Quinn II (Undaunted Men #2) (30 page)

I don’t plan on creating any more pain for her. I just need to find a way to convince her of this. At least I have her talking; that has to count for something. Her tears and grief stricken face are ripping me apart. She doesn’t need to be holding our baby being this distraught.
 

“Can I…can I please hold her?”
 

She blinks her eyes several times as if she's not hearing right. She visibly hesitates, which makes my gut twist, but I silently wait out her decision.

“Yeah, go ahead,” she rasps, sniffling through her tears. As Lexi transfers the baby into my arms, I feel as if I’m going to break a piece of fine china, and I handle her as such. She weighs almost nothing in my arms. I hold her close to my chest and a sense of completion and pride overcomes me. I run my lips over her forehead and catch the scent of lavender.
 

“Damn, she smells perfect.” Lexi’s lips turn slightly upward at my comment, and then she reaches over to the side table, grabbing the box of tissues. My eyes drift back to this little piece of Heaven I’m cradling. “It’s amazing how peaceful they look when they’re sleeping,” I quietly voice my thoughts. She looks exactly like I did in my baby pictures, and if I were to compare those pictures side-by-side, we could be identical twins. My hair turned darker as I got older, but I started out with this exact hair color.

Everything from her tiny little nose to the blonde peach fuzz on top of her head. Every tiny little feature resembles me. There is no denying this child. In this moment, the baby briefly opens her eyes, and my heart stops for a full beat. “Holy shit,” I whisper. Her eyes are the same luminescent blue as mine.

“You’re beautiful,” I whisper to my baby, my throat growing tight, “just like your mama.” I look over at Lexi, who’s lost in the moment with me, and I ask her, “Have you picked out a name for her yet?” She quickly covers her mouth with the tissues, as if telling me would be shameful. She looks away from my gaze, which is her answer for not wanting to tell me. “Lexi?” I softly question again. She shakes her head as a tear slips from the corner of her eye, but I can’t tell if she means no, she won’t tell me, or if telling me is too much for her to speak the words.
 

My fingers deftly peel away the soft cotton blanket until I find the wrist that holds the plastic hospital band. I pause when her tiny fingers wrap around my thumb. I’m momentarily awestruck. How can something so perfect, a living, breathing human life, grow from a piece of me? I let her sweet little fingers have my thumb as I work my other fingers around the plastic, flipping the wristband around.
     

“Oh, my God,” I whisper, wonderstruck. Surprised, my eyes snap to Lexi’s as I search for answers. “You’ve named her Angel.” I’m taken off guard, and totally fucking speechless.

I watch as Quinn chews on the inside of his cheek to try and keep his emotions in check, but he fails miserably. His emotions have been all over the place, and much like I’ve done to him, his emotions have been giving me whiplash. He looks at me, his eyes thick with tears, making his blue orbs somehow brighter. “You named her Angel,” he whispers in awe. I’ve never seen Quinn so shaken and emotional before; it’s almost unsettling.
 

Holding the baby like a porcelain doll, he carefully walks to the end of my bed where the hospital crib is. Ever so gently, he lays her down in it, covers her up, and softly kisses her on the top of her head.

He stands to his full height, and then his jaw muscles flex. He’s clearly bound and determined on something. With a self-assurance only Quinn can carry, he saunters to the side of my bed, never removing his steely gaze from mine. My heart beats faster the closer he gets, and it stalls out when he climbs into bed with me.

Initially, I’m shocked with his bold move. Quickly, I regain my composure, and then place my hands on his broad chest, getting ready to push him away, but what comes out of his mouth next stops me. “I have never seen a more beautiful look than the one you're wearing right now, having just given birth to my child,” he whispers with sweet reverence.

Not liking the familiarity he's creating, I remove my hands from his rock-hard chest and look away. He reaches across me and threads his fingers through my hair, turning me back to face him.
 

“Talk to me,” he softly implores. “I’ve
laid my heart out on the line, and you’ve said nothing.” My hormones are wreaking havoc on my already emotional state over Quinn. Damn him for looking so handsome and sexy, and his unshaven jawline just adds to his masculinity.

He's touching my skin with such gentleness, it hurts. Reflexively, I cry out in a panic, “You’re burning me.”
 

Startled, he quickly lets me go. He looks at the palm of his hand as if it could actually be on fire. His eyes flick back to mine, his forehead wrinkling in momentary confusion. Then I see the moment understanding dawns on him, and he knows what I’m talking about. His glassy blue eyes turn remorseful, and his lips turn down into the saddest frown I’ve ever seen.

Warily, he moves his hand in slow motion, silently showing me I need to prepare myself for another burn, because he plans on touching me again. When his palm lands on my cheek, I squint my eyes against the physical agony.
 

“I’m so, so sorry, baby,” he rasps as I hiss in discomfort. “It burns me too, but I need to touch you. I have to hold you.”
 

My body shivers against the torment I'm feeling inside. I can’t bear being this close to him. He had been my heart and soul, and he shattered me to pieces. He doesn’t wait for permission as he wraps both steely arms around me, pulling me into his chest, forcing me to accept him. He burrows his face into my neck, and a low, feeble sound escapes me. Bittersweet torture hums through my body.

“I promise I will take the pain away.” His voice is rough and raspy as he whispers in my ear, “Give me that chance, Lexi.”
 

Raw emotions from the past eight months surface, coming to a head. Damn him for being able to affect me. His touching me is like a chemical fusion, two objects melting together with intense heat so as to join one another.
 

That is the only way I can define this soul connection I’m feeling. My hands fist in his long-sleeved, black Henley as I let out a sob of desperation. “It hurts, Quinn.” My chest tightens, and I gulp for air. “It hurts everywhere so bad.”

“Shh…I know, baby. I feel it too. I promise I will never hurt you like this ever again,” he vows. “I’d die first.” It’s odd seeing this dominant, powerful man cry. Quinn has been brought to his knees as he holds on to me for dear life, and I let him.

I breathe him in, his clean soapy scent filtering deep into my lungs. I half expected him to wreak of sex and perfume. With that thought, I’m suddenly reminded again of the horrific scene from earlier today.

The memory comes flooding back with a vengeance, my breathing growing ragged as I get angry all over again. He must sense the change in me, because when I try to pull back and at the same time push him away, he tightens his grip on me. I exert all my strength to try and escape, but I can’t. Trapped in his arms, I cry out in frustration, “Let me go!”

“Stop, Alexis,” he says in a pained voice, as if he knows exactly why I’m pushing him away. “It’s only ever been you. I swear it. I have never loved another the way I love you.” As I struggle against my feelings, he makes every effort to bring me to his level of understanding.

He pulls his head back and lifts my chin, forcing me to meet those blue eyes of his. They’re bloodshot, his emotions just as intense and gritty as mine. There are real tears lining the rims of his eyes.
 

His voice cracks as he professes, “I love you, Alexis and if I have to throw my heart out there time and again just to have you stomp on it every damn day, then so be it. I’ve waited my entire life for you and our baby.”
 

His calloused thumb rubs affectionately against my cheek. His eyebrows dip downward, and the way his eyes shift over my face makes my heart still. He’s so full of heart broken expressions. “Alexis, I want nothing more than to have a house full of love, and a dozen little Lexi’s running around.”

“You’re overwhelming me,” I shakily whisper. He’s taken me through the gamut of emotions today, and I can’t take anymore as my heart squeezes. “I’m exhausted, Quinn. Mentally and physically, I’m worn out.” I drop my forehead to his chest in defeat and close my eyes.
 

“Then I will hold you up. I will be your strength when you’re too weak,” he vows, determined to thwart any excuses I give him.

Crazily, all I want is for him to keep holding me. “I’m scared for my heart, Quinn, because I can’t do this anymore. You shattered me today.”

“Shh,” he murmurs. I soak in his warmth as he continues to stroke my back in a soft, soothing pattern. He whispers over my head, his voice full of certainty, zeal, and passion, “I am unequivocally yours. We
will
work this out together. We’ll take it one day at a time.”
 

I shake my head against his shirt. “It’s too much too soon. Everything is still so raw.” Had things gone well
 
between us from the get-go, from when I knocked on his door until now, I might not have felt this strongly.

“Oh, Baby.” His voice is pained and laced with deep regret. “Look at me,” he softly requests. When I do, he tells me, “I'm the biggest asshole ever. I don't have all the words or a fancy speech. All I can tell you is I love you with everything I have. It guts me to know my knee-jerk reaction of anger and resentment did this to you...to us…to our family. You don't have to forgive me today, but please don't shut us down.”
 

As hard as it is to speak, I swallow past the thickness in my throat and say, “I want to forgive you, but I can't right now. I can’t see past your front—”

“Shh,” he interrupts me, placing two fingers against my lips. “That's all I needed to know was your desire to forgive. I will fix the rest.”
 

“I’ve never been more scared. What if...” I speak through his fingers.

He cuts me off by leaning in, replacing his fingers for a kiss, his soft lips skimming over mine ever so gently. When I don’t fight him, he kisses me with more fervor and I melt, letting him put me under his spell. His large hand tenderly cradles my cheek as I kiss him back. Goose bumps erupt from my head to my toes. I close my eyes to the feel of Quinn and wrap my arm around his waist. I’ve missed him so much it hurts, and he’s right here. I’ve missed his smell, his body, his voice, his lips, everything.
 

His kiss isn’t sexual in any way; it’s endearing, full of love and affection. It feels so good I just want to weep. His fingers thread through the back of my hair, and when he pulls away, he rests our foreheads against each other.
 

“I’ve never had a tender kiss hurt so bad,” I breathily admit.

His lips curve in a soft smile before he tells me, “Then I’ll just have to kiss it and make it better.” And he does exactly that. His supple lips press against mine as he tears down my walls one-by-one.

I hear a loud slap echo outside in the hallway. It’s skin-on-skin, and it sounded painful. Right after the slap, a deep resonant voice sounds out from just outside my door. “Ow! Dammit! What’d you do that for?” Startled, I flinch back, immediately breaking apart from Quinn. My hand presses against my rapidly beating heart, and I realize Quinn is fighting back a laugh.
 

“You're not blind,” a woman hisses loud enough for us to hear through the thick walls.

“Well hell, woman. I am now,” the man's voice rings out with both pain and humor. My brows furrow in confusion as Quinn’s shoulders start to shake.
 

A soft knock ensues, and a deep whisper seeps through the cracks of the door, “Quinn…dude, I’m getting pummeled out here.”
 

“Who is that?” I ask, totally perplexed. Quinn’s eyes are crinkled at the corners, and his straight, white teeth shine as he gives me a beautiful smile.

“Give me a second.” He steals one last kiss then rearranges my hospital gown. “Cover up, Sweetheart.” The bed squeaks in protest, as do I at the warmth that escapes my body when he leaves my side.

My hormones are truly out of whack, because as he gets up to answer the door, the last thing I should be doing is checking out his firm ass and the way his jeans hug his muscular thighs. Good God…and the way his Henley is outlining every thick muscle he owns…mercy, there are no words.

He glances back, giving me a wink, and then opens the door a crack. “Easy,” he whispers. “Give her here. I don’t want her plowing into Lexi at mock speed.”

What in the world is going on?
I hear toenails clacking on the tiled floor, and as I lean forward in the bed to get a better look, my heart speeds in anticipation. Quinn walks in with a leash as Kimber follows behind, wagging her tail.

“Oh, my God,” I cry into the palms of my shaking hands. Quinn’s eyes are brightly lit and full of amusement over my reaction.