Pursuit For Lucidity (Crashing Waves) (44 page)

Time really flew by when Stefano and I were together.  We could talk about the strangest things that other people would find absurd.  We had a similar sense of humor and didn’t take things personally.  Stefano tried to sit closer and closer to me on the sofa
, but I moved away as he got too close.  I knew our friendship would never be the same if I gave in to a kiss or anything more.

Wh
en I looked at my watch, he got the hint and we decided to call it a night.  I thanked him for taking me to the movies and he thanked me for playing nurse for his knee.  I walked him out to his car and he gave me the usual friend hug, which was followed by a kiss on the cheek.

“
Uh, what are you doing?” I asked as I pulled away.

“
Friends are allowed to kiss their friends on the cheek, aren’t they?” he asked, his face in an innocent pout.

“
You’re pushing your luck, buddy,” I replied, giving him a quick spank on his bottom.

“
Whoa, friends don’t go around spanking each other, Claire,” he reprimanded, his eyes wide.

“
Then get in the car before I bring out the paddle,” I replied, laughing.

Stefano laughed as he got into his car, rolled down his window and asked what we would be doing the following day.  He wanted to dance at the empty studio the following day
, since it was Sunday and nobody would be there like the previous Sunday.

“
I will have to get back to you on that,” I replied as I watched him drive off.

<><><>

That night I slept until morning without having a nightmare or an anxiety attack.  I wished all nights were the same, but I knew I just wasn’t that lucky.  I turned on the television while I was still in bed and happened to come across the same plastic surgery show that Alex was on.  It was a repeat of the one I had already seen where Alex answered surgical questions about how plastic surgery could go wrong.  I wished I hadn’t turned on the television, but for some reason I couldn’t turn it off.  I figured I could just look at Alex without him knowing that I was watching him.  His hair was much shorter and he had a clean shave in the documentary.  I began to feel down, so I decided it would be best to turn off the television and jump in the shower.

Stefano texted me asking if we would be hanging out
at the studio again that day, but I was so unsure of what I wanted to do.  I told him I would let him know once I was completely awake and ready to face the day.  I dried my hair and headed downstairs to make myself breakfast.  Since I wasn’t even half the chef that Alex was, I toasted a bagel, smeared some cream cheese on top of it and called it breakfast.  I enjoyed my cup of coffee on the verandah and decided to meet Stefano at the studio for some dance fun.  I called him to let him know I would meet him at the studio at one o’clock.  I ran a few errands around the house, put on my tennis shoes and drove to the studio.

<><><>

The studio was empty, just as it was every Sunday.  I knocked for Stefano to open the door for me.  He was listening to heavy metal music, which surprised me, since he always had the dance class hip hop music on at the studio.

“
Stefano, I didn’t know you had such good taste in music,” I said, enjoying the Metallica album he had on.

“
Did you think that all I listened to was the music I danced to?” he asked, smiling. We sat upstairs in the lounge area and snacked on the sweet snacks Stefano had up there.  I knew that being around Stefano and his sweet tooth was going to make me obese very soon. 

“
You must have a lot of cavities,” I stated.

“
Actually, you would be surprised that I hardly ever get cavities,” he smiled revealing his perfectly straight, white teeth and dimples.

“
Ugh, it’s just so unfair,” I replied, frowning.

Stefano grabbed my hand and pulled me off the comfortable couch and down the steps to the dance floor.  We were horsing around, dancing to Michael Jackson’s Thriller choreography.  Da
ncing came so natural to Stefano.  It was obvious he was born to dance.  His knee was feeling much better from the hot and cold packs from the day before.

“
Glad to see you dance without having to pause and grab your knee,” I smiled.

“
Thanks to you,” he replied.

After a few hours of fun dances, I decided to call it a day and head back home.  Stefano wanted to go to the pub or somewhere to eat
, but I wanted to go home, so I could shower and rest for work the following day.

“
I’ll see you tomorrow night in class, Stefano.  Thanks for another fun day,” I said, giving him a hug.  Stefano hugged me very tightly and didn’t let go for a while.  I had to pull myself out of his hold.

“
Bye, Claire.  See you tomorrow night.  Drive safely,” he said, walking me to my car and opening the door for me.

On the drive home, I realized that I was really beginning to heal.  I was able to find happiness in little things again.  I was enjoying dancing, hanging out with friends, going to the movies, and was able to sleep comfortably in my bed again.  There were moments that I felt very down
, but I knew it was all going to be fine.  I was going to get through every bit of it and in time, I would find peace within myself.

<><><>

I drew a bath as soon as I got home and enjoyed the warm, lavender scented aroma.  I was too tired to eat, so my dinner was a banana and some almond milk.  I went to bed early that night, drained from another great weekend.  The busier I kept myself on the weekends, the happier I became.  As long as I wasn’t locked up in my place alone and constantly thinking about Alex and Angela, I was fine.  My eyelids felt so heavy that I was out like a light bulb only moments after I was in bed.

I was surprised to have another dreamless night.  I was awakened by the morning alarm from an amazing deep and comfortable sleep that I hadn’t had in such a long time. 
My mind was so clear when I awakened that I wished every morning was like that morning.  I realized I didn’t need to drown in a bottle of wine to have a good nights’ sleep.  I was in the mood to put a few loose curls in my hair and took more time applying makeup.

On my way to work, I wondered if it was going to be a good day or a bad day.  The traffic was light
, so the day seemed to have started off in my favor.  I parked my car in the parking structure and walked into the hospital.  Laura was surprised to see that I had taken more time to look glamorous that morning.

“
Well, hello there, sexy,” she joked.

“
Oh, stop.  I just felt like a mild makeover this morning,” I explained.

“
I like it, you look very nice,” she replied.

The phones were ringing off the hook for Walter that morning.  He had a lot on his plate and I could tell he was very stressed.  I told Laura if I hadn’t given her the spa certificate on Saturday that I would probably have given it to Walter because he seemed as
though he could use a spa day.

Around noon, I walked to the cafeteria to grab some food
, since Laura wasn’t going to be able to join me for lunch that day due to a meeting she had to attend.  I ran into Alex who was grabbing a soda before he had to head to the clinic.

“
Hey,” he said, approaching me.

“
Hey yourself,” I replied.

“
Melissa told me she ran into you on Saturday,” he said.

“
Yes, she did.  It was really good to see her,” I replied.

“
You look great, Claire.  You look happy,” he noted.

“
That’s probably because I am happy,” I replied.  I wished I could say the same for him, but he was still a mess.  He needed to shave badly.  He was very overdue for a haircut and had dark circles around his eyes.  He still looked very attractive as the mess that he was.

“
I’m glad to hear that, Claire.  Listen, there’s this charity event, which is hosted by one of the cleft palate foundations that I’m a part of.  They have a big fundraising banquet once a year and it’s this Saturday.  If you’re interested, I could give you the information and you could meet me -,” he stopped when I interrupted him.

“
Oh, I can’t this Saturday because I’m going to a Halloween party.  Perhaps you could give me information on where to send my donation. I would be more than happy to donate,” I replied.

“
I see.  Well, enjoy your party.  Don’t worry about it, I will donate on your behalf,” he said, his face saddening suddenly.

What I really wanted to say was
I’m sure your wife could donate something
, but I didn’t want to open that can of worms.  I paid for my lunch and took it back to my desk and worked away as I ate.  That day was really turning out to be a nice day.  I hoped for many more days similar to that.  I told Laura about my conversation with Alex in the cafeteria and her eyes widened.

“
Who are you and what have you done to my sweet friend Claire?” she joked.

“
I’m healing, Laura, and it feels indescribably amazing,” I replied with a big smile on my face.

“
I know it made you feel great to say those things to him, but don’t you think you’re being a little too harsh on him?  It’s not exactly what you said to him, but
how
you said it.  Actions speak louder than words, Claire.  Being mean to him may help you heal your wounds, but it’s hurting him and it shows from his appearance that he’s very unhappy,” she advised.

“
You think I was too harsh?  Yeah, maybe I was,” I rubbed my chin, recalling how I had spoken to Alex in the cafeteria.  Snapping at him was my way of making myself feel better.  I hoped that I wasn’t turning into Taryn.  I decided to text Alex and apologize for the way I had spoken to him, all else aside.

I’m sorry if I was really rude to you in the cafeteria.  I guess it’s just my way of retaliating.  Good luck with the fundraiser on Saturday.

I showed Laura the text I sent and she agreed that I did the right thing.  He may have been the bad guy in our relationship, but Laura was right. I didn’t have to be evil.  He returned the text right away.

No problem.  I didn’t take it that way.  Thanks for the wishes.  So, who’s Halloween party are you going to on Saturday?

Of course he had to know where I was going and whom with.  Laura advised me on what to respond.

A friend invited me to their friend’s party.

Is it motorcycle guy’s party?

No it’s not and why does it matter who is hosting the party or who invited me?  A friend invited me to a party and I accepted.  Please let go of this obsession you have of the motorcycle guy.  He is my friend.

I get the message.  No need to elaborate.

He made me so angry when he tried to control me when we weren’t even together anymore.  I didn’t care what parties he was going to or who he was going with.  He was my past and I had to focus on my future.

<><><>

Five o’clock came around and I hurried to change into my dance clothes and drive to the studio.  The dance class had perfect timing.  I took out so much of my frustrations that night.  Kristen was shocked at how much I had sweat and so was Stefano.  I lied and said I was working harder to fit better into my Halloween costume.  I didn’t want to talk about Alex.

“
I can’t wait to see this costume,” Stefano said.

“
It must be something really sexy,” replied Kristen.

“
I’m not going as a stripper, I promise,” I said and we all began to laugh. “Now I have to go home so I can shower,” I said and left the studio.

On my way ho
me, my brother Calvin called me.

“
Hey sis, how are you?  Guess what?  I set up a dinner at mom and dad’s house for next Friday evening.  I told mom I would call all of you and ask you, so you can mark your calendar.  Kyle and Molly are going to be able to make it.  Please tell me you can make it or I will reschedule. It’s going to be a very difficult evening for me,” he said.

“
Oh, Cal, you know I’m there.  I will be sitting right next to you.  It’s going to be fine, don’t you worry.  I love you,” I replied. At least I knew what I would be doing the following Friday evening, I thought.  We had all been longing for a family dinner and it would be the perfect opportunity for Calvin to come out.  I imagined how difficult it was going to be for him to tell our parents.  My parents were pretty liberal, but I had no idea what their reaction was going to be to Calvin’s homosexuality.

<><><>