Pulse of Heroes (75 page)

Michelle hadn’t realized how hungry she was
until she finished her sandwich before Elliot did. She immediately
apologized for being a pig, and Elliot told her not to because she
had lost too much weight since the last time he saw her and he
didn’t like skinny women. Michelle looked at him, confused.

“So you like me fat?” she asked him, and
Elliot laughed telling her that she was never fat, she was
perfect.

“Really?” she asked again. He told her that
he always meant what he said; she was too skinny and she had
circles under her eyes. He forced her to eat an apple, telling her
that he didn’t like to feel too many bones when he held her, then
tried to give her a glass of milk too. “I can’t. I’m full. You’re
stuffing me like some duck,” she said, yawning. She apologized and
explained that she was probably still jet lagged. Michelle leaned
back in the narrow booth, but she couldn’t stretch her legs out.
She closed her eyes while Elliot put the food away. When he was
done, he leaned against the curved wall and smiled down at her.
Michelle felt him staring at her and opened her eyes.

“I thought you’d find it relaxing out
here.”

“It feels so peaceful. I don’t even remember
the last time I had a good night sleep. This makes me feel like a
baby, being rocked by the water. It feels like a dream,” she said,
closing her eyes again.

“There are three beds here, brand new. If you
want to nap I won’t disturb you.” he said, taking hold of her arm
and leading her to the main berth. Michelle’s muscles felt like
jelly as she stretched out on the queen size bed, and Elliot got
her a pillow, apologizing that he didn’t have any blankets on board
yet. He sat on the edge of the bed and Michelle took his hand.

“Elliot? What am I doing here?” she
asked.

“You’re with me. I want to make everything
better. I want you to trust me again… I feel things when you’re
around me. I’m feeling joy right now, and I haven’t felt that in so
long. I see the world through your eyes, and you bring it back to
life for me. You’re like my pulsar. I was lost before, for a long
time, really. I am grateful that I met you, and I’m sorry for
everything that has happened.”

“Elliot, I’m scared,” she said, looking away
from him. He knew exactly what she meant. She wasn’t scared of
Hadeno anymore, or battles, or anything of that sort. She knew more
now, about all the sacrifices that she would have to make in order
to be with him. She was scared of all the difficulties that came
with that.

“Michelle, this is not easy for me either.
Despite living all these years, nothing changes when I love
someone. It’s always complicated. I will outlive you, unless by
some miracle I actually grow old and die. It frightens me to go
through losing someone that I love all over again. It’s been a very
long time since I have.” Elliot looked up at the ceiling because he
wanted to stop thinking about it. Was he crazy, he wondered? Why
bother with love, knowing it would fade away from him and one day
he’d watch this young girl grow old and slip from his fingers and
not be able to do a damn thing about it. Then it would be his turn
to walk around an empty home, frantically searching for her.

“I don’t know. Maybe this is madness… and I’m
just losing myself and dragging you along?” Elliot made a move to
get up off the bed but Michelle squeezed his hand tighter.

“It’s too late,” she said.

“It’s not too late. There’s still space
between us. You can go back to school, graduate, go to college,
meet someone who will love you, get married, have babies…” he said,
his voice fading with those last words. His eyes were so soft and
blue, they looked almost pliable.

“Now who’s scared?” Michelle accused him.
“How can I just stop feeling what I feel and go live a lie when I
know you’re out there? You’ve showed me a whole new world, and you
think I can go back to what it was like before. I’ll never meet
anyone like you. I know that, and everyone else will fall short
next to you. I’ll miss you.”

“Please just don’t cry anymore,” Elliot
begged as he saw Michelle’s tears threatening to reappear. Michelle
didn’t want to cry anymore either, and told him to stop making her
sad. Elliot took a deep breath and settled back down next to
Michelle. He stared out into the space in front of him and Michelle
felt his pain emanating. She sat up, positioning herself directly
across from him.

“Tell me,” she said, staring straight into
his eyes. After a short pause, Elliot began to talk. He told her
that the last time he had been truly in love was many years ago and
that he hadn’t felt those feelings since then.

“Her name was Leta Memmia. We were married
about 2000 years ago.” Michelle swallowed hard because she knew
that she was going to have to deal with Elliot’s past love for that
woman. “It started about two years after we married. She would
become depressed and stop talking to me. She cried a lot. I loved
her very much, and the more I tried to make things better the more
she pulled away, always claiming that the problem was with her, not
me. She had phases when she hardly ate, and lost so much weight
that I saw her ribs and collarbones sticking out like blades. I
brought over doctors, philosophers, even soothsayers. They found no
ailments, and she refused to talk to them.” Elliot’s eyes glossed
over and Michelle was split between feeling his pain and wondering
if he could ever love her the way he had loved Leta. Elliot smiled
sadly. “Maybe this is not such a good idea,” he said. But Michelle
knew that he needed to talk it out. She had to get past her
jealousy, and she leaned in to kiss his cheek as a show of support.
She asked him to continue. Elliot sighed and his eyes looked even
further into the past.

“It was our third anniversary. I made her a
gift. A small glass bottle to hold scented oils and a matching
glass brooch that I was going to have her cameo carved into.”

“Is that the…” Michelle asked, her eyes
wide.

“Yes. The glass you found, and the bottle you
tried to take a photo of. I’m sorry I snapped at you back then,
especially when you told me that you had the missing piece. I
suspected that it might be from the brooch, which I lost many years
ago, and I didn’t know you well enough to feel comfortable with the
idea of some girl holding on to it. Please forgive me.” Michelle
looked down at the mattress and nodded. He continued, “I knew
something was wrong even before I crossed the central court. I
rushed into the house but I couldn’t find her anywhere. Then I saw
her letter.” Elliot stopped talking and Michelle felt his muscles
twitch.

“What did it say? Tell me.” She kissed him
again on his other cheek.

“I haven’t been back there for so long, I
didn’t realize that there’s still an open wound,” Elliot said,
almost embarrassed. But Michelle told him that she was here with
him now, and that it had happened a very long time ago.

“It was in her own handwriting. She
apologized. She said she did it because she loved me too much to
ever let her death separate us. She said it was too painful for her
to bear.” A single tear rolled down Elliot’s face. “She didn’t want
me to ever see her age, and she knew that the process had begun
because she found a gray hair in her brush. One gray hair! She was
only twenty-four! She killed herself, she took poison over by the
river. She didn’t say where because she didn’t want me to see her
body. No one ever found it. I never even got to give her a proper
burial. She killed herself because of what I am. Because I wouldn’t
age with her, because she wouldn’t meet me afterwards in the
Elysian Fields. She wanted to always remain young and beautiful in
my mind. Well she did.” Elliot’s voice trailed off and he made
another move to get up from the bed. He was not comfortable with
Michelle seeing him like that. But Michelle leaped onto him and
wrapped her arms around him. At first he panicked, but eventually
he held on tightly and buried his face in her hair. They sat like
that in silence until Michelle felt his muscles relax and his heart
was serene.

“That’s my biggest fear. That that’s what
will happen to you, or to anyone else I love. You’re so sensitive
already, and so young… I can’t handle causing you so much pain. I
can’t lose someone like that again. I just can’t. I’ve hated myself
ever since, because of what I am.” Elliot held on to Michelle
tighter. He loved her. He had known it from the start, and he
didn’t want to lose her. He never wanted to see her sad because of
him, and there she was already crying and hurting. Michelle ran her
fingers through the back of Elliot’s hair and gently kissed his
neck.

“I love you, Elliot,” she said. “I won’t put
you through anything like that. I promise,” she whispered in his
ear, then slowly pulled away from him. Elliot’s eyes were large and
frightened, and right there she saw the boy Elliot, the one that
had lived so many thousands of years ago under the sunny skies of
Eridu. He was the most beautiful person in the world, and she loved
him. And she needed him, just as much as he needed her. “Lets go
away from here, far away, just you and me. We can take the boat.
I’ll learn how to sail. I’ll get over my fear and then we can go
wherever we want. We won’t have to deal with anything ever
again.”

When Elliot tried to tell her that it was
complicated she covered his lips with her kisses because she didn’t
want to hear him. Eventually, Elliot gave up and let himself get
swept away by her. He kissed her passionately and deep, feeling his
body relax into hers. Michelle slowly lay back on the bed and
pulled him on top of her. She ran her hands over his back and
kissed his neck and cheeks and then back to his lips again. Her
hands found their way to underneath his shirt, and he was so warm.
She wanted to feel his skin against hers. She needed to be sure he
was real, and began unbuttoning his shirt. She traced his
beautifully sculptured chest, and Elliot forgot all the pain, worry
and guilt that he had been feeling. All he felt was Michelle’s
softness and all he heard was his own racing heart. When Michelle’s
hands moved lower towards his belly, she felt something foreign
under her fingers and immediately sat up. She pulled off the rest
of his shirt to reveal the bandage covering his stab wound.
Michelle became distraught.

“Don’t worry. It’s healing, just a little
slower than usual,” he assured her, although failing to assure
himself. Then to Elliot’s surprise, in a quick move Michelle pulled
her dress over her head and sat up on her knees in front of him in
her bra and underwear to proudly show him that she had the same
exact bandage on her side. She laughed about how they would be
forever linked because the same sword had wounded both of them.
Maybe they’d even have matching scars? Elliot looked at Michelle,
but not at her bandage. He was busy studying her lacy black bra and
the beautiful breasts that sat in it, and then his eyes focused on
her pink underwear. He had seen Michelle naked before but it was
different; she was injured and he had changed her out of her bloody
clothes. There was nothing sensual about it then. But now she sat
in front of him like a woman, and her curvy body was persuading his
mind to let go.

“Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?”
he asked, placing his hands on her waist and feeling how perfectly
they fit on the curvature of her body. It was like she was molded
for that purpose alone. Michelle shook her head side to side. He
kissed her softly, then gently caressed her neck with the tips of
his fingers while she leaned her head back, her eyes shut so she
could concentrate on his touch. He wanted her. Michelle slowly
returned to face him and she slid his hand over her chest. Elliot
studied her eyes. It was as if he had just awoken from a trance.
Michelle had never acted that way with him before. Prior to this
they had kissed passionately and held one another. And although he
had felt Michelle’s body awaken to his touch, she was very shy and
inexperienced. She was happy with him just kissing her neck. But
now, she peeled his shirt off without an ounce of inhibition, and
when her hands ran over his body they were devoid of any
apprehension.

The fact that she was sitting in front of him
in her underwear while holding his hand over her breasts in broad
daylight felt as if they had done this before. But despite
Michelle’s acting the part, Elliot could tell that her body wasn’t
showing all the right signs. If she wanted him, it was in her mind
only; it was calculated. That she loved him, that was obvious.
Michelle leaned in to kiss him again. She went from his lips to his
chest, and Elliot closed his eyes and plunged right back into the
moment. Michelle’s kisses moved downwards. She kissed the bandage
on his side and then planted kisses where his pants sat just below
his waist. Although she was aware of what happens to a man when he
is aroused, she was still a bit frightened, and cursed at herself
to grow up. She began to unbutton his jeans. Elliot opened his
eyes. He was once again baffled by her forwardness. He liked it
when a woman knew what she wanted, but Michelle wasn’t fully a
woman, not yet. He was torn. One part of him wanted to make love to
her right then and there until she begged him to stop, while the
other part wondered if it was all that bastard’s doing. Is that
what Hadeno had taught her? Is this how they had behaved together?
Maybe she thought she was obligated to do this. Maybe she thought
that if they didn’t then it meant that they didn’t love one
another. Or perhaps she feared that if she didn’t, he would
question her devotion to him.

“Elliot, make love to me,” she said
awkwardly. The evidence that Elliot was still a young man with a
young man’s healthy body that vigorously lusted after her was clear
and about to override everything else. He took a deep breath and
raised her face up to his.