Princess Lessons (3 page)
Authors: Meg Cabot
[Principal Gupta, the head of Albert Einstein High, curtsied when
she met Grandmère. It was the funniest thing I ever saw.]
When you are introduced to someone for the first time, it is
important to smile, look the person in the eye, and extend your right hand.
Say, “Hello, I am Clarisse Renaldo, Dowager Princess of Genovia (or whatever
your
name happens to be).” When shaking hands, exert a
confident, not overpowering grip. You are a princess, not a
wrestler.
[But you don't want to have a wimpy grip either, or people will think you aren't self-actualized.]
When you are
the one making introductions, be sure to include people's first and last names.
If you can't remember someone's name, introduce the person whose name you do
know (“Do you know His Royal Highness, Prince William?”) and the person whose
name you don't know will usually introduce themselves.
Conversational DOs and DON'Ts
When meeting someone for the first time, begin by asking his/her
advice or opinion. Do not ask him/her yes-or-no questions. Something like “In
what region is your summer palace located?” or “What did you think of that
scintillating article on the Japanese royal family in today's
New York
Times
?” will do. Current events, popular movies, television shows, and
music all make excellent conversation starters. You might also comment on the
weather or the room in which you are standing.
[Only talk about the weather as a last resort. Weather is way boring.]
Do be a good listener:
Do not monopolize conversations, even
if you
are
the only blue-blood in the room. Allow others to
speak as well. Even if you are caught up in your own cleverness, remember to
stop and ask your acquaintance about his opinion or experiences.
Do not gossip:
When you have just
met a new person, it isn't smart to ask him something like “Did you hear about
the countess and Prince René?” because he might reply, “No,
the countess is my wife. What about her and Prince René?” Suddenly you will
feel very uncomfortable.
Do not swear:
Princesses do not use curse words except under extreme
provocation, such as the severing of a limb or the loss of a priceless piece of
jewelry down the bidet.
[Princesses don't ridicule the looks, politics, religion, or
extracurricular activities of others. Even cheerleading.]
LIKE A PRINCESS
Formal Dining
Â
It
will
happen. At some point you will be asked to a formal
dinner. It is important that you familiarize yourself beforehand with the
utensils that will be used.
Utensils are always positioned for use
from the outside in (on the left of the plate) and the inside out (on the right
of the plate). The first fork one reaches for is the one farthest from the
plate. The opposite goes for knives on the other side of the plate. The knife
closest to the plate is the knife used first, and so on.
[This is unlike the FOIL system in
AlgebraâFirst, Outside, Inside, Last. Always use the fork or knife closest to
your left.]
Formal Place Setting (expected at state dinners, prom, etc.)
      Service plate, positioned so pattern on plate faces diner
      Butter plate, positioned above the forks at left of place setting
      Wineglasses and water glass, above knives and spoons, on the right positioned by size
     Â
Salad fork, placed left of dinner fork
     Â
Meat fork, left of salad fork
      Fish fork, left of meat fork
      Salad knife, to the right of plate
     Â
Meat knife, right of salad knife
     Â
Fish knife, right of meat knife
      Butter knife, positioned diagonally at top of butter plate
      Soup spoon and/or fruit spoon, placed outside the knives
     Â
Oyster fork, beyond the spoons
     Â
Napkin
      Understood?
Très bien!
At a crowded
dining table, the issue of which water glass, wineglass, or bread plate belongs
to which diner can sometimes become confusing. This can be cleared up simply by
forming your left thumb and index finger into the letter b and your right thumb
and index finger into the letter d, as shown below. b = bread d = drink
b = bread             d = drink
The bread
plate to your left is yours. The drinking glass to the right is also
yours.
Voilà !
[You don't want to eat
someone else's bread by mistake. You
really
don't want to
drink from someone else's glass. Especially Boris Pelkowski's, which always has
food floating in it.]
⢠Always wait until everyone is present at the table before taking your seat.
⢠Always place your napkin in your lap.
⢠Always
wait until your hostess has lifted her fork before beginning to eat.
⢠Always cut food into bite-size pieces, using either the European
style or the American style. In the European style, one cuts food by holding
the knife in the right hand while securing the food with the fork in the left
hand. Simply pick up the cut pieces of food with the fork still in the left
hand, tines facing down. The American style is the same except that after
cutting the food, lay the knife across the top edge of the plate and change the
fork from the left to the right hand to eat, tines facing up. Either style is
perfectly acceptable.
⢠Eat everything
that is on your spoon or fork in one bite (take small portions).
⢠Remove seeds, bones, or pits from your mouth with your fingers
(discreetly), and lay them on the side of your plate.
⢠Use
your fingers to eat foods such as French fries, potato chips, sandwiches, and
corn on the cob. Just be sure to wipe your fingers on a napkin after each
biteâdo not lick them.
⢠Always excuse yourself if you feel
the need to leave the table midmeal. Place your napkin on your
chair.
⢠When you are finished, lay your knife and fork
beside one another across your plate, then wait for your hostess to rise before
leaving the table yourself.
⢠Do not start
eating until your hostess does.
⢠Do not speak when your
mouth is filled with food.
⢠Do not lift your pinky when
raising your glass.
[Even though Mrs. Thurston Howell III does
this.]
⢠Do not cut your meat (or any food) into bite-size
portions before you begin eating. Cut off only what you intend to put into your
mouth at that time.
⢠Do not take huge mouthfuls of
anything, no matter how good.
[Especially cold things,
like sorbet.]
⢠Do not suck up the ends
of noodles. Long pasta should be twirled into small bite-size portions on the
end of the fork, against the bowl of a spoon or the edge of your
plate.
⢠Do not re-dip a chip or crudité into a common bowl
of dip if you have already taken a bite.
If, at a
formal dinnerâor even a casual meal with friendsâyou are offered a dish that
you cannot or will not eat, simply say, “No, thank you,” quietly and politely.
No need to explain why, but if it is because of your staunch adherence to a
vegan lifestyle, you may tell your hostess so, if you can do it without the
whole table overhearing you. Otherwise, just say no,
merci
!
[It's not a good idea to try dropping something you are ethically opposed to eating, such as prosciutto-wrapped melon, onto the floor beneath your chair in the hope that your hostess's dog will scarf it up. Chances are the dog won't eat it either, and then it will just end up on the bottom of your shoe. Not that this ever happened to me.]