Radioactive (16 page)

“I’m sorry you felt that way. I never wanted to...”

His hand bangs the side of the elevator and I cry in alarm. “I’ve had enough of your talking. You think you can wrap everyone around your little finger with your words, but the trick does not work with me,” he hisses. His head is so close that our noses almost touch. I’m afraid of him and I feel my knees begin to tremble. I wish I could ask him what he wants from me, but no matter what I say it seems to only make him angrier. My mouth is now dry. I wish he would start the elevator again. The button is on the opposite side, a few meters away, but still infinitely far.

“I saw how you kissed that outcast,” A566 whispers into my ear. “It looked as though it wasn’t the first time.”

No, it was not, and I hope it was not the last time. But I cannot think of Finn while A566 is threatening me. I do not even know what he is actually threatening or what he expects from me. I force myself to look into his eyes in return, but the longer I look, the colder it gets.

“He did not want to be kissed by you,” A566 continues speaking. I want to respond, but do not.

“Do you know what it’s like to kiss someone who does not want to be kissed?”

I do not answer him because I do not think he expects an answer. But he does, I am only aware of this when his fist thunders against the wall next to me. “Answer me!”

Desperately I shake my head. “No, I do not know.”

“Kiss me,” he says suddenly. Horrified I stare at him. Why would he want such a thing? He grew up in the safety zone, just like me, such a request should be alien to him. But A566 is serious. “Kiss me as you kissed him.”

“I cannot,” I say. The idea of kissing anyone other than Finn is terrible. I do not want to.

“You owe me something, do you remember? We all look the same, so it makes no difference.”

It makes a huge difference, but he does not understand. I do not know what will happen if I refuse. At that moment he seems to be ready for anything.

“I will not let you go before you do it,” he says. I think of all the secrets he knows about me. If he wants to, he could harm me. But not only do I betray the other Legion commanders with my nightly excursions, but so does he, but he could also hurt Finn and Zoe. They are helpless in the safety zone. He can manipulate the camera so that no one would be aware of anything he may do to them. The easiest thing for me to do would be to bend to his will, even if it is repugnant to me. In the future I will go out of my way to avoid him to not put myself in this kind of situation with him again.

“Okay,” I finally agree with him. His shoulders loosen. He stands in front of me. I walk up to him. He is taller than me by a few centimeters, like all male members of the Legion. I move my head gently and close my eyes. Maybe it won’t be so bad if I think about Finn. But when my lips touch his, it’s like a trap snaps shut. His arms wrap around my body like shackles and his hands seem to burn the thin fabric of my white suit. His lips press against mine and his tongue forces its way into my mouth. I can hardly get air. I feel the fabric on my back tear under his fingers. First, it is only a small gap, but little by little, his hands jerk a large hole in my suit. He keeps going until my butt is pressed naked against the glass wall of the elevator. I’m trying to push him from me, but the more I resist, the more he presses me against the elevator. His teeth bite on my tongue and I taste the metallic taste of blood run down my throat. Immediately I begin to choke and it is only then that he lets go of me. With his arms, he grabs me firmly on the upper arms and turns me around so that my head is thrown against the glass. For a brief moment all I can see is black, but when I feel his body pressed against my bare back, it makes my heart beat faster in a panic. Now I know what he’s up to. It is a kind of torture that comes from the old Earth. It is the worst kind that a man can use to humiliate a woman. I remember this from films about the Second World War. I always closed my eyes to these terrible images, but the cries of the women seemed louder in my ears. I do not want that. It would destroy me and I cannot let that happen. His hand is between my legs and I know that here too the thin fabric will tear when he pulls on it. I press myself against the glass with both hands and push as hard as I can. A566 does not expect this and staggers back, only to plunge immediately back on me. With one hand he beats my head again against the glass while his other further tries to tear off my suit. My foot manages to kick him in the knee and he cries out in pain. Immediately I rush to the elevator button panel and release the Stop button. The elevator is moving upward again, but A566 is faster than me. He gives me a blow to the face with his fist. Even as I fall, I can feel the elevator stop again. My hands spring from the fall so that I can roll aside quickly. A566’s breathing is ragged. “It pleases me that you are putting up a fight. I must say I did not expect that. I had expected more tears and begging.”

In response, I begin to wildly kick him with my legs so that it is hardly possible for him to come near me. Eventually though, he manages to grab one of my legs with his hands while I kick him in the stomach with the other. He cries out in pain but still manages to hold the other leg. He pulls me away from the wall so I lay flat on the steel floor of the elevator. He kneels on my legs with his kneecaps painfully pressing into my skin and I can attack him no further. His hands encircle my wrists. He squeezes so hard I can barely feel it. I do the only thing I can do in this situation and ram my head against his with full force. For a second, I can see only black, but the pressure on my legs is gone and he lets go of my wrists. I get on all fours and again set the elevator in its upward lift. Instead of attacking me, this time it’s me who goes off on him. I use the moment that he is still on the ground the kick him in the stomach as hard as possible. He lets loose a terrible scream. Tears even swell from his eyes. I want to kick him again and again. Instead, I press my foot down against his neck. He tries to swat at me with his free hand. At that moment, the elevator doors open and I run into the hallway. I do not look back for a second. I start running and running without paying attention to where I am going. As I turn around the next corner, I plunge straight into someone and stagger to the side. Panicked, I look to see who I ran into and cry a sob of relief as I recognize A350 staring at me in shock.

Her shock only lasts a moment because in the next instant she is by my side and grabs me by the shoulders. “What happened?” She asks alarmed. But I am unable to speak. I can hardly stand on my own legs, my entire body trembles. “A566,” I blurt out breathlessly.

I do not need to say any more. A350 immediately understands. But unlike I would have expected of her, she does not lunge to arrest A566, but instead she pulls me into her arms. My head rests on her shoulders. She rubs her hand on my bald head. I start to cry. My whole body trembles. A350 captures not only my tears, but also me. She pulls me so close to her that I have the feeling that we are merging. She sucks my sorrow into herself. While we embrace, I see a security guard escorting A566 away. I do not know how long we remain in this position, but I’m only in a speaking position when we find ourselves in A350’s room and she pushes a cup of steaming tea into my hands. I would have never given her credit for being so caring and empathetic. Her behavior convinces me that she is the only person I can trust. There is nothing I could do to lose her protection. I can see it in her eyes and on her hands, which no longer want to let me go. Therefore I tell her the truth. I tell her everything. I tell her about each prohibited visit to the safety zone. I leave out nothing. She listens without reply. I can see her eyes flash from frustration to anger. As I finish, she is silent for a moment and looks at the floor. Her hand continues to stroke my back soothingly. Only when she raises her eyes again does she let her hand fall.

“Why did you not ask me for help? Why did you go to A566?” Obviously it hurt her that I did not trust her.

“Are you serious? You voted to kill Finn and you voted for the attack on the rebels. You’ve done everything to kill the people who are close to my heart.”

I no longer think about my words and just speak about what has been bothering me for a long time. That’s the real reason I could never completely trust her. But now I know that she would never do anything that would harm me.

She reaches for my hand. “I know and it would be a lie if I said I regret my decisions. But I realize that there is not always just right and wrong. Sometimes there is also a middle ground and I know that you will find it.”

E
ver since A566 attacked me in the elevator, I constantly feel as though I am under observation. I am afraid to go anywhere by myself. It’s not that I’m afraid he might try to attack me again, but rather that I do not want to look at his smug face. I am ashamed of him and I don’t know why. While I did escape him with my own strength, it was a very close fight. It hurts that I basically knew he was not to be trusted and yet still relied on him. I feel this is insanely stupid and naïve. He even said that he thinks of me as a weak girl. I want to cry, but ever since A350 found me, not a tear has left my eyes. A350 reported the incident to the other Legion commanders and recommended that A566 be reduced in rank and punished, but I could not stop her. Surely the investigation will reveal all the things I relied on A566 for and then I would be punished as well.

But I am glad that Asha again lives with me, this time with A350’s official permission. I have told Asha nothing of my encounter with A566, so as to not frighten her further, it does feel great to feel her close by and to not be alone. We do not speak to each other much, but that’s fine. It’s enough for me to be able to see her and smile. That way I know she is okay.

Since the attack, I have been unable to see Finn or Zoe. I am almost trapped in the Legion commander’s sphere. My only chance to see them is through the surveillance cameras in the control room. It’s hard to see Finn, as he works most of the day. Even now I’m staring at the monitor of his deserted room. I would give anything right now for a hug from him, but even if her were here in front of me, I know he would not do so. Right now I am finding it hard not to give up home and continue to believe that he will remember me.

I let my fingers glide over the names on the control board. Each resident is listed. The board starts with the A-Class and ends with the F classification for toddlers, who do not have their own rooms, but instead sleep in a common room. I falter, because F is not the last letter n the control board. Instead, located just past F is a listing that says, “Z318.” I do not understand this. What does Z mean? I know the outcasts are sometimes referred to as G Class, but I have never heard of the Z Class. Curious, I press the button and stare transfixed at the screen in front of me. It’s an image of one of the cells in the sickbay; I recognize its sparse furnishings. In the right corner of the room sits a woman who appears to be a third generation resident. She rocks back and forth ceaselessly and seems to be singing a song, her lips are moving in the way they do when one sings. Not only is her behavior odd, but so is her appearance. She’s probably the only person in the whole Legion with long hair. Wait, some of her scalp shows through, as though she pulled her hair out or it was plucked out. I cannot see the color of her eyes, but I would bet that they are not the same light blue as everyone else’s. What kind of person would ignore the Legion’s rules to this level?

I hear a throat clearing behind me and I turn around scared, but breath relieved when I see it’s only A350. She stares slightly annoyed at the screen in front of me.

“Who is that?” I immediately ask, curious.

“Z318,” is all she says.

“What does the Z stand for?”

“Z is for enemies of the Legion,” she replies shortly. Obviously she is not in the mood to tell me much, but I’m not going to let her leave without learning more.

“Why is she an enemy of the Legion?”

“Because she attacked us.”

“Finn also attacked the Legion and yet he never received a Z classification. What’s different about her?”

“The operation did not work on her. She never lost her memories, even though she wanted to make us believe that for some time.”

“But I thought you never tried the operation on a human being.”

“Never successfully,” A350 said, annoyed. A350 switches the camera view to an angle outside of the Legion. Obviously this was to be a sign that the conversation is over, but it isn’t for me.

“Why was she not subsequently killed?”

A350 casts me a disgruntled look. “I’ve told you several times already. The Legion is not as cruel as you apparently still believe. We do not kill people indiscriminately.”

I remember the other hostages and the terrible image of their bodies. At first I was convinced that it was the Legion that shot them in cold blood, but instead, it was the rebels. Unfortunately I could never ask Finn about it, even now.

“How long has she been here?”

“About a year,” A350 shrugs her shoulders, as if she doesn’t remember exactly when she became a prisoner. A year, that’s about how long Zoe has been here.

“She is an outcast?”

“Not any longer. Now she is just Z318 and will remain so forever.”

This makes me think. A year ago Zoe was kidnapped by the Legion in an attack, while her and Finn’s parents and Grace’s husband died. What if they were wrong? What if not all of them died? Like Zoe didn’t die. I never saw any graves when I was with the rebels. Is it possible they never found their bodies? Is there a chance that Z318 is really Maggie, Zoe and Finn’s mother?

I know it would be useless to ask A350 because she would only say that there are no mothers and fathers in the Legion.  Instead, looking at the exterior shot on the monitor reminds me of another question. What about the sightings? It seemed like they were hiding something from me. I stare transfixed at the screen. Only red desert, as far as the eye can see, but maybe there’s more out there.

“During the last conference, one of the top fighters mentioned something about a sighting.”