Rebecca's Rose (35 page)

“Nae, Dawdi. I don’t deserve her. I never did.”

“Ha,” Mammi said. “Not likely.”

They heard the car horn. Mom growled. “There’s my ride.” She stood and snatched her bonnet and coat from the hook. “We’re not done talking about this,” she said, shaking her finger at Levi.

“I didn’t dare hope we were,” Levi said.

“I’ll see you after work.” Mom rushed through the door as the horn honked for a second time.

Levi took his plate to the sink.

“Never mind that,” Mammi said. “Go to work.”

“Mammi, I can help with the dishes. It’ll take three minutes.”

Mammi gave in and handed him her plate. “Go sit, Alphy, before you fall over and break something.”

Levi filled the sink with soapy water and quickly washed the dishes while Mammi wiped counters and the table.

“What did we ever do without you?” she said.

Dawdi shambled into the kitchen mere minutes after he had managed to plant himself in his special chair in the living room.

“Alphy, go sit,” Mammi insisted, hands on hips. “I won’t have you taking a tumble.”

One side of Dawdi’s mouth turned down. “The door is for Levi.”

Levi pulled the plug in the sink. He noticed a tear making its way down Dawdi’s face. “You did not get your crying gene from me,” he said. “I only cry on special occasions.”

If Levi had expectations of whom he would meet at the door, he certainly never imagined
this
in his wildest dreams. His dad stood on the porch, hands in his jeans pockets, intently studying the welcome mat at his feet.

Levi couldn’t help it. His heart raced on ahead of him. “Dad.”

“Hey.”

“Come in,” Levi said.

Dad shook his head. “Can we talk out here?”

“Sure, okay.” Levi was accustomed to having serious conversations on people’s porches. He grabbed his coat and closed the door behind him.

Dad took a step back and gazed down the road. “I think it’s colder here than in Chicago. The gauge in the car said twenty-five.”

“It’s supposed to warm into the thirties next week.”

Levi went silent, waiting for whatever Dad had come all this way to say. Besides that short meeting in Chicago two weeks ago, Levi hadn’t seen his father in five years. He hadn’t changed except for a few more strands of gray at his temples and an extra pound or two around the middle.

Keeping his gaze on the road running in front of the house, Dad said, “I loved your mother so much. The day I laid eyes on her when she was working at the market, I didn’t care if she was Amish or Russian or Martian. I knew I wanted to marry her. And she had these two little kids I couldn’t get enough of.”

He smiled at some distant memory. Levi bit the side of his cheek and tried not to get emotional.

“It was really good for a while,” Dad said, “but your mom started missing her own people. A woman needs her mother, I guess, at any age. She got depressed. Some days she wouldn’t get out of bed. She didn’t want to go anywhere or do anything, and she wasn’t interested in my friends. Can you imagine how I felt every day, watching this woman I loved be so unhappy, knowing it was all my fault?”

“Mom chose to leave the community.”

“What did she know? She was a sheltered Amish girl. She’d just lost her husband, and I came along to save her. Who wouldn’t have chosen what she did?” Dad kneaded his forehead. “It started wearing on me. It’s not a good enough reason, but that’s what happened. I worked later and later so I wouldn’t have to come home to her. Sherry understood me. She helped me to be happy again.”

Levi wanted to point out that darling Sherry had destroyed another woman’s home.

Clenching his fists inside his pockets, he said a silent prayer. How could he spurn such an overture from his father? Ach, he was yet so weak.

“I told myself that it was better for your mom if I left. Without me holding her back, she could return to the community and the life she knew best.” He finally looked at Levi and placed a tentative hand on his shoulder. “You were the only reason I stayed around so long. The best son a father ever had.”

Their eyes met, and they communicated emotions both had buried deep.

Levi propelled himself into his dad’s embrace. “Oh, Dad, I’m so sorry.”

Weeping in unison, they held each other in an attempt to make up for five lost years.

“I shouldn’t have cut off contact when you sent that e-mail. My own son, whom I loved more than anything in the world, despised me. I couldn’t face you again. I chose to replace my hurt with anger.”

“I wish I hadn’t written that. I want to take it back so bad.”

Dad pulled away and held Levi’s shoulders firmly. “You were a kid. I wanted to blame it all on you. That way I didn’t have to face the fact that I was a complete jerk when I left my wife and kids to fend for themselves.”

“It’s okay, Dad. We can’t go back.”

“I want you to be my son again. More than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life.”

Levi squeezed his dad tightly enough to crush some ribs. “I love you, Dad. I wouldn’t have stayed so mad if I didn’t love you so much.”

“Sherry urged me several times to contact you. She really is a good lady.” Dad finally broke away and fished around in the inside pocket of his coat. “I started a savings account for you when your mom and I got married. It’s been sitting in a bank in La Crosse for fourteen years. I want you to have it.”

He handed Levi a check. Levi felt dizzy, looking at all those zeros. Thirty-thousand dollars? Was this for real?

“I talked to Beth,” Dad said. “We agreed I’d pay her tuition if you promise to never send her another dime.”

“She said that?”

“She says you need money for a house. Says you’ve got an Amish girlfriend.”

Levi lowered his eyes as a bed of quicksand engulfed his heart. “Not anymore. But I do need money for a house.”

“Your mom deserves a house.”

They embraced again. So much could be said with a good stiff hug.

Dad smiled. “Hey, your grandpa said you were going to work. I don’t want to impose, but could you get the day off? I’d like to spend some time with my son.”

“I can’t think of anything I’d rather do,” Levi said. “Will you drive me over there, and we’ll ask Nathaniel? He’ll be very happy to meet you.”

“Sure, anything you want.”

“And Dad?”

Dad closed his eyes and took a deep, cleansing breath. “You don’t know how much I love hearing you call me
Dad
.”

“You don’t know how much I love saying it. Dad, could we stop one other place before work? I have a rose I need to deliver.”

Levi sat on the front row of benches with five other young people. His heart thumped so loudly, he was sure the bishop and the preacher and all the congregants could hear it. And it wouldn’t let up, either. Even while he sat through songs and prayers and sermons his heart kept a frantic pace, until he thought he might die of a heart attack before he had the chance to be baptized.

The doubts pounded in his head and kept time with his heartbeat. Did his life in the community mean anything without Rebecca? Was he ready for this life? Did he want to live and die Amish? Was he ready?

To calm himself, he reviewed the “Confession of Faith” in his head—all eighteen articles. It didn’t help. What if he wasn’t ready? His internal heater went into overdrive.

The regular service came to an end, and the bishop and the preacher stood to begin the baptisms. Smiling, the bishop motioned to Levi.

Levi wanted to smack himself. Couldn’t he have sat in the middle of the group so he didn’t have to go first? What if he messed up? With heart still trying to break some sort of speed record, Levi slid off the bench and onto his knees. The bishop cupped his hands together and the preacher poured water into them. Levi bowed his head. The bishop said a blessing in High German and sprinkled the water on his head.

The water felt like a fresh spring rain after a dry spell. Someone handed him a towel, and he sat on the bench and dried his hair while the bishop performed the same ceremony with the other five.

Levi took a deep breath. He didn’t feel much different, except that his hair was wet and his heart had slowed to a normal pace.

He glanced back at his mom and Beth sitting with Dad’s wife, Sherry. Beth gave him the thumbs-up. Even in her Englisch clothes, Beth seemed to fit in well with the Amish women surrounding her. Sherry, on the other hand, stood out in her floral print dress and bright red lipstick. Dad sat on the men’s side in the very back, pulling his collar and fiddling with his tie.

Levi looked at his dad, then at Nathaniel King sitting a row in front of him. Unexpectedly, an overpowering sense of peace spread through Levi’s body. He loved his dad, but he didn’t fit into that world anymore. Tara, Jason, the cars, the drinking, all seemed like a dream. Today, he was waking up.

He belonged with these people.

And he was finally home.

Rebecca leaped out of Marvin’s buggy without saying good-bye and practically ran to the house. Tuesday evenings after cleaning at Mrs. Johnson’s were a scramble. She had to catch up on all the work she missed at home. And with the worst possible timing, Fater was due to arrive home tonight. Because of bad weather, the contractor had held up his roofing job in Milwaukee. With the unexpected loss of income for the week, Fater would already be in a bad mood. Everything must be in perfect order. She could really use some help on a night like this.

Not Marvin Yutzy’s help. Levi Cooper’s help. Levi worked hard and competently, and he had a knack for getting her siblings to work hard too.

Rebecca caught her breath for the hundredth time that day as she thought of him once more.

Hoping against hope that Linda had started supper, Rebecca burst into the kitchen and looked into the cookstove. No such luck. She’d like to give that girl a good talking-to.

Rebecca untied her bonnet and removed her coat as she rushed down the hall. A propane lamp burned brightly in Mamm’s room. Mamm sat on the bed reading. “Hi, Mamm. I’m home.”

“Gute day?”

“Jah, for you?”

“I feel better. The new medication helps.”

“Gute.” Rebecca tapped on the doorjamb. “I need to get supper on. We can talk later.”

After depositing her overclothes in her room, she ran to the kitchen. Six long-stemmed red roses sat in a vase on the table. She had surrendered to the gifts weeks ago. If he insisted on depositing them on her doorstep every morning, she might as well enjoy them. They were the only beautiful things in the dreary kitchen in the wintertime. Rebecca buried her nose in the blooms before pulling six frozen chicken cordon bleu packages from the icebox. A luxury item, to be sure, but on a day like today when the family and Fater expected to be fed right quick, it was her only option.

Max and Danny burst through the back door, each carrying a bucket of milk.

“Rebecca,” Max said, looking at her as if she’d just materialized from thin air. “You are home too early.”

“This is the time I always get home.”

“Jah, Max,” Danny said. “You should have planned better.”

Max and Danny laughed nervously at some private joke Rebecca wasn’t interested in hearing.

“I suppose that means you didn’t get to the mucking out,” she said. If the boys had only finished cleaning the stalls, Fater would be satisfied with the condition of the barn.

“The mucking out is done,” Max said. “And the fence is mended and the buggy hitch repaired.”

Rebecca sighed in relief. “Oh, you really saved my bacon. Fater would not have been happy about the buggy. Denki.”

“No thanks necessary,” Max said. “Here is the milk. I need to finish some things in the barn, and then I will be in for supper.”

“Stay warm,” Rebecca said. March had come in like a lion and proved as cold as February. Rebecca hung her hopes on April.

Danny put the milk through the strainer then poured it into the separator jars while Rebecca sliced potatoes and onions and laid them in the skillet.

“What did you do at school today?”

“Esther tripped me at recess, and then Teacher said no singing today because we didn’t finish our lessons. It wonders me why we have to learn math. I won’t need it to work at the mill.”

“Do your lessons. You don’t want to be a lazybones.”

“Remember Levi Cooper?” Danny said.

Unbidden heart somersaults. “Of course I remember. He was here in February to fix our stove, silly goose.”

“Abe says Levi bought the house and farm next to the old highway. You know that one by the Zooks’?”

“It’s mighty run-down.”

“Abe says he’ll have to burn the old thing to the ground and start over.”

“Set the table, will you, Danny?”

“Abe says Levi is sweet on Sue Ann Yoder.”

The spatula slipped from Rebecca’s hand, and she burned her palm on the edge of the skillet. She gasped and tried to shake the pain away. “Don’t forget the napkins,” she said.

“But I told Abe right quick that Levi is sweet on you.”

Rebecca ran her throbbing hand under the faucet. “Don’t go spreading tales to your friends.”

“It ain’t tales. He brings a rose every morning.”

“Fill a pitcher with water.”

“Abe says you won’t have Levi, and Sue Ann visits an awful lot.”

Rebecca scraped the potatoes now stuck to the bottom of the pan. The spatula screeched gratingly against the skillet. “What does Abe know?”

“He lives right across from Levi. They’re friends.” Danny set the last cup on the table. “If you are not nicer to Levi, he won’t bring roses. That’s what Abe says. Do you want him to stop bringing the roses?”

Of course she wanted him to stop with the roses. He shouldn’t waste his money. They meant nothing to her.

Nothing except knowing that someone, anyone, cared about her. Cared if she lived or died. Cared for her beyond what she could do for them.

Stop with the self-pity. Mamm cares. The Wengerds care.

“Why don’t you like Levi?” Danny said, looking at her with those big brown eyes that always broke her resistance.

What could she say?

I do like him. I love him. But love is too painful. I don’t want more pain.