Pulse of Heroes (74 page)

“Everything he showed you was out of context.
I don’t know how he did it, but what you saw were our enemies,
Michelle. I was a soldier and a soldier can’t afford to ponder the
meaning of his actions while he’s protecting his own life, or other
people’s lives. What you saw were the Assyrians, and the others
were the Ottoman Turks, the ones that Vlad had impaled. Have you
any idea how the Assyrians swept through all of Mesopotamia? They
were slaughtering us, murdering us. There was bloodshed throughout
the entire country. Our kind is more powerful, and it was my duty
to protect our people, and our families.”

Elliot looked away from Michelle and
swallowed hard, his voice almost breaking. “My children, two of
them, were dumped into a mass grave at Lachish. Will the bodies of
1500 women and children change your mind that the enemy had to be
destroyed?” Michelle felt awful and tried to take Elliot’s hand,
but he refused.

“You have no idea what kind of hate can live
within a man’s heart, and that man exists everywhere. I’ve seen
leaders slaughter millions of their own citizens after promising
that they had the answers to all society’s ills. I’ve seen how ugly
coveting can be, like when the Turks took away the wives and
daughters of the conquered to be sold as sex slaves. The dying
teenagers you saw were the product of those unholy unions. The
Turks raised these babies to be nothing but hate machines to be
used in their wars, sending them back to kill their own
families.”

Elliot stood tall and pulled his shoulders
back. “I have killed too many to count, and I’ll do it all over
again if I have to. Were some of them not evil, just soldiers? Yes.
But as long as they fight for evil I have no room to judge who is
who. One mistake and thousands of innocents will die. I do what’s
necessary, and I don’t enjoy it, if that’s what you fear. In war,
we shut off parts of our minds in order to succeed.”

Elliot asked Michelle to put herself in his
shoes, to try and imagine being a parent whose babies had just been
slaughtered. “Or imagine yourself a mother with children, alone at
home because the father is out working, and the soldiers come and
you’re unable to protect yourself from their desires and you’re
unable to protect your children from their cruelty.” Elliot looked
in her eyes. “What kind of a man would you want by your side? One
who trembles in fear? One who has lost all connection to his own
natural aggression? Or one who will kill the enemy first and ask
questions later?” Michelle’s tears were creating a puddle at her
feet. “I fight with the sword. Is it gruesome? I guess. But don’t
kid yourself that using a machine gun from far away or dropping a
bomb from the sky changes anything. It’s just as ugly!” Michelle’s
crying had turned to sobs and she wanted Elliot to take her in his
arms and comfort her, but he wouldn’t. He stood across from her and
stared at her; he wanted her to feel shamed. He coldly asked if her
crying was for all the innocent victims of all the wars, or was it
just self pity? “I have no patience for condemnations from foolish
people who have no idea what they’re talking about. Or maybe you’re
crying for Hadeno because I killed him with such cruelty?”

“No…” Michelle cried as she tried to touch
him with her hands again, but Elliot moved out of her reach.

“Maybe you didn’t want him dead after all?
Tell me, and I want nothing but the truth. Did you fall for him
that easily? You know I can tell if you’re lying. Would you stab
him again and have me finish him off, or do you wish you were back
there with him right now standing over my dead body?” Elliot knew
that his own jealousy was talking, but he hadn’t let it out until
now, and he knew better than to keep things bottled up inside. He
knew that Michelle had lain in Hadeno’s arms and he knew that her
lips had kissed his. He knew that Hadeno had not been lying when he
said that Michelle came to him on her own. Was she harboring any
feelings of regret?

“You do know that if you were to fall
pregnant from him, it could very well have killed you? And you do
know that he didn’t give a damn about your welfare, right?”
Michelle thought about the way Haden had treated her; it was either
with lust or with contempt, there was never anything in-between. He
had played with her; she knew that now. But Elliot actually cared
about her, and she could tell the difference. “One thing you need
to know about me is that I don’t beg for any woman’s affection. Not
yours or anybody else’s. I did what I had to do, I brought you back
home safe and in one piece. Maybe this is it for us, the circle
complete? Be honest with yourself before you answer me.” It pained
Elliot to say those words.

Michelle’s heart skipped a long beat. Was it
already over? Had Elliot had it with her? Would he disappear from
her life forever just as Kahl and Ando had said he could? Michelle
thought about Elliot gone for good. She thought about how alone she
had felt, and how when she thought that she was going to be raped
it was him that she called for. Who would she talk to? Who could
ever understand her now? He had seen her at her worst; he saw her
stab a man in the back like a crazed lunatic and he was still
there. She was no different than him now, they were both killers.
They belonged together.

Michelle looked at Elliot’s questioning eyes,
so beautiful and large; to never see them look at her again? And
his pillowed lips, to never feel their velvet kisses, and that
scent of the sea that sometimes followed him… she would surely die
without him. Michelle shook her head from side to side and her
tears flew that way and back. She loved him and wished for things
to go back to the way they were. She wished she had never met
Hadeno.

“Think hard about your decision, because I
won’t go back and forth with you. I don’t have the patience.”
Elliot took a more mature tone. “I’ll be fine. You’ll be fine.
You’re much stronger than you give yourself credit for. I can leave
if it will make it easier on you, and you get yourself together and
go back to your life. It’ll be much easier without me around. Just
say the word.”

“No!!! I want to be here, with you,” she
yelled, looking up to catch his eyes. “I never want to talk about
any of this any more, ever! Please?” Michelle weakly motioned for
him to come to her. Elliot stepped forward and Michelle twisted his
shirt in her hand, unable to decide whether she needed him to hold
her or not. “I’m just like you now and I can’t go back. It’s too
late.” Michelle cried and lunged forward to embrace him. She
couldn’t stand him looking at her as if he was looking down at her,
judging her. Elliot held her, but wondered what she meant about
being like him.

“Michelle, is this all because of what you
did, because you stabbed him? Are you feeling guilty, condemning
yourself? Are you ashamed that you saved your own life or that you
saved mine? Michelle, look at me,” he asked her softly and she did
but only for a second. Shame. He now understood that Michelle’s
anger and disappointment wasn’t really directed at him. Judging him
was judging her. The poor girl, he thought, she had no idea how to
deal with what she had done. What had he done to her? He was the
one who should be ashamed.

“Michelle, please. I need to tell you
something important,” he said, lifting her face to his. “I killed
him, not you. You just distracted him, that’s all. I did the rest.”
Elliot lied, knowing full well that there would have been no
recovery after Michelle’s stab had ruptured Hadeno’s spleen.
Michelle began wailing and he held her close to his heart. Her
entire body quivered with resonance.

“I don’t want to be a killer. I hate myself
now,” she mumbled into his chest. Elliot understood and hushed her
down.

“I’m sorry baby, for sounding so harsh with
you. I know things aren’t always pretty. I’m sorry for what you’ve
gone through, and I’ll help you, I promise. I’ll be here for you.”
Elliot held Michelle until her cries ebbed. He then found her eyes
again and told her that he had something to show her.

Elliot drove quietly, still thinking about
Hadeno and the images he had showed Michelle. None of it made any
sense. Just when he thought he was closer to understanding what
they were and what they were capable of, there was always something
else that would upset all the theories. Did Hadeno know something
he didn’t? Was there a possibility that he had been telling the
truth about knowing something about Elliot’s mother and father?
Could they have really been somehow related? Maybe they shared
genetics, and that’s why Hadeno could see his memories as if he
were watching a movie. But it was all too late now. Hadeno was dead
and gone, and Elliot wasn’t the least bit sorry about it. He hadn’t
found out anything about his father for five thousand years, did he
really need to know anymore? Elliot looked over to Michelle who sat
curled up like a ball with her hands against her temples and pitied
her. He apologized for not believing her about what Hadeno had
showed her, and she replied that she wouldn’t have believed herself
either. He then asked her if her head hurt.

“That’s an understatement,” she whispered.
The stress. He took her hand and as soon as they touched she began
feeling the warmth spreading from his fingers to hers. She asked
him if it wasn’t dangerous to do while he was driving and he
laughed, telling her that he could think of far more hazardous
things to do. Michelle giggled but immediately regretted it because
it made her head hurt even more.

“Open your eyes,” Elliot said with
excitement. Michelle was standing on a dock staring at a beautiful
sailboat. “It’s mine. I had it custom built to my specifications.
Come on,” he encouraged, jumping up and holding out his hand to
help her get on board. Michelle smiled. “It just arrived a few days
ago. Actually, while I was in New York. It was built in Finland,”
he told her as he removed the canvas cover from the hatch. Michelle
walked around the deck, her hand gliding on the shiny metal
grabrail.

“It’s huge!” she exclaimed.

“43 feet. It’s a fairly large racing boat,
but I got it mostly for cruising. I named it
Pulsar
, after
your dream.” She looked at him in disbelief. “I hope you like
sailing?”

“Only if there’s no big waves. And I don’t
like it when they tip over on their side. You know how they do.
That scares me to death.” Elliot shook his head laughing.

“Than how are we going to get anywhere? We
need wind for the sails, and to get it moving it needs to be at an
angle or else we’re just crawling.” Michelle told him that she
didn’t mind crawling, and walked over to one of the many portholes
trying to peek inside. “You can go below if you want. I just need
to untie the lines.” Michelle looked down at the ropes that tied
the boat to the dock.

“What do you mean untie them? And leave me on
the boat all by myself. Are you crazy?”

“Just a second. You won’t go anywhere, I
promise,” he said, starting the engine and jumping down to the
dock. Michelle told him that she didn’t think it was a good idea to
take the boat out. Especially because she couldn’t sail and was
scared of the water. She stared at the raised anchor in
apprehension, but Elliot was back by her side as he had promised.
He told her that they weren’t going to leave the bay, pointing over
to Angel Island and a small group of sailboats that were floating
about peacefully close to one of the narrow beaches. Michelle
reluctantly agreed, and nervously watched as Elliot maneuvered the
giant boat out of the narrow slip. Once they were out of the dock,
Michelle watched the regal mainsail go up with awe. Elliot looked
so comfortable, and she loved watching him do whatever it was that
he was doing.

“It’s so beautiful,” she said and Elliot
smiled. “What about the other one?” she asked, pointing to the
smaller sail, and Elliot told her that despite all his abilities he
could still only do one thing at a time. A moment later he had
positioned the smaller sail, the jib, and asked if she was
satisfied. Michelle smiled. The boat began slicing through the
water faster than she had expected, but Elliot assured her that
there wasn’t enough wind to make the boat heel over. He could tell
that she was nervous as she made her way over to him and hugged at
his side in fear.

Within thirty minutes, the boat was anchored
in the small lagoon and Michelle was able to relax enough to
actually sit down. She apologized to him about being afraid,
claiming that she didn’t realize how bad her fears had become since
the day she almost drowned. Elliot thought back to that day and his
face grew somber. He had hardly known Michelle back then, and after
he brought her back to life he wasn’t even sure if he had done the
right thing. But now as he sat in the sun watching her in her black
dress with her hair blowing every which way, he realized that he
was beyond grateful for the decision he had made. “What are you
thinking about?” she turned to ask him, and he motioned for her to
come and sit by his side. Michelle did, but her expression changed.
She told him that she felt guilty about smiling and enjoying the
sunshine on the water while Francesca lay underground in a cold
grave. Elliot kissed her hand gently.

“Michelle, you have no idea how many times I
have felt the same way as you do right now.” He leaned in to kiss
her but Michelle’s instinct was to pull away. She felt as if she
was just getting to know him all over again. The memories of their
closeness in the past felt like she was with someone else. Elliot
realized that Michelle was not ready to just fly into his arms the
way she had before, so he stood up and asked her if she was hungry
or thirsty, to which Michelle replied yes to both questions. She
was glad he gave her the space she needed.

“Oh my God! It has three bedrooms? You could
live in here if you wanted,” Michelle squealed in delight after
opening every door and cabinet in the place. Elliot looked in the
small refrigerator and asked her what she’d like because Xander had
gone all out with the food shopping. Michelle asked if Xander knew
that they were taking the boat out, and Elliot told her that he had
an idea that they might be.