Private Passions (8 page)

Grinning, Marla retreated to her trailer
while Deck wandered over to the craft services table to refuel with
a bottle of water and a protein bar. Anton Markel, who was playing
the male lead, was holding court with the actresses playing the two
female supporting roles beside Marla. Deck silently shook his head
as he took in Markel's training uniform of choice. He was decked
out in full on army issue BDU's, from his cammo shirt and pants to
lace up boots.

Markel claimed the clothes made him feel more
authentic during training, making his eventual performance that
much more realistic. Deck knew better than to tell him it didn't
matter what he wore. Markel still punched like a girl.

The women were dressed in basic gym/yoga gear
and up until now were taking to the training a hell of a lot more
readily than Markel.

Deck gave a polite nod as one of the
actresses looked up as he walked up to the table to grab his food.
He didn't pay much attention to what they were saying, but he heard
one of the women laugh, followed by a comment from Markel delivered
in a snarky tone.

Another high-pitched female laugh, then, "You
worked for her all those years, man. Did you have any idea she was
such a nympho?"

Deck turned and saw them all looking at him
expectantly. He realized they were talking to him. "Who?"

"Jane Bowden," said the fat free brunette
with improbably big tits.

At the sound of her name, every nerve ending
went on high alert. "What about her?"

"Have you been living under rock for the past
24 hours or something?" Markel said. "You haven't seen Jane's dirty
letters about her husband."

Deck went instantly hot, then cold as all the
blood seemed to drain from his head to pool in his stomach. Though
he damn well knew better he couldn't stop himself from asking,
"What letters?"

The brunette, Aimee, handed over the iPad
they'd all crowded around. Deck couldn't have stopped himself from
looking at the screen if someone had put a gun to his head. He
recognized the banner of one of the more popular—and
cutting—celebrity gossip sites and read the headline below.

Jane Bowden's Sexy Secret Fantasies
Revealed!

His stomach rolled over on itself as he
continued reading. Apparently Jane had sent her computer in to be
repaired, and a very nosy technician had found the files—a
collection of Jane's most intimate, personal, sexual fantasies—and
released them to the press for an undisclosed fee.

Oh, shit.
He could only imagine what
she was going through right now. First the announcement of Ryan's
baby, and now this. She would be devastated to have this leak out,
especially since, according to this article, they were written
about Ryan during their marriage, mere months, in fact, before he
left her for Katya.

Yet another aspect of her failed marriage
tossed out there for public consumption, something so deeply
private, no doubt meant for her eyes only. All of his deeply
protective instincts roared to the surface. He wanted to go to her,
shelter her, keep the world at bay until this latest storm blew
over.

He'd actually taken a step for the door when
reality hit him like a cold slap in the face.
Yeah, I'm sure
that's exactly what she wants in a time of crisis. To have another
potential crisis show up on hr doorstep.
She'd made it clear
three months ago that after what happened, she viewed him as
nothing more than yet another potential PR disaster. The best way
to help was to stick with his plan of staying the hell out of her
life.

"Keep reading," Markel said. "They posted
some excerpts."

Don't do it. Don't sink down to everyone
else's level. Don't become part of the muck that's dragging her
down.

Not to mention the idea of reading her
fantasies about another man made his stomach churn. Forget that
they were about her husband, at a time when they were very much
together, at a time when Deck would have been the home wrecker.

It didn't change the fact that the idea of
Jane thinking about, much less having sex with someone else made
his stomach turn.

But maybe, he thought as his finger clicked
on a link as though of its own volition, if he read her writing
about how much she wanted another man, Deck could finally get rid
of the ridiculous idea that once the dust settled and she had time
to miss him, she'd come to her senses and realize they were
supposed to be together.

Bracing himself as though for a blow, Deck
scanned the first page. Though several of the words were blacked
out, it was easy enough to infer their meaning. Jane had a very
vivid and direct tone, no flowery language or euphemisms for her.
As he read, he found himself growing uncomfortably warm, felt the
blood pool in his groin.

"Pretty hot, right?" Aimee said breathlessly.
"Kind of makes you wonder why Ryan Atkins ever left her if he had
this going on at home."

"It's sad to think about really," the other
actress chimed in, her sympathetic tone laced with satisfaction at
the suffering of someone more successful and beautiful as herself,
"how into him she was and then he just dumped her."

Deck tuned them out as he continued to read,
feeling like his skin was shrinking tighter with every word. God,
he'd sensed the depths of Jane's sexuality even before he'd tasted
it for himself, but he'd never imagined she had all of this lurking
behind those wide green eyes and that tumble of blond hair.

And none of it meant for him.

Deck was about to stop torturing himself and
hand the iPad back over when is attention snagged on another
passage.

He strips me naked and turns me against
the wall, his hard warrior's hands running down my sides. He holds
my hips hard so I can't move. I can feel his
cock
against my
ass
.
Rock hard and so big I wonder if it will hurt when he pushes inside
me.

His whole body tensed as a prickle of
awareness shot through him. There was an odd tickle in the back of
his brain, like a finger tapping from the inside, trying to get his
attention.

The memory hit him in a rush of white hot
light. On the set of that Robert the Bruce movie with Ryan and
Jane. The weapons expert showing him how to wield the broadsword.
Jane's voice off to the side.

"You want warrior's hands you should look at
Deck."

He told himself it was wishful thinking, but
as he went back and scanned through the other passages where Jane
described being taken by her powerful, anonymous lover, there was
no mistaking the other signs, the other tells.

Blood roared in his head and poured hotly
through his veins as the truth hit him with the force of a mack
truck.

Jane hadn't written these fantasies about
being taken hard and fast, deep and slow about her ex-husband at
all.

They were about Deck.

###

Jane walked off the stage of
Late Night
with Jimmy Kimmel
feeling like she had an elephant on her
chest. Stagehands gave her curious looks as she frantically
searched for Hal, who was supposed to be waiting just off
stage.

With her legs threatening to buckle under
her, she tottered on her high heels down the hall to the green
room, where she found Hal and Hailey chatting up Taylor Swift. "Hey
guys," Jane said as she pasted a smile on her face, "I thought
you'd be waiting outside."

"Oh, sorry, Doll, we just got caught up
talking to Taylor," Hal said. "Doesn't she look fabulous?"

In a gold mini dress that highlighted both
the enviable length of her legs and the buttery hue of her hair,
Taylor did indeed look fabulous. Though it was hard for Jane to
focus when her vision was tunneling and she felt like she was on
the verge of passing out.

"It's great to see you Jane," Taylor said,
her voice sounding like it was coming from very far away.

Deciding the pale object coming towards her
was Taylor's hand, Jane reached out and clasped it. "You too."

Taylor didn't release her hand right away.
"You did great out there. I know that couldn't have been easy."

Jane's stomach clenched at the unmistakable
sympathy in the singer's voice. That was how it had been for the
past three days since the leak. Everyone oozed sympathy when they
spoke to her, even as they cast speculative glances her way,
looking at her in a whole new light now that her dirty mind was on
display for the whole world to read.

"Thanks, I appreciate that."

Hal and Hailey immediately heaped on their
own praise, but Jane wasn't buying it. This whole thing had
disaster written on it from the second Hal suggested it.

"Face it head on. Show that you can have a
sense of humor about it and the world will laugh with you instead
of at you."

It went against every instinct screaming in
Jane's head. How could she go on television and laugh it all off
when in reality she felt stripped bare and flayed open?

But Hal had been insistent. Not only would
she gain huge points by showing that she saw the humor in the
situation, Ryan was all over the place commenting on the situation.
One quote, "If only she could have inspired the same passion in me,
maybe we never would have broken up," had headlined all of the
gossip sites and shows.

"We need a counterattack, and fast," Hal
said, and Jimmy's show was the best vehicle. Jimmy was an old
friend; he'd go easy on her and show her in the best light
possible.

Friend or not, the second Jane set foot on
stage she felt like she was having a heart attack. She frantically
tried to remember the talking points they'd come up with, the jokes
she was supposed to deliver with an offhand flare. Her mind was a
complete blank. Hal and Hailey told her she'd been great, but did
she detect a note of insincerity there?

She had no idea, because right now it was
impossible to focus on anything but staying conscious as the weight
in her chest got heavier, her breath going slower.

"You feel a little cold," Taylor said, at the
exact moment a chilly sweat broke out over her skin.

"We need to go," Jane said. "Right now."

"Holy crap is she going to pass out?" Hal
said frantically. "Take her out the back. Don't let anyone see her
like this..."

Too late. The next morning the story of
Jane's near collapse after her appearance on Kimmel was front and
center.

Jane knew better than to read what any of
them had to say about her, but she couldn't seem to pull herself
away from the train wreck that was her own life.
Jane Bowden
Turns to Pills to Cope. Jane Bowden on the Edge of Collapse as her
Private Passions Go Public.

And her favorite, courtesy of Weekly News of
The World:
Sex Fiend Jane Collapses After Too Long Without a
Fix,
complete with accompanying "expert" testimony from a Dr.
Harper that like all addicts, sex addicts could also suffer from
withdrawal symptoms, which in extreme cases could include physical
collapse.

Jane finally slapped her laptop closed.
"What's so wrong with the truth? That I freaked the hell out?" And
she was on the verge of doing it again, if the churning of her
stomach and the pounding of her heart were anything to go by.

"That's not quite enough to sell the rags,
doll," Hal said matter of factly. "You know how it works. They need
to make it sound like you're on the verge of a total
breakdown."

That wasn't exactly far from the truth.

"Are you packed for New York?" Hal said.

She barely heard him through the sound of her
blood pumping in her head.

"Yes," she heard Hailey answer. "We're just
waiting for Mira to drop off her outfits for the Today Show and
Letterman."

The Today Show. Letterman. Live With Kelly.
Interviews with
People
and
Vanity Fair
. Hal had been
busy in the last week, booking a full docket for Jane to do damage
control and show the world she was fine just fine after this latest
humiliation.

Her stomach twisted and a cold sweat broke
out over her skin at the thought of repeating last night's
experience. At opening up to millions about something so private.
At trying to laugh it off like it was some big joke when in truth
it was so deeply personal.

Hailey and Hal's voices faded to the
background as one thought took over, echoing through her head in an
endless, undeniable litany.

I need to get out. I need to go away. I need
to be alone. I need to get out. I need to get away. I need to be
alone.

She was on her feet before she realized it,
phone in hand, practically running down the hall and up the stairs
to her bedroom, ignoring Hal's and Hailey's startled protests. She
got to her room and locked the doors behind her, blocking out the
sound of Hal pounding on the door.

Her call was answered on the first ring.
"Jane, honey, how are you holding up?"

Just the sound of Julie Dennison's voice was
enough to make Jane's heart slow a degree. Back when Julie and her
now husband, Chris had hosted her wedding at the exclusive Holley
Cay Resort, Jane had been a bridezilla from hell, overwhelmed and
completely stressed out about marrying Ryan. In retrospect, that
should have been a warning sign.

Fortunately, Julie had accepted Jane's
apology after the fact, and they'd always stayed in touch. After
the wedding, Jane and Ryan had been back several times, and could
always count on Julie and the Holley Cay staff to provide the
utmost discretion and privacy. Two years ago, when Jane had
purchased an island retreat near the resort Chris had helped her
negotiate the deal so her purchase was never made public.

The retreat, which Jane had jokingly dubbed
"the Sea Shack," was the last completely private place in Jane's
all too public life.