Questing Sucks (Book 1) (38 page)

Almost every line was crossed out or rewritten entirely
. Dear Diary,
it said
. Today was a wonderful day. The Great Sehn permitted me to lick his shoes, which I declined, because I’m not worthy of even that. I have an ass that is too big for my back to carry. I have trouble sleeping at night, because I am sad that I’m not as good as Sehn. Sehn is so great. Sehn is perfect. Sehn is God. I smell like Babbalith ass
.

Chapter 37: The Kingdom’s Pillar of Hahl

 

“But why,” Nero moaned, dancing on his feet and shaking a finger at Shina. “Sehn, I wanna fly on the bird, and she said I could too.”

Sehn crossed his arms and elevated his chin. He was not in the mood to argue. “I don’t care what Shina said, because I’m saying you can’t. You are not permitted to take to the skies before I do.”

“And it’s not a bird,” Shina added in. “It’s a gryphon, and his name is Pancake.”

Nero stopped walking and sat on the grass, kicking out his legs in front of him. “I’m not going anywhere until I get to play with Pancake.”

Sehn held a hand to his eyes and filtered out the sun. He looked into the distance, off of the elevated hill and through the last stretch of the Valley. They were now close enough to the city to see its walls, dark slabs of granite stretching far higher than those of Koringrath. The walls formed a giant rectangle, stretching for miles around the Kingdom city.

Hahl was built to withstand any foreseeable attack. Archer towers poked up from every corner of the surrounding walls, with spiked gates tactically positioned around each of them. Sehn didn’t know much about warfare, but the purpose seemed obvious. The spiked gates would provide friendly soldiers easy access out, while at the same time causing death to any enemy foolish enough to try and gain entry.

Sehn focused his eyes, and was able to make out the center of the city. It was large, larger than Elvar, or even Koringrath. There were rows upon rows of homes, each with unique colors and style. Unlike Koringrath’s brighter palette, the citizens of Hahl used whatever colors they wanted. There were as many brightly colored homes as dark. Some were mansions, with gardens as big as the homes themselves, and constructed of the finest brick and cobblestone. Others were mere cottages, shabbily constructed out of cheap wood.

“We really have to do something about that gryphon,” Cah’lia said. “We can’t just have it follow us like a horse, it’s sure to draw notice, and flying it will only alarm people.”

Since literally swooping in on them, Shina had yet to return to the skies, settling instead for riding her gryphon much like a horse, the only difference being she treated her animal more like a friend than a servant. Every time Sehn looked over his shoulder he’d see Shina leaning forward in the saddle and scratching its ears, or kissing its neck.

Stupid bird-thing,
Sehn thought.
How come Shina gets to have a majestic flying creature and the Great Sehn does not? In what way is this fair?

It also bothered Sehn that while he walked like a peasant, his foolish sister had the privilege of riding on her gryphon, relaxed and at ease.

“Cah’lia, Sehn, please,” Nero begged. “I wanna fly on the bird.”

Shina growled, and jumped from the saddle, landing with grace on her feet. She marched over to Nero, and gave him an earful. “Nero! It’s a gryphon. Not a bird.”

Nero didn’t appear to be paying attention. He kept his pleading eyes focused on Sehn. “I always wanted to fly on a bird, and I know it only has a tiny bird brain, but that doesn’t mean it’ll drop me or anything.”

“I don’t believe this,” Shina hissed. She extended her hand, and snapped her fingers. A small blue spark flicked across Nero’s neck, making the boy jump to his feet.

“Ouch, what was that for?”

“For calling Pancake a bird.”

Sehn wondered if he should intervene. It was a playful little zap, but still, his disciple had been attacked, and thus by extension so had he. In the end he decided not to create trouble. Sehn gave Nero his most apologetic look—meaning his lips curled upwards and he snarled at the boy—and hoped that would be the end of it.

“Quit your crying, Nero. We’re moving out. Let's go.”

The pace increased as they neared the city, each of them eager to finally arrive. Cah’lia was rambling on and on about how she wanted new clothing, towels, and a fresh shower. Wolly was just grateful to be guided to the city, and Rina, well—she was being her usual self, walking alongside Cah’lia and agreeing with everything the foolish woman said.

It grated Sehn how much the little Human had betrayed him. For the first few days after Sehn had—accidentally—rescued her, she’d been his devoted little follower, refusing to leave his side. Now, she was sworn to Cah’lia. This needed to change.

“Rina!” Sehn called.

“Hmm? Did Sehn just call for Rina?” she asked.

She used to call me ‘Master Sehn,’
he remembered.
Now she just calls me Sehn.

“Why do you spend all of your time with Cah’lia? Have you not forgotten what you said to me back in Koringrath? ‘Rina is master’s favorite.’ So why have you betrayed me, then?”

Rina came to a halt, and stared at Sehn with her thumb against her chin, humming in what Sehn assumed was deep thought. After a moment her eyes lit up, and her face flushed with color. “Oh!” she exclaimed. She ran over and grabbed Sehn by the waist, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him into a hug. “Rina knows what’s happening. Sehn is jealous, isn’t he? It’s okay. Rina still loves Sehn.”

“W-what!” Sehn flared. “I-I am not jealous! I just wish to know why my second disciple has—hey, s-stop hugging me! It burns!”

Rina looked up at him, and Sehn was forced to tilt his head down to meet her eyes. “See? Rina still loves her Sehn.”

“Whatever,” Sehn growled. “Does this mean you’ll stop obeying Cah’lia and rejoin your God-King Sehn?”

“Nope,” she giggled. Before Sehn could react she spun around and ran back over to Cah’lia.

Sehn turned to face Nero, and the two nodded. They didn’t need to speak to one another—they both understood the wordless message.
Rina has declared war on us!

The road slanted downward, leaving the hill and leveling out on flatter land. Exotic plants lined both sides of the road, serving as signs of an active gardener tending the road immediately outside of Hahl.

As they neared the city, Sehn could make out a large number of people in the distance. At first it seemed like a few dozen, formed neatly in a straight line, but as they closed in on the city the numbers grew. It was closer to a few hundred. Most were either horseback, or sitting in large wagons or caravans.

“Why are all these people lined up?” Sehn asked.

Wolly, sweating and wobbling from the long walk, answered Sehn between deep, panting breaths. “They be
wait’in
to get into the city, they do. Have ye not been to Hahl before, Elf?”

“This is our first time,” Cah’lia said. “We have to wait to get in?”

Wolly nodded, and took a seat on the ground behind the nearest carriage awaiting entry. Cah’lia, Rina, and Nero, followed in suit, dropping their bags to the ground and sitting on them. “The city guard be
checkin
ye for illegal contraband, and to be
mak’in
sure ye be paying taxes on all
yer
goods.”

Anger hit Sehn at once. He stomped his foot to the ground, and grit his teeth. “Are you saying they not only dare to make the Great Sehn wait, but he must pay taxes as well!”

“We all do,” Wolly said. “You, Miss Cah’lia, even Old Wolly here. It be the law.”

“We’ll see about that,” Sehn grumbled. He grabbed his bag off the floor and marched to the front of the line.

There were angry shouts and protests as he cut in front of the citizens awaiting their turns to enter Hahl. Sehn pushed and prodded his way through all of it, receiving threats and warnings from many of the men and women he passed. One man even had the audacity to jump off of his wagon and block Sehn’s path.

“Hey! Get in the back of the line,” he shouted. “Or you’ll be tasting me fist.”

Others shouted approval at the man’s threat, and a dozen or so people from both in front and behind twisted in their saddles to watch. Sehn boiled with anger.

“How dare you threaten the Great Sehn!” he shouted. “Out of my way now, peasant, or I shall rip out your lungs and replace it with your anus, so that you fart breath and you breathe farts!”

The man’s jaw fell, and his mouth twisted to form words, but none were spoken. Sehn didn’t give him the opportunity to, either. Sehn pulled back his fist and slammed it into the man’s face, sending him sprawling backward and tripping over the wheel of his own wagon. The entrance to the city was directly in front of Sehn, and the man was knocked to the floor off to his left. Sehn went out of his way to ensure he walked over the man as he continued his brisk stroll to the city’s entrance.

He only made it a few steps—another four men leapt from horses to block his passage. “Now was that really necessary, my good Elf?” one of them said. “The man was only trying to stop you from cutting the line, and you went and laid him out. Now you’ll have to get through us.”

The man on the left—the one speaking—wasn’t Human. It was hard to tell, due to his woolen cap hanging just short of his eyes, but without a doubt he was an Elf.

Sehn spat on the ground, and kicked dirt at the four of them. “So, more of you wish to go against your God, do you?”

“You’re not going anywhere,” The Elf said.

Sehn knew he could easily take on the four of them, but that wouldn’t do. Now that everyone was watching he needed to do something awesome. He grinned at the four men, and with an exaggerated grace he swung his tunic to the side, revealing the shimmering Elven blade hanging from his hip. With a slow and drawn-out motion he slid the steel from the sheath, sliding in such a way that the grinding of metal was audible to all.

The four men inhaled. “H-he’s taking this too far,” one of them said.

At once the four men drew their own weapons, ready to defend their lives. Sehn confused them further by raising his hand into the air, and pointing his Elven blade towards the sky. “
Remmos Salas!”

Most of the people awaiting entry were now watching. There were murmurs and gasps from all around as the fire overtook the blade, turning the pristine weapon into a sword of fire and light.

“W-W-W-What is,
wh
-what, what, what is that!” one of them cried.

The Elf and three Humans ran their eyes along the length of the burning blade, and then twisted their heads to look at each other. There were nods from each, and then in one swift motion they dived to the ground, throwing out their arms and pleading for surrender.

It took Sehn almost twenty minutes to give each one of them poetry assignments, and by the time he’d collected their life-sparing tax, the sun was already in its afternoon position. This time, when he marched to the gates, no one complained about him cutting the line.

“Halt!” said the voice of a guard.

The gates to Hahl were impressive. They were wide enough to admit a hundred men, yet the guards only allowed in one at a time. Above the opening there were windows and slits, where archers and crossbowmen could deal out death to any that wished to trouble the city.