Rage to Adore (22 page)

“I’d do anything for you, Mother, you know that,” he
whispered. She kissed him again. “Then let me deal with this, my son. I promise
you will be the Esseni. The girl is nothing. We don’t need her and in the end
Choronzon will suck her dry.” She patted his arm. A dismissal. He wanted to
stay with her awhile. Love her as he had before. He knew she saw it in his eyes
but she ignored his plea. “Never fear. When you are the Esseni we shall be
together again as we were before and Phenex will be a distant memory.” She
smiled again. “Leave the slave to me. Go. It shall be done.”

Lorcan left, the twisted knot of jealousy he had always felt
for Jaro easing somewhat now that the end was in sight.

Truth

How could this have happened? All her plans in ashes. Sitri
fumed all the way to the sanctuary that was the home of the Vita Cruor, the
sacred eldars of sanguini society. The guard who opened the door took one look
at her face and thought better of challenging her arrival. Pushing her way
through the outer gallery where members of the sanguini council meet for
informal discussions, Sitri ignored protestations of her rudeness, her sole
focus on the one she was here to see. To interrogate.

Her forcefulness was finally hindered by Xaphan,
unfortunately one member of the council she could not afford to completely ignore.
“What do you want here, Sitri? You may have the council leader’s ear but you
cannot expect to be welcomed with open arms when you arrive uninvited.” She
drew to a halt, her eyebrows raised, condescension in her tone. “I have
business with one of your detainees. Morana D’Ath.”

Curiosity aroused, Xaphan stared at her. “What makes you
think she’s here?”

“I know she is,” Sitri hissed. “It was by my hand that the
council had her arrested. I need to see her now.” The sanguini eldar appeared
puzzled but gestured to a guard nonetheless. After he whispered a few words of
command, Sitri was taken down a passageway that led to the cells where those
who had displeased the sanguini eldars awaited judgment. Sitri’s lips curled in
satisfaction. Morana deserved nothing less. She was treacherous and she was a
liar. She had misled Sitri, not just recently but now it seemed that for years
she had kept hidden things Sitri ought to have known. After she was done with
Morana, she hoped the council taught her a lesson, in the way that only the
sanguini could. If her own father had taught her anything, it was that pain was
a necessary tool in the quest for power and control. His particular brand of
punishment, inflicted on her when she was a child had left her in no doubt of
that. It was a pity the sanguini kept their methods of torture secret. She
would have enjoyed watching Morana suffer.

* * * * *

Morana was thirsty. Her throat dry, she licked at the
droplets of water that had landed on her cracked lips. The steady drip came
from somewhere above. The water was probably unhealthy but it was all she had
and it was torture. It wasn’t water she craved but blood. The eldars definitely
knew how to bring one of their own to their knees. If they kept her chained
here much longer with that steady trickle of water that burned her throat and
made her gasp for the crimson liquid she really thirsted for, she might just
crack. But she wouldn’t. Couldn’t. The stakes were too high. If she told them
what they wanted to know then everything she had done, fought for, sacrificed
would be for nothing.

The sound of footsteps drew her thoughts away from the
bloodthirst that gripped her and for that she was grateful. She was less
appreciative when the door creaked open and Sitri stormed in, her expression
one of extreme hostility. Morana nearly laughed. It appeared that Sitri was in
a rage over something but then that was nothing new. She was always angry.
Never satisfied. Never content. And that was one of the many reasons Morana
hated her.

Once upon a time she would have tentatively called Sitri a
friend. But time and circumstance had changed that. She would never trust
Sitri. As far as she was concerned Sitri had had everything Morana could never
have. Her husband had been a good man who doted on her. His death had always
struck Morana as suspicious. When he died, he’d left Sitri with two beautiful
boys and Morana had never understood why she had sold one into slavery, keeping
the other but enslaving him in other ways, a pawn to be used in her endless
games. Both boys were now slaves, their destinies and choices restricted by the
greed and ambition of their mother.

If Morana had been their mother she would have treasured
them for what they were. Precious. But not Sitri. To her they were disposable
assets. Property.

“You lied to me!” The slap to her cheek that accompanied the
scream barely registered. Morana was numb from blood deprivation. Physical pain
was nothing to her. She had lived through that kind of torture many times.
Unfortunately lack of the crimson liquid that sustained her sanguini nature was
a hell that shriveled her veins, desiccating her thumping heart as it battled
for every beat, her lungs struggling for every breath. A trickle of blood
seeped from a cut in her lip. She let her tongue glide over it, savoring her own
taste. Sitri was tugging at Morana’s hair, pulling her head up aggressively.
Morana took her time before opening her eyes.

“When did I lie to you?” Her voice, though weak, held
steady.

Sitri’s brows drew taut in fury. “You told me Lorcan had the
stronger essence. You tested them both and you lied! Jaro! Jaro is the true Esseni!
And you forgot to mention one other thing about him.” Sitri paused, waiting for
Morana to ask the question. So she did, smiling that her recent assumptions
regarding Lorcan and Jaro had proved true and wondering, but not caring how
Sitri had discovered Jaro’s barghesti nature.

“And what did I forget, Sitri? What about Jaro? You were the
one who consigned him to the scrapheap. Why would you be bothered about
anything else?”

Sitri let go of her hair and began pacing the small cell. “You
knew saevici genes ran in my husband’s family. You knew we were disappointed
that neither one of my sons identified as one at birth. How did you not notice?
You were the midwife. My supposed friend. You who have the knowledge of both
warloki and wiccani lore. You would not miss something like that unless it was
on purpose. Tell me. What ulterior motive did you have?”

“Ha!” Morana laughed wildly. “You think it was me. That I
hid it deliberately. Think again, Sitri. Your husband was not as stupid and
lovesick over you as you think.” The frozen expression on Sitri’s face made
Morana smile even through her pain. “He had his doubts about you. He knew
immediately that Jaro was saevici. His own father was a barghesti and it
usually jumps a generation. He was going to initiate Jaro when he turned
eleven. That’s the usual age for a barghesti saevici to become one with his
animal spirit. Before that age they’re too young to control the wildness of the
barghesti wolf. That’s why they’re so rare. Often they’re initiated too early
and die because the spirit is too savage. If Jaro has now manifested as a
barghesti without that initiation he must be strong indeed.”

Morana watched Sitri’s face distort into a hideous
expression of hatred, the ugliness of her soul wiping the illusion of beauty
from her normal visage. “That bastard! I thought he loved me! He should have
told me and then everything would have been different.”

“You mean you would have sold Lorcan instead of Jaro?” That
seemed to give Sitri pause from her raving. She stopped pacing and drew in a
deep breath. “Who knows what would have happened? I guess we all have our
secrets. You think you have everyone fooled, don’t you, Morana? But I know more
about you than you think.” Sitri drew closer, nose to nose, her indigo eyes
locking onto Morana’s turquoise ones. “I know for instance that you have hidden
some treasure. Something you think no one knows about…” She let her words trail
off, her smile turning vicious.

Morana could feel the blood drain from her face, dizziness
crashing over her, lack of sustenance threatening to bring her to her knees.
“You know nothing,” she whispered, trying to think clearly. Sitri couldn’t
possibly know. No one did. Her treasure was safe. It had to be, because if
anyone found it the consequences were too disastrous to contemplate. She
struggled with the restraints, the physical resistance echoing the fight to
keep her sanity at the possibility of Sitri knowing something…
anything
.
It was impossible. She couldn’t. Could she? Precious images swam before her
eyes, the motion dizzying as she fought to stay conscious and rational. Her
last thoughts before she blacked out nearly broke her.

Sitri stared angrily at Morana’s unconscious body. She was
strung up by her hands; dangling off the floor and by the looks of her had
already been subjected to some particularly vicious methods of torture. She
wanted to kill her for the deception but perhaps it was more fitting that she
be left to the eldars. They would prolong her suffering. Make her bleed. It was
nothing less than she deserved. Sitri could still achieve her aims even with
Lorcan being who he was. He could still inherit the essence through Jaro’s
death. It was regrettable. A barghesti would have been very useful but Jaro was
too uncontrollable. He would never trust her, bow to her will as Lorcan did. He
never had. Still, she would make the best of it. She always did.

Torture

Tani couldn’t breathe. She was holding on by a thread that
was still fraying even as she so desperately tried to tie the ends together.
After the horror of Jaro’s near demise and the brutal fury he’d directed at
her, she had almost collapsed. It had taken every shred of strength she
possessed, every steel inch of her backbone to remain erect and appear
unaffected.

The guards had dragged him away but he had fought them. She
had watched her brave warrior, ferocious and savage in his resistance even
through the agonizing suppression spells the warloki had thrown at him. Finally
he had been knocked unconscious, Phenex himself aiming the final blow.

Numbed to the chaos around her, Tani had no memory of
returning to Morana’s suite or how she had been bathed and dressed in some
gauzy, flimsy excuse for a dress. All at Phenex’s command. That was it. She
recalled the giggling voices of the ladies who were responsible for her attire.
They seemed to think it was some kind of honor and that she should be grateful
for his attentions.

Phenex be damned! The image of how Jaro had been treated coated
her vision with a red veil that stoked her anger. He would pay and Jaro would
be freed but she really needed to see him first, to reassure him that she was
on his side. He had tried to push her away before but this time she wouldn’t
let him. She would fight for their connection because even though it appeared
broken she had faith that it could be fixed. It wasn’t in her nature to give
up. Even today when he had spewed hatred and vile curses at her, she had still
felt its tingling electricity beneath her skin, trying to reach out to him.
Tani understood all too well they were walking a fine line. Love and Hate, hand
in hand, teetering on the edge of something that would be either a comfort or a
curse. It didn’t help that her situation at the palace was fragile but she
could only hope that Cassi and the warriors were close at hand, ready to swoop
in if needed.

The ladies-in-waiting were gone, having told her that during
the day she was free to wander the palace with no restrictions other than she
couldn’t leave. She had been too shaken at first to even move but gradually her
resolve had returned. The fighting spirit that gave her the strength to meet
her destiny head-on kicked in along with the desperate need to see Jaro.

It was nightfall before she finally left the relative safety
of her room. She was surprised that neither Lorcan nor Phenex had been near but
grateful for a reprieve, she took the opportunity afforded by their absence to
locate the man who now laid claim to her body and soul.

Having some knowledge of the palace layout from previous
experience, Tani made her way down the dark corridor she knew led to the
dungeons where prisoners were kept. A few shedu guards acknowledged her
progress but none challenged her presence. The final guard who held the keys to
the individual cells neither questioned nor commented on her command that he
open Jaro’s cell, leaving her with the impression that it was not unusual for
ladies of the court to indulge in relations with Phenex’s prisoners and male
slaves. The thought made her uncomfortable and she wondered how many times Jaro
had been called on to service a highborn lady’s pleasure. She imagined it would
have been often, given his savage beauty. How could they resist wanting a
taste? She certainly couldn’t, but then maybe his ferocity had kept them at
bay. She hoped that was the case. Hated to imagine otherwise.

Her scattered thoughts coalesced into a lump that sat
heavily in her throat, nearly causing her to gag as her eyes adjusted to the
darkness of the cell and Jaro’s beaten form became visible. They had strung him
up against the damp wall chained to a metal ring by chains wrapped around his
wrists. His head lay to one side, dark hair hanging lank against his chest.
Tears pooled in her eyes, his name escaping from her lips, a whispered prayer
of sorrow and yearning.

“Jaro.” The sound of her voice sliced through the pain. He’d
been dreaming of her again. He couldn’t help it no matter how hard he tried to
fill his vision of her with rage and hatred. It was his curse that he could see
her only through a veil of compassion and love, her gentle touch enclosing him
in that silky blanket of protection he remembered from the cave. He would never
be able to forget the taste of her kiss and how beautiful she had looked when
she had made love to him. Her soft caresses not just smoothing over the cracks
in his defenses but erasing them completely. But that gentle touch had left his
heart exposed. Raw and naked. Open to emotions he didn’t want to acknowledge
because he knew how fragile they were.

In those first moments in the great room after Tani had
revealed his secret, he had been so consumed with anger that he’d nearly lost
his mind. The words he had flung at her an instinctive response to betrayal. He
had been furious with her. Then the pain of the suppression spells had kicked
in and as he fought against them he had registered her distress. Her expression
had remained passive but he had felt her reach out to him, a gentle embrace
that wrapped around his heart and held it steady. It was a fleeting caress
because the next minute agony overtook and then blackness.

Since he’d awakened he couldn’t get her out of his mind and
now her voice was ringing in his head. Clear as a bell. “Jaro!” Her voice
again, husky and low, coated in honey. So close he could feel her warm breath
on his skin. His heart pounded, caressed by heat that curled into an embrace.
He felt the fire right down to his core, sparking the realization that she was
actually there, in front of him, and not just a phantom of his imagination.

Jaro tried but failed to resist cracking his eyelids open,
not wanting to let the vision of her reality intrude. If only she were a dream.
But no. She was real and Chaos be damned! She was a vision in emerald silk, the
dark red of her hair a vibrant beacon, lighting up the darkest corner of the
dungeon into which he’d been thrown. He hated that she was here. She didn’t
belong.

“What are you doing here?” Tani flinched at the venom in his
voice but even though she had steeled herself against it, expecting nothing
less, it still cut her deeply. “I had to see you. I need to explain.” Her hand
touched his cheek and his dry lips felt droplets of cool water trickle down his
throat from the water flask she held to his mouth. “You could have bought wine,”
he said. “At least then I could have got drunk while I’m hanging around.” His
wrists pulled at the restraints in a half-hearted attempt at a joke.

Tani checked out the locks in the hopes her powers might
help but soon realized the mechanism was beyond her wiccani magick. Her heart
ached. He was battered and bruised again. His face swollen, though not as bad
as when she had first met him. Even though he was disfigured, the scars and
mottled skin could not disguise the savage beauty radiating from his unyielding
warrior’s body. The mercury light of his eyes illuminated the darkness,
lighting her from the inside, fanning flames that flickered burning sensations
through her entire being. She was wet for him. Ached for his touch but even
more she wanted to touch him. Caress his battered flesh and give comfort to his
beaten soul. She looked around, hoping to find something that would help her to
free him.

Jaro tried to hold on to his anger at her betrayal but she
had bewitched him with her compassion and courage. He felt her frustration as
she attempted to find a way to unlock his shackles. Instead of spitting fury in
her direction he found himself trying to soothe her agitation.

“Don’t, Red,” he whispered quietly. “Don’t fight this.” His
hands flexed against cold metal, her amethyst eyes holding him more captive
than steel or iron ever could. “Go,” he said. “Get out of here while you can.
You can’t save me now. You know that, don’t you? Now he knows I’m barghesti; he’s
never letting me go.”

A wet tear ran down her cheek. “I’m so sorry, Jaro. I had to
tell him. He was going to kill you.” Her voice broke with sorrow he knew was
all for him. He wasn’t worthy of her tears. Jaro shuddered and breathed in a
deep lungful of air.

He had realized after the first rage of fury had overtaken
him and he’d been thrown into the cage still intact that if Tani hadn’t given
away his secret Phenex would have certainly killed him. He owed her. But he
couldn’t let her know that. He had to make her see it was futile. He was a lost
cause but she could still fly and he would give her the wings to do it.

“So what? What do I care if you’re sorry?” he challenged,
forcing venom back into his words and hoping they would prick her skin with
poison. He still didn’t understand her or why she was so intent on saving him.
She was meant for Lorcan. No matter how much he wished it were otherwise,
Lorcan was the true Esseni, wasn’t he? She should be trying to get back to the
Eunomi and away from Discordants who would suck her dry. She needed to go. “It
was great while it lasted, Red, but as I said before, you’re not my type. Get
the fuck gone!”

He could feel her resistance to the acid he poured over her.
She shook her head at him. “I know you don’t mean that,” she said. “And there
are too many people who love you for me to just leave you here to rot.”

What the hell was she talking about? “Love!” he snorted. “What
the fuck is love? I know nothing of it.”

She was right in front of him now, her eyes locked on to
his, insisting that he was worthy. “Oh, but you do,” she whispered. “You more
than anyone.” Her hand touched his cheek, her eyes sad as he flinched and drew
back. “You love unconditionally, Jaro. All those people you help, Liana, Sami,
the brothel girls. Even your mother and brother.”

He snorted bitterly. “That wasn’t love. That was stupidity.”

“Love is never stupid, Jaro. Maybe misguided but never
stupid.” Her thumb caressed his cheek, and he turned his head away in an effort
to make her stop. He was standing upright, chained to metal rings on the wall,
his hands unable to move. Even so, other parts of his anatomy disagreed with his
brain, inching toward her and because she was standing so close in front of him
he knew that she couldn’t possibly miss his hardness pressing into her belly.

“Jaro!” She felt it. A moan escaped into his throat and then
both of her hands claimed his neck, pulling his head down to catch his breath
and tease his lips. Tani was kissing him fiercely, her eyes open to his
startled gaze, daring him not to resist. He could only accept her challenge,
any thoughts of resistance futile under fire from the sweet taste of her mouth.
He had known she was an addiction, a craving embedded in his very DNA, that to
deny it would be like ripping apart his soul. Even restrained as he was, unable
to touch her way he wanted to, his tongue sought hers, giving everything he had.
Every drop of anger washed away by the honesty of her kiss.

The kiss deepened. Energy thrummed between them, the
connecting fibers weaving an all-encompassing tapestry, its interlocking
threads melding unalterable layers that were fused so deep between them, they
could never be torn apart. “What are you really doing here, Red?” he groaned
against her lips, unable to pull back from the taste of her in his mouth, the
chocolate-strawberry flavor drugging his senses until he could barely think
straight.

“I’m going to get you out,” she said, planting kisses along
his jawline, silky red hair rubbing sensuously across his chest and then down.
He thought he was going to die then and there when he realized the direction
she was headed. “Red,” he growled at her, his chest vibrating under the touch
of her hands. “Tani, don’t, you don’t need to…” She looked up at him then with eyes
that glowed with an emotion he’d never seen up close before and certainly one
he’d never expected to see directed at him. Any words he had been about to
speak died on his lips. Maybe he was reading her wrongly but he wanted it to be
true. He wanted to believe.

“I don’t need to,” she said quietly. “I want to. Let me.
Please. Let me give you this, Jaro.” She paused a moment, waiting for his assent.

He was powerless to resist, so badly did he need to feel her
touch. It would most likely be the last pleasure he’d ever have. Phenex would
keep him caged now, forever locked in a kennel like a dog. He was a bastard. If
he had any sense of decency left he would continue to thrash her with his anger
and send her on her way, but he couldn’t. What she was offering him right now
he would take, treasure it and suffer the consequences. At least he would have
this memory to torture him for the rest of his existence. He had been right
when he met her that she would be his downfall. He pulled against the
restraints a wry smile curling his lips. “I can’t stop you, Red, but are you
sure?”

Her eyes promised everything. Everything he could never
have. So be it. He would take this because she was offering. “Give it to me,
Red, but then go. It’s not safe for you here. Promise me.”

Jaro groaned as she bent to her knees and gave him heaven.
She took him into her mouth, gently kissing the tip of his shaft. Her hands
slid down to cup his balls and he almost came straight away when she lifted her
long lashes, gazing upward, her lips around his cock, amethyst eyes twin pools
of liquid beauty.

He let himself fall in, the blood in his veins heating as he
struggled for control but he had none when it came to her. She inflamed him and
he was lost. Her lips were warm and soft, her tongue a stroking caress and he
knew with this most intimate of acts that she was showing him how much he meant
to her. She took her time licking his full length, her eyes locking on to his,
flaring each time he groaned his appreciation.

He wasn’t going to last long. Jaro could feel his soul
unraveling and every time her tongue swirled and sucked he fought to hold on to
the moment, to make it a memory he could latch on to forever. Finally his hips
bucked as she took all of him to the back of her throat and that was when he
exploded.