Pursuit For Lucidity (Crashing Waves) (63 page)

As we ate together, I told Alex about my encounter with Taryn in the elevator that afternoon.

“I can’t believe you said those things to her, baby,” he laughed.

“
Neither can I,” I replied, laughing.

“
So, is sex with me really mind altering?” he asked.

“
It’s totally out of this world,” I replied.

“
Then I’d love to alter your mind tonight,” he said, grinning.

“
I don’t know what’s gotten into me, Alex.  Maybe it’s my hormones, but I can’t seem to keep my hands off of you,” I said.

“
I love the way your hormones are working nowadays, baby.  Keep it up,” he smiled, “because sex with you is intoxicating and I can’t get enough.”

After we finished eating, Alex insisted he do all the clean up and made some mint tea for me.  Tea seemed to help my heartburn.  We sat outside on the verandah and talked about the future.

“Angela called again today,” he said.

“
Really?  What did she want?” I asked.

“
Money.  I assume she needs it for drugs and not food,” he replied.  “It’s very difficult to be generous to her when I know what she will be using the money for.  She knows very well the court will not force me to give her money due to her history and that is the reason for her phone calls.  She thinks I will feel sorry for her and give in,” he explained.

“
Don’t give in, Alex.  She will end up falling deeper into the drugs,” I advised.

“
I know.  I keep thinking what a waste of time and effort it was to put her in that ninety-day rehab.  She was supposed to kick the habit completely.  It’s just so unfortunate.  It breaks my heart to know how addicted she is.  Although I’m not in love with her anymore, I did love her once and I do care about what happens to her,” he confessed.

“
I’m sorry, Alex.  I wish there was something more you could do for her, but she has to want to change.  No matter how hard everyone around her tries, in the end it is she that has to want to change her life.  You have done so much to help her,” I replied.  I could see the worry in his eyes.  I felt as though there was more to their conversation that he wasn’t telling me.  He sighed and stood up, taking my hand and walking me inside.

“
It’s cold out there.  I don’t want you to get sick,” he said. “Let’s go to sleep, baby.  It’s getting late,” he added and escorted me upstairs.  Alex took a shower while I brushed my teeth and combed my hair.  I noticed how clear my skin had been when I looked in the mirror.  I always had very good skin, but the pregnancy made my skin even clearer, like porcelain.  I guess that’s what they called “pregnancy glow”.

I crawled into bed
so glad the day had come to an end because I felt exhausted.  Alex joined me after he finished showering.  His body was very hot as usual, since he took scalding hot showers.  I was feeling cold, so his warm body was very welcoming.  He pressed his hot, moist lips against mine as my lips parted, allowing his tongue to gently move into my mouth and meet mine.  He put his hand on the small of my back, pulling my body closer to his.  I could feel his hardness against my body and his warm breath on my lips.

I was completely naked in only a matter of seconds.  His kisses multiplied, heading lower and lower un
til his warm lips were down between my legs and his tongue began to move in circles, making it difficult for me to stay still.  His kisses moved back up to my abdomen, then my breasts, then to my neck and finally made their way back to my lips as he penetrated into me.  My fingers dug into his back as he entered deeper, as he took me on a trip to ecstasy.  He moved so slowly and gently, as if he were afraid I would fall apart if he were a bit rough.  His warm breath in my ear sent shivers down my spine.  His kisses moved toward my neck once again and made their way back to my lips.  My heart began to race like never before as I came. His groans were followed by, “You’re even more intoxicating than I thought.”

“
It may have been intoxicating for you, Alex, but it was definitely mind altering for me,” I clarified.  It took quite some time for my heart rate to return to normal.  Alex ran his fingers through my hair, causing me to get very drowsy.

“
I love you, Claire.  I could never stop loving you,” he confessed.

“
Likewise, Alex,” I said as I drifted off into the land of sleep.

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We carpooled to work that morning since Alex didn’t have to be in the operating room on Fridays.  I tried so hard to stay awake, but dozed off while Alex was driving.  I had slept well the night before, but sleeping well wasn’t enough.  I could have slept all day long if I didn’t have to be at work. 

“
Wake up, baby.  We’re here,” Alex said after he parked his car in the physician’s only parking spot.  I opened my eyes slowly and peeled myself out of the car.  Alex laughed at how sluggish and sleepy I still was.

“
Stop laughing at me, Alex.  You put me in this position,” I said, smiling.

“
I thought it took two to tango,” he replied with a grin.

As I walked into the department, Laura greeted me with a big smile
, since it was her favorite day of the week.  I started my computer and opened my email to find one from Mark.  My heart sank.  I was afraid to open it and read it because any email from the man was bad news.  I looked over at Laura, but she looked very busy, so I didn’t want to bother her.  I clicked on the email and opened it.

Hello Claire,

Your boyfriend doesn’t need to know about this email and you’d be wise if you did not share it with him.  I just wanted to inform you that I recently saw him lip locking with his ex wife, Angela.  It must have been the beginning of this week when you were out sick.  You should really look for someone new who wouldn’t be unfaithful to you.

Mark Kohler, M.D

Orthopedic Surgeon

Downtown Memorial Hospital

I did not know what to make of that email.  I felt so down and depressed suddenly.  Tears began to build up in my eyes and my heart sank to the floor.  I looked over at Laura again who noticed something was wrong.

“
Claire? What’s wrong?  You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” she said.

I was so upset that I couldn’t even speak.  I got up from my chair and asked Laura to sit in it and read the email.  She looked shocked as well after reading it.

“Do you think he’s pulling your leg?  It sounds like he wants you two to split up.  Don’t buy it, Claire.  I don’t think Alex would do that to you, honestly,” she reassured me.

“
But Angela has been calling Alex.  He said she called him yesterday asking for money.  Maybe he left out details such as other phone calls and meetings he doesn’t want me to know about,” I replied.

“
Why don’t you ask Alex?  Casually ask him if he’s seen her recently.  You could get information out of him just by curiously asking questions without letting him know about this email,” she said.

“
You’re right.  After seeing his reaction to the last email, I’d be crazy if I showed him this one.  He might just go ahead and kill Mark,” I said.

I worked slowly that day, with very minimal energy, listless, and heavy heartedly.  Alex asked me to meet him for lunch at the Cuban deli.  I didn’t want to
, but Laura talked some sense into me.

“
If you want answers from him, Claire, you need to stop running,” she advised.  I decided to take her advice and meet Alex for lunch.  I didn’t want him to sense anything, as I didn’t want to share Mark’s email with him.

“
Hi, baby,” he smiled when he saw me entering the eatery.

“
Hi yourself,” I replied, smiling back.  It was so hard for me to put on a façade and pretend everything was all right.

“
You feeling okay?” he asked.

“
Yes.  I’m just a little tired, that’s all,” I said.  Had he sensed that I wasn’t myself?

“
The weather’s going to be nice and warm this weekend.  Maybe when we get to my place tonight we can hang out on the roof.  I think the fresh beach air will be good for you,” he said.

“
That sounds great, Alex.  I missed your house.  It’s been a few weeks since we’ve stayed there,” I reminded.  I tried to throw the email in the back of my mind, so I could enjoy my lunch with Alex before it was time to head back to work.

When I returned to my desk, Laura questioned me to make sure I didn’t mention anything to Alex and played it off well.  I assured her that everything was great.  What I didn’t tell her was that I had really bad anxiety.  I had a premonition that something awful was going to happen.  The feeling frightened me like nothing else could.  I was afraid that I would lose my appetite, making it very difficult to get enough nutrition for the baby.  My mind was overflowing with horrible thoughts as I worked as best as I co
uld the remainder of that day.

Laura hugged me before she left and wished me a good weekend.  She promised that everything was going to be fine and that she didn’t believe a word in that email.
  It was soon time for me to head out as well.  I met Alex in the parking structure by his car.  He was standing outside the passenger side door, waiting for me.  He smiled when he saw me and opened the door for me to get in.

  I was quiet during the drive home because I was afraid I would burst into tears if I began to speak.
I closed my eyes and tried to sleep to keep from conversing with Alex.  When we arrived at his house, he rubbed my cheek with his thumb to let me know we were home.  I smiled when I opened my eyes and got out of the car.

It was so nice to be at Alex’s house.  It was too dark outside to enjoy the view of the ocean
, but I could hear the waves crashing into the shore.  There wasn’t any fresh food in the house, so he said he would go grocery shopping and bring back food for us to eat for dinner.  I was sitting outside on the patio when he kissed me goodbye.  “Is there anything you’re craving that I can bring back, baby?” he asked.

“
No, I’m good.  Thank you,” I smiled.

I began to cry after Alex left.  My hormones made me more emotional that I normally would have been
after reading the email.  I went inside and washed up before Alex came back to find me sobbing.

He returned with a lot of grocery bags and some chicken and pasta that was ready for us to eat.  I helped him put away the groceries and set the table.  I began to pick at the food, eating very slowly and without an appetite.  Alex noticed my lack of appetite
.

“
What’s wrong, baby?  You’re not hungry?” he asked.

“
I had a big lunch, Alex.” I replied.

“
Not really.  You didn’t even finish half of your lunch today,” he said.

“
I’m, uh, I’m feeling a little anxious,” I said.

“
Why the anxiety, baby?” he asked.

“
Alex, I have a premonition that something bad is going to happen,” I confessed.

“
Please don’t feel like that Claire.  The last time you felt that way ended up to be horrible,” he said.

“
I can’t help it.  Could I ask you a question?  But you have to answer one hundred percent honestly,” I commanded.

“
Of course, baby.  Ask me anything,” he said.

“
Aside from speaking with Angela on the phone yesterday, have you seen her in person?” I asked.

“
Absolutely not,” he answered so sure of himself.

“
Look, if you’ve seen her, it’s okay.  I won’t get upset if you’ve met her for lunch or anything,” I said.

“
Claire, I swear to God I haven’t seen Angela, only spoken with her on the phone about the money she wants.  Where is this coming from?” he asked.

“
Nowhere, Alex.  I just want this feeling of anxiety to go away.  I don’t want things to end like last time, especially with the baby on the way.  Just promise me you’re telling me the truth and will always be honest with me no matter how bad the news may be,” I pleaded.

“
I promise, Claire.  I have nothing to hide, baby.  You know everything about my past with Angela and you will know everything that happens day to day in the present,” he replied.

“
Thanks, Alex.  I believe you and trust you. Just don’t break that trust, please,” I said.

Alex nodded with a worried look on his face.  We were both very quiet during dinner.  My main focus was how much food I could get into my system
, so the baby wouldn’t starve.  The high anxiety made it difficult for anything to taste good, but I tried as hard as I could to shove it down.

After dinner, Alex made me sit on the sofa in the family room with my feet up on the ottoman.  I kept telling him that I was only pregnant, not ill, but he wouldn’t listen.  After he cleaned up the kitchen, he made some hot tea for us to sip on up on the roof.  The weather was beautiful and very warm for November.  We sat next to one
another and sipped away.  I noticed Alex hadn’t been drinking much alcohol as he used to since we found out about the baby.  He put his hand on the side of my face and turned my head to face him.