Predator - A Stand Alone Suspense Romance (20 page)

He looks at all the stuff lying in the bath. “I need a shower so I’m installing one. I’ll let you have the bathroom before I get to work.”

“Thanks,” I mumble. I watch him leave and then I close the door behind me. I stare at the closed door and like clockwork the familiar panic starts to tighten my chest. I place a hand over the spot where it feels as if an elephant has parked its huge ass, trying to crush my heart. I keep my eyes on the door as I quickly relieve myself. I rinse my hands and avoid looking in the mirror. I don’t want to see the empty shell staring back at me.

I go right back to bed and pull the cover over my head so it will block out the light.

I don’t fall asleep again, but just lie under the cover. Although I don’t move a muscle, it feels as if my mind is racing against some unknown darkness that’s threatening to destroy my last bit of sanity.

Damian~

When I’m done with the shower, I test it to make sure there are no leaks. I got a white curtain with grey shades. It looks like a huge picture of a grey thistle has been drawn on it. I hope Cara likes it.

I check the time and when I notice it’s almost afternoon, I decide to warm some of the chili. I got some fresh rolls too, and butter one. With the roll and a spoon in one hand, and the bowl of chili in the other, I go check on her. She needs to eat. Walking into the room, I find her totally under the cover.

“Cara,” I say, but she doesn’t move. “It’s time to eat. Get your ass up.”

She throws the cover back and then with a huff she sits up. “I’m not hungry,” she mutters.

I hold the spoon and roll out to her. “You can’t live off painkillers,” I growl as I start to lose my patience. I know she’s in a shitty place but I won’t stand by and watch how she starves herself. No fucking way.

I hand her the bowl of chili and then scowl at her. She takes a bite and chews slowly. I go to the window and open it so we can get some fresh air in the room.

“I made an appointment for you with the local doctor.”

Her head snaps up and she scowls at me. “Why?”

I frown and cross my arms over my chest. “To have the clips removed and the wound checked out.”

“Oh.” She takes a small bite of the bread and takes forever to chew it. I watch her take two more bites of chili before she puts the bowl on the side of the bed, and then she dumps the roll into the brew. “Thanks.”

She lies back down and pulls the blanket over her head again.

I grab the bowl and stalk to the kitchen, not knowing what the fuck I’m going to do with her. I stalk up and down and then it feels as if my blood explodes in my veins. I storm back to the room, yank the cover back and scoop her into my arms.

“Hey!” she shrieks, but then she clings to me. I stalk to the bathroom and put her down in the bath. I turn the faucets open and she shrieks again as the cold water hits her. She struggles to her feet and then glares at me. I can see she wants to get angry but there’s just not enough spark.

“Clean yourself,” I snap at her. “You fucking stink.”

I yank the shower curtain closed and then settle with my back against the opposite wall.

Her silhouette doesn’t move for a good few seconds and I worry that I won’t get through to her. I have to stop this slippery slope she’s on before she falls too far and there’s no getting her back.

I hear a sob and then she sinks down in the bath.

I close my eyes as her heartbreaking sobs rip my heart to shreds. I can’t stand it anymore and I pull the curtain open again. I kneel down next to the bath and then reach for the plug. I put it in and change the function from shower to bath. As the water starts to fill the tub I pull her up. She doesn’t stop me as I start to undress her. I first pull her shirt over her head and then help her step out of her slacks. I drop them right next to the bath.

I don’t put in a lot of water. I don’t want her wound to be under water for long. I take the bandage off, and then reach for the sponge. I soap it up and start to wash her arms.

The only sign that she’s still crying are the tears sneaking from her eyes. She keeps her eyes trained on the water, an empty look on her face. I wash her whole body, except for her breasts, ass and between her legs. I’m not crossing that line. I’m careful around the clips and then rinse her body off.

“Lie back,” I whisper. She listens and, taking hold of either side of the bath she slides down.

I quickly wet her hair and then squirt some shampoo into my hand. I wash her hair and then rinse it off before helping her back up. I pull the plug and then grab a towel.

“Get out,” I whisper.

She steps out of the bath and as she steps into the towel I’m holding open, she looks down at the floor. I wrap it around her and then grab another. I dry her hair, looking down at her. The desolate look on her face yanks at my heart.

I pull her into my arms and just hold her for a while.

“You know what sucks?” she whispers in a forlorn tone.

“No, tell me,” I encourage her to open up to me.

She presses herself closer to me and then whispers, “It’s not only being stuck in the darkest of holes, while the rest of the world is standing in the sun. It’s not only when you feel the cruel bite of loneliness, while you’re surrounded by people. It’s not only when you’re so tired to the bone, while all you do is sleep.” Her voice cracks but she forces the words out, “It’s like a fucking cancer eating away at my soul. It’s devouring every sliver of light.”

My arms tighten around her and I search for the right words to tell her, but I can’t find any.

Cara~

The doctor is old and there’s a moment I worry that he won’t be able to see the clips. But luckily he sees just fine at his high age and he removes them quickly.

“It’s healing nicely, Mrs. Jackson. Just keep cleaning it for a while longer. Come see me if it starts to itch or turns tender and red,” the doctor says.

“Okay,” I whisper as I sit up, pulling my shirt down. “Thank you.” I give him an awkward smile and then leave the room.

When I walk into the tiny reception, Damian gets up immediately. “Thank you,” he says to the receptionist and then he takes my hand.

“Enjoy your day, Mr. and Mrs. Jackson,” the receptionist calls out cheerfully.

I was surprised when Damian gave the name Nina Jackson for me. When we get in the car I glance at him. “You got me a new identity too?”

He steers the car back onto the main road before he says, “Yeah, I always have an emergency plan. We need to practice the new names. We don’t want to slip up in public. You have to call me Alex and I’ll call you Nina.”

“So we’re married … again?” I can’t help but ask.

“Yeah.” His eyes flit to mine before he continues, “We look nothing alike and wouldn’t pull off the brother and sister thing. I thought it would be safer to just make us a married couple.”

“Oh.” I slump back against the seat, not sure how I feel about it. “So … do we have a real marriage certificate?”

“As real as our I.D. cards,” he says. I’m surprised when he doesn’t turn back onto the road that leads to the cabin, but instead drives past it.

I let the subject of our fake marriage go for now. “Where are we going?”

“I want to show you something,” he says.

We sit in silence until he pulls the car into an empty parking area. He gets out, walks around the car, and opens my door. With no other choice left, I get out, my shoulders slumping. I’d rather go back to bed.

“Come on,” he whispers. He takes my hand and pulls me across the parking area.

We get to a stairway carved out of rock, and halfway down I have to stop. “I just need a minute,” I say, breathing heavily. Sweat is beading on my forehead and I’m exhausted.

Damian patiently waits until I regain some of my strength before we climb the rest down. We get to a beach where waves are rolling in lazily.

Damian pulls me all the way to the water and then kneels in front of me. He slips my shoes off and rolls my pants up to my knees, before he does the same with his jeans.

We step into the cold water and I give him a look, silently asking what now?

He looks out towards the horizon and starts to whisper, “I know you feel lost in an ocean of pain but just for a minute I want you to focus on what I say.”

I feel uncomfortable with the direction the conversation is heading in so I look out to the ocean as well.

“Do you feel the cold water lapping at your legs?”

I frown but answer anyway, “Yeah.”

“That means you have legs to be grateful for. You can walk.”

I sigh and brush some of my hair back.

“Do you feel that breeze?”

I give him a look.“Really? You’re going to ask me a bunch of questions?”

“Do you feel the sun on your face?”

I don’t answer him and pull my hand free from his.

“Do you see the blue of the ocean?”

I turn around to walk back to the car when he snaps angrily, “Because there are hundreds of people who would’ve given anything to see it one last time. There are many who would’ve done anything to take just one more step.”

I swing back to him and yell, “What the fuck does it have to do with me?”

He steps right up to me and his eyes are blazing with anger. “You’re alive! Fuck, woman. Your heart is beating. You still get to see all this beauty, you get to feel that breeze, you get to walk.” He wipes a hand over his face and growls, “You’re alive. There are so many who die young. So many lose so much, but they don’t wallow in self-pity. They fucking live every day to the fullest. Cara…” He sucks in a deep breath. “You’re given one fucking life and it might have been a fucked up one so far, but
you
get to decide how it will end. Are you going to let a bunch of fuckers ruin your entire life, or are you going to fight back and give them the finger?”

My throat feels thick and I swallow the tears. He’s right, but how do I change the way I feel?

“I don’t know how?” I whisper.

“That’s why I brought you here. Right now, standing right here, all you have to do is look at the ocean and see the blue. Feel that breeze and feel the cold water between your toes. For today…” His eyes are stormy with emotions and I’m scared that if I stare any longer I’ll get caught in the storm. “Just do that. Nothing more.”

I walk back into the water and focus on the cold waves splashing around my legs. I feel the breeze play in my hair and I look out across the ocean, taking note of all the shades of blue. I am grateful that I’m alive. I’m grateful that I have Damian. I just wish I could shake this heaviness that keeps weighing me down.

When we walk back to the car I feel drained.

Damian~

It’s been two weeks and every day I take Cara outside and make her list something she sees, feels, and one of her body functions she’s grateful for. It’s a long process but I can see the change.

She comes out onto the porch and I look up at her. “You ready for our walk?”

She doesn’t look at me as she nods. “Let’s go.”

She takes the stairs down and I notice that she has more energy. She hasn’t been taking any painkillers for the past few days and she’s eating more.

I catch up to her and before I can say anything she says, “I saw something yesterday. It’s this way.”

I follow her deeper into the trees and we walk for a while in silence before she points to something. “Over there.”

I follow her until she stops and crouches down. There’s a bunch of dandelions. She plucks one and then blows at it, making the tiny seeds waft into the air. She plucks a few more from the ground and then stands up. She hands me one and then whispers, “When you blow it, you have to make a wish.”

  I watch her blow two more before she looks at me.

I hold it in front of my mouth and slowly blow at the seeds. They float away and all I can think is that I want her happy. I want to see her smile.

Her lips twitch and then she takes the stem from between my fingers. She tucks all four stems into her pocket and then starts to walk back to the cabin.

Today was a huge step. She made a choice and did something she wanted to do. She did good.

Cara~

At first I got so angry and frustrated with Damian when he kept pestering me to go on walks with him, but not anymore. Now I enjoy them.

It feels like years have passed since I lost my baby and Annie, but at the same time it feels like it all happened yesterday.

But at least I can feel the sun breaking through the clouds. It’s not so dark anymore.

There are moments when I’m actually happy.

I still don’t understand why all these bad things keep happening to me, but I hope that life will take a break from shitting on me. I just need a break.

We’ve fallen into a routine where we take turns to cook. When it’s my turn, we either eat cup-o-noodles or I microwave two frozen dinners for us.

Every day Damian is busy around the cabin. He’s done quite a lot of repairs to the place. Yesterday he spent the whole day going over all the screws and making sure the place wouldn’t cave in on us.

I open one of the cupboards in the kitchen and take out a cup so I can make myself some coffee. I close the cupboard door and as I reach for the cup, the door suddenly comes loose. I try to catch it and the corner of the door slams into my left hand. I cry out as pain vibrates through my arm. The door falls to the floor, taking the cup with it. The cup shatters around my bare feet just as Damian comes into the kitchen.

“Don’t move,” he says and then he stalks over to me. He picks me up and carries me out of the kitchen. Only when we’re in the lounge does he place me back on my feet. He walks back into the kitchen and I watch as he cleans up the shattered cup. He picks up the door and inspecting it, he mutters, “It needs new hinges and screws. Damn thing stripped right off. I’ll go get some and then check all the doors.”

He places the door on the counter and then walks back to where I’m still standing. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” I look down at my left hand. “The thing just slammed into my hand, but it’s okay.”

Damian takes my hand in both of his and inspects every inch of it. There’s a small blue bruise where the corner hit, and he brushes his thumb lightly over the tender spot.

When his eyes lock on mine, I feel a fluttering in my abdomen. Scared of what it might mean, I pull my hand from his. “I’m just going to mop the floor, make sure we get all the glass.”

I keep myself busy, cleaning the cabin from top to bottom. Damian got us the necessities, and I’m thankful that a washing machine was one of those things. He put up some washing line in the back where I can hang our clothes.

I do the washing on Sunday mornings. The first few times I did it, I quickly became aware that there was no underwear for Damian. At first, I thought he washed it himself, but when packing the clothes away, I realized that he goes commando.

I can’t stop thinking that Damian doesn’t wear anything under his jeans or slacks.

The last time he went shopping he took me with him, and I got a few more items of clothing. We’re slowly making this cabin home. We have everything we need, and that’s all that matters.

It’s not Sunday but I wash our few items of clothing along with the towels.

When I walk back in from hanging the clothes to dry, I walk right into Damian.

I bounce back and mumble, “Sorry.”

“I’m just going to the hardware to get some things. You need anything?”

You.

The word vibrates through me and like a deaf-mute I can only shake my head. The second he leaves, I slap my hand over my mouth.

What. The. Fuck?

I did not just think that. Yes, Damian is crazy hot, but I’m so not ready. Besides … how can you want something you fear?

I’m not scared of Damian, not at all. I’m scared of intimacy. I’ve been ruined when it comes to that department.