Pretense (71 page)

The sisters were back to sleep by noon. They had talked and eaten, but the late night was catching up. Again, Mackenzie was the first to waken, and when she did, she made a few calls home. She talked with Roz to touch base but then called the church and tracked down Pastor Gary to ask a few questions. By the time Delancey got up, she had pulled out the map the car rental place had given her and studied it.

"I'd like to take a drive, Deej. Are you up to it?"

"I think so. Where to?"

"The North Avenue Bible Church. I just called home, and Pastor Gary told me that Pastor Dave knows the pastor there. I want to know that you have some place to turn when I leave."

"When are you going home?"

"Not for two weeks, the day after Thanksgiving."

"Two weeks?" The younger woman's face lit up. "You're staying two weeks?"

"Yeah. Can you put up with me that long?"

Delancey only sighed. "I don't deserve you, Mic."

Mackenzie stood. "That's a subject we need to keep talking about, but right now let's get to the car."

Mackenzie did the driving. She always enjoyed it more than Delancey, and Delancey was a good map reader. Some 20 minutes later they parked on the quiet street in front of the church. Mackenzie reached for the door handle.

"Are we going in?" Delancey's asked, panic in her voice. Mackenzie turned to her.

"You've been following me your entire life, Delancey, from the time you were tiny. I never gave it much thought, but it's true. You said you're a big girl and have been for a long time. I understand that, but if you never follow me again, Delancey, follow me now. You need someone here in Chicago with you.

501

You and I can fax each other or talk on the phone every day, but if you're not moving to Tahoe at the end of these two weeks, you've got to have someone here."

Mackenzie studied her sister's pale face. "I've never deliberately done anything to hurt you, D.J., and I'm not starting now. Trust me on this."

Delancey nodded and got out of the car. The nap she'd had earlier had been good but oh so brief. She hadn't risen but lay there thinking about Chet until she heard Mackenzie moving around. The ice around her heart was beginning to melt. Even remembering his mocking face telling her she would weaken and call did not stiffen her spine. She desperately wanted to talk with him. What she would say put a damper on the thought, but she still ached to be with him.

"Good afternoon." A man's voice startled both women. They hadn't seen him or the woman standing with him as they opened the door to the church and moved into the foyer. Mackenzie had been intent on the bulletin board and possibly gaining some brochures concerning the church.

"Hello." Mackenzie was the only one to reply and knew she would have to take charge. "My name is Mackenzie Bishop. I'm a part of the fellowship at Meyers Bible Church in California."

"Pastor Dave Brinker?" the man asked with a smile.

"Yes. He gave me the name of this church and told me to ask for Pastor Woody Carlisle."

The man put his hand out. "You found him. It's nice to meet you, Mackenzie. This is my wife, Paula."

"Hello." Mackenzie smiled warmly. "This is my sister, Delancey."

"I thought the name was familiar," Paula spoke up. "You write books, don't you?"

"Yes," Mackenzie confirmed. "Delancey does the illustrations."

Paula turned to her. "Our children love your books. They pore over them for hours. The illustrations are remarkable."

"Thank you." Seeing her sincerity, Delancey felt herself relaxing a little.

"Can we help you?" Pastor Woody offered.

"Well," Mackenzie responded, picking up the ball again, "I'm just here in town for a brief visit, but when I leave, I want to be certain that my sister has someplace she can come."

502

"I'm glad you chose us," Woody said, taking the lead. "Can you come and sit down a moment?"

"Thank you," Mackenzie replied as she followed the pastor and his wife into the sanctuary. Delancey hesitated, and then somewhat reluctantly went along as well. They sat in the pews, Woody and Paula in front turned to talk, and Delancey and Mackenzie directly behind them. Paula questioned Mackenzie a little about the books, but it wasn't long before they fell silent. Woody, his eyes on Delancey's pale face, watched as she studied the room. He couldn't be certain, but he thought she might be trembling. She suddenly turned to him.

"I shouldn't be here," she whispered. "I've done awful things. I shouldn't be in this place."

Woody, who had been praying since they arrived, smiled very tenderly.

"It's easy to be mistaken about that, Delancey. It's easy to think that we have to fix ourselves up before we can meet with God or be in His house, but that's not what the Bible says. The Bible says Jesus Christ came like a doctor. Well, we all know the healthy don't need a doctor, only the sick. If you're sick with sin, Delancey, then you're just where you need to be."

"You don't know what I've done."

"You're right, I don't, and I don't need to, but God knows every detail, and He's still willing to forgive you."

"My mother tried to tell me, and so did my father, but I wouldn't listen."

"And now? Delancey, will you listen now?"

"I am ready to listen, but He doesn't want me. I know He doesn't."

"Then you're not ready to listen," Woody said softly, surprising Delancey. She stared at his calm, sure face and understood what he meant. She was still trembling, but her voice was calm.

"Have you been studying the Bible for a long time?"

"Since I was 14."

"My sister is a new Christian." Delancey turned to her. "You won't be hurt if I ask him some questions, will you, Mic?"

"No," Mackenzie told her, honestly.

"I want to tell you what I've done, Pastor Carlisle, and then I want you to tell me if God can still forgive me."

"All right."

503

"I had a boyfriend, and we slept together when we weren't married. And then last week, I found out that he has a wife and a child, and also another baby on the way." Delancey was trembling so strongly now that there was no missing it. "I broke up with him as soon as I found out, but before that, I knew my actions were wrong, and I did it anyway. That's what makes me think God can't forgive me."

Woody nodded. "Sexual sin is very serious, Delancey. I won't mince words with you over that. But understand this: Sexual sin is no less forgivable than any other sin." The pastor reached for a pew Bible, turned to the New Testament, and kept the Bible open as he talked.

"I've turned to the fourth chapter of the book of John and an account of a woman who met and talked with Jesus. She was a sinner, and on this day it was just the two of them. They were out by a well at the edge of the city, so there was nothing for her to hide behind. But you see, He's the Son of God, so looking through wells or into people's hearts is no difficult thing. And do you know what He saw in this woman's heart? Five husbands, and at the time, she was living with a man to whom she wasn't married.

"She thinks He's a prophet, but we, the readers, understand more. She's so excited about what He said, about the way He explained her life to her, that she rushes back to the city and tells everyone about Him. But that's not the most significant part. The most significant part is when His disciples return. He's just spoken with this woman whose life is full of sexual sin, and He tells His men that the harvest is ready. It doesn't say that she turned to Him for forgiveness, but knowing all she had done, He was still ready to forgive her on the spot. He said that the field was ready for harvest. He saw her as part of the harvest and was ready to winnow that field.

"So now you sit here today, Delancey, and you think your sin is beyond His reach. The Bible says it's not. I could give you account after account of people whose sins have far outweighed your own, but then you would miss the point. If you committed only one sin in your whole life, you still wouldn't be good enough to come to God. Stop looking at what you've done, and see what God did."

504

Delancey couldn't believe what he had just said. She sat for a moment and then shook her head in wonder.

"Tell me Delancey, would you like to make things right between you and God, once and for all? I don't want you to think that life is going to become perfect. But you don't have to leave here alone, Delancey. You don't ever have to be alone again."

"I want that so much, but I'm still thunderstruck that He's willing."

"Thunderstruck or not, are
you
willing to take Him at His word and trust that His forgiveness is complete? This is the telling point. Are you willing to trust God and turn your life over to Him? Only you can decide."

Delancey nodded after just a few moments of thought.

"Should I pray out loud or to myself?"

"I think that accountability is a good thing," Woody said, echoing Adam's words to Mackenzie. "Praying so we can hear is a good thing, but whether or not your prayer is verbalized, it's your heart's attitude that makes the difference."

Delancey nodded, and the three waited until she bowed her head before following suit.

"Father God-" Like her sister, she started as her mother always had. "I've tried to talk to You before but never followed through. I want more than anything to know that I can come back to You. I hate the shame I feel before You. You're a holy God, and I have sinned and sinned often against You. I've known for years that Jesus died for sin, but my pride was too big to turn to Him. Please take me now. It's so much worse than if I'd come to You before, but if I'm understanding this correctly, it's never too late. Thank You for dying for my sin and for bringing Mackenzie to me when I didn't deserve either of you. In God's name I pray, Amen."

Delancey looked over at Mackenzie and waited no more than a half a second before throwing her arms around her. The women clung to each other. Paula ran for Woody's office and the box of tissue there.

"Thank you, Micki. Thank you." Delancey could not stop saying that words. "Thank you for coming to me."

"I love you, Deej. I love you too much to do anything else." She pulled back a little. "Sisters, D.J.-sisters twice!"

505

"Oh, Micki." Delancey had been drying up a little but was gone again.

Paula returned and passed the box, but not before Woody grabbed one to take care of his own needs.

"Thank you, Pastor," Delancey now said, several soggy tissues balled in her hand. "It was so clear to me once you explained it. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Delancey. Tell me, do you live close enough to join us here for services?"

Delancey nodded. "Only about 20 minutes."

"Great. Let me give you a card with the times and such. Do you have a Bible?"

"I do, but I'm not sure where it is right now."

"I can find you one."

"Actually," Mackenzie broke in, "I think that's something I'd like to give her."

Woody and Paula smiled at her.

"There's a Christian bookstore about two blocks from here," Paula offered.'! can give you directions."

"Thank you."

The four of them talked a while longer and a church schedule was found. Paula invited both women to join her Tuesday morning for a women's Bible study, directions were given to the bookstore, and goodbyes were said with the sweet thought that they would see each other again on Sunday.

It was a quiet pair that left the church. Peace and emotional exhaustion sometimes looked that way. Inside the church, Pastor Woody Carlisle was holding his wife, their own wonder at God's goodness causing some speechlessness of their own. They both prayed that the Bishop women would be in one of the pews on Sunday.

"I have a confession to make to you," Mackenzie said to Delancey much later that day. Delancey was reading a brand- new study Bible with a beautiful teal green cover. They had eaten dinner and cleaned up afterward, and the women were sitting on Delancey's comfortable furniture.

"What's that?"

506

"I've never been to church in Meyers. Only Bible study and minichurch."

"Why, Micki?"

"I don't know. It somehow scares me. That sounds so lame, but that's the way it feels."

"It doesn't sound lame. When we got to that door this morning, all I could think about was Mom. I almost ran."

"But that's just it, D.J. Mom would be thrilled, so why amIso scared?"

"The emotion. It's overwhelming. Mom wanted us to
warn
to go to church for years, and we never did. Now that we do, she's not here." Delancey suddenly sat up. "Mic, we've got to call Jack."

"I already tried." Mackenzie's eyes were sad. "The number is out of service."

"He's moved," Delancey said, stating the obvious and sitting back with a sigh.

"Most of the time I can't think about the way I treated him," Mackenzie admitted. "It hurts too much."

"I can't picture him alone." Delancey said, her voice soft. "I just can't."