Power Play: A Novel (8 page)

“You haven’t been trying,” Jillian said with a disapproving look again.

“I don’t have time,” Fiona said honestly. “I work my ass off all day. I try to keep up with my kids, and see them when I can. And by the time I read the papers I bring home every night, I’m too exhausted to get up and take my clothes off. How am I supposed to date? And if I have a date, some kind of crisis comes up, and I get fourteen phone calls at dinner. No guy is going to put up with that.” And none had in six years. And David had hated it before that, and her as a result.

The men who had gone out with Jillian had been much more tolerant of her and less threatened by her, although she was more outspoken than Fiona.

“The right one will deal with it,” Jillian said confidently. “Maybe a guy in the same boat you are.” She had thought about it for Fiona before, because she hated how alone she was, particularly with the kids gone now.

“Two CEOs?” Fiona said with a look of horror. “What a nightmare. Besides, my counterparts are dating twenty-two-year-olds. I’m out of the running. And they’re mostly go-go dancers and porn stars. I don’t qualify. Successful men don’t go out with serious, successful women. They know better, or something.”

“You just haven’t met the right guys,” Jillian said firmly.

“Maybe there are no right guys. The good ones are all married,” Fiona said simply.

“And cheating on their wives,” Jillian said knowingly.

“I don’t want one of those,” Fiona said matter-of-factly.

“You need to get out more and meet more people,” Jillian said honestly. “Just to have some fun.”

“Yeah. Maybe,” Fiona said, looking unconvinced. “Maybe when I
retire.” Jillian gave her a dark look, and then she asked about the leak she’d read about in the press. Fiona explained the situation to her and the implications, and told her about the investigation to find the source. She mentioned what a hard time Harding Williams had been giving her, as usual, which infuriated Jillian.

“What the hell is he so pissed about?”

“You forget, he was Jed Ivory’s friend at Harvard. He blamed me for getting involved with him, and the divorce, and has treated me like pond scum ever since.” Fiona smiled as she said it, although he upset her at times.

“You were a kid, for chrissake. Jed was already separated when you met him, and has he forgotten that Jed knocked up someone else, while you were believing his bullshit to you about it being true love? Please!”

“Harding doesn’t believe that and never will. He thought Jed was a saint because they went to Princeton together. Old boys’ club and all that crap. Besides, I think Harding hates women, except for the saintly wife he talks about all the time.”

“She probably has a mustache and a beard,” Jillian said, and Fiona laughed out loud.

“I’ll admit, she’s not too pretty. But he seems to think she is. So, good for him. I just wish he’d get off my back and stop punishing me for causing a minor scandal twenty-five years ago. It’s gotten a little old. I’d practically forgotten Jed until I ran into Harding again. It’s such ancient history, it’s hard to believe he still cares.” But he did, and still blamed her, unfairly.

They chatted a few more minutes, about Mark and Alyssa, and what they were up to, and Jillian put an arm around her sister as
they walked back to their cars. Fiona always loved their time together, and valued Jillian’s wise advice.

“I really think you’re on to something with your new book. I never really think about how different men and women are, in the same position, but I like your aphrodisiac theory about men. I think you’re right.” She liked less her assessment that power and success anesthetized women and dulled their sexuality, even if for lack of opportunity, but she suspected she was accurate about that too. Jillian certainly seemed to understand the differences of how power affected men and women.

“It’s not good news for you, but I think I’m on to something too. I’ve been noticing it among my patients for years. I can’t believe the messes my male patients get themselves into, if they’re in the power game. They pull stunts no sane man should ever try, but a lot of them do, and then it blows up in their faces and everyone acts surprised. I no longer am. I wish there were a little more of that in your life,” she said, giving her younger sister a hug. She was a good woman and Jillian thought she deserved a good man. It had always been easier for Jillian to meet men, and she was more open to it than Fiona, who was more willing to give up on romance in her life, and be satisfied with just kids and work. “You need to make more effort to meet a guy,” she said gently, and Fiona looked surprised.

“Why? I’m happy the way I am. Besides, I don’t have time for a relationship.”

“Yes, you do. You just don’t want to make the effort, or risk getting hurt again.” Jillian always told it like it was.

“Probably,” Fiona admitted. The last years of her marriage had been so bitter that she had been gun-shy about relationships ever
since, and had put more effort into avoiding one than finding one now. And the kind of men who approached her or she got fixed up with were a good excuse.

“There are some good men out there,” Jillian assured her. “You just need better luck next time. David was never right for you. It just got more apparent over time. He was always jealous of you and your career. He wanted to be you, he just didn’t want to put the time in to do it, and he wasn’t smart enough to pull it off so he beat you up for it instead. It’s a pretty typical tactic when a woman is more successful than her husband, but it’s a cheap shot.” He had accused and blamed Fiona for years, as they both knew.

“I think it cured me from marriage forever,” Fiona said simply.

“Hopefully not from relationships. I still keep hoping you’ll meet the right guy,” Jillian said honestly and Fiona shrugged.

“Why? You don’t have one at the moment,” Fiona said.

Although usually she did. She had taken a breather for the past few months, after her last lover had died suddenly of a heart attack at fifty-nine, and she had been sad about it. They had gotten along well for two years, which was about how long Jillian’s relationships lasted. She got bored with them after that and moved on.

“We’re different. You’re better suited to long-term relationships than I am. I would have killed David after a year for his antiquated ideas and opinions.” And she knew that Fiona had endured untold amounts of emotional abuse from him, and still did, for her children’s sake. He always had something nasty to say about her, which Jillian thought was pathetic and Fiona agreed. But he was the father of her children so she had to see him from time to time, mostly at events that were important to them, like graduations. He was poisonous every time. It no longer hurt her, but it was petty and
annoying, and upset the kids, who couldn’t get him to stop either, and they had tried. And even though he was happy with Jenny now supposedly, he was still miserable to Fiona, and resentful of the past. “You got great kids out of it, that’s something,” Jillian said as Fiona unlocked her car.

“Next Saturday?” she asked Jillian hopefully. They always had a good time. “You can tell me more about your book about men and women and power. It sounds good to me.”

“I don’t need to tell you. You’re living it. I should interview you officially one of these days.”

“Anytime,” Fiona said, and hugged her, and then slid into her car.

The two women went their separate ways, and Fiona was in a good mood all the way home, and even happier when she found Alyssa at the house when she got back. She was picking up clean clothes and doing a load of laundry while she waited for her mother. And she’d already helped herself to the skirt she wanted for that night. She had texted her mother and knew she was playing tennis with her aunt.

“How’s Aunt Jill?” Alyssa asked after she kissed her mother. Fiona was delighted to see her at the house.

“Fine. She’s working on a new book about men and women and power. She thinks it turns men into sex maniacs and women into nuns,” she summed up, and they both laughed. And it sounded intriguing to Alyssa too, whose dream was to have a career like her mother’s, despite the pitfalls and the problems she knew it caused. She thought her parents’ marriage had failed because of it, and Fiona wouldn’t have disagreed. And neither of them was surprised that Alyssa’s brother had opted out of the corporate world completely. It looked like too high a risk to him, and an unhappy life. He
had seen the price his mother had paid for her success, and thought his sister was crazy to want that too.

“Can you stay for lunch?” Fiona invited her, and Alyssa nodded. She looked a great deal like her mother, and she was a very pretty girl. Fiona made them a salad, and they sat down to eat at the table by the pool. It was a beautiful day, and Alyssa told her mother that she was dating someone new.

“What’s he like?” Fiona asked with interest. She was delighted that Alyssa shared all her secrets with her. She loved being part of her life, and was always happy to make time for her.

“He’s nice, he’s a junior, he’s on the football team. His name is John Weston. And his dad runs UPI.”

“Marshall Weston’s son?” Fiona looked surprised. She had met Marshall Weston several times at Senate subcommittee hearings in Washington, although she didn’t know him well. “His father is the poster boy of what CEOs are supposed to look like, the perfect all-American guy. I think he played football in college too, or looks like he should have.”

“I met his dad last weekend,” Alyssa said casually. “He says he’s a big fan of yours.”

“He’s just being polite.” Fiona brushed off the compliment and searched her daughter’s eyes. “Is this serious?”

Alyssa shrugged noncommittally. She hadn’t had a serious boyfriend since high school, but something in the way she looked told Fiona that this could be.

“Maybe. It’s too soon to know, but I like him a lot. We’re going slow. His mom seems really nice, and I liked his dad. He and Johnny are really close. He has an older brother at Boalt, and a younger sister who drives them all nuts. She’s cute, just kind of a pain.” Fiona
laughed at the description. They sounded like a normal family to her. “Maybe I’ll bring him by next weekend.”

“I’d like that a lot,” Fiona said warmly, and they continued to chat for a while. Alyssa was trying to decide on summer plans with friends, and she said Mark was talking about going to Africa with his girlfriend in August, but he hadn’t made up his mind yet. And Fiona had invited both of them to Malibu in July. She had rented a house for three weeks, and they were all looking forward to it. They did it every year. Alyssa said Johnny might come for a weekend, which sounded good to Fiona too. She wanted to get to know him.

Alyssa left when her laundry was ready and promised to drop by sometime that week. Fiona loved that she still came by the house often to see her mother. Her life would have been empty without her children. And as she stretched out that afternoon by the pool with some of the work she’d brought home to read, she thought of her sister and what she’d said to her that morning, about making an effort to find the right man to share her life with. It was hard to imagine finding such a man, and being willing to let him into her life if she did. Her life was so much simpler like this, and she had all the closets. No one was torturing her or blaming her for anything. No one was angry about her career or telling her what she was doing wrong. Fiona couldn’t imagine dealing with any of it again. For the past six years since her divorce, her life had been lonely at times, but it was so peaceful. She realized that she was perfectly content just as she was, and the last thing she wanted at this point in her life was a man, to complicate her life. She was much happier alone, which proved Jillian’s theory. Fiona had been anesthetized by her success. The part of her heart that used to want a man in her life had gone totally, completely numb, or died. And Fiona didn’t mind a bit.

Marshall and Liz’s dinner for his Japanese clients at Gary Danko went off without a hitch, and their guests loved it. The food was exquisite as always, and the men talked business all night, while Liz engaged their wives in conversation, and used the Japanese phrases she’d learned. Marshall was very pleased with the results of the evening, when they drove back to Marin that night after dinner. And he filled Liz in on what the men had discussed. She had listened with half an ear but couldn’t follow the conversation closely while talking to the two wives.

“I think we cemented the deal tonight,” Marshall said, looking pleased as they got to Ross. And Liz had been perfect, charming, respectful, discreet. She had handled it flawlessly, just as she always did, and he was grateful to her. And when they went to bed that night, he made love to her, as much out of gratitude and a sense of duty, as out of love. He felt he owed her a lot for the evening. She was the perfect wife for his career, and she made him happy in many ways. And he wanted to make love to her to thank her, but as soon
as he had, he felt a pang of missing Ashley so severe that it nearly choked him. All he could think of as he held Liz was the woman he had loved in L.A. for the past eight years. He knew every inch of her body, and every ounce of her soul, and she filled him with such desire and longing that he could hardly keep himself from calling her late that night, just to hear her voice.

Everything he felt for Liz was so different. He was grateful for all the things she did for him, to make his life run smoothly, but Ashley was the enchantress who put excitement and spice in his life, and her loving was so tender. After nearly thirty years, his lovemaking with Liz was familiar and mechanical. With Ashley it was fire, and she was twenty years younger than Liz. Being with her made him feel young too, with their little girls close by, who were so thrilled to see him whenever he came home. When he was with Liz, he felt old. But he was constantly aware that he needed them both, in different ways. Neither of them would have been enough on her own.

He lay awake late into the night after they made love, and he finally sent Ashley a text from his bathroom. It was full of all the steamy desire he was feeling for her, and he could hardly wait to see her on Wednesday and make love to her again.