Read My Lips (15 page)

SMOOCHIE COOCHIE: THE YUMMY WORLD OF CUNNILINGUS

Some women find it easier to experience orgasm while receiving cunnilingus than during other types of sex, such as vaginal intercourse. Even for women who don’t experience orgasm from cunnilingus, receiving oral sex can be a pleasurable experience—a chance to sit or lie back and be attended to by one’s partner. That’s not to say that cunnilingus is always a passive, sit-back-let-go-and-be-worshipped experience. Cunnilingus can be an extremely active and take-charge experience for the woman on the receiving end. Here are several ways to tweak cunnilingus for maximum vulva and vagina pleasure:

• The Ice Cream Trick.
  Dreaded by some, longed for by others, this involves having your partner lick your vulva as if it were an ice cream cone: think long, savory, delicious licks of wonder.
  
• Lick a message to your partner.
  Perhaps you’ve played the massage game in which one person uses his/her finger to “write” a message on a friend’s back so that the friend has to guess what he/she is writing. This is similar, except it involves the vulva. Some people make it into a game, with the woman receiving cunnilingus having to guess the message. Other cunnilinguists don’t tell their partners what they’re up to; they simply find that spelling out a message like “I love you” or “You’re hot” or “Vulvas are the best thing ever ever ever” (over and over again) can be an enjoyable way to concentrate on what they’re doing.
  
• Constant flicks.
  Some women—perhaps particularly those who enjoy the consistent stimulation provided by vibrators— enjoy constant tongue flicking as part of oral sex. If you don’t like it when your partner switches things up down there, ask for constant flicks. Your partner may be able to stay focused by breathing in and out, or counting flicks. Keep a glass of water nearby for your partner if you desire or require lengthy stimulation for reasons of pleasure or orgasm. And if he or she tires out at first? No worries: it can take practice to build up endurance. The good news is that, while your partner is learning to build up endurance, you can switch to other types of sex play. Plus, practice can be a lot of fun—but everyone deserves a break.
  
• Be kissed ’round the clock.
  Starting at the twelve o’clock position (your glans clitoris), ask your partner to sprinkle kisses at each “numbered” position around your vulva as if it were a clock face. Or be kissed in a random pattern. For some women, kissing alone—albeit often prolonged kissing—is enough to drive them wild and/or bring them to orgasm.
  
• To finger or not to finger?
  Women have different preferences when it comes to fingers and oral sex. Some women find that it increases their arousal when their partner fingers them during oral sex. This may be especially true for those women who are responsive to vaginal-wall stimulation, such as G-spot stimulation. For other women, the added finger is a distraction that takes away from the general deliciousness of cunnilingus. You might explore both options to see what you like. You might also ask your partner what he or she thinks about the finger option. Oh, and make sure to be specific about where you want a finger, as some women would love to have a finger during cunnilingus but in their anus (not the vagina).
  
• Two fingers?
  There are also women who, at times, want a finger in both orifices, a la double penetration. This can be done with a well-lubricated thumb in one hole and a well-lubricated pointer finger in the other hole. Wearing a condom over one’s finger is advisable for anal penetration, especially if you think you might switch to more vaginal play later on. It’s better to avoid getting fecal matter in or near the vagina. Another option is to insert a condom-clad butt plug into the anus and/or a condom-clad dildo in the vagina while your partner does the whole mouth/tongue thing on the vulva.
  
• Hold your partner’s head
  . It can feel very sexy for both partners to engage not just in a little hand holding, but in head holding as well. This doesn’t have to feel like a domination/ submission scene, unless that’s your thing. Some people simply find it sexy to feel as though they are showing their partner what they like—or insisting on what they want (or being shown, as the case may be). Plus, it can be helpful to place a hand on your partner’s head. When things are going well, you might press down more during excitement, thus giving your partner feedback about what’s working so nicely for you and your vulva.
  
• Sit on your partner’s face.
  Whether you’re having oral sex in a bed, on a sofa, on the floor or in the backseat of a car, there is often room to sit on one’s partner’s face for oral sex. (In the backseat of a car, one can often press against the roof or hold on to the dry cleaning handles on the roof for more leverage.) If you ever get super into this type of sex, consider buying or making your own queening chair (a special chair or stool with a hole cut out in the middle so that a woman can sit on her lover’s face for long periods of time while her partner performs oral sex on her; this is sometimes used as part of power-play activities).
  

SAY NO TO BLOW!

You may have heard about the dangers of blowing air into the vagina during oral sex, for fear of causing an air embolism (basically, air that doesn’t belong in the cardiovascular system). Although it would be very rare to cause an air embolism by blowing air into the vagina, it is a possible outcome (and a dangerous possibility) and thus, we do not recommend this practice. Instead, have your partner kiss, lick, or gently nibble your vulva parts—he or she can save the blowing for gently blowing warm air on your inner thighs, breasts, or neck.

I love looking at vaginas. Usually I look when I am about to go down on someone and seeing it fills me with such anticipation. I think I was too scared of my own sexuality to ever really look/compare with friends growing up.

—
L
INDSEY,
23, Washington

• Side-by-side 69.
  Side-by-side oral sex is sometimes thought of as a yin-yang, with both partners giving and receiving in perfect harmony. Oh, the romance of it all! Of course, it can be awkward for some to try to concentrate on giving when they’re having so much fun receiving, but a challenge can be a good thing, too.
  
• On-all-fours 69.
  In a more traditional 69, one partner lays down while the other partner gets on top on all fours while they both give and receive. This position can potentially provide a bit more “breathing room” than facesitting and can be a nice set-up for mutual pleasure.
  
• Make it extra tasty
  . Although vulvas are already often tasty on their own, some people enjoy adding flavor to their vulva for the sake of variety or pleasure. Though this is not recommended for women who are prone to yeast infections or other forms of vaginal or vulvar irritation, other women may enjoy spraying whipped cream, sprinkling body sugar, or slathering flavored lube on their genital parts. The safest place for these tasty playthings is farther away from the vaginal entrance, such as on the mons, the outer labia, and the top of the clitoris, such as around the clitoral hood. However, if you’re irritation-prone, you may want to skip this altogether. As always, if you have questions about your personal health or what is or is not safe for you, check in with your healthcare provider.
  

INTERCOURSE? OF COURSE!

Although there are numerous sex positions that can be found in books—or your imagination—sometimes the most pleasurable positions involve slight modifications of old stand-bys. Here are a few ways to transform common sex positions into uncommon pleasure.

Mission: Pleasure Possible

When some people hear “missionary,” they think of boring, awkward, fumbling sex. But missionary is perhaps the most common sex position for a reason—namely, it can be an easy sex position in which a woman can relax and focus on her pleasure and orgasm. Try these adaptations that may stimulate your vulva or vagina in more targeted ways:

• Tilt your hips upward during missionary, making your torso as flat as a table.
  If your partner’s penis or strap-on points or aims upward, this can aid in G-spot stimulation. Downward pointing or side-to-side play can also be fun. Squeeze your pelvic-floor muscles (the muscles that help draw your vagina in tighter) for more intense stimulation for yourself and your partner. You might also find it easier to place a pillow under your hips so that you can relax rather than holding your hips up with your own strength.
  
• Become a CAT lady.
  CAT stands for coital alignment technique, another modification of missionary. Have your male partner (or your female partner if she’s wearing a strap-on) position their shoulders past yours, closer to your ears or forehead. This should allow your partner’s pubic bone to more easily rub against your vulva. This placement combined with the motions—which are more about close grinding than in and out thrusting—has been shown to make for easier orgasms for women.
  ^11–14
  

Breaking the Sex Ceiling: Woman on Top

Although woman on top is another popular sex position (at least in part due to Sharon Stone’s sexy ways in the movie
Basic Instinct
), many women aren’t sure what to do once they get on top. In fact, this is a question that Debby has been asked hundreds of times in her work as a sex educator and columnist. Here are four possibilities—though you should feel free to get creative all on your own.

• Top a squat.
  Plant one foot flat on the ground on either side of your partner’s torso, with your knees facing forward or out to the sides (if you have knee problems or concerns about your knee health or safety, check in with your healthcare provider before trying this or any other sex position that works or puts stress on your knees). Using your hands on your partner’s torso or on the bed for leverage, rise up to slide your vagina up the shaft of your partner’s penis or strap-on and then back down. Squeeze your pelvic-floor muscles for more intense stimulation.
  
• Lean forward.
  Whether your feet or knees are planted on either side of your partner, leaning forward allows you to get closer to your partner, which can allow for kissing and building intimacy. If your partner’s penis or strap-on points or bends upward, this can also intensify G-Spot stimulation for you.
  
• Lean back.
  No matter which way your partner points or bends, leaning back can stimulate the front vaginal wall (G-spot area), as everything your partner’s got down there will be pressing against that front vaginal wall. Leaning back also makes it easier for your partner to stimulate your clitoris with his/her fingers or a sex toy, such as a vibrator.
  
• Grind it.
  Slowly move your hips forward and back, grinding your partner’s genitals. Then try moving your hips in circles, thus providing ample stimulation to your entire vulva.
  

Of course, you can also turn around and try these reverse cowgirl style, facing your partner’s feet.

Back It On Up: Rear Entry

Sometimes people think of rear entry between a man and a woman as being more about the man’s pleasure than the woman’s pleasure. After all, rear entry can be a pretty deep-thrusting position, which can mean that a woman’s cervix gets bumped up against (pleasurable for some women, but uncomfortable or painful for others). Rear-entry sex positions (a.k.a. doggie style) have also gotten a bad rap thanks to their frequent presence in, well, rap. Although sex as portrayed in some rap and hip-hop songs has shaped many women’s sexuality in positive ways, there are also a number of lyrics and videos that have made some women feel more objectified than respected as an equal partner in pleasure—and all too often, doggie style has been used as a part of those messages. Nevertheless, rear entry can be a pleasurable part of many women’s sex lives. Here are two ways to make it work in your favor:

• All fours.
  This is traditional doggie style in which a woman is on all fours while her partner thrusts while kneeling or standing behind her. You can keep your back flat as a table for moderate-depth thrusting or lean down, with your head in the pillows, for deeper thrusting (this poses a greater likelihood of bumping against the cervix, so proceed with caution). If your partner is particularly large or you find the depth of thrusting uncomfortable, ask him to wear a two-holed masturbation sleeve on his penis. Sleeves with a hole at each end can be slipped over his penis and squished down to the base, giving him total coverage (the toy stimulates the bottom half and you stimulate the top half ) while you don’t have to take as much in at a time.
  
• Lay down.
  Once you two are “inserted” in the all-fours position, you may find it pleasurable to keep your bodies connected as you slink downward and lay on the bed on your stomach. If your partner pops out, try raising your hips upward for easier re-entry. By laying down for rear entry, you can minimize the thrusting pace and depth, which can be easier on your vagina and cervix. Women who enjoy G-spot or clitoral stimulation may also find this pleasurable, as they can grind against their partner and their bed, while face-down.
  

QUIRKY QUEEFS

If you’ve ever had a moment of passing air through your vagina in a kind of noisy way—perhaps during sex—you may have wondered what the heck happened. Vaginal queefs (also called varts, vaginal farts, vaginal flatulence, and fanny farts) aren’t farts at all—meaning, they don’t involve passing gas and thus aren’t smelly. Rather, a queef involves trapped air passing out of the vagina. Some women experience queefs during exercise, such as sit-ups. More often, they’re heard during sex. Queefs are very common—especially in conjunction with vigorous thrusting sex positions that move air in and out of the vagina—and nothing to be embarrassed about. What are the rules of eti-queefe-tte? There really are none. We recommend that you just laugh and move on.