Please Don't Tell (28 page)

             
             
             
             
Chapter Twenty-Seven

             
His last and final day had been the hardest. I spent the first hour after waking, crying alone in my room while he finished packing. Once done, he came in to find me. I had been done with all the self pity, but I was sure my eyes were beat red and swollen from the tears.

             
He walked over to my window where I stood and pulled me into his arms.

             
“Just because I’m going home doesn’t mean we are over,” he said, pulling my chin up.

             
“I know.”

             
He gave what looked like a forced smile. “What’s with the red eyes? You know I can’t handle you crying like this.”

             
I pushed his arm away softly. “I wasn’t. I just didn’t sleep well.”

             
His eyes narrowed. “Really?” He pulled my arm up and pointed to my wet sleeve and a few used tissues strewn on the floor.

             
“Sorry.”

             
He wrapped me into arms. “Ah, Sophie. I love you. I am going to miss the hell out of you, you know that?”

             
My face was still buried in his chest as he spoke. I stayed silent with fear that if I talked more tears would come crashing down on us both. He held me for what seemed to be forever, which was fine with me. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like not to see him every day. I hated even thinking about it, so I pushed myself off and out of his grip.

             
I glanced down at my watch. “Well, I guess we better get going.”

             
“There’s still time. Let’s do something?”

             
“Like what?” I asked confused because I knew he had a flight leaving Rochester at two.

             
“Anything. My flight isn’t for a few hours.”

             
I shrugged. “I suppose we could fit in some lunch.”

             
He smiled his heartbreaking smile. “Perfect.”

             
I had already convinced my mother to let me take Ethan to the airport alone, even though she wanted to go. So once he said his goodbyes to her and a somber Austin we jumped in my car and headed toward the pizza place. With all his things tucked neatly in the trunk and our stomachs full of wings and pizza we started the drive to The Rochester Airport.

             
He held my hand the entire way, but we both remained silent once in the car. I glanced over my shoulder taking note of him staring out his window. I could feel his eyes on me once every few minutes, but nothing was said.

             
Pulling in we unloaded his bags. He grabbed something out and walked back to the front seat and dropped something down.

             
“Okay, I’m ready.”

             
Reluctantly, we left the car and started to walk.

             
“What was that?”

             
“What?” He looked down at me.

             
“You threw something in my seat. I saw you.”

             
He squeezed my hand. “You’ll see, later.”

             
I’d only cried twice in front of Ethan and I didn’t want to have him see me break down when he left me for the summer. Once when our boat sank and once when I tore my ACL. Unfortunately, my eyes weren’t listening to my head. The tears started to stream down my face as I buried my head into his chest in a lame attempt to hide them from him.

             
He gently lifted my chin up, his eyes staring into mine, he sighed. “Sophie, those teary eyes will be the death of me if you continue to...” He closed his eyes and when they reopened, I could tell he was forcing a smile.

             
My eyes shifted down to the floor. “I’m sorry. I was trying not to really...it’s just harder than I thought,” I said as I looked back up.

             
He brushed them away with his finger. “It’s hard for me too.  I just don’t want to get on that plane with this as my last memory of you.” He pulled me into his chest and wrapped his arms tightly around me. “If I could I’d take you with me I would,” he whispered in my ear before kissing my neck.

             
“Forty-four days seems so far away. I wish I could come with you too.”

             
He pulled me back from his grasp, smiling, he caressed my cheek with the back of his hand. “I know.” He moved his face toward mine, letting our foreheads touch and stared into my eyes. “I love you, Sophie Gerrard and I always will. Regardless of what happens with us, you will be the only one for me.”

             
As we continued staring at one another I couldn’t help but be taken back by his last comment. What the hell did that mean? I didn’t want to start anything before he got on the plane, but the comment swirled around while we remained silent. Staring into those deep green eyes, I couldn’t just let it go. I wanted him now and I didn’t see any of that changing.

             
I flicked my eyes past him, focusing on people passing by us. “What do you mean? Regardless of what happens.”

             
He hesitated, as he brushed my hair behind my ear and exhaled heavily. “Sophie, you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. Both inside and out, other guys aren’t going to merely let that slide. I’m just saying that if you ever wanted to date someone else I’d understand.”

             
Confusion and panic started to run through me, again. How could he even think such a thing? Wait, is that what he wants? To date other people. There was nothing ideal about our relationship once he got on that plane and we both knew it. His saying so only confirmed it more.

             
I pulled back, hugging my arms around myself. “Is that what you want?”

             
He looked amused after I asked him which pissed me off even more. He smiled. “No, that’s not what I said. I said I’d understand if you wanted to, not me. I wasn’t kidding when I said I loved you...”

             
“Neither was I,” I said cutting him off.

             
He pulled me toward a row of plastic blue seats, sitting down he pulled me next to him, “Sophie, I know you love me, that’s not what’s in question here. What is painfully obvious is that our living thousands of miles apart is what the point is in all of this. It might be harder than you think.”

             
I couldn’t look at him. I wanted to scream and yell at the top of my lungs that this wasn’t how we were supposed to say good-bye. We would be together before the end of the summer. I certainly could hold out, why couldn’t he? I turned my head, facing the opposite direction.

             
He pulled my chin toward him, but I fought it and kept staring at the crowd of people walking by. “Please, look at me.”

             
Another tear escaped from my eye, leaving me feeling totally pathetic. I twisted my body to meet his. “What?”

             
He frowned and stayed silent for a moment. When I looked into his eyes, I could see the tenderness in his eyes and how much he loved me. “What are we going to do?”

             
“Well, for one you could stop pushing me away. I don’t want anyone else,” I cried. “I just want to be with you.”

             
He laughed lightly. “Look at you acting all jealous.”

             
“I’m not jealous. I’m just stating a fact. A fact that you are the one suggesting we date other people while we’re apart.”

             
“Sophie, I am not going to date anyone. I never will, I just thought it would be easier for you to hear me say it out loud in case you ever wanted to. That’s it. I love you more than anyone I could ever imagined.” He pulled me onto his lap and rested his head on top of mine. “We’ll be together again, I promise. We’ll figure this out...and I’m sorry about the dating comment. I only said it because I love you and I don’t want you to feel bad if you started to feel something for someone else. It wasn’t meant to be hurtful.”

             
I held onto him tighter, trying to make us one whole person instead of two.

             
He laughed under his breath. “Ouch.”

             
I pulled away. “Sorry.”

             
He eyes flicked down to his watch and then he looked back up at me. “I have to go. The plane will be boarding soon.”

             
I pouted. “This sucks.”

             
He laughed softly again. “Yes, it does.” He pulled me up and cupped my face between his hands then burrowing them into my hair. “I love you, Sophie.” He said before placing his tender lips against mine for one last kiss. When he pulled back slightly I brushed my lips against his quickly trying to let this feeling soak in a little longer. “I love you, too.”

             
He reached down and grabbed his bag sitting on the floor. He kissed me quickly one last time and then started to walk away.

             
Tears fell as I watched his body move through the airport, he turned abruptly, and said, “See you in forty-four days. Don’t forget to look before you sit when you get back to your car.” He winked and then he blended in with the rest of the people moving through the airport.

             
Standing there, I never felt so alone. I sank back into the hard blue chair and cried. I watched the terminal boards waiting to make sure that his plane took off. It did after forty-five minutes of staring. I wanted to go to the gate to be with him until the last second, but airports don’t allow this anymore, so he left me earlier than I’d hoped.

             
Walking out to my car and leaving him behind was almost as hard as driving him there. I knew we’d see each other toward the end of the summer, but it seemed so far away. Once I arrived, I opened my car door to see a small present, the one he tossed in before leaving, lying on my seat. I’d picked it up and scooted into the car and unwrapped it quickly.

             
I cried as the paper came off revealing a homemade CD. I jammed the key into the ignition, turning it on. I pushed the button ejecting my Keith Urban CD and placed the new one in instead. As the first song blasted through the car a smile crept onto my face. Hearing it, I closed my eyes briefly then read what he’d written on the back of the case.

Every song I listen to reminds me of you, but these are the few that stand out. Since you asked. I Love You1! Ethan

PS. See you in forty-four days. Not that I’m counting.

P.S.S Don’t forget that blue bathing suit.

Sex and Candy-Marcy’s Playground

A Girl Like You-Smithereens

She’s got a Way-Billy Joel (because you did heal me without a sound)

Uncle Kracker-Smile (never heard of him, but it reminds me of you)

With Me-Sum 41 ( I am nothing without you)

You and Me-Lifehouse (Always)

Lonely September-Plain White T’s

Maybe I’m Amazed-Paul McCartney (Had to get him on here)

Is the Love-Bob Marley (One of the songs we danced to last summer)

Next to Me-Civil Twilight (Here’s to second chances)

Yellow-Coldplay (Because I did swim across the pond for you)

Lovesong-The Cure (You are my lovesong)

Start me up-Rolling Stones (Last, but not least, The Stones

             
             
             
             
             
EPILOGUE

             
I couldn’t race to the hotel fast enough. Forty-four days had passed, each one contained a zillion phone calls and several gooey love letters. I’d called Ethan as soon as the plane landed.

             
They’d all arrived several days before my mother and I had flown in, as usual. Damn European holidays! If American workers received five weeks a year my mother would be thrilled. Austin made the trip with us this year since my father and Lorna were vacationing in Hawaii for their anniversary. Austin couldn’t wait to see Ethan due to some promises over the phone to teach him how to sail. I felt secretly selfish not wanting to share him with anyone.

             
My mother had been amazing once he left. We leafed through brochures and paperwork for me to study in London for half of my senior year. It had all been arranged that I’d be staying with my Aunt Anna and her alone. Peter and Claire had taken their relationship to the next level and were renting a small flat in SoHo area. Which was probably for the best.

             
I sprinted off of the bus that brought us to the hotel when I saw Ethan had been waiting in the open entryway. I hauled my bag off the floor and beelined for the opened doors. His face had lit up and he picked up his pace. I ran throwing my bag down and leapt into his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist. “I missed you,” I whispered.

             
He swung me around in a quick circle and pulled me down. His hand pushed my hair back and bent down and gave me what I’d dreamt of for the last forty-three nights. We stayed lip locked until my mother came up behind us. “Okay, you two. Knock it off.” She shot me a wink and walked into the hotel with Austin firmly gripped in her hand. “Mommm...,” he whined.

             
“Give them a few minutes alone, Austin. Come on let’s check in and see Aunt Anna.”

             
He picked me back up and twirled me. “I can’t believe that you’re finally here.”

             
I leaned in and kissed his lips one more time. “Me too.”

             
I dropped back down to the ground and he hoisted my bag and then we strolled inside the hotel hand in hand. “Our rooms are only two doors down this time.”

             
My eyebrows shot up. “Really and what do you suppose we do, lock everyone out?”

             
“Rubbish! I have another island I want you to see.”

             
We laughed all the way into the foyer and into the small crowd waiting for us. Peter came barreling around the huge round table with an amazing arrangement of flowers in the middle. “Let me at her, Ethan.” He grabbed me into a huge bear hug. “I’m so glad you’re here. Ethan was a pain in the arse, whining all the time,” he teased looking over his shoulder to Ethan. Which caused Ethan to flip him off.

             
“Mum has your room all ready for you. Well, my old room. We can’t wait to have you on our side of the pond.” My bags had already been shipped over last week so that when I got there I’d have everything I needed.

             
After embracing everyone, I promised Ethan I’d meet him at the pool. My brother was couch surfing for the week since I refused to share a bed with him and he refused to sleep next to my mom.

             
I slipped into my suit quickly.  I did a once over and raced down to meet up with him. When I approached, I slowed my pace down a little so I didn’t look too desperate. It didn’t matter. He’d been waiting by the door and jumped out at me, scaring the living crap out of me.

             
He eyed me from my toes to the top of my head. “Thank God you packed that suit. I did mention I loved that one right?” I had worn the itty-bitty illegal blue one from last year.

             
I smiled. “You might have mentioned it.” I took his hand into mine, and we worked our way out to the pool, but he yanked me back. “Oh, no. We are not sitting by the pool. I have another adventure planned.” He grinned, mischievously.

             
I eyed him. “What did you have mind? It’s nothing dangerous is it?”

             
He bent down and lifted my chin and kissed me before whispering, “Trust me.”