Ransom (13 page)

“I plan on attending the second semester,” I cut in.
 

I wasn’t sure if the deception was evident in my tone since I was just saying it to get her to swing my way. Though if things went well with Gabriel it actually might happen after all. Still, I couldn’t look that far ahead into the future right then.
 

 
Trinity shook her head. The half dozen chopsticks jostled and clacked with the move, as if they were living things.

“I can’t be part of you avoiding the truth anymore Lexie. You have to accept that…”

“That she’s dead, yeah I got that the first fifty times you told me,” I snapped, unable to hold back the retort. I didn’t want to get snippy with Trinity, but I was going on desperate now. I decided to pull out the last card I had in my repertoire, one I knew would gut me as much as it would Trinity.

“Trin, I don’t know if I can do it. I mean I need one more shot. I need to tell her that I’m sorry, that I didn’t mean everything I said, because if I don’t I’ll go crazy and I don’t mean figuratively. I can’t sleep without dreaming about her. Every time I wake up in the morning I remember that she’s dead because of me…”
 

Unplanned tears welled in my eyes. So far, other than at Gingerella’s, I had managed not to break down in front of Trinity. I had always held back because in my opinion I didn’t deserve to be comforted, not after all the damage and destruction that I had caused. Yet saying the words that described how I truly felt, had been more than tough. Now the flood of emotions that always waited in the wings of my psyche were threatening to push through the gates of my resolve.

Almost immediately Trinity softened, and I saw it there just like I had with Aiden, unremitting empathy. It was almost too much to take.

“I can’t just leave it,” I somehow managed to choke out.
 

Trinity caved seconds later. Though it was a victory for me, I didn’t much feel like celebrating. In my quest to convince Trinity that I needed her help, I had managed to tear another gouge into my already ragged heart. I wasn’t sure if it had been worth it.

The next day, true to her word, Trinity showed up at the crack of dawn to pick me up. Dad and his lovely wife and baby-making machine, were still in bed since it was Saturday, a day they reserved to roll around between the sheets and do nothing I wanted to think about. I had left a short note to say that I would be out of town for a week or so, not that they would even miss me anyway.
 

Though Dad was all too often telling me that I was welcome to live with them, I couldn’t quite shake the feeling that I was the third wheel on a motorcycle built for two. When the darling baby came I knew I would become even more of an obstruction, blocking Dad’s path to a brand new shiny life. I had already decided that no matter what happened, there was no way that I was going to stick around after that momentous event. Though truthfully I had no idea where I was going to go, since all the plans I had once thought were forged in steel had melted into a clump of unknowing when Mom had died. I shook my head. There would be plenty of time to agonize about my uncertain future or lack thereof, but only one chance to see Gabriel Sanders.
 

I was outside the condo and on the sidewalk long before Trinity had a chance to beep the horn. With my small pink leather suitcase in one hand and a wad of cash in my pocket I was on my way.

I walk-ran to the bug. Aiden jumped out of the passengers side door. He grabbed my suitcase from my hands, then opened the hood of the car that served as a trunk. It was already so packed that I had no idea where he was going to fit it in.

I slipped into the back seat through Aiden’s open door. Trinity swiveled her head and grinned. It was all I needed to feel like everything was going to work out after all. I noticed that she was dressed in a completely un-Trinity kind of way. I didn’t bother mentioning that I had never seen her dressed so plain. The black three-quarter length yoga pants and the plain emerald green tee she was wearing were average clothes for most, but looked positively weird on her.

“What did you pack anyway?” I asked, thumbing toward the trunk. Aiden had already taken his seat in front of me.

“Oh you know the usual, tent, sleeping bags, camping gear…” Aiden rhymed off.

“Since when did we decide we were going to camp out,” I said, my face buckling. I despised camping and all it entailed. In my opinion if you didn’t have running water, a shower, electricity and a real bed to sleep in, it was inhumane.

Trinity pulled out onto the street.

“The show is out in a field. Trin and I decided that it was better to be prepared rather than chance getting stranded if we didn’t manage to get a hotel room. This is his last venue of the season and there are two back to back shows, so I have no idea how many people are going to invade the place,” Aiden said.
 

His oversized hand traveled to Trinity’s thigh that promptly vanished beneath its width.
 

Trinity turned toward him. Something passed between the two of them, something that I wasn’t privy to, then Trinity shot him a coy smile before she looked back to the road ahead.

“Camping is very good,” she purred, releasing a chuckle that had me wondering what had gone down on their last camping trip. Aiden leaned in and brushed his lips, feather soft across the bare skin at the dip at the back of her neck. She shivered, and I couldn’t help but long for someone to kiss me like that. Where just a hint of lips across skin was so intimate and so right. I had once thought Mitch was going to be my someone.
 

All my feelings that had seemed so unbearably real and powerful before Dallas’s party had fizzled into oblivion, at the news of Mom’s death. I knew that nothing real disappeared so easily. It only made my stupidity and stubbornness to go to Dallas’s party that much more disgusting. Even if I had still been interested, I had heard that Mitch had hooked up with the bombshell that had been draped on him at the party.
 

I closed my eyes, trying to shake off the image of Mitch. Thinking of him always brought me back to more unpleasant memories that only served to bring me down. Even though I hadn’t wanted to go back to that day, I had more times than I could count. Every time I walked through the nightmare, I was always filled with more guilt, regret, and emotions that I couldn’t even name.
If only
became an unrelenting mantra.
If only
I hadn’t gone to the party,
if only
it hadn’t been raining,
if only
the last words that I had spoken to Mom hadn’t been hurtful. I felt a lump grow in my throat. Tears swam in my eyes. I shook my head aggressively, clearing the painful thoughts from my consciousness.
 

The car was speeding along, making the trees just a green blur at the sides of the highway. Trinity liked to go fast. I was surprised that the bug could actually meet the challenge. I hoped the clunker lasted long enough for us to get to the show.
 

As Aiden and Trinity chatted back and forth all I could think was that in a few days I would see the kid who was supposed to have all the answers, I prayed he did, because even though I knew I shouldn’t have, all my hopes were pinned on Gabriel Sanders being authentic. And if for some reason he was just like all the others, I wasn’t sure if I could go on living.

9. RANSOM

“We were sent back here by Mr. Sanders to meet Gabriel,” a female voice said from behind me. I spun around, completely pissed that strangers were back stage when we were so close to the start of the show.
 

“You can’t be back here,” I said in a gruff tone, even before I laid eyes on the speaker. I stared at the giant of a guy that stood before me. I was tall enough, but next to him I almost felt short. He was much thinner than I was, with a dark buzz cut and sleeves of tattoos that I couldn’t help but admire. He didn’t exactly look sick, but there was a worn look in his expression that said that life hadn’t been easy. I could relate, and wondered if people saw the same thing when they looked at me.

“Sorry, but Mr. Sanders said we could talk to Gabriel before he went on stage…” the girl who had originally spoken, stammered. I clenched my fists and gritted my teeth before I spoke again.
 

“My father sent you?” I said.
 

I had posed my statement as a question, but I knew that Pa in his infinite need to have more money had as usual, decided to screw up my routine just minutes before the show began. It wasn’t unheard of for Pa to arrange one-on-one meetings if his palms were well greased.

I locked on the girl. Compared to the guy, she was downright tiny. Her sunny blonde hair just touched her shoulders and was swept to the side so that only one of her blue eyes showed. She was cute enough, but she was a little too thin for my taste. Her clothes, a plain lemon yellow t-shirt, black shorts and Keds, said she was way too pure for my taste as well. Not that she was even in the market, since by the look she cast at the tall guy, she was completely into him.
 

“It’s fine Marilee, it doesn’t really matter. You know I don’t really believe in this stuff…”
 

He paused, running a huge hand across the top of his head.

Marilee tilted her head up toward the guy.
 

“Jax, you know Gran will kill us, me actually, if we don’t get to see Gabriel, and besides we were invited here,” she said.

“The fact that I’m standing here right now, feeling the way I do, says I don’t need to be anywhere near this whole thing,” Jax said.
 

The two of them locked eyes in a way that made me feel as if I was no longer present. Oddly I felt like I was intruding on a private moment, despite them being on my turf.

“Guys, it’s just fifteen minutes before the show starts, like I said you can’t be here.”

“It’s okay,” Gabriel said from behind me.
 

I hadn’t known he had been there, somehow even with his braces he had managed to creep up on us. It was incomprehensible how he could move so quietly.

“Pa mentioned that they were coming back, Jax and Marilee, right?” he said, offering a thin hand in the big guys direction. Jax took Gab’s hand in his, where it disappeared. Though Jax appeared a little weirded out, Marilee’s face was practically glowing with anticipation.

“You guys have done amazing work on the Peace Project. When I heard you were going to be here, I really wanted to get a chance to meet you two. It’s not every day that you get a chance to meet people who do so much to help their community,” Gabriel said.
 

He turned his gaze to me and grinned. “These guys have probably sent over fifty kids who were suffering with cancer, to my shows. You wouldn’t believe the amount of times I heard their names…”

“Fifty-three and counting,” Marilee filled in. Gab shifted his gaze back in her direction.
 

Both she and Jax glowed at the mention of the kids they had helped.

“Your offer was more than generous. I know you’re busy and…” Marilee said, stepping forward. She extended her hand to Gabriel, who had just released Jax’s hand. Gabriel shook Marilee’s hand warmly as he had Jax’s. He shot them a carefree smile as if it wasn’t an inconvenience at all that they were clogging up our space when he was supposed to be on stage in front of a field full of people in a few moments.
 

“It’s no trouble. I’m here to help people, just like you guys are doing,” he said as if he was a forty-year-old man not a teenager.

“We won’t keep you, thanks man,” Jax said.
 

I could tell by his expression that he was more than a little embarrassed to be standing there.
 

“We should go,” he said to Marilee who was still transfixed on Gab.

“I know that you just wanted to say hi to us but I wanted to ask if you could give Jax…” She shrugged then gave Jax a sidelong glance, as if unsure of her words.

“Marilee…” Jax started to say, but Marilee ignored him and plowed on.
 

“Jax is going through some stuff, you know, and I wanted to know if you could give him something to make sure he stays on the right track,” she said in a flurry of words. Stress replaced her formerly placid demeanor.

 
I wanted to protest. I longed to tell her that my brother wasn’t a sideshow freak who could turn on his healing vibe like a vending machine that you fed coins to. But the quiet excitement that lit her face had me sucking in a long breath and holding back my protests.

Gabriel nodded, then targeted Jax with precision. He stared up, took both of Jax’s hands in his, then closed his eyes. Without his usual straw hat, his face was in plain view. His eyelids were shiny with a thin mist of sweat and his cheeks were slightly flushed from the heat.
 

Jax and Marilee watched Gabriel with an intensity that I had seen more times than I could count. They wanted a healing more than they wanted to draw their next breath, but they also weren’t sure if Gabriel was the real thing. I didn’t blame their disbelief because even though I had seen Gab do his work almost daily, I never knew if it was something he made happen or if things were going to shift in a person’s life anyway, even if they had never met Gabriel at all.

An expression of peace rippled across Jax’s face. I had seen that happen before too. I always wanted to ask what they were feeling, but it wouldn’t have done for me to be questioning Gabriel’s healing abilities.
 

When Gab released Jax, Marilee cut her stare away from Gabriel back to Jax, who was standing there stalk still as if in a trance.

“Jax?” Marilee said softly. It was just enough to shift him back to the present.

“That was a little trippy,” he breathed, drawing in a huge inhalation.

“Are you okay?” Marilee asked, a look of concern now marred her face. She clasped his forearm protectively. He shrugged and grinned down at her.

“Nothing worse than what Gran has put me through in the past,” Jax said with a grin that didn’t show his teeth, but made a dimple appear in his cheek.