Rage to Adore (29 page)

Tenderness

Tani turned as Tyr led Jaro in. Her heart was breaking as
she took in the savage effects of battle layered across his skin. Tyr left
quickly, leaving Jaro standing in the center of the room, the familiar proud
stance she knew so well. Her eyes drank him in but she hesitated by the door
even as her heart raged at her to go to him, wrap him in her arms and ease his
pain. Mercury silver eyes flashed molten liquid, indigo-blue rings flaring with
dark emotion. He was angry. As he had every right to be.

She hesitated suddenly nervous. “Are you hurt?” she
faltered, the words sounding lame even to her own ears. Of course he was hurt,
he was bleeding. There was so much more she wanted to say to him.

His lips drew back in a snarl. “I have been better, but I
suppose I should thank you for killing Phenex.”

“I don’t want your gratitude, Jaro.”

He closed the distance between them his harsh, gorgeous face
clouding her vision. The ache in her chest threatened to burst as the need to
touch, to soothe grew stronger.

“Then what do you want?” he growled. “My obedience, my life?
I’m your slave now—you can do with me as you will.” She stared up at him,
unsure how to cut through his anger. “You’ll never be my slave.”

Rough hands cupped her cheek as his eyes searched hers, his
expression tortured, furious. “No?” he questioned. “So what do you want—me in
your bed, is that it?” He dragged her over and threw her down roughly onto the
large bed in the center of the room. Tani’s heart pounded frantically, adrenaline
racing, her throat dry.

“Just tell me to stop or continue. Do what you will, I’m
yours to command.” His words were bitter. He leaned over her, his lithe body
prowling up the length of hers. “Just remember it’s me this time, not Lorcan.”

Her heart stuttered. Did he think… “I’ve never been with
Lorcan,” she whispered. “Why would you think that?”

“Because I saw you!” he shouted. “The night he died!” Her
heart broke because he didn’t know the whole truth of it and it would hurt more
when he did. “I was drugged, Jaro…and…” It was so hard to say the words. “It
was meant to be you, your mother…”

He didn’t let her finish but rolled back onto the bed in
defeat. “She hates me that much and now my brother is dead.” His voice was
barely audible and then he winced as she moved, sitting up to look down at him.
“You’re hurt, let me help you.”

He didn’t protest as Tani gingerly lifted his torso so that
he was sitting on the edge of the bed. She pulled one arm around her shoulders,
noting the sharp gash that ran the length of his biceps and the myriad others
crisscrossing his chest and stomach. They needed to be cleaned or they could
get infected.

His weight pressed into her as she walked him slowly to the
shower room, his large body was shaking and Tani realized the adrenaline rush
of battle had subsided and his body was going into shock. He was exhausted. She
kept a hold of him, turning the shower on and when the water was running hot,
she nudged him under the flow, using the wall as a prop to keep him standing.
Red rivers swirled around their bare feet.

His body was hard and hot. So hot she swore he had a fever.
Tani grabbed a cloth and gently began to wash away the dried blood and grime,
glad to see his wounds were no longer bleeding and were in fact beginning to
heal. His flesh was bruised and beaten but she still couldn’t help admiring the
savage beauty of his male form. She began with his hands and fingers, massaging
each one with tender care. Then running the cloth along each muscled forearm
until the smattering of dark hairs that sprouted there were visible again. She
smiled to herself, discovering he had a few freckles on each biceps, and bent
to kiss each one, not caring that she was getting wet.

“Red,” he whispered as her hands moved to his shoulders,
across the ridged contours of his chest and down the hard lines that defined
his corded abs. The name she had come to love sounded like a prayer and a curse
on his lips.

Tani knelt, wrapping one arm around his waist as she cleaned
the worst gashes that crossed his belly level with the V of his hips, her
attention caught by a small patch of dark hair that led to the spear of his
erection. A smile crossed her lips, that even though half asleep with
exhaustion and full of conflicting emotions, he was still hard for her. Perhaps
there was hope after all.

She pressed a gentle kiss to the Taijitu on his hip and
immediately found herself being pulled up, her nipples hardening beneath the
wet fabric of her flimsy dress as they slid against his solid chest. And then
he was kissing her. Jaro wrapped his large hand around her head, tangling his
fingers through her damp hair as he kissed her as if she were the very air that
he needed to survive. He tasted of salt and sweat and blood, the remnants of
fury and vengeance lingering on his tongue.

Tani didn’t care. At this moment he was here with her, his
hatred and anger forgotten, swept away by the heat of the water and the
strength of their passion. She could feel him open up to the connecting threads
and Tani couldn’t stop herself from reaching out in an effort to fix the
fraying ends and create knots that would tie them together irrevocably.

He didn’t withdraw but she felt his hesitation. It was
momentary and then he was kissing her again. She opened her eyes, surrendering
to his lips, entranced by what she could see of his beautiful but battered
face.

Jaro’s eyes were still closed, dark lashes kissing the skin
of his cheek. She watched them blink as he pulled her in tighter, his back
against the wall keeping him upright. A growl deep in his throat vibrated
through his mouth into hers, feeding her desire as she melted into him, her
body liquid and fluid beneath his touch. The water heightened her senses,
Jaro’s body pressing into hers as if they were fusing into one being. Her body
was burning and not because of the steam, and still Jaro kept kissing her, his tongue
licking, tasting, sucking as if he wanted to devour her.

A moan escaped her lips as Jaro’s head descended on her
neck, his lips searing her flesh, his teeth nipping at the arch of her neck,
marking her. Claiming her. “Beautiful Red, you’re driving me insane,” he
murmured, his voice slurring a little as his large body wobbled and Tani
realized that he was half asleep, exhaustion winning over lust.

She tried to draw back a little. “Jaro, you need to sleep,”
she said. “You need to recover your strength.” He shook his head at her neck
and half turned her so that she was now back to the wall. Her breasts were
crushed against his chest, the pressure delicious and his erection was
positioned where he wanted it to be. How he managed it, Tani didn’t know but he
hooked his arms behind her legs and lifted them so they were wrapped around his
waist. One hand shifted between them, ripping aside her panties, gliding to
where she was already wet for him. His fingers sank into her moist core,
finding already swollen nerves. He didn’t have to do much before a wave of heat
washed through her, leaving her flesh quivering, her womb clenched and muscles
spasmed in an orgasm that left her mind spinning out of control and her body
fractured.

Before she had time to come down from the euphoric high,
Jaro was sliding into her. Slowly and gently he pushed in until her tight
sheath held all of him in an embrace that was perfection, the feel of his warm
length inside her close to heaven.

“Red, Red, Red…”

He continued to chant her name like a mantra against her
skin as he slid slowly in and out again. This was no rough onslaught but a soft
satin glide that filled her with pleasure, each roll of his hips amplifying the
sensations inflaming the heat of his skin against hers. It was a slow burn.

Water still ran in rivulets over her flesh. Pressure built
with the sliding rhythm as he rocked into her. Jaro moved from pressing
featherlike kisses on her neck back to her lips. She let his tongue devastate
her mouth. His kiss was ruin and creation, a yin-yang of whispered
possibilities that sent tingling sparks through every nerve in her body but
more than that spoke to her very soul. The crescendo peaked as Jaro filled her
up, his big body shuddering as his release and her climax found each other,
their bodies entangled, their souls entwined.

Jaro’s head fell to her neck and he went limp in her arms.
She could barely keep him upright and his murmured words began to sound closer
to delirium than passion. He still had one hand entangled in her hair, the
other around her waist. His eyes were shut, his skin feverishly hot. He was
almost asleep in her arms. Tani pressed a tender kiss to his brow and, leaving
the shower running, backed him carefully out the door. He was heavy and awkward
to move and although she was strong it was a few minutes before she had him
laid out comfortably in the large bed.

Once he was dry Tani lay by his side and, much as she had
done that night in the cave, she folded her body over his in a comforting
embrace. Her ear against his chest reassured her that his heart was still
beating, that she hadn’t lost him to vengeance. She could only hope that when
he awoke he would see through the remnants of hate and anger that he had hurled
at her before his collapse and focus on the one thing that mattered most.

Love.

Hate

When Tani awoke it was to a loud knocking on the door.
Beside her Jaro stirred, his eyes blinking rapidly filled with confusion as he
shook himself awake.

“Jaro! Lady Tanith!” a female voice shrieked. “Are you in
there? Please, Jaro, I need you!” Recognizing the voice, Tani turned to see
Jaro sitting up entangled in the covers, groggy and beautiful, staring at her
as if she were some kind of mirage. He rubbed a hand across the dark stubble of
his jaw, frowning at his nakedness. “Where…” His voice trailed off as more
banging vibrated through the door and other deeper voices arrived, presumably
the guards. They were insisting the woman leave and the sounds of a scuffle
broke out as she resisted and called Jaro’s name again.

Jaro cursed and grabbed the towel Tani had discarded the
previous night from where it lay on the floor. His confusion at her presence
forgotten, he wrapped it around his lean hips and strode to the door, turning
the key in the lock. He flung it wide open to the distressing sight of Liana
being manhandled by two of Tani’s shedu guards. He wrenched her from their hold
and she fell into his chest, his arms wrapping around her tightly keeping her
steady. “Leave her!” he commanded the shedu, who instantly backed away.

“Jaro, please—you have to help me!” His eyes softened at her
distress and Tani suffered a pang that felt a lot like jealousy. She tamped it
down, knowing her feelings were not important. The pain that radiated from Liana
was off the charts and her next words confirmed Tani’s fears that something
awful had happened.

“It’s Sami,” she sobbed, her eyes wet with tears.
“Sitri…sh…she…she’s taken him! I don’t know where. Jaro—you have to find him.
He’s all I have!” Her blonde head burrowed into his arms and her small body
shook. Jaro’s mouth drew tight, his eyes blazing with silver flame. He cursed
Sitri to hell, wondering how she had escaped custody and then lifted Liana’s
sobbing head, gazed into her eyes and made a promise. “I will find him, Liana.
Be brave now. She won’t have him.”

Liana swallowed a sob. She seemed to take comfort from
Jaro’s words and drew back, wiping the tears from her eyes, struggling for
control. She turned to Tani as if suddenly realizing she was present. “I’m
sorry, Lady Tanith. I apologize for the interruption,” she murmured.

Tani took her hand. “Don’t apologize,” she said, extending
her compassion to cover Liana’s bedraggled form. “Sami is more important. Jaro
is right. I will send a party of Eunomi warriors to track her. She won’t get
far.” Tani rubbed Liana’s hand reassuringly.

At that moment Cassi arrived with Tyr and Antares in her
wake. Jaro took charge, explaining the situation, conferring with Tyr as to the
best way to track Sitri and once they were agreed the Eunomi moved away, Cassi
taking a still-distressed but calmer Liana with her.

Tani and Jaro were alone. He spoke no words to her but
entered the room and began searching for clothes. “Where are you going?” she
said. “You need to rest.” He carried on dressing, pulling a black shirt over
his head, wincing as he tugged it past his shoulders and over some of the worst
cuts. Tani tried again. “Jaro, you need time to recover. Let Tyr go with his
warriors. They’ll find him.”

His body went tight as he straightened and looked her
direction. “And what? Are you ordering me to stay here?” Tani jerked as he spat
the words angrily, his expression turning dark. “No!” she cried, “of course
not!”

“But you have the power to keep me here,” he said bitterly.
“Apparently I’m the only one of your slaves not worthy of being freed.”

Tani’s heart pounded as she realized Jaro had remembered her
discussion with Tyr and Cassi. She tried to grab his hand but he shrugged her
off. “You don’t understand,” she said as he turned away. “That’s not the reason
I haven’t set you free. I…”

He didn’t let her finish. “You don’t trust me not to betray
you, Red. You want to have control of me so I can’t go running to the
Discordants. You want to own me.”

She shook her head. “No! It wasn’t meant to be like this! I
wanted to speak to you in private about it, not in front of a hall full of
strangers and you were nearly dead on your feet and bleeding…” Tani faltered.
She knew she was rambling and yesterday’s reasonings hardly seemed to make
sense anymore.

“So you expect me to feel gratitude for your compassion,
your pity?”

“No! I wanted to have a chance to explain what happened with
your brother and Phenex.”

Anger rolled off him, his expression turning dark with
hatred. “Phenex was mine!” he shouted. “Mine, Red, and you took that from me!”

“But if I hadn’t you would be dead!” she yelled back at him.
“I couldn’t let you die, Jaro! You can’t hate me for that!”

“What? Did you think that I’d be grateful that you saved my
life?” He stood in front of her, gripping her shoulders, his dark hair a
tangled halo around his cheeks, his expression savage and wild. “You could have
died, Red! You should’ve kept away from Phenex, left him to me…”

His anger was a raging storm as he backed her up against the
door, his palms flat against the wood, caging her in. Tani was scared now, not
that he would hurt her physically but that she was losing her fight to rebuild
their connection. She could feel it slowly slipping away and she didn’t know
how to latch on to it again in the face of Jaro’s hate. His emotions were all
over the place and one wrong word from her and the connection would vanish
forever. “But what about last night?” she pleaded. “Remember how it felt last
night, in the shower?”

“I can barely remember last night,” he whispered, pressing
his forehead to hers and closing his eyes. “It felt like a dream.”

“It wasn’t a dream. It was beautiful. You and me, Jaro. You
felt something for me last night.” Her hands palmed his cheeks, relishing the
scrape of his rough cheek against her skin. She willed him to open his eyes and
see her again.

“I only ever felt hate before and now I don’t know. I feel
too much.” His hand tightened into a fist and he punched the door close to her
head. Tani flinched but didn’t move. She saw him catch the movement and a look
of despair crossed his face. “What do you want from me?” he said, such pain in
his tone. So much anguish.

Tani thought of all he had suffered, the sacrifices he had
made. All of them for love. Each sacrifice leading to a great betrayal. And in
some ways she
had
betrayed him. She had betrayed his trust, kept him
from his vengeance and tried to control him. He must hate her now. She couldn’t
force him to be the man she had searched for. She couldn’t force him through
duty to be the partner she needed and bond with her.

She knew he would do it if she asked. He would sacrifice his
freedom to her because that was his way. His love for others was so much
greater than hers, so strong it was the breadth of an ocean compared to the
width of her tiny stream. Jaro would give his all because that was his way and
in doing so he would lose himself. But she loved him, which meant she couldn’t
ask him to make that sacrifice. He deserved nothing less than his freedom.

“I release you from my service,” she whispered, bowing her
head into his chest.

He was silent. Tani looked up to see a pained expression on
his face. His eyes were shut and he swallowed as if fighting to keep control.
He failed. Jaro blinked, opening his eyes, a flash of anger flaring in his
gaze. “You release me now? Why?”

She looked down again in despair, not wanting to see his
hatred directed at her.

One hand gripped her shoulders, the other moving to tangle
in her hair, pulling her head back so she had no option but to look at him. “Why,
Red, why would you? You need me as your Esseni partner. With Lorcan gone I am
the only choice. Why would you let me go?”

Her eyes smarted as she realized he still thought he was an
Esseni by default. Her heart was breaking but he deserved to make his choices
freely.

“You’ve always been the Esseni, Jaro. You just never
believed it,” she cried. “But I want you to go. You deserve your freedom. Go!
Leave me!” She had to make him go. Now that she was ordering him to go she could
see he was rebelling against it. That thought made her nearly hysterical. If he
was to be truly hers he had to make the choice himself. He was too honorable.
He would do his duty but she would never know if he truly wanted her. “I never
want to see you again!”

She began screaming at him, her fists pounding at his chest
as if trying to convince him of her hatred. “I don’t care if you’re meant to be
with me. I don’t want you. Go. You need to find Sami and you’re wasting time!”
She tried to pull open the door.

Jaro’s eyes narrowed as he took the beating, her hands
making little impression on his iron chest. He seemed to have forgotten about
Sami and when she reminded him a fleeting expression of worry crossed his face.
“I need to find him, Red. You know that,” he said.

She moved away from the door, making it clear it was his
decision. He started to speak as he pulled the door open but Tani spoke first.
“Don’t,” she whispered. “Don’t say you’ll be back or you won’t be back. Don’t
make any promises. I’ll be here if you need me.”

He took a deep breath, holding her gaze and then turned and
walked away. The door clicked shut behind him, the echo reverberating across
the frayed threads that had connected them, the vibrations slicing deep into
her bones.

Whispered words floated on the air. “I’ll always need you,
Red.” But Tani couldn’t be sure that she had heard him correctly.

Tani’s loss was profound. She fell back onto the bed,
sobbing with a desperation borne of need and want, her body aching and a hollow
space in her chest. She felt her heart shatter and her soul shrivel with the
knowledge that he had left her. For how could those parts of her survive—Jaro
was her heart and soul and he was gone—taking them with him.

She curled up on the bed, wrapped in the sheets that still
held Jaro’s scent, her body racked with shudders as tears washed down her
cheeks. She didn’t know how long she lay there. It felt like hours; it could
have been days. She couldn’t stop the tears. Jaro was gone. He had walked away.
She would never hear him call her name again, the name she had come to love the
sound of when he chided her in exasperation.

When she had no tears left, Tani came to a decision. The
determination to succeed in all things, ingrained in her by her father as a
child, kicked in. She was a warrior of the Eunomi and her duty was paramount.
She had to take back control. Her duty now lay with her people and her city.
Serpens needed a strong ruler and even though she had secured it for the Eunomi
she still had to keep it. This was not the time to show weakness. Jaro had taken
her heart and soul but she still had her body and her strength. There was a
knock at the door. “Tanith, it’s me, Cassi.”

Tani opened the door to sympathetic blue eyes. “I won’t ask
what happened. Jaro’s gone. He went with Tyr and Antares to search for Sami. I
thought you should know.”

“Of course he did.” Tani’s heart leapt. He would do that.
For Sami. For Liana. She had no right to stand in the way of his happiness.

“Are you all right?”

“I will be,” Tani said, shaking off the emptiness and
replacing it with resolve. “Summon the eldars and the aristocrats. We need to
organize a council meeting.”