Reckless Retribution (West Warriors Book 1) (30 page)

He narrowed his eyes as I stood before him, and he shoved his hands in his jeans pockets. “Why were you looking at me like that?” He leaned into me, shouting above the music. The blonde’s cheap perfume clouded around him, and I held my breath, trying not to gag.

“I’m not looking at you like anything,” I snapped, stepping away from him so I could put some distance between us. His face was devoid of any emotion—no guilt or shame, just nothing. Why was he being cruel? I didn’t want to cry in front of him, so I tried to look like he wasn’t breaking my heart. Like he was nothing to me. A nobody.

“Don’t lie to me. It’s written all over your face.” He leaned back, studying me with glazed eyes. The smell of beer mixed with Patron laced his breath.

“Fuck off, Jamie,” I blasted, unable to take the way he was talking to me, making me feel like I had no right having any kind of feelings toward him. I felt used again.

He folded his arms and an arrogant smirk tugged at his lips. “You’re jealous, aren’t you? Jealous that I’m taking her home with me.” He jutted his thumb back in her direction, and I dropped my jaw at how nasty he was being. I turned my head away from him. I couldn’t look at him anymore. I hated him for doing this to me the way he had. I wanted to walk away from him, but I figured in his drunken state he’d come after me, and we’d make a horrible scene, and I wanted to avoid one. “I’m not yours.” He shook his head at me, pushing the knife farther into my heart and twisting it.

Those words hurt. Out of everything he could do or say to me, those three words killed me, because I knew just how true they were. He never wanted to be mine; I was just there as a release for him. I turned and glared at him. “Then why the hell are you standing here questioning me then?” I asked, swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat.

He glared back at me, but he didn’t respond, so we just stood there fuming at each other. Then, horrible thoughts of him and the blonde raced through my mind, and I couldn’t stand it.

“Please don’t sleep with her in your bed,” my small voice pleaded with him. In a moment of weakness, I couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out.

His jaw stiffened and he swallowed deeply. “You have no right telling me what to do. It’s my house, and I’ll fuck whoever I want there,” he growled.

“What have I done so wrong, Jamie?” I couldn’t hide the raw emotion from my voice. I wanted to know what it was that had caused all of this. I needed the truth. He rubbed his hand across his head and his blank expression faltered slightly. It was enough for me to catch, and it was the most emotion I’d seen on him in the last five minutes.

He looked away from me, choosing to look around the room instead. I was convinced this whole thing was because of Dad. Had he finally realized what a train wreck my life was and how upside down I’d turned his life since I started at the club? He knew I’d never be good enough for him. I didn’t deserve him; even Kal knew that. Nothing came out of his mouth. He didn’t give me any reason. He’d found a shiny new toy and wanted to play with it. He didn’t want to be with me anymore then. That was it.

“We’re done. Don’t ever look at, touch, or speak to me ever again.” I shouldered past him as hard as I could. I hated him. I walked in the direction of the bathroom and looked behind me, expecting him to be following, chasing after me, begging for forgiveness, but he wasn’t. Instead, he was back over with Marc, who tried to high-five him. Jamie didn’t return it, and took off with his arm around the blonde and left the club. Cam never spoke a word to him; he just watched him leave, staring at the door for a while after he left.

And just like that, my whole world fell apart. Pain crushed me. I was so in love with him, and he’d hurt me in a way I never thought he was capable of. I hated how I’d ashamedly begged him not to take her back to his bed, but he didn’t care; he was going to do it anyway. He was single and had every right to do what he wanted, with whoever he wanted. I sat inside the bathroom stall and broke down.

I had just lost him. The one person who had meant everything to me. The one who had stuck up for me and protected me. The person who knew everything. But I’d seen his true colors now. I needed my best friend. I needed her to come and hug me and tell me everything would be all right. But I knew I was on my own with this. I hadn’t told her about us because she didn’t like him. All she would say was ‘I told you so,’ and I didn’t want to hear it.

After I’d been gone for some time, I was scared Taylor would come looking for me, and finding me in this state, she’d want to know why I was so upset, and I was scared I’d tell her the truth. Taking a deep breath, I unlocked the door and went out to the mirror, dabbing my eyes with some tissue. Some of the girls gave me curious glances, but I ignored them and stared at my broken reflection in the mirror. Visions of him sleeping with her filled my mind over and over, and it was overwhelming. I wanted to be rid of any thoughts. I needed to stop the pictures in my head. I wanted to feel numb, and the best thing for that was Patron, so I headed out and straight to the bar.

Marc and Cam were now sitting at the bar talking, and I couldn’t bring myself to look at them. Marc had tried to high-five Jamie for his conquest, which had just ripped me apart, but unable to conceal my presence, Marc shouted my name above the music and stuck his hand up while I waited to be served. Ignoring him, I looked at Cam, and a look of guilt crept across his exotic features as he gave me a sorrowful smile. His face said it all, and it brought fresh tears to my eyes. He knew what his best friend had just done to me.

I didn’t know how much Marc knew about Jamie and me, so I didn’t know if his high-five was genuine or not, but I didn’t care; he still did it. I ordered two shots of Patron and the bartender placed them down in front of me. I could see them both watching me warily. I tipped the first one back and winced at the burning sensation as it coated my throat. I reached for the second glass, ready to be completely numbed.

“Whoa!” Cam was at my side in a nanosecond. “Where are your friends?” He looked around the busy bar. I ignored him and took hold of the other shot. He asked me again, and I ignored him once more, tipping the other shot back. I slammed the glass down on the bar and walked away from him.

“Are you ignoring me? What the hell have I done?” he shouted behind me.

“Leave me alone,” I tossed over my shoulder.

“Is it Jamie?”

Hearing his name, I stopped and spun around quickly. Walking back to him, I pointed my finger in his face. “Don’t you ever mention his name again,” I seethed.

He looked stunned at my outburst, but I was in no mood to care. “He is single, you know?” He cocked his head to the side and dark strands of hair fell across his face. It annoyed me that he was sticking up for him. “What you two have, I don’t know, but he
is
single,” he repeated and gave a shrug.

The alcohol mixed with my emotions made me see red. “Take your morals and shove them up your ass, Cam,” I spat. His mouth opened in shock. First Jamie, now him. I was done. Done with the lot of them. I staggered back to Taylor, and the alcohol in my system, together with the music and disco lights, was sensory overload. She was laughing and having a good time dancing with the others, but there was no way I could stay. I was also hurt somewhat that she obviously hadn’t seen me arguing with Jamie and hadn’t realized I’d been gone for so long. Some friend she was. As I tapped her on the shoulder, she turned and cheered when she spotted me.

“I’m leaving. Something’s come up and I need to get home,” I lied.

Her brows furrowed, “Oh okay, do you need me to come with you?”

I shook my head. “I’ll call you, all right?” I let her give me a hug, and I did the dutiful friend thing of promising to text her when I got home. I exited the club literally behind Cam and Marc’s backs, so they didn’t see me leaving. Outside, the cold fresh air hit me, and I could feel the full effects of the alcohol. I instantly regretted taking the shots.

Wrapping my arms around my torso, I cursed myself for not bringing a jacket. It wasn’t that far to my house, and walking would do me good. It would clear my head. I’d be home in fifteen minutes. A niggling doubt told me it was dangerous for a girl to be walking home alone in the dark, but I pushed it aside and headed there anyway. Part of the way took me past the war memorial, where local kids hung out underage drinking and being a general nuisance, and when it became visible, as predicted, some were there.

Being on my own, I felt vulnerable. I hoped they didn’t try anything. I picked up my pace, walking faster, and when I reached it, I could now see it was just a young guy sitting on his own with his head in his hands in the shadows. That scared me even more; it was a stupid idea walking home alone. When I reached the memorial, I glanced sideways to get a glimpse of the man in case I had to identify him as my attacker to the police, and my heart leaped up into my mouth as I realized it was Jamie, who scrambled to his feet and frantically walked over to me.

Instantly, tears sprang from my eyes at the cruel way he’d hurt me. “No,” I yelled, holding my hands out in front of me, trying to stop him from getting too close, but it didn’t work. He gently grabbed hold of my wet face with both of his hands.

“Listen to me, please. I’m begging you….” He looked and sounded like he’d been crying. His eyes had filled with tears, and he sounded like he was trying to keep control of the sob I could hear wanting to escape from him every time he spoke. “I’m so sorry.” He sniffed.

I yanked his hands away and pushed past him, wiping my face, trying to walk away as quickly as possible, but he wouldn’t let up. He ran in front of me and grabbed my upper arms with force, making me stop walking again, and it angered me. I just wanted him to leave me alone. I glared at him. “You made a choice tonight, Jamie. We’re done, now leave me alone.” My voice was surprisingly calm, unlike how I was feeling. I pushed him away from me and continued my walk.

“No, please, I’m sorry. Don’t do this. Lauren?” I could hear him shouting in between my sobs as I walked away from him, away from our non-relationship.

Every day that passed was harder than the one before. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t want to see anybody. I just wanted to stay in bed and cry. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw him. When I was awake, everything around me reminded me of him. I couldn’t escape. I felt like a huge piece of my life was gone, and I couldn’t cope with it.

I’d received countless texts from him, begging me to talk to him, to meet up and let him explain. I knew he regretted what he did, but I still chose to ignore him. He didn’t deserve the chance. To top things off, I had finals too, and I could hardly concentrate in class; my head was all over the place. I didn’t know how or when I was going to get over him. One thing I did know was that I wasn’t going to let him ruin my chances at having a good career. Despite what I was going through, I was determined to do well.

Taylor instantly noticed there was something wrong with me and commented to no end on how dreadful I looked. I just lied and told her I was really stressing about finals.

Getting ready for my first shift was awful. I didn’t want to go in, yet again because of Jamie. The same feeling returned like last time, except it was a hundred times worse. I couldn’t stomach facing him.

Walking into the club, as usual, they were all busy training, so I put my things away and sat at the desk. I felt ill every time I caught a glimpse of him.

He never tried to approach me; he knew better. I caught him looking over at me several times, but I just looked away. He was really moody, and the atmosphere in the club was terrible. He’d been like that for weeks now. I thought about the girl he slept with and wondered whether she was a one-night thing. Or, if he was doing what he did with me and kept going back to her. Maybe that was why he’d been so off in the weeks running up to that night. He was using both of us. The thought sickened me.

Over the course of the morning, I watched the guys and noticed they didn’t appear to be getting along like normal, so I kept my distance from them. I looked over at Jamie, and he was powerfully laying into the punching bag with high kicks and forceful punches. He pretty much kept to himself.

Cam was sparring with Leon, and I desperately wanted to avoid him after saying what I did inside the club. I didn’t mean to be harsh, but I was hurting while he was being the loyal best friend, sticking up for Jamie. Even Marc was quieter than usual. I watched as he lay silently, pressing weights above his head. He was normally the joker, but there was nothing now. I still wondered how much he knew about Jamie and me, but I guess it didn’t matter anymore.

My heart felt heavy at the loss of three friends I was close to. Leon was the only person I didn’t have a grudge against, and I guessed it was only time before the guys told him what had happened. He’d pick up on any tension between his friends right away. With the obvious anxiety between us all, I tried my best to act amicably while Kal was around. I was terrified he would sense something was up, and as usual, I was at the center of it all.

Now that graduation was looming and things had broken down between Jamie and me, I decided it was time to hand in my notice to Kal. I needed the remaining time to study, and the guys needed to get back on track. It was the best thing for all of us. I would have liked to leave on good terms with everyone, and I hoped it was still a possibility with Marc and Cam.

Kal knew that leaving would be in the cards for me at some point because he always asked me about school and what I wanted to do once I graduated. When I told him I had gotten a job at a school, he was really happy for me, although I left out the fact that it was going to be in Texas. He kindly offered me a job whenever I needed one, which I appreciated but doubted I would ever take him up on. Kal left me with the choice of a leaving date, and after much deliberation over the morning, I chose to leave at the end of the week, but only after making sure it wouldn’t be putting more stress on him.