Rage to Adore (30 page)

Love

Days turned to weeks and Tani’s life slipped into a regular
pattern of meetings with those who held power in the city and with ordinary
citizens. Tani listened to them all and then made her decisions based on what
she thought was best for the majority. Not all of her edicts were popular with
the wealthy but the ordinary people loved her.

Because slavery no longer existed, another system had to be
set in place. Former slaves who chose to stay with their masters were paid a
living wage; others sought new positions advertising their skills to the
highest bidders. Tani decreed that the taxes previously used by Phenex for his
own benefit would now be used for the benefit of those who needed the money the
most. There were still many problems, but encouraged by Tani the poor were
being helped by those whose natural compassion and generosity had been stifled
for so long.

The people looked to their new overlord with respect and
love, showing their affection daily, showering her with gifts and seeking
blessings for her in both Chaos’s and Gaia’s temples.

But through it all Tani had never felt so alone.

She experienced some joy when a much healthier-looking Ziad
made an appearance a couple of weeks after his rescue. There were no words that
could describe how happy she was that he was finally back.

“Do you remember what happened?” she asked.

Ziad shook his head, his jade eyes tortured. “I think I was
drugged for most of the time. I have strange dreams of being with two different
women but I can’t see their faces. The place I was kept in changes as well and
I’m uncertain if they’re actual memories or just nightmares.” Tani took him to
Morana’s house and showed him the secret room but someone had washed the walls
clean. Although Ziad shivered when he entered the space and told her he was
picking up strange vibes, he had no real recollection of being there. He stayed
for a few days, keeping her company but Tani knew he was itching to get back to
Lyra and his work as a healer.

“I’ll be fine, Ziad,” she told him. “I have plenty to keep
me occupied.”

“But you seem so alone,” he said. “Even though you’re
surrounded by love, I can tell your heart is empty.” A tear fell from Tani’s
cheek when he said that. She had been trying so hard to hide it but Ziad knew
her well. Too well.

He pulled her into an embrace and kissed her forehead. She
looked up at his handsome face, his long white hair with one dark streak
falling like a curtain around them as he pressed his forehead to hers. She saw
his eyes widen for a second and then his face lit up in a smile. “I don’t think
you’ll be alone for long, Tani,” he said. “Just give it time and I guarantee
you will have all the love you could need. Unconditional love.”

She frowned at him and spent hours trying to get him to
explain his words but he just smiled secretively and shook his head before
leaving, promising he would return in a couple of months.

Word finally came by messenger that Sami had been found, but
Tani knew no more than that. She lay awake the next few nights, wondering what
state he was in and where he was. She didn’t know if Liana was with him, what had
happened to Sitri or more importantly whether, or even if Jaro would return.

Eventually some of those questions were answered when Cassi
stopped by. Apparently they were all in Arushka. “You do realize that Jaro is
overlord there now,” said Cassi one night over dinner. Tani sat rigid in shock.
Jaro—overlord of Arushka! Cassi must have seen by her expression that it was
something she hadn’t considered. She squeezed Tani’s hand in sympathy. “He
vanquished Belial just as you did Phenex. You knew that.”

Tani couldn’t believe she had been so stupid. Of course she
knew that. The whole city had spoken of little else after the siege,
proclaiming both her and Jaro as heroes. Her body trembled as she realized what
it meant. Everything that was Belial’s was now his. Everything! His
possessions, his slaves, the city. She knew the situation in Arushka was much
worse than in Serpens and that Merak had been deployed there to fight the
corruption. Jaro would hate the injustice he found there; he would give his all
to fight against it. He was never coming back.

“I feel sick,” she whispered, pushing back her chair. Cassi
looked worried. “Are you ill?” she asked. “You look pale.” Chills swept over
her and Tani barely made it to the bathroom before she was throwing up. When she
returned to the table, her legs shaky and her heart racing, Cassi was staring
at her with concern. “Tani…” she began.

“No. Don’t tell me something, anything just to give me false
hope,” Tani interrupted. “If he wanted to see me again he would have returned
by now. I have to face it—I’ve failed.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do. Look at Tyr and Irina. Their bond is so strong that
nothing could keep them apart. Jaro would have returned to me if he felt the
same. I’ve failed The Balance. Love and Hate will remain unaligned and in
chaos.” Tears welled in Tani’s eyes but she fought them back. She had to remain
strong.

Cassi narrowed her eyes but her expression was unreadable.
“I think more than just that is upsetting you,” she said, her eyes dropping to
where Tani’s arms wrapped tightly around her waist. But thankfully she didn’t
press.

To distract herself and Cassi, Tani turned her thoughts to
other matters. She had recently visited a number of the brothels in the city to
ensure that the skin trade had been quelled. It was impossible to outlaw
brothels completely but Tani saw to it that control was given to the women who
wanted to continue in that profession and that those who did not were
liberated. It was while visiting the Gilded Lily that Tani remembered the broken
girl she had seen. Lori. She realized this was the name of one of the two girls
Tyr was searching for. A girl he considered a sister. She had been upset to
learn that Lori was no longer there but had been sold off to Belial and taken
to Arushka. Her remorse was great—if only she had realized sooner. Nevertheless
she told Cassi, who immediately left for Arushka, sending a message to Tyr to
meet her there.

For the next week, Tani’s life settled down again. She had
her duty, her responsibilities and much to plan for. She still went to bed
empty but dreamed every night of Jaro. Her once-terrifying nightmares of a
shadowy sinister man had transformed into bittersweet memories of the man she
loved. It was the only connection to him she could cling to. The air above her
still lay heavy, the weight of her duty a constant pressure on her heart.

Then came a night when Tani felt the sudden lifting of that
pressure. And something else that was so unexpected Tani could hardly bear to
believe it was true. A twisting thread, a silky gossamer strand curled around
her, seeking and finding its way into her core, wrapping soft tendrils around
her soul. The sought-after connection was there, a sudden flame that seared her
chest. She felt it so strong, so deep.

Tani tossed in her bed, squirming away from the memories of
the last time she had seen Jaro. What she was imagining couldn’t possibly be
true, couldn’t be real. It was just a dream and it hurt too much. Wet tears
pooled in her eyes, a sob broke from her throat. Why couldn’t she just forget
him?

Her chest suddenly tightened as a diffusion of heat washed
over her skin, warming her core and she realized there was a presence in the
room. Tangible. Solid. She felt the caress of rough hands as they stroked her
back, brushed her hair away from her nape and then soft lips were pressing
against her neck. Hot breath against her cheek. The longed-for name whispered
in her ear.

“Red…don’t cry. It makes me crazy. I can’t bear to see you
cry.”

Tani felt herself being dragged up onto his lap, strong arms
encircling her in a soothing embrace. He was here, really here. Not just a
figment of her overtired imagination. She couldn’t bear to see pity in his
eyes, for that’s all it was. He felt sorry for her. He knew that her duty meant
a lot to her family and that she didn’t want to fail them.

“Jaro…I told you to go…leave… I… Why have you come back?”

She finally opened her eyes and immediately drowned in
molten mercury swirling with intense fire. She swallowed the lump in her
throat. “After all I’ve done to you.” A tear ran down her cheek.

“I couldn’t leave you like this, Red.” His thumb wiped away
the tear.

“Why do you care anyway? You don’t love me. You hate me.”

He shook his head. “You’re right,” he said. “I don’t love
you.” Mercury silver collided with amethyst, the indigo-blue rings flaring in
anger. Her heart broke and she tried to pull away. He was torturing her.

Jaro pulled her back, palming her face between two strong
hands. “No, Tani, you don’t understand.” His eyes searched her face as if he
couldn’t believe she was real. “I don’t love you, Red. I adore you.”

Tani’s aching heart fluttered in disbelief as she stared up
at him, the heat she saw burning in his eyes soothing the pain in her heart
like nothing else could. Warm lips found hers, lighting the ashes in her chest,
igniting the dormant embers to a raging fire. His hands were fisting her red
hair as the kiss deepened, her lips parting to accept the sweetness of his
sensual mouth.

He drew back, giving her a chance to breathe.

“It’s more than love, Red. Don’t you know that? You own me,
heart, body and soul. It’s all yours, I’m all yours. Even if you can’t ever
feel the same about me, you have my devotion, my adoration. You must know that
by now.”

Tani’s heart threatened to burst from her chest as he spoke
the most beautiful words she’d ever heard. He had pulled her against his chest,
her head resting against the strong beat of his heart and again the rhythm
pounded at one with her own. He was hers and he was really here. Her eyes searched
his, heart stuttering at the scorching white heat that flared between them.
Dark rings of blue flashed with undisguised desire, the intensity of his gaze
piercing her soul, swallowing everything that she was and reflecting it back a
thousandfold. She could barely understand how he could look at her that way.

Raising her palm to stroke that harsh, beautiful face, her
words laden with hope, she whispered, “Please don’t. Don’t say any of this if
you don’t mean it. Don’t make a sacrifice of yourself again. I love you too
much to let you do that, Jaro. I just want you to be free.”

He smiled. It was the most stunning smile she had ever seen.
His eyes shone with silvery light, the dimples in his chin and cheek creasing
with genuine joy.

“Red… If words aren’t enough to convince you, then maybe I’d
better show you how I feel.”

As his dark head closed on hers, the warmth of his lips fiery
with heat slammed a path across every nerve, every atom she possessed. The fire
was a furnace as his hands began stoking flames over her whole body as they
roamed wildly, eager to explore the softness of her flesh. Jaro was like
wildfire. Savage and untamed. She was his slave. He held her captive heart, body
and soul.

“Just let me adore you,” he groaned as his head moved lower
and insistent lips closed over one hard nipple that was aching for his touch.
Tani arched her back as a moan of ecstatic pleasure escaped her throat and his
hand squeezed her other breast. She jerked again, the intensity of his caress
rocking tremors through her whole body. He breathed her name, his hot breath
causing shivers across her skin as he kissed a burning trail down her stomach
to her hips. He spent time lavishing kisses on her Taijitu, claiming her as his
before descending to ravage her sex with his mouth.

Jaro groaned when the first taste of strawberries and
chocolate ignited on his tongue. How could he ever get enough of her? He was
completely and irrevocably addicted to the intoxicating essence of this woman
and it had taken all his resolve to stay away from her for so long.

After the first fires of anger had burned themselves out, he
had realized it wasn’t just Tani he was angry with but himself. He was finally
free of Phenex but he was so tied to this woman that it felt like he was being
caged, given no choice in his destiny. It was impossible for him not to forgive
her perceived betrayals. He knew they hadn’t been real but that wasn’t the
point. It angered him that she had so much control over him. Could he really
trust her? What if she turned her back on him like every other woman he had
loved? She meant too much to him. It was true what he’d said to her—he’d felt
too much, too strongly, too quickly and he couldn’t cope with all that emotion.
He had to leave to get some distance between them in order to sort through the
confusion in his head. But being apart from her had hurt so much worse. How
could he have thought that vengeance was more important than her, more
important than love?

And so he had returned and now all his focus was on making
up for lost time. His tongue lavished attention on her clit and he smiled at
her release, drinking down her juices as if they were the most expensive wine.
Chaos, how he loved her! Adored her. Worshipped her.

A gasp of pleasure escaped her lips and he lifted his head
to watch her unravel for him. Her eyes opened, heavy lidded, her body
languorous and satiated, her mouth curled into a smile that told him all he
needed to know. He slid up until he was poised over her, feeling the soft press
of her breasts against his chest. Their eyes met. Her hand reached to fist the
hair at the nape of his neck and pull him closer. Her other hand slid down his
hard chest, playing briefly in the dark hairs that led to his shaft.

He watched fascinated when her eyes flared in surprised
satisfaction as she gripped the length of him in her palm. She stroked him
gently until a small bead of moisture pooled at the tip and her fingers
lovingly spread the lubricant along the length of his erection. Then with the
same hand she touched herself and slowly brought her fingers to her lips. “I
want to taste us both,” she whispered, her words ratcheting up his heart rate
in anticipation. Watching her suck her fingers between lips swollen from his
kisses, Jaro nearly lost control.