, I feel nothing but relief. We did end up winning, no thanks to me. Luckily, Cal pulled us through. And I’m hoping I can get it together by the next time I play. After getting a tongue lashing by Coach Hopkins, I trudge off the field, my bat bag slung over my shoulder. The gear clangs around inside, shifting with each step. The first person I see is Selena. She smiles and stands when I approach, as if she’s been waiting for me.

“You did great,” she says.

“No, I didn’t.”

“Okay, you didn’t.” She flashes me an apologetic grin. “But the team did.”

“Yeah,” I agree.

“And you’ll do better next time.”

“Yeah, I will.” I suck in a breath, gathering courage.
It’s now or never
. My only hope of getting my game up is to be honest with her. “Look, Selena, I think you’re really cool, but…it’s just…”
Damn it, I’m never good at this part
.

She throws up her hand to stop me. “It’s okay. I won’t make you go through with the entire speech. I know exactly where this is going.”

“You do?” I raise one eyebrow.

She nods. “And it’s okay. We’re not even really dating. You don’t have to hurt yourself by coming up with some long, break-up speech.”

The fact that she’s being so cool about this makes it even harder. “I’m sorry.” Man, I feel like crap.

“You’re really cool too, Christian,” she says. “I had a lot of fun with you this weekend, and I think we could have had a lot of fun in the future.” She studies me a minute. “You’re a good guy and, for your sake, I hope she feels the same way you do.”

“Who?” My heart freezes.

She shrugs. “The girl you’re in love with.”

“I’m not in love with anyone.”
Am I?

“Hmmm. Usually I’m so good at reading these things.” She furrows her brows. “But there is someone else, right? That’s why you’re breaking it off with me?”

I nod. No sense in denying it now.

“I hope it works out for you.” With one last sad smile, she squeezes my arm and then walks off leaving me a clear view of Emmy. She’s sitting alone, her gaze fixated on me. I start to wonder where Josh is, but then dismiss the thought. I don’t want to think about him right now. Smiling, I take a few steps forward. When Emmy stands to greet me, my heart arrests. Suddenly nothing about tonight matters. Not how crappy I played in the scrimmage or the fact that I might have just broken some poor girl’s heart. All that matters is this moment. And in this moment everything feels right. It’s amazing how simply being in Emmy’s presence calms me. I wonder about Selena’s words. Is this what love feels like?

Do I love Emmy
?

I know I should be focused on Josh. He’s who I came here to watch. I mean, other than Cal. But the truth is that I’m not watching either of them. It’s like Christian has a target painted on him or something. Or like my eyes are magnets and he’s the fridge. I can’t stop staring at him the entire game. He’s not playing as well as he normally does, and I know it must be killing him. Even when he and Cal were little kids he was so hard on himself when he didn’t play well. They both were.

There was one particularly bad game when they were around ten or eleven. Christian couldn’t make a single catch. It’s like he had oil in his glove or something. I remember thinking that at the time, and I knew it was funny. So funny that if I had said it about anyone else Cal and Christian would have laughed. But I knew better than to share it with them that day.

Christian came over to our house after the game because his mom was busy at the shop. He tried to act tough, but I could see the tears in his eyes when he thought no one was looking. I didn’t know what to do, but I wanted to comfort him so badly. Mom had made chocolate chip cookies earlier that day, and I knew they were Christian’s favorite. So I heated one up for him, making it all gooey the way he liked. Then I brought it to him in the family room where he and Cal were playing video games. Cal got upset with me for not bringing him a cookie, but Christian smiled knowingly and whispered “thank you” so softly that only I could hear.

Today I long to comfort him the same way I did all those years ago. The problem is that I don’t think a cookie will do the trick this time.

After the game I wait while Coach Hopkins talks to the team. The bleachers clear out, most of the spectators leaving. But there are still stragglers. Most of us are the players’ girlfriends. Irrational annoyance rises in me at the fact that one of them is Selena. I had figured that what happened between Christian and Selena at the party was nothing more than a random hookup, but now it seems it’s more than that. It shouldn’t bother me since I’m with Josh anyway, but it does.

After the coach is finished, the players disperse, many of them heading in our direction. The minute Josh comes out, my insides coil. He played worse than Christian, and if his facial expression is any indicator he’s pretty pissed about it.

“Hey,” he says gruffly when he approaches me.

“Hey,” I respond. For a minute I contemplate offering him platitudes, but decide against it. He knows he played crappy. No sense in humoring him.

“Look, I know we were supposed to hang out tonight, but I’m not in the mood.”

Shame washes over me at how relieved I feel. “No worries. I get it.”

“Call me later?”

“Sure.”

He gives me a half-hearted peck on the cheek and then takes off. I almost leave too, but then I see Christian saying goodbye to Selena. Freezing, I watch them. She touches his arm and walks away. No kiss. No hug. Narrowing my eyes, I wonder what’s going on with them. Once she’s gone, his head bobs up, his eyes meeting mine. Without a word, he steps toward me. I stand, and offer him a small smile.

“You okay?” I ask.

“A little better now.”

“Because of Selena?” I have to know.

He shakes his head. “There’s nothing going on there.”

“Didn’t look like that on Saturday night.”

“That was a mistake,” he says, and I’m reminded of his words after our kiss. Seems he’s full of mistakes.

But I don’t want to rehash all of that right now. I want to go back to when things were normal between us. “Too bad I don’t have any cookies.”

He chuckles. “Yeah, no kidding. I could really use one right about now.”

****

It’s Friday night, and it’s pouring down rain. Water is coming down fiercely past my window. Grey clouds cover the sky making it pitch dark outside. Ashley groans and flings her back down on the bed. In her hand she holds her phone, her gaze glued to the screen.

“Looks like the party has been canceled,” she whines.

“Of course. Where would they have it?” I glance out my window, at the liquid splattering it. Above us it sounds like waves crashing over the roof of my house. “It’s not like they could have it at Old Willis’s farm. The wood slats in the barn wouldn’t keep anyone dry.”

“What are we gonna do now?” Ashley rolls over onto her stomach, propping her elbows up on the bed and lowering her chin into her palms. 

“I guess we could have the sleepover you told your parents we were having.” I raise my eyebrows. Ashley’s parents are much stricter than mine. Her dad is a doctor and her mom stays home. They don’t let her go to parties or date boys. That’s where I come in. I swear, Ashley’s parents must think that she and I spend every waking moment together. Whenever she’s at a party or out with a boy they think she’s at my house. Sometimes it isn’t exactly a lie. Take tonight, for instance. We were planning on going to the party, but then we were coming back to my house afterward. So technically she was always planning on a sleepover at my house.

My parents, on the other hand, are pretty lax. They let me go to parties as long as I don’t drink and drive. Really they don’t want me drinking at all, but they’re not naïve enough to think it will never happen. Both of my parents partied a lot when they were younger, so it’s like they think it’s a rite of passage or something. Plus, it helps that I have Cal looking out for me. I think that gives them some peace of mind.

“Yeah, I guess.” Ashley sighs.

Clearly she’s bummed, but honestly I’m glad the party got canceled. I’m tired of going to parties. There was a time when I would have given my right arm to be invited to one of the baseball team parties. But now that I’ve gone to a few, I’m kind of over it. I suppose if I liked to drink like Ashley does it would be more fun. But for me it’s a long night of hanging outside in the cold watching people act like idiots. A night in the comfort of my own home sounds so much better.

“It’ll be fun,” I assure her. “We can watch movies and eat popcorn.”

“Cause that’s what I need. Popcorn.” She rolls over and pinches at her taut stomach.

“Oh, shut up. There’s not an ounce of fat on your body.”

“Yes, there is. See.” She grips at her skin.

“You’re crazy. But it’s fine if you don’t want popcorn. I won’t make any.” This is the reason I like hanging out with Cal and Chris. They inhale food. They never worry about gaining weight, and they never judge me for eating. “I’ll just grab us some drinks.”

This perks her up. “Alcoholic drinks?”

I shake my head. “My parents are cool, but they’re not that cool.” I glance outside and shiver. “I can make us hot chocolate.”

“Yuck.” She makes a face.

“Soda?”

“Okay.” She nods.

“I’ll be right back.” I slide off my bed and walk out into the hallway. My feet sink into the plush carpet as I walk. When I enter the kitchen, Cal is standing in front of the open fridge, and Christian is sitting on a barstool. I hadn’t even realized Christian was here.

“There’s nothing to eat.” Cal slams the fridge door shut.

“Let’s go grab some burgers then,” Christian responds.

Cal turns around, and I walk forward. “Oh, hey, Em. Wanna come with us to grab some food?”

“Out into the storm?” I cock an eyebrow. “I don’t think so. Besides, Ashley’s here and she’s not really eating tonight.”

Cal chuckles.

Christian shakes his head. “We’ll get you something.”

I toss him a look of gratitude. “Thanks.”
Screw Ashley.
I can always eat.

Christian jumps down from the barstool, and Cal scoops his keys off the counter.

“See ya in a few,” Cal says.

“Be careful out there,” I warn him.

“Yes, Mom,” he jokes back.

“Mom wouldn’t say that,” I point out.

“True.” Cal smiles.

“She might,” Christian interjects, “if one of her characters recently got into an accident during a storm.”

Cal and I both laugh. Nobody else outside of this family understands my mom as well as Christian. As they head outside, I open the fridge and pull out two sodas. When I whirl around, a gasp sounds at the back of my throat.

“Ashley! I didn’t even hear you come in here.”

“That’s because you were preoccupied.” Leaning against the kitchen doorway, she wears a funny expression. One that makes me feel scrutinized and exposed.

“Here.” Holding out one of the sodas, I make my way toward her.

She takes the can in her hand and pops the top. It fizzes. With her gaze still trained on me, she takes a sip. Then she lowers the soda and cocks her head to the side. “So, are you ever gonna tell me what’s going on?”

I almost spew soda out of my mouth. “With what?”

“With you, silly?” She says with a smile. “C’mon, I’m your best friend. I can tell something’s up. You’ve been acting really strange lately.”

“I have?” If that’s true, has everyone noticed it?

She nods. “I mean, you used to like Josh so much, and lately you act like you don’t like him at all. And you’ve been acting super strange around Christian. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out something happened there.”

Apparently not if Ashley picked up on it. I blow out a resigned breath. “Fine. I’ll tell you, but you have to swear never to tell a single soul.”

“I swear.” She holds up her free hand, as if she’s taking a pledge.

I bite my lip, still unsure if I can tell her.

“Em, I’m your best friend. You can trust me.”

She’s right. She
is
my best friend. So then why am I so reluctant to share this with her? Maybe because once I say the words aloud it will make it real, but I suspect it’s more than that. I don’t share secrets with Ashley. I’ve always had Cal and Christian for that. It’s weird to admit that I trust Christian more than I do Ashley, but it’s the truth. In fact, I trust Christian more than I trust almost anyone else. And right now he’s the only person who knows what happened between us. Do I want someone else to know?

“Seriously. It must be really bad if you can’t even tell me.” Ashley frowns.

My stomach knots. At this point what she’s thinking is probably worse. “No, it’s not that bad.”

Giggling reaches my ears, traveling from my parents’ room. Canned television laughter follows.

One thing I do know is that I can’t risk my parents hearing this. “Let’s go into my room, and then I’ll tell you.”

Ashley nods, her eyes lighting up. It makes me feel a little sick. Gossip is something Ashley loves. I can’t believe I’m going to spill this information to her. As I follow her back to my room, I silently pray that I’m not making a huge mistake.

Holding our sodas, we plop down on my bed.

“You promise you won’t tell a single soul?”

Ashley lets out an exasperated groan. “I already promised. Don’t you trust me?”

I don’t dare answer that.

Hurt flashes in her eyes. “I tell you everything, don’t I?”

“Yeah?” It ends up sounding like a question because I’m not sure. She does tell me a lot, but I have no idea if it’s everything.

“Yes, because that’s what best friends do.” She flips a strand of hair over her shoulder. “I mean, if you can’t trust your best friend, who can you trust?”

She does have a point. “Okay, I’ll tell you.” I take another gulp of my soda as if that will give me a boost of bravery. Once I swallow it, I glance up at Ashley. “Remember the night of the bonfire party?”

“When you and Josh broke up?”

“Yeah,” I say. “Well, Christian gave us a ride home, remember?”

Ashley giggles. “I don’t remember much of that night, but yeah, kind of.”

“Yeah, no kidding.” I smile. “Anyway, when we got back to my house we talked for a little while. He was sort of comforting me, trying to make me feel better about my fight with Josh. And then he…” I pause, taking a deep breath.

“He what?” Ashley leans forward.

“He sort of kissed me.”

“What?” She jerks her arm and a little soda spills out on my bedspread.

I throw her a stern look.

“Sorry.” She sets her soda down on my nightstand, grabs a kleenex and cleans up her spill. When she peers up at me, her eyes are wide. “Does Cal know?”

“No.” I’m surprised that he’s the first person she asked about. “And he’s never going to find out.”

“Good plan, because he’d totally freak out.”

“I know,” I say. “That’s why I haven’t said anything.”

Ashley purses her lips. “So it was just a one-time thing, then?”

I hesitate, and she catches it.

“You want it to happen again, don’t you?”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s not going to.”

“Why not? If you like him, you have to go for it, Emmy. To hell with your brother.”

“He’s not the only factor here,” I point out.

Ashley’s eyebrows knit together. “Oh, yeah. You mean Josh.”

I actually hadn’t thought of Josh at all, but I nod anyway.