Primal Heat (25 page)

Arthur had made her beg, too. Not for pleasure like Kyber, but for an end to the pain. Now, the pain never ended, even during the pleasure. Deep down, in those dark places in her soul she tried to hide from just as he'd accused, she knew she deserved it, but somehow with Kyber, the agony wasn't a horror, it was what she needed to survive the ecstasy. She couldn't stand it, but she wanted it so badly, wanted
him
so badly.

He curled his taloned fingers over her shoulders, pressing her deeper into her prone position as he powered into her. She lay there, her body rocking with his hard thrusts, her cheek pressed to the hot, wet floor, and her knuckles stuffed in her mouth to keep from screaming for more. The water stroked her sensitized flesh and waves of need built inside her, cresting higher and higher until she knew she'd be consumed by it. Orgasm shimmered just beyond her grasp; she could feel it, and she wanted it. She reached her free hand between her thighs, rubbing her fingers over her clit. He swatted her ass again. “No. Stop that.”

“P-please,” she sobbed, a tear slipping down her cheek to blend with the warm shower water. “Please, Kyber. Make me come.”

Moving her hand farther back, she cupped the heavy sacs between his legs, squeezing her internal muscles tight around his cock. He roared, the feline breaking free. Hammering into her ass, he pushed them both to the edge of their endurance and shoved them over. “Now, Jana. Scream for me.”

She gave him what he demanded, her shriek reverberating off the walls. Orgasm thrummed through her, made her muscles clench. She pushed her fingers into her pussy, stroking herself as he slammed his cock into her ass. Her sex pulsed against her hand. Tingles broke over her skin, and shudders ran through her. Every time he entered her anus, another spasm fisted her sex, and they both groaned.

Shoving his dick deep one last time, he ground his pelvis against her ass. His fluids flooded her and an aftershock of orgasm tightened her channel around her thrusting digits. Through their link, she could sense how much he liked the feel of her ass around him, how he didn't want it to end, how he hated that she could call forth the beast in him faster than anything else. How she could strip him of his control as fast as he stripped her of hers. He hissed and continued thrusting into her until his cock softened.

She collapsed to the floor when he finally pulled out of her, and she slammed down on the connection between them. She couldn't do this anymore. He would break through, he would
know
her. Every time he hammered away at her control, he got that much closer to the darkness. She was alone, always alone, always the one trying to hold it all together. Low sobs tore from her throat, as empty and bereft as she'd ever been in her life. He reached out a hand as though to comfort her and she flinched away. “Don't touch me. I can't stand it.”

“Water off.” The shower cut off at his command. He rolled away from her, dragging himself to his feet. His tone was frustrated and angry. “I have a meeting with Farid, but when I return, we
will
talk about this, Jana. You can't run forever, you can't pretend it didn't happen.”

“Go away.” Her breathing hitched as she worked on slowing her tears. She forced herself to sit up but couldn't find the energy to pick herself up off the floor.

A thick ebony eyebrow arched as he stared down at her. “Even if I go away, you'll never escape it.”

“Go to hell.” The words ripped from her throat, all the ugliness inside her slamming against the dams she'd built, frothing over on to the one person who'd never let it rest. Unless she made him hate her as much as she hated herself. “I hate everything that's happened to me since you came into my life. I was happy before I met you. Maybe I slept with Arthur to get rid of you. You're nothing but a monster.”

Every inch of color fled his face. “You don't mean that.”

“Yes. I.
Do.
” Another tear slid down her face, and she stomped on the biggest red button she knew he had. “You were supposed to
protect
me, Emperor Kyber. Your One. Instead, you got yourself captured and turned your wife into a whore.”

The sound that came from his mouth was that of a wounded animal, but she also saw the rage behind those violet eyes, the feral nature he tried so desperately to hide from others. “You chose to make a whore of yourself, but if you liked it with Arthur so much, I'm sure we can make arrangements to have you dropped off on his doorstep.”

She swayed hard, grateful that she still knelt on the wet metal. “Get out!”

He hissed at her, his hurt and fury and self-loathing ripping through their bond, shredding what little remained of her control. Snarling, he spun on his heel and left her there, snapping that fragile, beautiful link and leaving her gasping at the agony of loss. Again. Always.

It hadn't hurt this badly since the first time, when she lay naked beneath Arthur's heaving body. Her stomach turned. She squelched the thought, the memory, the horrifying nightmare, the way she'd been doing for months now. Constantly battling to stay sane. It was her own fault. She'd taken a bad situation and made it worse. She was a traitor and a whore.

Closing her eyes, she bowed her head and let the exhaustion and utter despair sweep over her. She'd been fighting it for so long. She was so tired. She just wanted it to be over. She didn't want to have to hate herself forever, she didn't want to have to see that betrayed, agonized look in Kyber's eyes ever again.

Worse were the memories she could never escape. She'd thought finding pleasure at Kyber's touch would help ease their power over her, but she was wrong. They plagued her night and day, and no matter how she tried, she couldn't be rid of them. They were as vivid now as when they had happened. Every sensation. Arthur's breath on her face, his hands on her skin, his penis pushing into her unprepared body, tearing her, hurting her. And he'd enjoyed that, the pain. He'd laughed at her when she'd cried, when she'd begged. For Kyber, for herself.

Her stomach revolted, sent her scrambling, crawling, and slipping across the cold, slick floor to the commode. Sobbing so hard she choked, she vomited, her muscles locking as the spasms ripped through her. The sound of her retching was loud and grotesque in the metal room, echoing to mock her.

“Oh, God.” If Kyber's touch couldn't erase the memories, nothing could. Some final, fragile wall crumbled inside her. He was right, she couldn't hide from it forever. She couldn't pretend anymore. It was hopeless. It would never get better, she would never be whole again.

She couldn't live like this.

 

Anun, help him. Kyber had fucked his One hard, careless of her comfort, her needs. He'd fucked her like the monster she'd called him. He hated it. He would give anything to make it stop, to be in command of himself and wipe out the animalistic urges that dragged him to Jana. Without the white noise to dull his psychic gifts, the longer he was near her, the more difficult it was to maintain the distance he wanted over his emotions, to crush the ties that bound them. They could never trust each other again. All she saw was the monster, the one thing he'd feared the most about himself.

It made him sick to his stomach.

The multiveyor at the end of the hall slid open and he drew a deep, steadying breath when he saw who stood inside. Farid. He'd hoped to have a moment to regroup after leaving Jana before he had to deal with anyone. He nodded, unable to meet the older man's incisive green gaze. The multiveyor's door had scarcely closed when his cousin rounded on him. “What are you doing, Kyber?”

Kyber would have taken offense, wanted to, in fact, but he was too tired and drained to care that the question was presumptuous of one of his subjects. Besides, if his cousin couldn't be frank, who could?

A few months ago, he would have said Jana. She was his One, his equal in every way. Now? He didn't know. She obviously wanted nothing to do with him, and any attempts he'd made to breach the walls between them had been met with chilly indifference. He scrubbed his hand over his face and gave the only answer he had to his cousin. “I have no idea.”

“You'd best get one, cousin, before it's too late.” Farid didn't tell the multiveyor to move, so they stayed where they were. He propped his hands on his hips, the expression on his face dour.

Kyber sighed. “I know.”

“Do you?” Farid's voice was deceptively mild, but his eyes were narrowed and assessing.

“Yes.” Kyber thrust his hands through his hair, knotting his fingers in the long strands. “I may be younger than you, Farid, but my abilities are far stronger. I can sense the impatience of the fleet growing. I
know
that my time is running out.”

He was a man at war with himself. Conflicted on all fronts. What to do with Jana, what to do with Earth, what to do with his people. The last week of indecision couldn't continue. He needed to make a final choice, set his feet to one path and stay the course.

Farid set his hand on Kyber's shoulder. His voice was quiet, understanding. “Can you forgive yourself?”

Kyber could pretend ignorance, could demand what he'd done to warrant absolution, but he knew. If it weren't for his arrival, his single-minded quest to find his One, Arthur would never have had a chance to gain all the power he had. He'd still have commanded the most powerful army on the planet, but not consolidated all the major armies on Earth, not have had the chance to become a dictator. It wasn't to that point yet, but it was coming and Kyber knew it. Farid's One would never have defected without that possibility being an utter certainty.

And it was all Kyber's fault.

He
was the catalyst that had brought all of these pieces and players into place. His quest, his expedition, his overwhelming focus on finding Jana while ignoring the politics of Earth and how the Sueni arrival affected the planet made him as culpable as anyone else in this awful game.

Ignoring Earth's politics had cost every person on board the
Anshar
their life. It had put his One in a situation where she felt the need to sacrifice herself for him. Guilt slammed into him, sucking him into an endless void. This wasn't the first time someone he'd loved had sacrificed themselves for him. Would the pain of it never end? Did he deserve for it to end? Each life that had been lost was a mark on his soul.

He opened his eyes and told the one, simple truth he had. “No, I can't forgive myself.”

Farid nodded. “We can't leave until it's right again.”

A wry smile pulled at Kyber lips. “Are you saying that because you believe it is so or because of who your One is?”

“Both, Your Majesty.”

“I've made a mess of everything.” He dragged a palm across his eyes and sighed.

“Making mistakes is part of living, cousin.” The hand on his shoulders squeezed tight, and sympathy came through the familial link between them.

He huffed out a breath. “When have I ever been allowed a mistake? I'm the emperor.”

Farid dropped his hand and sighed. “Even emperors aren't perfect. They have to learn and grow like everyone else. Having a destiny isn't the same as living with that destiny.”

“And if I can't be trusted with that destiny? If all I am is a broken, bestial remnant of my former self?” Kyber swiped his hand through his hair again, staring out the windows of the multiveyor at the Sueni working in a hangar bay below. People who relied on him to make the right choice. Everyone was counting on him.

“The beast is as much a part of us as the psychic, Kyber. The feral instincts ground the mental powers the way the mental powers cage the beast. Sometimes I think your mother did you a disservice after your father died, expecting you to never make a mistake again.” His cousin joined him to look down at the hangar. The multiveyor rocked slightly as it started to move, called by someone else on board.

“She and Father were so perfect together, always in accord. They were nothing like Jana and me.” The worst part was that Kyber
liked
arguing with her as much as he liked touching her. The beast enjoyed the challenge. If it was only Arthur they argued about, it would be one thing, but they debated everything. They were never in perfect agreement, there was never any harmony. It was wrong to like it so much.

Farid snorted. “You were young when your father died, cousin. You never knew them as adults, never saw how your father loved to needle your mother into losing her composure. I know after he died she never let herself lose that composure, never let you lose yours, but that wasn't how it was when the emperor lived. They were a complementary set; they weren't always aligned.”

Kyber didn't remember anything like that, but perhaps Farid was right. He hadn't known them, not really. Just as he hadn't known Jana. He sighed and set all that aside. “That doesn't help me handle the situation with Arthur and Earth.”

He could take his people and leave here, never to return. But he could not. Arthur needed to die…for the people he'd killed, for what he'd done to Kyber, for what he'd done to Jana, for what he'd deliberately done to their bonding. The time for standing aside and hoping action wasn't necessary had come and gone long ago.

A humorless smile curved his lips. It was an excellent thing when the man's justice went hand in hand with the beast's vengeance.

The multiveyor moved sideways and up a few floors, and the two men turned to greet whoever entered. Tylara, Tylara's second in command, Haakesh, and Haakesh's One, Mythri. Possibly the most powerful group of Kith in the entire Sueni fleet. Kyber fought a groan, struggling to lock his thoughts and emotions away. The last thing he wanted was his highest-ranking personnel reading his mind. The grin on his lips widened. His mind wasn't a good place to be just now.

However, it gave him the perfect opportunity to start down the path he'd chosen. Each person bowed their head respectfully as they stepped inside. The multiveyor's door slid closed and he addressed the ship, “
Vishra
, take us to my office.”