Rebirth - The Beautiful Fallen (36 page)

             
Zane looked over at Will, who was lying near us.  “What about him?  We can't just leave him to die." he said.

             
Saffron looked over at him, no real expression playing on his face from what I could make out.  Then, he let out a sigh.  “Normally, I’d just say to let him die, but I can’t overlook what’s just happened either.  He took a deadly blow for my own.  Even after attempting to betray her.” He said, standing himself back up.  He quietly walked over to Will, then knelt down beside him.  “Are you still able to speak boy?” he asked him.

             
I could see Will barely open his eyes to look at him.  “Not much longer.” He whispered, the life quickly beginning to leave his body.

             
“Tell me, was this all really under orders?” Saffron said quietly.

             
“Yes.  You know as well as all of them that I cannot deny him.  And he knew that Judiel wouldn’t figure me out until it was much too late.” Will whispered.  His breathing was beginning to get much more labored now.  No doubt he was dying.

             
Saffron nodded.  “I see.  Although I must say, jealousy also made you quite a mess with this, didn’t it?  If it wasn’t for that, you wouldn’t be on the verge of death now.  But really, it is a waste to me to have such a powerful Fallen Child die like this.  For that, I cannot grant your wish today.  You’ll have to live on, and you’ll remain obedient to me over him, or I’ll rip your heart out from your chest myself next time.” He said, lifting him up.

             
Zane stared at him with startled green eyes.  “You mean you're saving him?” he asked in disbelief.

             
“He can prove to be useful, just like you can.  So let’s get going.  Are you healed enough now to bring Ariana?” Saffron asked him.

             
“I think so.  My legs are at least.” Zane replied, standing himself back up and picking me up as well.  I couldn’t stand on my own.  My legs were shaking far too bad, and not just from being hurt.

             
“Good.  Then let’s get moving.  We’re going to need the time to regroup.” Saffron ordered.

             
Through my haze of pain and sorrow, I watched as we began walking out to the balconies, and the night sky opened up above me.  The horror was over for now.

             
But the pain of living on was just beginning, as well as my journey to find my true self.

Thirteen

              I sat up in the bed and stared out of the window at the coming dawn.  It had been nearly six days now, and I was finally healing enough to bring myself back from the brink I’d reached.  But as I did, the sad realization of everything had begun weighing down on my soul.  And it all culminated in knowing that more than likely, the man I’d come to love was now dead.

             
I’ll be the first one to admit that this whole thing had affected me on a level that I never even knew I had.  And it had started after my agony of healing in the last few days, when Saffron had told me that he believed that Chris may be dead.  He hadn’t really been certain, but he told me that with the injuries he'd had, he more than likely wouldn’t have survived much longer.  Hearing those words was worse than anything else that had happened to me.  Suddenly, all of my broken bones that were healing didn’t matter anymore.  They were nothing compared to the pain deep inside of my soul.  It literally felt like my heart had been shattered into a million pieces.  And with that, it felt like there was nothing left within me to keep going on like I had been.

             
And so, I laid there in that bed, and though my body healed, my mind remained locked in an abyss of its own.  Saffron apparently decided not to bother too much with me after I just yelled at him to leave me alone several times.  Why he didn’t do anything about that, I’ll never know.  One would’ve thought he might hit me or do something to make me back down to him.  But he simply told me that it was as I wished, and then left me to be.

             
The one person who did make themselves stay around though was Zane.  He just kept showing up.  He even kept trying to talk to me and comfort me, but I didn’t find that there was much for us to talk about.  I didn’t want to say anything more about Chris, because every time I did, I began sobbing uncontrollably.  It didn’t keep Zane away though.  Every day, he would come back and sit with me for hours, trying to help me get myself back on my feet.  Too bad that nothing he did seemed to be working.

             
So, as the dawn came once again on this sixth day, I found myself sitting there watching it, and thinking of how unfair this all was.  Why was I still alive now?  Wasn’t I meant to be with Chris?  What good was being alive if the one I was destined for was dead?

             
I was so lost in all of this that I barely noticed as someone took a seat beside me.  “Hey there.” A familiar voice said.

             
I turned and was a little surprised to see Will sitting there.  Dressed in dark pants and a dark button down shirt, he was smiling back at me.  But I didn't miss that he still looked a little bit pale.  In fact, the top buttons of his shirt were open, and I could see some of the bandages around his chest.  I had to admit though that he definitely looked much better than when I’d last seen him at the arts center.  Obviously, he was starting to heal more now.

             
However, the surprise I felt as I stared at him quickly melted into anger.  I was still blaming him for what had happened.  After all, he'd been the one who had brought us to Judiel in the first place.  “What the hell are you doing here?  I told Zane that I didn’t want to see you ever again.” I told him as I turned my head away from him.  Yes, I knew that my actions were a bit childish, but it was exactly how I felt.  I was still so angry at him for what he’d done.  And for causing what I believed was Chris’s death.

             
“Yeah, I know you did.  But I needed to check on you for myself.  Zane’s been way too worried.  Hell, even Saffron seems a little concerned now, and that never happens with the ones like them.” Will said.

             
I couldn't say that I was that surprised to hear that one.  Of course they were worried about me.  In fact, I was getting a little worried about me.  Being in such a deep depression wasn’t healthy for anyone.  But I wasn’t quite ready to admit that one either.  Especially not to him.  “I’m fine.  I just don’t feel like getting myself up or talking that much right now.  So leave me alone.” I lied.

             
But Will didn’t buy my excuse.  “That I doubt completely.  In fact, I think I know very well why you’re secluding yourself in here.  And I’m telling you, I think they’re all wrong.  I don’t believe that Chris is dead.” He said.

             
“How the hell would you know?  You didn’t even get to see him before Jade took him away.” I said, not bothering to look at him.  Honestly, I just couldn't make myself do it.  I didn't want him to see the tears coming back into my eyes.  I didn't want Will to see how weak I'd become from all of this.

             
Will was quiet for a moment.  I had the feeling that he was looking for an answer now.  It was odd for me to realize that.  It had always seemed like Will had an answer to everything before.  Finally, I heard him speak again.  “I’m aware of that.  But I also know him too well.  And I can tell you, with the way he was always determined to protect you, I know that there's no way that he would allow himself to die just yet.  It’s just a gut feeling, but I know deep inside that he’s still alive.  And I know you have to feel it too.”

             
“Just stop it.” I managed through the tears that were falling down my cheeks as I put my head down.  “He’s gone, and there’s nothing any of us can do about it anymore.  Even if he somehow survived, Jade will never allow me see him again.”

             
Will wasn’t deterred though.  “He can’t do that.” He said.

             
“He’s his father!  He’s supposed to be one of the most powerful Fallen there is!  Of course he can!” I argued.

             
Will just shook his head.  “No, he can’t.  Like I said, I’ve known Chris for a very long time.  And if there's one thing I’ve come to learn about him, it's just how stubborn he can be.  He’s never missed a chance in his life to rebuff Jade when he believed in something strong enough.  And I know what he felt towards you.  We all did.” He explained.  The last part came out in a whisper though, like he really didn't want to say it out loud.

             
I looked back over at him.  He actually looked like something was bothering him now.  “What do you mean ‘how he felt about me’?” I dared ask.  Even in those times that Chris had told me that he loved me, I’ll admit that I’d never been completely sure.  I guess a part of me was always afraid to believe it for some reason.

             
“You never really understood any of that, did you?” Will said quietly.  He gently held my hands in his as he faced me.  “I wanted to apologize to you myself for what I did.  It wasn’t only just because I was following orders.  It was also my own jealousy.  From the moment we met, I was so fond of you.  You were this beautiful, innocent girl who didn’t understand a thing about the horrible world you’d been born into.  But you’re attachment was to Christoff alone.  It was something I couldn’t really understand back then, and something that ate away at me.  Chris was always considered the most powerful of us, and always seemed to have it just a little bit better in life.  I wanted that for myself.  But that was also the biggest mistake I’ve ever made.  I broke you with it, and I lost one of the only others to ever not judge me for who I am.”

             
I just stared at him.  He had his head down now, and looked pretty devastated over everything.  And it was from that moment that I began to understand just a little bit more of everything, including my own true feelings.  “He really was in love with me, wasn’t he?” I guessed softly.

             
Will nodded slightly.  “Yes.  He'd loved you before he'd even gotten the chance to meet you.  Chris believed from the first moment he heard that you may have existed that you were born for him.  And the more he was with you, the more he kept believing that he'd finally found his destiny.  I’m sorry.  I got jealous of that, and I ruined it all.” He whispered.

             
I wiped my eyes dry with my blanket, feeling both devastated and relieved.  I wished that I’d just told him how I felt while I had the chance.  It would’ve made things a lot easier to understand.  But at the same time, I felt kind of bad for Will.  Shadow Wing or not, he still had a heart.  That human element was always there within him, just like the rest of us.  Maybe it wasn’t that strange that he’d done what he’d done.  Jealousy was a monster in and of itself.  In spite of myself, I leaned my head against his shoulder.  “I can’t blame you Will.  I understand now.  But I don’t know if I can do this.  Even if Chris is alive, what makes you think I’ll ever see him again?” I asked him.

             
“I know you will.  Like I said, I know what I feel in all of this.  And I'm rarely ever wrong.  Besides, I’m going to help you, along with Zane.  All both of us want to see now is your happiness again.  And hopefully, one day, we can have Chris back with us as well.  But until that day comes, we’ll stand by your side and help you in whatever ways we can.” Will promised.

             
I’m not that sure that I was completely willing to believe Will yet on anything.  But at the same time, I needed his comfort as well.  I needed someone to say just what he did to me.  Whether the apology was real or not, only time would tell.  But at least I could have him and Zane remain beside me for the time being.

             
It was shortly after my talk with Will that I finally pulled myself out of that bed and got dressed for an actual day.  It was a little bit hard at first, considering the fact that my whole body still felt very stiff, but I managed.  Looking in the large dresser near the bed, I found a pretty black short sleeved shirt and skirt in there.  Slipping it on, I took a moment to look at myself in the full length mirror on the room door.  I didn't really look any different, although I could still see that I was a bit pale.  No doubt that was from the trauma of the last few days.  Hopefully, my coloring would get better once I started moving myself around again.

             
Opening the door, I peeked out into the hallway before stepping out completely.  The hallway itself was dark, but I could see well enough to make my way down it.  It was funny, but walking to the nearby stairway, I halfway wondered if I’d even know where I was going in this place.  I hadn’t been out of that room since I’d been brought there.  My hip protested a little bit as I walked, but I tried to ignore it.  At least it was almost healed now.  Apparently, I’d broken a lot of bones when Jade had slammed me into that wall.  But I’d been in such a state of shock with everything that it hadn’t even registered for a while.  It was only later that the pain had actually set in, and I’d spend at least one full night screaming in agony.  I actually found myself thanking God that the ones like us tended to heal quickly…

             
Coming down the long staircase, I stopped and looked around me once again.  I was standing in a large foyer area now that was dimly lit by a giant hanging chandelier.  My footsteps echoed slightly on the stone floor as I took a few steps forward.  Sighing, I couldn’t help but wonder where everyone was.  Will himself had said that he was going to get some rest when he’d left me, but I thought that Zane should’ve still been somewhere around.  I couldn’t help but shake my head as I thought of seeing that bandage across Will's chest, lying just under his shirt.  He probably should’ve been dead right now.  But Saffron had chosen to save him.  Why, I don’t think anyone was too sure.  But then again, Saffron was always making his own plans with everything.  Nothing he did was ever without a lot of thought behind it.

             
“Ah, so I see that you’ve finally decided to get yourself up.”

             
I looked over to see Saffron standing in the nearby doorway.  Dressed completely in black, he struck a kind of imposing figure in the dim lighting of the room.  And yet, I felt myself smile a little at him too.  No matter how dangerous he was, no matter what he was, he was
still
my father.  And somehow, some way, I just knew that he’d never hurt me.  Although I was probably the only person he wouldn’t harm if he saw fit.  “Yeah.  I just got tired of just staying in bed now.  It wasn’t helping anyways.” I admitted.

             
Saffron smiled, walking over to me.  “I see.  Well, at least you’ve finally decided to come back among the living.” He said as he patted my head.

             
“So where are we anyway?  It’s beautiful here.” I noted, looking around us again.

             
“Just another hideaway I like to keep in the mortal world.  Actually, we’re not that far from Baton Rouge.  This is an old plantation home that I just happened upon and fixed up to my liking.  Maybe one day I’ll give it to you as one of your homes.” Saffron told me.

             
One of my homes.  Obviously, he was considering what I’d do with my so called inheritance now.  But I just decided to leave that one alone for now.  Instead, I nodded and walked over to one of the side windows by the massive front door and looked out.  Outside, there was a fine mist of fog settled over the grounds in the early morning light, and I could see large willow trees with their branches hanging down near the house.  A large, old fountain was set out there as well, although no water was going running through it.  Zane himself was seated on it, quietly working on a painting.  “How in the world can he see to do that when it's still so dark out there?” I wondered out loud.