Promise (13 page)

Charlie shifted in her sleep and rolled to face Anna. Her warm breath brushed Anna’s cheek. Such short, rapid breaths. Anna counted them, hoping it might help her fall asleep. When she was five, her parents gave her a guinea pig, and every afternoon she’d lie on the grass beside the hutch, counting its breaths. She had a faint memory of her mother coming out to lie with her in the backyard, smoking a cigarette and looking up into the liquidambar tree. Or maybe Anna just wished her mother had been there with her. She was sure though, that it was her mum who told her that the faster an animal’s heartbeat, the shorter its lifespan. Which made Anna worry because when she lay her head on her mother’s breast, she heard the steady
ba-boom
,
ba-boom
, so much slower than Anna’s own heartbeat. Anna had been worried about her own death when it was her mother’s death she should have been preparing for.

•

Anna jolted from sleep to Charlie crying and thrashing about. She found the girl’s small shoulder in the dark.

‘I’m here, Charlie. It’s Anna. I’m right here.’

‘No! No!’ the girl cried out, and gripped Anna around the neck. She pressed her face hard against the side of Anna’s head and sobbed, ‘Mummy, Mummy.’

Anna held the small, warm body close until the crying abated and the girl’s limbs relaxed. She felt like an imposter; was Charlie falling back to sleep imagining that it was Gabby holding her?

Anna pushed the mosquito net to one side and made her way to the dark bathroom. The rain had stopped, and there was just the occasional scatter of drops on the roof, blown from the trees, and a loud chorus of frogs.

She sat on the toilet and pictured her dad sleeping in his neat, spartan bedroom. He might even be awake that very moment, thinking of Anna and worrying.

‘Hi, Dad,’ she whispered.

There must be a way to phone him, to tell him she was okay. The cops might be monitoring his mobile and home phone, but she could call him at his pub or the squash courts where he played twice a week.

Back in the bedroom she picked up Charlie. ‘I’m going to take you to do a wee.’ The sarong slipped to the floor.

The girl flopped onto Anna, who had to keep an arm around her back to stop her falling backwards. In the bathroom, she perched Charlie on the toilet and held her upper arms. After a moment, there was the trickle of urine. Anna’s dad used to take her to the toilet at night and turn the tap on, and say in a sing-songy voice, ‘A big wee, a big wee’.

Anna’s mum must have taken her to the toilet at night too, but Anna had no memory of it. Anna had so few memories of her mother, and her dad refused to share his.

Back in the bedroom, she tried to arrange the sarong around Charlie but gave up.

Was it possible that her dad would tell the cops all the places Anna might be, just because he wanted her to be found? She must telephone him. She wouldn’t tell him where she was but she could reassure him she was fine. She pictured him lying in his bed right now, propped on the table beside him, the photo that her mum had taken of Luke and Anna on a picnic. He didn’t display photos of Anna or Luke taken after they were eight and ten years old, as if the day their mother died, he considered the whole family dead.

She ran her fingers over and over Charlie’s small forehead until she felt herself sinking into sleep, the girl’s head in the crook of her arm.

S
omeone wriggled against her.

‘What’s that?’ said a small voice.

‘What?’ Anna struggled to sit up and took a couple of seconds to realise she was at Pat’s with Charlie.
Oh God
.

The bedroom was bright and filled with the sounds of birds, their carolling, strident, overlapping calls.

‘What’s that noise?’ said Charlie, squinting towards the window, one hand gripping Bunny tightly.

‘Birds. It’s the birds,’ Anna said and flopped back on the pillow. Her body ached. She needed more sleep. She closed her eyes.
Just let me sleep some more.

Charlie tapped Anna’s arm. ‘
Why
are they making that noise?’

‘They’re saying good morning but they’re very loud, aren’t they?’ said Anna.

Someone was walking about in the kitchen.
Let it be Pat.
She hoped he’d wait until after breakfast to say whether they could stay.

‘I’m really hungry,’ said Charlie and Anna caught the smell of her breath. She had to find them both toothbrushes.

‘Me, too. Let’s get some breakfast.’

Anna sat up and swung out of bed. Her legs were shaky when they hit the floor. God, she needed more rest.

Charlie slid off the bed, seemingly untroubled that she was naked but for the bandage. Anna found the sarong on the floor beside the drip bucket, and looped the ends around the girl’s neck so it wouldn’t slip down.

Anna hesitated in the doorway when she saw that it was Sabine in the kitchen. Sabine stood at the table, pouring two cups of tea, her orange kimono-style dressing gown belted above the swell of her belly.

‘Good morning.’ Sabine smiled and nodded at the teapot. ‘Please help yourself to tea and breakfast. Or you could make coffee if you prefer.’

‘Thank you.’

Sabine carried the cups to the open bedroom door. Anna heard a rustle, and glimpsed a tangle of blue sheets. She rested her hand on the warm tea cosy. ‘Do you want toast, Charlie?’

The girl nodded and stood in the doorway of Pat’s bedroom, Bunny dangling from her hand.

‘Hello there.’ Pat’s voice was drowsy. ‘How did you sleep, Charlie? How’s your arm?’

The girl leant her shoulder against the door frame. ‘Hello.’

Sabine came back through the doorway and tousled Charlie’s hair.

‘Come over here,’ she said and carried her cup of tea to the couch.

Charlie followed Sabine and climbed onto her lap. Sabine put her cup on the floor and ran her fingers like a comb through Charlie’s hair.

‘Why not give her something more nutritious than toast and honey, Anna?’ She said Anna’s name the German way.
Arna
. ‘Porridge or eggs. Fruit and yoghurt. Muesli?’ She carefully teased a knot out of Charlie’s hair. Charlie sat quietly, watching Anna and rolling one of Bunny’s ears between her fingers.

‘Oh. Yes. Good idea.’

Anna put down the loaf of bread. Taking care of Charlie seemed to come naturally to Sabine. ‘Do you want eggs, Charlie?’

Charlie nodded.

Anna opened the fridge. Where were the eggs? She felt excruciatingly self-conscious with Sabine watching her.

‘Just help yourself. Make yourself at home,’ said Sabine.

‘Thank you.’ Anna found the egg carton. ‘Do you want scrambled eggs, Sabine?’

‘Always muesli for me.’ Sabine smiled. ‘It’s a German thing.’

Anna whisked three eggs in a bowl and dropped a knob of butter into a small cast-iron pan. She waited for it to melt and from the corner of her eye watched Sabine untangling Charlie’s hair and chatting to the girl about the rain in the night. Anna tipped the bright yellow eggs into the pan and wished Pat would come out.

‘I’ve got something to show you,’ said Sabine and led Charlie outside.

Could Anna leave Charlie with Sabine? No, that was mad. Anna would still be on the run. She exhaled a long breath and made herself concentrate on stirring the eggs. She had to prioritise. Food. Shelter. Figure out a way to call her dad, and make a plan for how long to stay away.

Sabine and Charlie reappeared with a small bunch of parsley that Sabine laid on the bench beside the stove. Charlie – with a dandelion tucked behind one ear – handed Anna a sprig of parsley.

Sabine dropped onto the couch and beckoned Charlie.

‘Anna, we would like to find out what’s in the news about you.’ Her voice was loud. ‘To know if the police suspect you are in this area.’

Dismay washed through Anna. Why on earth was Sabine having this conversation in front of Charlie, and why was Pat making Sabine do the dirty work? He must be lying there listening.

‘Okay,’ she said.

Charlie knelt on the couch beside Sabine and untied the bow in Sabine’s dressing-gown belt. ‘Can I have this?’ she asked.

Sabine pulled the belt from its loops and handed it to Charlie. Sabine wore a singlet that had ridden up over her compact, round belly.

‘But there’s no reason for them to suspect.’ Anna stirred the eggs as they thickened. ‘I was very careful.’

‘You would be surprised what they know,
Arna
. Honestly.’

Anna tried not to sigh. ‘Can we talk about this later?’ She tilted her head towards Charlie.

Sabine lifted one hand into the air. ‘We need to talk about it.’

Charlie came to stand beside Anna.

‘It’s hurting,’ she said quietly.

‘Okay. Sabine, do you mind stirring the eggs while I grab her some Panadol?’

‘Sure.’ Sabine heaved herself up from the low couch. ‘I’m afraid she gave her arm a little bump while we were picking the parsley.’

In the bedroom, the air was stale from the night. Anna slid open a window and found the Panadol in her handbag. She gave Charlie the half-pill and when they returned to the kitchen, Sabine was serving the eggs onto plates. They were a bit undercooked for Anna. She poured Charlie a glass of water to wash down the Panadol.

‘Our neighbour has a computer,’ said Sabine as she scraped the last of the eggs from the pan. ‘We can use it to check what the police are saying to the media. And I think they would say if they knew where you two are, so people would keep out an eye for you.’ She plucked the toast from the toaster. ‘Butter?’

‘Yes, please,’ said Anna. ‘Come and sit down, Charlie.’

Sabine deposited the two plates on the table. She’d sprinkled chopped parsley over the eggs. She looked steadily at Anna. ‘We cannot have them turning up here. I think Pat explained why.’

Anna nodded. ‘Yes.’

Sabine’s expression was stony. ‘Now that he has told you . . . You must . . .’ She held up a hand like a stop sign. ‘
Must
keep it quiet. No one knows.’

‘Okay.’ Anna decided not to mention the difference between hers and Sabine’s offences.

‘That is why you cannot stay if they will be looking around here for you. I am sorry.’ She gave Anna a brief nod then turned and reached to a high shelf for the jar of muesli.

Anna sat opposite Charlie and picked up her knife and fork. She couldn’t believe the Pat she knew would let her and Charlie drive off into the forest.

‘Let’s eat before the eggs get cold, Charlie.’

The girl looked down at her plate. ‘Are we going somewhere? Where are we going?’

‘No, we’re not going anywhere right now. Let’s have our breakfast.’ She made herself smile. ‘That’s the parsley you picked in the garden.’

Charlie brushed the parsley off a blob of egg before eating. Anna cut a small triangle of toast and pushed egg onto it. She chewed and tried to keep her panic from floating to the surface. She’d figure something out. If they had to leave Pat’s there must be some small hut or shed where they could stay. Surely Pat would help her with that?

Sabine plonked her bowl of muesli on the table and sat down. ‘There is no way I am going back to Germany, especially with a baby.’

‘They wouldn’t put you on a plane when you’re very pregnant.’

‘No, they’d put me in a detention centre.’ She spooned muesli into her mouth.

‘I honestly don’t think they would. A pregnant European? I can’t see it.’

Sabine finished chewing and shook her head. ‘Do you know these things, do you? I tell you, it happens, and not just to the poor people running away from Iraq and Sri Lanka and so on. I know of an American man –
white
American – who overstayed his visa and ended up in a detention centre. It happens.’

Charlie was eating fast, using her fingers and glancing between Anna and Sabine as she shovelled the food in. A few bits of egg dropped onto her bandage. The edge of the bandage was fraying, and straggly white threads lay across her thin wrist.

Anna cut another piece of toast. ‘Well, now the baby’s coming, couldn’t you apply for a visa? A de facto visa or whatever?’

‘Maybe.’

Anna wondered if they were planning not to register the birth.

‘Anyway,’ said Sabine, ‘after breakfast we go to the neighbour’s computer and look online.’

‘Okay.’

Anna heard the rustle of clothing in the bedroom, and a curtain sliding along the rails.

Sabine tipped her head to look at Charlie. ‘I’ll get my hairbrush later and we’ll give your hair a good brush. Make it all shiny and beautiful.’

Charlie gave Sabine a twitchy smile, her mouth full of food.

Pat appeared in the doorway, buttoning his shorts. He must have heard their whole conversation.

‘Good morning,’ he said to Anna. ‘How did you sleep?’ He squeezed her shoulder as he crossed to the fridge.

‘Well, thank you. And you?’ She forked some eggs in. Her body needed fuel but the food stuck in her throat.

‘Yep, thanks.’

Sabine turned in her chair to face him. ‘Are you coming to Avril’s to look at the computer?’

‘No. You go.’ He drank from a ceramic jug in the fridge and wiped his mouth. He nodded at Anna. ‘We’ll just see what the police are releasing to the media. Okay?’

Anna swallowed a lump of egg. She wished they’d stop saying the word
police
in front of Charlie. ‘Would they really say if they thought they knew where we were?’ How ridiculous that they were second-guessing the cops from a hut in the middle of nowhere.

He glanced at Charlie. ‘I reckon they’d . . . ah . . . tell the media if they had an idea. They’d want, you know, an extra million pairs of eyes to help them.’

Pat reached over Sabine to pick a banana from the bowl on the table. Sabine looked out the window and chewed steadily on her muesli. A flock of rainbow lorikeets flew by the house, chattering and chiacking.

‘Do you want more breakfast, Charlie?’ asked Anna. Did a child this age need as much food as an adult?

Charlie glanced over at the kitchen bench. ‘Any biscuits?’

‘No,’ said Sabine. ‘But we’ll make a cake later today.’

If we’re still here
, thought Anna.

‘Cake?’ said Charlie. ‘Like birthday cake?’