Playground (15 page)

“I will, in a sec,” I smile obediently.

“While you’re at it, take Louie outside,” Crawford says, refer-

ring to the little black poodle.

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“I’ll go. I want some fresh air anyway,” says Charlie.

Kendall glances at me for a split second and looks away. By avoid-

ing eye contact, we acknowledge our unspoken dislike for each other.

The girls order tuna sandwiches, sliced cantaloupe and yogurt,

and wheat germ health shakes. Kendall combs through magazines,

pointing out sexy guys and girls.

“She’s so hot. I love girls with toned arms,” Kendall says sensu-

ously and I turn red, embarrassed.

Through the window, I see my father and Hef by the pool.

“So, what have you been up to?” Austin asks while flipping

through
Vogue
.

“Nothing really. I’m just sick and tired of school, which is kind

of a bummer considering I’m only a freshman.”

“Ahh, you’re just a baby . . . ,” says Kendall, jumping into the

conversation.

“So are you,” I shoot back.

“Yeah, but I feel old,” she laughs.

“Not enough pampering?” I joke, sliding a magazine featuring

“The Recent Rise of Plastic Surgery” in her direction.

Neither one of us blinks.

“You’ve got balls.” Kendall lowers her shades as a butler comes

by and offers the girls more Chardonnay.

Morgan pushes her crystal glass away.

“No thanks; I gave up drinking for a while.”

“You’re serious?” Tobey asks and Morgan nods yes proudly.

“How do you do it?”

“I just don’t think about it. After a while it becomes habit.”

“Are you speaking abstractly or specifically?” Austin asks.

“Specifically. It’s like when you quit doing coke. The first year is

tough but then you’re over it. Anyone can pull a vial out right in

front of you and you don’t even flinch.”

“You’re full of shit. I quit coke two years ago and when people

are doing it around me, I want to lick the countertops after they

leave the room,” Natasha jumps in.

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Playground

We all look at one another.

“It was a defining moment,” Natasha exhales and we all burst

out laughing.

“You should work out with us tomorrow,” Charlie says, as she

turns to me. “Wait, is tomorrow Friday or Saturday? I can’t re-

member.”

“Girl, you need a hobby,” Austin shouts, throwing a napkin at

her playfully.

I start to spend all my free time at the Mansion. I am accepted

and welcome into the circle of Playmates as “one of the girls.” To-

bey draws a picture of us and titles it “Our Gang.” She hands the

picture to me, and for the first time I feel like I am part of some-

thing, a group, a family.

The school bell rings for nutrition class, and I hop into my car and

take off.

I arrive at the Mansion just in time to work out with the Play-

mates. We’re in the Playmate of the Month’s house listening to

Culture Club’s “Karma Chameleon” in the gym when Kendall

whines, “Do you think I’m too flabby?”

“You’re a size zero,” smirks Tobey.

“A walking public service announcement for anorexia,” I

mumble under my breath.

Kendall sighs, picks up the phone, and dials the kitchen.

“Hi, it’s Kendall. Can you bring juice out here? I don’t know—

orange, carrot, beet, maybe blended—you decide.” She hangs up,

fans herself, and lifts the weights again. “Do I have bags under my

eyes?” Kendall asks and I debate leaving.

“Are you guys going to Helena’s tonight?” Tobey asks.

“I’m totally beat from last night. I was at the Florentine Gar-

dens and ended up at Peanuts. It was so random,” Kendall brags.

“Hi? Lesbian haven,” Charlie laughs.

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“Loved it,” Kendall giggles.

“I’m so over the club scene. I had to wait in the most bogus line

at some underground bar—and I was on the guest list. Can you

believe it?” Charlie chimes in.

“Tell the doorman we’re friends—he’ll take care of you,”

Kendall says.

“Kendall’s known throughout the underground. She’s even

known in parking lots,” Natasha blurts out as Tobey rips the sleeves

off her Heaven T-shirt.

“Very Kristy McNichol,” Austin comments, referring to Tobey’s

ripped sleeves.

“I think I’m in love,” Kendall says, looking at her arms. “Let’s

get out of here,” says Kendall. “I swear the goddamned walls are

caving in on me! I am fantastically bored.”

The girls look at her quizzically.

“Where do you want to go?” Austin asks.

“Madrid,” says Kendall, “Cyprus, Ireland, India, Paris! Let’s

take a cruise through the Mediterranean!”

“La Scala?” asks Morgan, referring to a restaurant in Beverly

Hills.

“Chopped salad?”

“Let’s take the limo!” Kendall offers.

“Fab idea!”

“I’ll tell Daddy.” Kendall gets up, smiling at me. “Come on,

we’ll go together.”

Kendall grabs for my hand, but I resist taking it.

“I don’t bite, you know.” Kendall stares at me, holding her gaze

a few seconds too long.

“I know.”

“You don’t like me, do you?”

Kendall looks me up and down as we breeze through the

backyard.

“You’re okay,” I answer, taken off guard.

I allow our eyes to meet, but then quickly look away.

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Playground

My father, Hef, and the other guys are playing backgammon by

the pool. Kendall caresses Hef while I say hi to Dad.

“Boo-boo, we were thinking about taking the limo and run-

ning into Beverly Hills to grab some lunch,” Kendall whispers to

Hef in a baby voice.

“There’s nothing you want here?” Hef asks endearingly.

“We thought it would be fun to get out with just the girls,”

Kendall responds sweetly.

“I guess coming back after lunch is better than not coming

back at all,” Dad jokes.

“You would know. That’s why you give ’em a shot before they

know what hit them!” Duke chuckles.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” Dad responds.

“We’re going to leave you guys to wallow in your misery,”

Kendall laughs. “Love you, Boo.” Kendall kisses Hef on the lips.

“ ’Bye, Dad.” I kiss him good-bye, like I too just got permission

to leave.

We make our way through the backyard. Kendall takes my

hand in hers while we walk. I feel her delicate palm cradled in my

own and my heartbeat races while the world around me moves in

slow motion. There is a fine line between my disgust and my desire

to be included, to be cared for. Kendall’s acceptance of me washes

warmly through my veins. It is nice to finally feel wanted.

Before we reach the girls in the foyer, Kendall and I lock eyes

one last time. Her eyes are seductive and inviting. They catch me

off guard. No one has ever looked at me like that.

We all pile into Hef ’s limo and head toward Beverly Hills.

Kendall pops open a bottle of champagne. We drink straight from

the bottle. She turns up the volume and sings along to Styx’s “The

Best of Times.”

I search my reflection in the tinted window, suddenly unable

to recognize the girl I see there.

People stare as our black limo pulls up in front of La Scala.

Kendall is out first, the rest of the entourage follows. Heads turn at

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the six glam divas strutting up the stairs. Kendall has a jeweled

Maud Frizon calfskin bag slung over her shoulder and strides con-

fidently in strappy Claude Montana spike-heel shoes.

We enter the restaurant with rock-star confidence and order a

round of Bloody Marys. Seated immediately at a corner booth, we

review the menu, compare mental calories, and decide not to eat.

Kendall examines my bracelets, picking through the rainbow

of colors.

“I like the sparkly ones,” she says.

My arm tingles.

“I could use a lift.” Kendall looks at us with void eyes. “My con-

nection is all tapped out. Does anyone know anybody?”

“I’ve never done it, but it’s all over high school. I can make a

phone call,” I say.

“Right on!” Kendall shouts, ordering us another round.

“To good times.” Morgan raises her glass.

Kendall scoots her chair closer to mine, kicks off her three-inch

heels, and stretches her tanned legs under the table.

“You are so adorable,” she says, and I can’t help but notice how

striking she is.

I don’t respond. I am embarrassed but flattered. I want to con-

tinue hating her, but it’s becoming more and more difficult.

When I finish my Bloody Mary, Kendall motions to the waiter,

who quickly brings me another. The chopped salads everyone

craved earlier have been forgotten as drinks flow around the table.

The girls cast their eyes around the restaurant like star fuckers

scanning for somebody famous.

“Can you be any less discreet?” I ask.

“Discreet is what you say when you sneak into the Beverly Hills

Hotel and have kinky sex with your married orthodontist,”

Natasha says.

“Or when you indulge in a passionate midday orgy,” Kendall

smiles.

“Don’t mind her. She’s just frustrated that everyone wants her

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Playground

and she can’t do a damn thing about it because she has a

boyfriend,” Tobey laughs.

“It’s not cheating if it’s with a girl,” Kendall jokes, but it doesn’t

feel like a joke as she reaches under the table and places her hand

on my thigh. She allows her fingers to brush across my skin, arous-

ing a side of me I never knew existed. I am deeply distracted for

reasons I don’t yet understand. The growing tension is almost un-

bearable. I feel dizzy, drugged. I can barely breathe. I look away

first, afraid someone will see she has teased my fear and confusion

to the surface. Though part of me doesn’t want her to stop. I am

aware how calm I feel at the first sign of anyone’s loving touch.

Three hours later, the shameless gossip reception comes to an

end and we stumble out of La Scala. Making a swift escape, we pile

into the limo and head back to the Mansion.

The following day, I pop my head into the med room but find

no one there. One of the butlers tells me Kendall is in the bath-

house. I walk past the pool, waving to Hef and my father, who are

too involved in backgammon to notice me. I pass the guest bath-

rooms and head for the tanning bed where Kendall lies naked. Her

body is flawless. There are no tan lines. Even her boobs are brown.

There isn’t a single inch of fat anywhere.

I turn to leave when she lifts the small tanning goggles off

her eyes.

“Hey,” Kendall says sweetly.

“Hey, where is everyone?”

“Charlie had an appointment, so they came earlier to work

out.” She wipes sweat off her flat, toned stomach.

The fact that she’s naked and touching herself makes me un-

comfortable.

I reach into my backpack and pull out a small vial of coke.

“Here you go,” I mumble uncomfortably. “I picked this up at

school.”

Kendall waves me closer and I can’t help but notice her per-

fectly shaved pubic area.

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I quickly hand her the vial and turn to leave before she notices

me staring.

“Great. Did I give you enough to cover it?” she asks.

“We’re good, thanks. ’Bye!”

“Wait,” Kendall says softly, pausing for a moment. “Why do you

seem so nervous around me?” she asks.

“I’m not.”

“I’d like to be friends,” she says, smiling with ease.

“We are,” I stutter, backing up.

My heart’s racing.

“Do you want to work out? ’Cause I can do arms again if you

want me to go with you.”

“No. That’s okay, thanks. Another time. I think I’m just going

to go home and get started on my homework. I’ll see you later.”

I stumble into a plant on my way out.

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Nine

K endall’s intensity overpowers me. The thing is, I’m not sure

what I am feeling or why I am drawn to her. I decide to spend

time away from the Mansion and reconnect with my friends at

Beverly High.

It’s the Beverly vs. Palisades football game and Liz, Amber,

Sonya, Hunter, Michelle, and I crack open cans of beer in the alley