Princess Lessons (7 page)

Everybody loves e-mail. I
don't know anyone who goes, “Oh, no, not again,” when he sees messages in his
IN box. People like getting e-mails, so long as they aren't flames or
spam.

I guess the best thing about e-mail, besides the
fact that it is a speedy, fun way to communicate with your friends, is that it
is an excellent method—if you don't feel comfortable talking face-to-face with
members of the opposite sex—to communicate with the person you secretly admire.
Of course, certain precautions need to be observed if you don't want to come on
too strong:

• Stop e-mailing someone who doesn't
e-mail back. That means he or she isn't interested.

• Excessively long e-mails or too many e-mails in a twenty-four-hour
period can be a turnoff for someone who doesn't feel the same way about you
that you feel about them.

• Don't e-mail back the minute you
receive a response. You don't want your crush to think you have nothing better
to do than sit around checking your e-mail every five minutes (even if that's
true). Also, part of the fun of e-mail is wondering if/when
you're going to get a reply. Make her wait a little!

Remember, e-mail is a great way to communicate…but there's a difference
between getting to know someone and, well, stalking them. TTYL!

[If the person you admire is someone you have met in a chat room, keep in mind that they could actually be a mouth-breathing psycho or a double agent from a rival kingdom, or something. Proceed with grave caution.]

Everyone wants to be popular.
But as hard as some of us work at it, it just isn't happening. I mean, Mia
Thermopolis is a princess, and she isn't popular. I tried out for the
cheerleading squad, and even though I made it and everything, I'm still not
popular. Not that I want to be. That's not why I tried out for the squad. I
just wanted to see if I could do it. And I did.

I don't
think anyone understands why it is, exactly, that some people are popular and
some aren't. I mean sometimes totally plain girls are voted Homecoming Queen,
while really beautiful girls aren't even asked to the dance, so it isn't really
about how you look. And total jerks have been elected president of their class,
while nice guys sit home watching
Deep Space Nine
every
Saturday night, so it isn't about how you act, either.

I guess
being popular is more about an attitude. From what I've observed, the less
people seem to care about being popular, the more popular they are. So worrying
about where you stand in the social hierarchy of your school is pretty silly.
It's more important to have
good
friends than popular ones,
and to do your own thing without caring what anybody else
thinks. That's the only way to achieve that self-actualization thing that Mia
is always talking about—at least that I know of.

[Even though Shameeka
joined the cheerleading squad, we forgive her because she has proved
some
cheerleaders
are
nice (also, now she can
give us all the dirt on Lana!).]

Princesses want to make sure
this planet and all the species on it stick around for a while. By following
the simple steps below, you can help, in a small way, to make sure it
does:

1.
Walk. Ride a bike. Or take public transportation, if they have it where you
live. Save our vital natural resources.

2. You know those plastic things that come around cans of soda
when you buy a six-pack? Clip the holes so they aren't holes anymore, then
throw it away. Sometimes those things get into the ocean and dolphins' noses
accidentally slip through those holes, and they get stuck with their mouths
closed, and they can't eat anything and they starve to death.

3.
Recycle. It isn't hard. The cans go in a bag. The newspapers get tied
up.

4. Support candidates
who want to protect the environment. Even if you are too young to vote, you can
volunteer for candidates who are working to make the air safe for all of us to
breathe.

5.

Vision Quest
: Matthew Modine stays true to
himself, despite being dumped by Linda Fiorentino, and wins the wrestling
tournament (as well as the heart of Daphne Zuniga), all while wearing a cute,
form-fitting body stocking.

The Matrix
: Keanu Reeves chooses saving mankind
over lying around dreaming about steak.

 

Crazy/Beautiful
: Kirsten Dunst has to come to
terms with her relationship with her father, or he will send her to a camp for
troubled teens and she will never see her hottie boyfriend
again.

Legally Blonde
: Reese Witherspoon slowly comes
to the realization that knowledge is more important than bridal registries,
while still managing to look fabulous the whole time.

Bring It On
:
Cheerleaders (headed by Kirsten Dunst) learn that winning isn't everything:
sometimes doing the right thing is more important.

Save the Last Dance
: A
ballet dancer (Julia Stiles) finally admits that just because her mom died on
the way to her Juilliard audition is no reason to hang up her toe
shoes.

Spider-Man
: Tobey Maguire proves that just
because you have the ability to dominate the earth doesn't mean you should. A
valuable lesson for all world leaders!