Reclaim Me (The Jaded Series Book 2) (8 page)

“I haven’t thanked you yet for saving Jaxon and Bailey’s life,” I tell him quietly.

He stares at me for a minute before replying, “No thanks necessary, Pix. The bastard needed putting down. No way was I going to let him hurt them anymore than what he already had.”

“Yeah, well, I’m still thankful,” I mutter back to him. I hate being grateful for anything that he’s done, but no matter how much I may hate Mac, I will forever be grateful for what he did that day.

Turning my back to him, I pull the bottle from the hot water on the stove. I give the bottle a good shake before tipping it over to test the milk on my wrist. Deeming it warm, enough I unscrew the cap and drop in a drop of the gas medicine before replacing the lid. I walk over to Mac to get Amari back from him. After Mac carefully deposits her back into my arms, I walk into the living room and sit on the end of the couch. I grab a cloth from the diaper bag that’s beside the couch for accidental burp up purposes. By this time, Amari’s whimpering is getting louder. I settle her in my arms and plop the bottle in her mouth. She immediately latches on and starts to suck. It’s amazing how every time a baby feeds they act like they’re starving.

I feel Mac settle on the other end of the couch and I look over to him. The expression he is wearing makes my breath catch. He’s watching me feed Amari with such reverence in his eyes. I see a small smile tip up the corners of his lips.

“You’re a natural at this.”

“Only because I used to watch Aunt Tricia’s kids.” I look down at Amari and wipe the dribble of milk that’s sliding out the corner of her mouth.

“Why haven’t you settled down and had kids of your own?” His question is so quiet that I barely hear him. But I do hear him and it sends a sharp pain straight to my heart.

When I look at him, I know he sees the hurt in my eyes from his question. There is no hiding it from him, even if I wanted to.

“Why ask me that, Mac? You know the answer.” My voice is quiet.

Mac leans over and places his elbows on his knees with his head bent down. When he pulls his head back up, I see his jaw clench before he speaks again, like what he’s about to say he doesn’t really want to say it.

“Just because things didn’t work out for us doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have kids, Mia. You would make a wonderful mother. I know that was a big dream of yours. Don’t let what happened between us keep you from that.”

I pull the bottle from Amari’s mouth and prop her up on my shoulder to burp her while I come up with a way to respond to Mac’s statement. He doesn’t understand that what happened ten years ago changed my views on life. No longer do I want to have that family that we’d talked about so many times. I no longer want the two point five kids and the white picket fence. All my dreams were with Mac in them. When that horrible night happened, he destroyed those dreams. I could never have that now. Mac was meant to share those dreams with me. If I couldn’t have them with him, then I didn’t want them at all. There was no way I could ever imagine having those dreams with anyone else.

Slightly tapping Amari’s back, I finally look over to him. “Those are no longer my dreams, Mac. I’m satisfied with the family I have. I no longer want a family of my own.”

He frowns and looks down at his hands that are clasped together between his legs. When he looks back up, I see the hurt in his eyes from my words. I know that deep down he was hurt by what happened as well. I can’t fool myself into thinking that he wasn’t affected. I have no doubt that he used to love me. It just simply wasn’t enough. I’ve often wondered why he did it, but was never brave enough to find out. I was too scared to know why. Call me a coward if you want, but it is what it is.

Trying to lighten the mood, I ask him, “How are your parents doing? Are they enjoying their retirement in Florida?”

I hear him pull in a breath before leaning back against the couch.

“Yeah. It’s driving my mom crazy with dad not working though. She said he never stops, that he’s constantly in the basement building this or that. His current project is making his own charcoal. She said that if he’s not in the basement, he’s in the house repairing shit that doesn’t need repairing.”

He chuckles at that. You can see the love in his eyes when he talks about his parents. The last I heard, it had been a year since their last visit. He has no other family here. He used to have an aunt and uncle that lived fairly close, but they moved to Australia when his uncle received a job offer he couldn’t refuse. Both of his grandparents died when he was very young, and he has no siblings.

“You must miss them a lot.”

“Yeah, I do. But it’s good for them to be in Florida. The cold was finally starting to get to them. They deserve to be in a place where they’re comfortable. Mom may complain, but I can tell that they’re both happy.”

He’s right, they do deserve to be comfortable. It wasn’t long after Mac and I split up that Mac’s dad, Sam, retired from the steel mill one town over after working there for thirty years. His mom, Maryann, worked as a teacher for twenty-five years before she retired. I remember them both being hard workers dedicated to their jobs. But even more so, they were dedicated to their small family. They were always so nice to Jaxon, Anna, and me. Mac’s parents were over the moon and welcomed me into the family when they found out Mac and I were seeing each other, even with the age difference. They knew Mac had a good head on his shoulders, and wouldn’t take advantage of me.

I knew that with the break up, they were hurt as well. They, just like me, thought we would be together forever. They had tried several times to reach out to me after everything happened, but I always refused them, knowing that it would only make it hurt worse. Maryann was like a second mother to me and Sam was the father that my father never was. I feel terrible for not going to see them before they left, but I just couldn’t.

“They’re coming down in a few weeks and I know they would love to see you,” Mac says, breaking me from my thoughts.

“Maybe,” I say noncommittally.

“So, how are your mom, Levi, and aunt and uncle doing? Have you heard from them since they left for their cruise?”

“No,” I say and look over to the clock hanging on the wall. “Actually, they should be boarding the cruise ship right about now.

“It’s still hard to believe that Lilly and Levi have been seeing each other for over two years and none of us knew.”

“Yeah, she’s become very sneaky. But I’m happy for them. My mom, more than anyone, deserves to be happy.”

“You deserve to be happy as well, Pix.”

I look over at him and see sincerity in his eyes. He means what he says. What he doesn’t understand is I’ll never truly be happy again.

“I’m as happy as I’ll ever be.”

I get up off the couch when I realize that Amari has fallen asleep lying on my shoulder. I walk over to the bassinet and gently place her inside. Once I prop her on her side, I walk back to the couch and take my seat again. We both sit in silence for a few minutes before I turn and face Mac.

“What did you want to talk about?” It’s getting more and more difficult having him here. This is the first pleasant conversation we’ve had since that night long ago. I don’t like having him in my space. I want no memories of him being here. This is my safe haven and I want to keep it that way. The longer he stays here the more I can imagine him here…with me.

“Hear me out before you stop me, okay?” At my hesitant nod, he continues. “I know you don’t care about what happened that night. I also know that it won’t change anything, but what happened is not what it seems. I
need
you to understand what you saw.”

As much as I know it will end up hurting to bring up the past, I’ve become very curious. There is no excuse for what he did with Tessa and nothing he says will make it okay in my eyes, but obviously, Mac feels that it will explain and help me understand his reasoning. I take a deep breath and hope I’m not making a mistake.

“Okay, I’ll listen to what you have to say.”

Relief immediately floods his face as he gives me a grateful smile.

“But not right now,” I add. “Let’s wait until Jaxon and Bailey come back. My focus needs to be on Amari.”

He nods, understanding my meaning. He knows that this will hurt me to talk about, and I don’t need any distraction while caring for my brother’s baby.

“That’s fine. Next week, maybe, after they come back.”

“Okay.” I get up from the couch and move towards the door, ready for him to leave. I need him gone so I can process the temporary reprieve from lashing out at each other.

When I make it to the door, I feel him standing right behind me. I turn around and he’s less than two feet from me. Taking another step towards me, he shortens the distance by half. I steady my heart from his close proximity. I look up at him and see him studying my face, like he wants to say something, but isn’t sure he should.

Instead of talking, he brings his hand up and lightly rubs his thumb across my cheek. I close my eyes at the contact, knowing that I should take a step back but also knowing that I won’t. I’ve missed his touch so much. For these few seconds, I want to forget about everything else.

I feel his breath on my lips right before I feel just a whisper of his on mine. It wasn’t really a kiss, more like a light graze.

“I’m so damn sorry, Mia,” he whispers in my ear and kisses the side of my head. I feel the sting of tears at the back of my eyes.

Without opening my eyes, I know he’s no longer in front of me. A couple seconds later, I hear the soft click of the door closing, telling me he is gone. When I do open my eyes, I feel a single tear trickle down my cheek.

Chapter Eight

Mia

Her thighs…

The next day I’m in my living room with Chris, Karyn, and Andrew. Jaxon decided to close down the bar for the weekend because he knew he and Bailey were going out of town and I would be watching Amari. That only left Andrew to tend to it. Chris works there part-time when we need her and Jaxon’s hired a couple of waitresses, but that wouldn’t have been enough.

We’re all sitting around watching Amari squirm around on her stomach on her blanket in the middle of the living room floor. She tries her damndest to lift her head but isn’t able to for long. How awful it must be to not have control of your body.
Ha!
That’s funny because I didn’t have any control of my body the other day.

I look over to Chris, who has just laid down and put her head next to Amari. They all descended on my house this morning because they knew I had Amari for the weekend. Jaxon isn’t real fond of sharing her very often. They saw this as an opportunity to gravitate here and shower her with attention.

“You sure are a cute little thing, aren’t you,” Chris coos at Amari and tickles her under her chin.

“He gets it from his daddy,” Andrew pipes in with a huge smile.

Poor Andrew. He’s always secretly crushed on Jaxon. He knows he’s never had a chance, as Jaxon has never swung that way, but you can’t help your feelings.

Chris rolls over to her back, looks over at him, and asks, “Are you seeing anyone, Andrew?”

“I see a lot of people, Chris,” Andrew replies with a cheeky grin.

She sits up and crosses her legs. “Alright smartass. Are you dating anyone?”

Again, Andrew looks to her with a silly grin.

“I date a lot of people. There’s a lot of me to go around. Don’t want no one to miss out,” He finishes with a wink.

I just shake my head at his antics. I love the man, but he is seriously depraved. His shirt for today is ‘I love lesbians. It means more hot guys for me.’

“Okay, look, I have someone I want to introduce you to, but if your plate is already full I wouldn’t want you to over indulge.” She shrugs as if it’s no big deal.

“Hold on now, wait a minute,” Andrew says and slides next to Chris and throws an arm over her shoulder. “Who you got for me, baby?”

“Really, Andy? You are such a man-whore,” I tease him. I wait for it, know that it’s coming. He absolutely hates being called Andy, and that’s why I do it. It’s always fun to rile him up.

And just as expected. I get a teething toy thrown at me. We all laugh and I pick up the toy to put back in the diaper bag.

“Well, you are,” I say, still laughing.

Giving me the evil eye he says, “I don’t deny it, because let’s face it, I’m irresistible. Though I’m going to wash your mouth out with soap if you don’t stop cursing me like that.”

The thing is, Andrew is irresistible. He’s one of the hottest guys I’ve ever met. His chocolate brown hair is shaggy and plenty long enough to grab and steer. Added to that is his pure black seductive eyes and sexy as sin dimples. His body is a pure masterpiece. The man is, quite simply, a walking sex God. I know he’s made plenty of women cry over his sexual preference. Hell, if he was into women I might even consider giving him a try. Actually no, I probably wouldn’t. That would be like being with my brother. Gross! I flip him the bird and blow him a kiss at the same time, which causes him to squint his eyes at me.

“Okay, and moving on,” Chris says. “My brother is coming to town for a visit in a few weeks and I’d like to introduce you to him.”

“Oooh…now this sounds interesting,” Andrew says while tapping his chin and looking off into space.

“But the thing is, he just recently came out. It’s been really hard on him.” She glances over at me and then continues, “That’s why I wasn’t able to move up here as soon as I would have liked last year. Jase had just told our family and there was a huge blow out.

My dad went ballistic.”

Damn judgmental assholes. They automatically think that if it’s different, then it’s wrong. I’m judged like that often because of all my tattoos and piercings. Not here in Jaded Hollow, but when I go to town, some people look at me weird. Fuck them all.

“I know it’s your parents, but screw them. They have no right to judge,” I tell her honestly.

She looks sad for a minute before she responds.

“I know. Some of the things my dad said were horrible. I’ve known for a while now, but Jase didn’t want to say anything. He knew our parents weren’t going to like it.”

Andrew squeezes her shoulder and kisses the side of her head. “Well, honey, you tell him to get his ass up here and all will be fine.”

“Yeah, Chris, from an outsider’s perspective, coming to Jaded Hollow was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Lord knows I have plenty to be judged on, but I never have been.” Karyn pipes in.

She’s right. Karyn does have plenty to be judged on. She moved here from California a couple of years ago. Her dad is in the local biker gang there. There was a lot of shady shit going on and, luckily, her dad is the type of dad that loves his daughter and got her out before it ricocheted on her. Her dad is now in prison for murder.

“Would you all like to see a picture of him?” Chris asks, while reaching over for her purse. After digging through it, she brings out a small picture book and flips through it until she finds the one she wants.

Andrew is the first to see and I hear a growl erupt from his chest. “Holy fucking shit! I’m hard from just looking at him.”

Chris chokes out a laugh while I just roll my eyes. I hear Karyn giggle.

Typical Andrew.

I reach for the picture, but Andrew snatches it back. “Back off. Get your own.”

“Give it over, Andy,” I wiggle my fingers in his direction.

For the first time he doesn’t come back with a retort. Instead, he’s studying the picture like his life depends on it. Okay, not so typical Andrew.

“When did you say he’s coming to visit you?” He asks Chris without looking away from the picture.

“I’m not sure of the date yet, sometime in the next few weeks.

“Let me know once you do. He’s mine once he gets here.”

All three of us girls look to Andrew and then to each other with our eyebrows raised. This could get very interesting. As long as I’ve known Andrew I’ve never known him to get possessive over someone. Well, except for Jaxon, but that was a lost cause from the beginning, and he knew it. He was possessive over him for the simple fact that he wanted him to be happy, and felt not many women were good enough for him, until Bailey. It was all very sweet.

Curious at his behavior, I reach over and snatch the picture from him while he’s distracted. Of course, he immediately tries to reach over to get it back. I get up from the floor and move to the other side of the couch at the same time I yell, “Hold him down girls!”

Both girls launch their bodies over Andrew, but it does nothing to stop him. He easily, but gently, throws them off, being careful to not go anywhere near Amari, who is still lying on the floor.

I stuff the picture down my shirt and into my bra before turning to face Andrew. He takes a step towards me.

“Give it back,” he says calmly.

“Why do you want it so badly?” I ask him, really wanting to know the answer and why he’s acting this way.

“Because it’s mine,” is his simple response.

“Actually, it’s mine,” Chris says with a smug grin.

Not moving his eyes away from me for fear of me bolting with his precious picture, he answers Chris, “Not anymore. I’m sure you have plenty more.” He points to my chest where I stuffed it. “That one is mine.”

She laughs before saying, “Well, I’m pretty sure I no longer want it now anyways. Nothing personal Mia, but I’m not sure I want something that’s been in your bra.”

I shrug, not offended in the least. I eye Andrew for a minute before I take a side step. He watches me like a hawk and matches my movement. He and the couch are between me and the hallway, and I know there’s no way I can make it to my bedroom where I can lock the door.

“Don’t think I won’t reach in there and grab it,” he says.

I never doubted it for a minute.

Just as I make my move, he jumps on the couch and reaches over and snags my waist, pulling me over it with him. I maneuver myself so I’m on the bottom on my stomach, so he has a hard time reaching in my shirt. He’s on top and wastes no time in reach between me and the couch and into my shirt. His fingers graze my nipple and damn if I can’t help the shiver that wracks my body at the touch. Hey, I’m a girl with a hot guy laying on her with his hand in her shirt. What do you expect?

He pulls the photo out of my shirt, and goes to stand up. I grab both arms to keep him in place. I hear both Chris and Karyn laughing at us.

“Damn it, Andrew, I just want to see it,” I growl at him.

He stops his movements and stills. I feel him kiss the back of my neck, “Okay babe, because I love you so much I’ll let you have a peek.”

“Oh, thanks for being so generous,” I say dryly.

Staying where he is on top of me, he puts the picture right in front of our faces.
Oh, wow!
I now understand why he seems so obsessed. The man is sex personified.

The guy in the picture isn’t directly facing the camera. Instead, it looks like he’s looking at someone off to the side. His long hair is a dark blonde and it’s messily pulled into a low ponytail, with pieces of it hanging out of the hair tie. It looks like it might reach just past his shoulders. I can’t really tell his eye color because of how his head is turned but they look like a light color. His hands are shoved into the pockets of dark grey cargo pants. His white muscle shirt showcases tanned muscular arms that are riddled with tattoos. To top off the walking orgasm in the picture is the sexy smirk he has on his face.

“Fucking gorgeous isn’t he?” Andrew whispers in my ear.

I look at him over my shoulder and see him staring at the picture again with an expression I’ve never seen on his face before.

Oh yeah, this is going to be very interesting indeed.

A couple hours later, I carry Amari in her car seat into Maggie’s Diner. It’s after the lunch crowd so it isn’t too busy. I set the seat on top of the table and am lowering myself into the booth when my gram comes rushing up to us carrying a half empty pot of coffee and a mug.

“Oh, let me see my great grandbaby!” She says as she puts the pot and mug down and starts unbuckling Amari from her seat.

“Hi, Gram,” I say, smiling at her while she rocks a sleeping Amari.

She looks over at me with her own smile and pats me on the cheek.

“Hey, sweetie. Give me a kiss.” She turns her head and I bend down to kiss her soft cheek.

“How’s your back been treating you?” I ask while I move the car seat to the next table over and take a seat in the booth. A minute later, Gram sits as well.

“Oh, it’s the same as usual.”

“You need to start taking it easy, Gram. You work too hard. Maybe you should start cutting back.”

“Nonsense. I’ll be just fine.”

I know she will be, but I still worry about her. She isn’t getting any younger and she needs to learn how to enjoy life instead of working all the time. No matter how much Jaxon and I tell her this, she just won’t listen. She’s a stubborn old bat. But she’s one of my most favorite people.