Reaching Rachel (23 page)

“Yes.”

“What I really love?” Rachel paused, willing her body to stop quivering. “Is you. I always have.” There, that wasn’t so bad. “I have since the night I met you, and I’ve never stopped. All this time, all these years, it’s only been you for me, Dev. I know we have shit to work through. But, I love you. I do. I don’t think there will ever be a moment where I’m not completely and totally in love with you.”

“That was hard for you.” It wasn’t a question.

Rachel nodded. “I don’t know why. It isn’t because I doubt the way I feel. I don’t, not at all. But saying it makes me … vulnerable. And for so long, I haven’t wanted to be vulnerable to anyone. Then when I finally got to where I thought I could try again, Justin happened. I’m sorry. Please don’t feel that it means I don’t mean it. It’s not that way at all. I mean it so deeply, to my core, that saying it out loud scares me.”

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Devin flipped her over gently, “You’ve come so far. Thank you for saying it. I’ll never be able to tell you how much that means to me.” A wicked grin came over his face. “Now, come here. I’m going to show you exactly how long I’ve wanted you.”

Rachel laughed, glad the intensity of the moment was broken a little. That overwhelming feeling was still a lot for her to take. Devin took one of her legs and put it up over his shoulder, and her eyes widened. Pulling her so that she was at the edge of the bed, he lifted her other leg and put it on his other shoulder. Dipping down, he wiggled his eyebrows seductively as he kissed along the inside of her thighs, using his fingers to make her cry out again.

“So ready,” he murmured, and within minutes, he was inside her again. She screamed, but not from pain. As much as she had loved him being gentle, loving with her, this was just as amazing. He had always been an intense, hot lover, and she was glad to see that he decided to stop treating her like a china doll. He held her steady so she wouldn’t slide back as he pounded into her, and it was all she could do to grip the sheets next to her, ready for the release that was coming hard and fast.

“That’s right, Rachel. Let go. Give it to me.” Sweat shone on Devin’s face at the exertion, and she could feel moisture pooling in between her breasts. He lifted her as he slammed into her one last time, and they both feel apart, their orgasms sending them mutually spiraling into oblivion. She didn’t think she could move. Not ever again.

“Rach,” Devin whispered into her ear. “You still awake?”

“Hmph,” she mumbled. She was so tired, but in a fantastically wonderful, I-can’t-believe-how-many-times-they-had-made-love-kind of way. She had no idea what time it was, or at what hour they had actually eaten cold Chinese food. For the first time, she was sore in a good way and not because of her injuries.

He laughed, and she turned, circling her arms around his neck. “Don’t tell me you want more.”

“What if I did? You can’t handle it?”

“I’d never be able to say no to you,” she admitted, swinging her leg over his and pressing up against him. They were still both naked, covered by the silky sheet only.

“I want you to tell me,” Devin said simply. Rachel looked up at him, barely making out his dark eyes in the room lit only by moonlight.

“Tell you?”

“What happened.”

Rachel furrowed her brows. “What?”

“Five years ago. What really happened.”

Rachel sucked in a breath, and she immediately started shaking. No. Not now. Not after the best night they’d had in such a long time. Sweat dotted her forehead, and she felt the beginnings of panic setting in.

Devin sat up, helping her do the same. “It’s time, Rachel. It’s past time. We’ve let the elephant in the room turn into an entire herd of them. Tell me the truth. We’ll never be able to move on if you don’t. And after tonight, I think that it’s clear that we both want to move on, together.”

Rachel looked down, playing with the sheet so she didn’t have to look at him. What would he do when he learned the truth? So much had happened since then, and he had told her that he’d never leave her.

“What are you thinking?”

She finally met his eyes, and fear gripped her heart like a vice. She couldn’t lose him again. “T—that I’m terrified that you will leave.”

Devin rubbed his hands over his face. “I need to know, Rachel. We can’t have secrets if we are going to have a successful relationship. I’ve already said I’m not going to leave. We can’t avoid this conversation forever.”

A sob escaped her throat without warning, and she pushed the panic down, trying hard to keep it away. “I know, Dev. I’m just …”

“Just tell me,” he said, an edge to his voice that she hadn’t heard in a long time.

Burying her head in her hands, she knew. She wasn’t getting out of this. She had been lucky that he had let it go this long. If she wanted to move forward with him, which she did, she had to tell him. “Remember the night we were at the party on the beach? All your cop buddies?” She took a deep breath and began. There would be no turning back now. He would know it all.

“Of course. I knew something had happened that night, because it was right after that when things went downhill. Go on.”

“Well, I was sitting there at the kitchen stool, drinking my coke, when Zack came up to me.”

Devin gritted his teeth. He hated that bastard. He had always been trying to one-up him on everything.

“He was flirting with me, even though he knew, just as everyone else did, that I was yours. He was making me uncomfortable, touching my leg, leaning close to me. So I told him to back the hell off. I did, Devin.”

“Go on.”

“I got up to see where you were, and saw you outside. I was going to come sit with you, but I decided to use the bathroom first. I downed my drink, then headed for the bathroom. That was when I started feeling sick.”

“Sick?” Devin’s cop instinct was screaming, and he forced himself to stay next to her in the bed when he really wanted to get up and start pacing.

“The room was spinning, and I felt like my tongue was double its size. I remember sitting on the toilet, wondering what in the hell I could do and how I could get out of there, when the door opened. At first, I thought it was you and I called out your name, but I remember that my words didn’t sound right.”

“Who was it?” Devin stood up, not able to stop himself. He started pacing the room.

“I thought it was you,” Rachel repeated, her voice breaking. Tears clogged her throat, and she struggled past the lump there to keep talking.

“Who. Was. It.”

Rachel watched him, his body pacing like a caged animal. “Zack.”

“What the fuck was he doing in the bathroom with you?”

“I—I don’t know.”

“Dammit, Rachel! What do you mean, you don’t know?”

“I don’t remember,” she admitted, and he stopped, looking at her wildly.

“You don’t …” Devin ran his hands through his hair, pulling it in frustration. “That asshole drugged you, didn’t he? Did you walk away from your drink?”

“Y—yes. After he was flirting with me, I walked away and he was standing in the kitchen. Let me finish, Dev. I guess he took me into a room, and the last thing I remember was saying your name and passing out. But … when I woke up …”

Devin crossed the room so quickly, she jumped as his face appeared before hers. “Tell me that fucker didn’t rape you.”

“Devin, let me finish” she cried, tears flowing freely from her eyes now. “When I woke up, I was naked. My clothes were strewn across the room. I had no idea where I was or what had happened. Then, I saw him. Zack. He was standing in the corner, watching me. He was … he was …”

“Tell. Me.” If fire could fly out of Devin’s eyes, she thought it just might. Just like that, she was back on the front porch of her house, him standing next to her, demanding that she tell him the truth. She let him believe what he had heard at that time, because she had believed she had to. Now, it was different.

“He was naked, and his clothes were mixed with mine on the floor. He was … hard, and was … stroking himself while watching me. I jumped up, screaming at him, when he came over to me, pressing himself into me …” Rachel gagged, remembering. “He said … he said that he had fucked me. That I liked it. That I was calling out his name while my boyfriend sat down at the fire. What a whore I was. And that he was going to show you everything. That he had a video of us, and would put it all over the internet. He then took out his phone like he was going to show me, and I started sobbing. He told me, that if I told you, he would post the video. He—he also said that if I didn’t break up with you, he would plant the date rape drug in your locker at work, and he had a girl who would claim that you raped her. Your career would be over. He said he had ways of getting your DNA on this woman, too. He said I had … three days to break if off with you, or he would do it.”

Devin stared at the woman he loved, and saw red. Absolute fucking red. Walking to his dresser, he stepped into a pair of basketball shorts, trying with all his might not to punch something. Zack Miller. He wanted to kill him. Right now. The bastard better be glad he was hours away. He knew he still worked at his old precinct.

“He
drugged
you, Rachel. God. He put something in your drink to make you pass out. What if he …” No. He couldn’t think of another man violating her in that way. Not twice.

Rachel stood, wrapping the sheet around her while she watched Devin. She knew he was right on the verge of losing control, but not at her. He wasn’t Justin. He was upset. She touched him gingerly on the back, and he turned, pulling her to him. It was then that she could feel his body shuddering. He was crying?

Pulling back so she could look at him, she felt the first tear drop onto her face. They weren’t her tears. “Dev? It’s okay, baby. I’m okay.”

Devin squeezed her almost painfully, kissing the top of her head as his body shook. He hadn’t been there for her. This was his fault. “Tell me the rest.” Rachel ran her hands up and down his back, trying in vain to soothe him. She wasn’t sure what was the most upsetting to him, but she knew from his reaction that he wasn’t upset with her.

“When I left that night, I felt sick. When I went home, I threw up for what seemed like days. I thought I betrayed you, slept with another man, your coworker, and couldn’t remember it. But I knew that I hadn’t had any alcohol, only soda, so I started connecting what happened.”

“You couldn’t tell me,” Devin said.

“For many reasons,” Rachel said back. “I was terrified of him, that he really did video us together. I was embarrassed that I had done that to you, the love of my life. Then, I knew he was right. He would destroy your career. I had to do what he said.”

“The day I came to your house,” Devin started, “I had heard him talking, bragging to another officer. Now I know he did that on purpose, probably knowing I was listening. He was going on and on about a hot lay that he had scored at the beach party. He never said your name, but he said something that made me realize it was you. He talked about the birth mark you have on your inner thigh, and I lost it. I ran out of there as fast as I could, to you. You had been acting weird for days, not wanting me around, not even talking to me. All I wanted you to do was tell me that it wasn’t true, that you didn’t do what he was saying. It wasn’t you.”

“But I couldn’t,” Rachel interrupted. “Because he said he had video. He threatened me.”

“Did you ever see the video?”

“No.”

“So you don’t know if you really slept with him.”

Rachel stared at him. Did she know for sure? “Well, I guess not, no. But I know I woke up without clothes on, and it sure did look bad.”

Devin growled angrily. “He
touched
you when you weren’t even conscious. Whatever he did to you was
not
consensual. If he really does have video of it, it could cause some big trouble for him. I hope he wasn’t that stupid. And if he was, I’m going to fucking find it. Rachel … I wish you would’ve told me. I understand why you didn’t, but …”

“I couldn’t let him ruin your dream,” Rachel said sadly.

“Don’t you get it, Rachel? My job is my job.
You
are my dream. Oh my god, I can’t believe all this time … that stupid prick is the reason that I spent five years without you.
He
did this. I spent all this time mad at you, mad at the world, for the best thing that ever happened to me being yanked away from me because of a selfish asshole that wanted to stick it to me. He saw an opportunity to one up me, so he took it. And you were the casualty.
We
were the casualty.”

“That’s not all,” Rachel said, so low he didn’t hear over his ranting. He opened the door to the bedroom and walked out, leaving her there. What if she really didn’t sleep with him? Would that have changed the way she handled what happened with Devin? She knew that no matter what, however, he would’ve followed through on his threat to frame Devin for rape, and for that she knew she had to follow through with it. It would’ve been his word against Devin’s. At the time, she was young and naïve, and would’ve believed anything the older cop would’ve told her about what he could do. Devin was probably right, he probably would’ve never recorded himself doing anything to her.