Redemption (10 page)

When I did, Mathias stripped my clothes off. Naked, with Mathias’s hands playing with my nipples, I fought the urge to cover myself, because he was in charge.

That’s what he told me. Mouthed,
I’m in charge here.
You’re okay with that.

A statement, not a question, but I was more than okay with it. I didn’t hesitate to nod, and was rewarded with a hand sliding down between my legs. I gasped with pleasure as his fingers found me and my eyes closed. But his other hand went to my chin, gave it a little shake.

When I opened my eyes, he motioned for me to keep them open.

I did. I watched him walk around in front of me and kneel, watched it all happen in the mirror as he put his head between my legs. It was almost like an out of body experience. He stroked me with his tongue, hard and fast, and I watched him lick my cleft. When I came, because it didn’t take long, I grabbed his hair tightly and I broke his rule, tearing my gaze from the mirror so I could look down at him.

He’d been watching me the whole time. He pushed back and I grabbed for the wall as my legs threatened to give out. But he was up, carrying me to the bed, telling me without words that I’d broken the rules, and that I was to be punished.

He tied me to the bed. I was on my belly, arms stretched overhead, more excited than I could remember. Having just been tied by the LoV, this erased any and all bad memories associated with that, especially because his fingers were easing me open, teasing out another orgasm.

He slapped my ass roughly—three then four times—and then he ran a hand over my ass cheeks before he entered me. When he was fully inside of me, he grabbed my hips and pulled them up. And then he took me. That was the only way I could describe it, a thorough and complete claiming, his thighs slapping the backs of mine, my body helpless against his thrusts.

All I could do was surrender to him. So that’s exactly what I did.

Fight the good fight

Mathias

An hour or so later, when I was as fully satiated as Jessa was, I untied her. I’d gotten a lot of my demons out today, with the fight and with Jessa. She knew it wasn’t all gentle sex with me. And she seemed more than okay with that.

Now, she rubbed a hand along the snake tattoo and she asked, “Tell me more about the signs.”

I stared at the ceiling, wondering if I even wanted to go there. It was useless to try to keep her at arm’s length now. I’d let her so far in, farther than any woman had even been, that there was no going back now.

I grabbed the alphasmart and I started to type.
It’s about when I first met Bish.

“You had a sign about that?”

I
had the same exact sign I had with you.

Her mouth dropped and yeah, that was the reaction I’d expected. And then she said, “How did you meet him?”

It wasn’t pretty.

“I think you wanted to tell me, back at the warehouse this morning,” she said.

She was right. I motioned for her to read as I typed the story as fast as I could, as if speed could somehow make it all better, even as I flashed back to a night many years earlier in the bayou.

Screams.
Unholy screams.
It was maybe nine in the evening and I’d been on the porch
,
waiting for my father to come in from work.
I
stood
,
my entire body tingling
,
and I heard rustling in the tall grass.

Something was coming.
Someone.
And then there he was
,
a
boy my age.
Taller.
Thinner.
And beaten to fucking hell.
He jumped on the porch and seemed to realize he was trapped.

I
didn’t hear anyone coming after him
,
but I sensed it.

There was an old trunk my mom kept out on the porch—it was too big for the house but we used it at night to rest our drinks or feet on.
Now
,
I
lifted the lid and pointed.

Panic flooded Bish’s face—his cheeks smeared with dirt and tears—and that might’ve been the very last time I’d ever seen him cry.
Not that he lacked emotion.
But I guess everything was easier to handle once you had someone on your side.

I
didn’t know he was claustrophobic at the time.
Maybe it was better I hadn’t known.
I
locked him in the trunk and shoved the key inside the hollow windowsill
,
in a hole that couldn’t be seen unless you were as low as I was to the ground.
And the angry Indian was well over six feet—taller than my dad
,
because I judged that by the way he cleared the porch roof without ducking.

The Indian bowed forward so he didn’t slam his forehead against the doorjamb.
“
I
followed that little bastard up here.
”

I
shrugged.
He came after me then
,
his hand raised to hit me
,
but I didn’t flinch.
I
thought about how bruised the boy in the trunk had been and figured I could take just this one for him.

But then he stopped.
I
don’t know why.
And then he stared at me like he could see right through me—to this day
,
I
believe he could but Bish told me I gave him too much credit.
But at that time
,
I
just kept thinking about what Dad said
,
to put up a shield to protect you from your enemies.
How I had the evil eye amulet in my pocket.

He cursed
,
stormed across the porch
,
intent on opening the trunk and then the trunk and that’s when I heard the shotgun echo in the front yard.
The big Indian froze and I knew Dad was sending him a message
...

I
swear I could feel the boy in the trunk praying.
The big Indian finally left
,
shaking a fist at me.
He’d been as silent as I was—worse though
,
because for all his strength and size
,
he never made a sound coming or going.

When I let Bish out
,
he was shaking
,
but the tears had stopped.
I
handed him the amulet—he still has it to this day—but I also tattooed it on him
,
just in case
,
about five years later.
I
grabbed the salt and
,
with Bish there
,
I
made the sign of the cross on the ground with salt.
I
was already signing with one hand
,
like Bish could understand me.

He did.

“And then what happened?” Jessa asked.

After that
,
Bish stayed for dinner.
And overnight.
And for breakfast.
And he basically never left
,
not for very long anyway.

That’s when I finally stopped typing and looked up at Jessa. She had tears in her eyes but she said fiercely, “You’re a good man, Mathias. You were born that way. So was Bishop.”

I kissed her, letting my mouth linger on hers for a second with a kiss that was more of a thank-you than anything. But the passion flared between us the way it had from the start.

Chapter Thirteen

So we cheated and we lied and we tested

Jessa

The next morning, Bishop brought me and Mathias breakfast. The first thing Mathias did when Bishop entered was to sign something, but Bishop was already staring at me when he said, “You think I can’t tell that she knows? Look how she’s looking at me.”

I blinked and realized I must’ve been wearing my heart on my sleeve for both of them, but Bishop didn’t sound angry, merely resigned. And then the subject was dropped and that was it. I knew, probably part of a very small group who did. And the three of us ate together, with candles instead of generator-powered lights.

“Defiance conserves as much as they can,” Bishop explained. “They’ve got a system worked out.”

Rain pattered the roof, but it was a regular rain and nothing like the storm from the other day. But it was still damp and cold and I was grateful for the heavy sweatshirt and jeans Tru had left. There were other clothes for me as well, and as I’d gone through them this morning I’d wondered how long I’d be staying here. But I didn’t want reality to continue rearing its ugly head and ruining things for me. Not when I had good food, good coffee...and not when I’d woken up next to Mathias.

There was a quick, decisive knock at the door and then Caspar was opening it without waiting. He walked across the room in his heavy black boots and asked, “You okay?”

It took me a second to realize he was asking me. I was taken aback, because even though I knew he was nothing like the head of the Lords, it still surprised me. I managed to nod, afraid I couldn’t find my voice. Plus, he looked scary, and even though it was in that movie-star bad-boy way—especially with the scar on his cheek and the icy blue eyes—I knew that he was as lethal as the men I sat with. And I also knew he had the authority in Defiance to turn me over to Keller or the LoV or my parents.

Mathias squeezed my thigh under the table as if he knew what I’d been thinking, then signed to Caspar who said, “Understandable.”

I guess Caspar understood sign language because Bishop didn’t translate. I didn’t ask what Mathias had said about me, because the look in his eyes was warm when he did so.

Mathias signed again and Caspar nodded, then said to me, “I’m going to talk to Charlie now. It would help if you’d listen in when I do, let me know if he’s telling the truth or lying. He won’t know you’re there, unless you want him to see you.”

Charlie was always in the back of my mind. I wasn’t worried about him, but rather, I was worried about what would happen if Defiance cut him loose. I was worried that the Secret Service would break the gates down to save him and destroy the only place I wanted to be. “I’ll listen, but I don’t know if I want to talk to him myself.”

I’ll stay with you
,
whether or not you decide to talk to him.
Mathias’s words, Bishop’s voice. Mathias’s hand was still on my thigh and I reached out to hold it when I said, “Okay. But what are you going to do with him...I mean...?”

“Know what you mean, Jessa,” was all Caspar said, and motioned for me to follow him. I did, with Mathias and Bishop at my sides, until we walked back into the old warehouse.

It was bustling now, not quiet like the other night. But being here still gave me the same sense of peace.

Caspar left the door to the room where Charlie was being held partially open and Mathias and I stood behind it. I wasn’t ready to see Charlie again and the way my body reacted—a giant shiver—just on hearing his voice told me I’d done the right thing.

You’re okay
, Mathias mouthed to me, just as Charlie bit out, “Where’s Jessa?”

“I’m askin’ the questions.”

“And who are you?”

“Name’s Caspar. I’m president of the Defiance MC.”

“Good for you. I’m the next president of the United States,” Charlie shot back. “Maybe now you can unchain me and we can talk.”

“Talkin’ now.”

I stared at Mathias, who in turn stared at the door like he had X-ray vision. If he’d gone in there, there would’ve been more fists than conversation.

“Did you not hear who I am?” Charlie demanded.

“Know who you are. Also know you were selling Jessa to Keller’s mafia.”

“They drugged me. I didn’t know what I was saying,” Charlie protested. “Where is Jessa? What did you all do with her?”

There was a long pause on Caspar’s end and Charlie spoke again. “Dammit, tell me if she’s okay.”

“Tell
me
what’ll happen if we get word for your father to come get you?”

“What do you think? I’ll tell them I was kidnapped. First by the Lords of Vengeance, and then by you. You need to contact my father. If it’s money you want, he’ll pay.”

“I want to know why you’re in bed with Keller and the LoV.”

“Jessa and I were kidnapped by that gang.” Charlie’s voice held just the right amount of anguish. “Look, please, is Jessa okay? I’ve been worried.”

“She’s fine.”

“I want to see her with my own eyes. That’s the only way I’ll believe it.”

“You’re not callin’ the shots. And I’m not callin’ your father,” Caspar said.

“Then what?” Charlie asked. “You can’t just keep me here.”

“Kinda can. Kinda will.” Caspar was so wholly unimpressed with Charlie. That rarely happened. In fact, this might actually be the first time someone didn’t get taken in by his charisma or be so scared of his pedigree that they’d agree to anything.

But that hadn’t happened with the LoV. Which was odd, because no one from that motorcycle club seemed as sure of themselves as Caspar was. Which meant Charlie hadn’t been trying to escape.

Which meant...

“Did you tell the LoV to call your father too?” Caspar asked.

“Of course.”

“How’d Keller get involved?”

“I don’t know.”

A strange sensation began in my belly. At first, it was a small pit and then it grew until my entire body trembled. I looked up at Mathias and mouthed,
He knew.
He planned the whole kidnapping.

Mathias turned to gaze at me sharply. His mouth opened a little and then he nodded in agreement.

“Why?”

Mathias mouthed back,
Ask him.

But Caspar was a step ahead of me, asking Charlie, “You really think paying the LoV to kidnap you would work? Hell, politicians and the mob’ve been in each other’s pockets for years.”

“My family will take you down—with Keller’s help. I saw everything,” Charlie shot back. I could only imagine his face when he realized what he’d said...and how that made him a liability to everyone. Including himself. “Where’s Jessa? I want to see her.”

“Not sure she wants to see you,” was all Caspar said before he left the room and shut the door behind him.

Insane in the brain

Mathias

Caspar hadn’t needed Jessa to know that Charlie was lying, but he’d wanted her to see it for herself. It was an effective plan, and it rattled her badly. But hey, better to rip off the bandage quickly. The other choice was to let her continue to think that, up until Charlie’d tried to sell her, he hadn’t been in on the whole damned thing.

I hadn’t believed that for a second.

Caspar wisely didn’t question Jessa at all, but rather told her, “We can talk about it later. Mathias and Bishop, walk her back, okay? I’ve got some other shit to take care of.”

Jessa had nodded woodenly and Bish and I walked with her back to the guesthouse. She walked slowly, like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. It was only once we were back inside the guesthouse that she asked, “Why is Keller so important?”

He controls a lot of shit.
Food.
Gas
. Bish translated for me, then added, “Basically, he’s got us over a barrel.”

“But he’s gotten along with Defiance up till now?”

“It’s complicated. Has to do with the former leaders and the businesses Defiance is in. But the old leader—his son promised Keller a bigger cut in return for Defiance’s protection techniques. Caspar didn’t want that. Keller’s pissed,” Bish explained.

“Could he cut off Defiance’s food and gasoline?” she asked and I nodded. “And I brought this on a lot faster than it might’ve been.”

You brought on nothing.
The fierceness of my feelings came through with Bish’s words.
You’re not taking the blame for a feud that’s been brewing forever.

I could tell she didn’t believe me though, not fully. There wasn’t much I could do to change her mind as of yet.

* * *

Two hours later I was back with Caspar, signing,
I
want to tell Keller.

“Figured you might.” Caspar rubbed his hands together as he watched me carefully. I’d left Jessa sleeping, with Rebel watching the house, and I’d called for a meeting with Caspar. “You think it’s better that way.”

So do you.

“Tellin’ me how I feel now?”

I nodded and behind me, Bish sighed and muttered, “Dangerous ground, brother.”

No other way to live.

“And after you go tellin’ what you both did to his men—and the LoV’s men—what’re you plannin’ next?” Caspar asked.

I’ll take the consequences.
It’s not Defiance’s fault.
It’s mine.

“Shit, Mathias, you’re not in this alone,” Bish told me.

I
know that.
But Keller’s getting suspicious.
We’re their next stop.
Might as well take advantage of it.

“You think I’m selling you out, fuck that,” Caspar told me. “But you’re right—there’s no reason to keep hiding the inevitable.”

I had no doubt that Caspar had been planning for this—he knew how my mind worked.

“So we invite them in,” Caspar continued and I nodded.

Keller doesn’t know Charlie survived.
And he never has to
,
unless we need him to.

It was Caspar’s turn to nod. “I guess we’re due for a fight. I’ll invite the Kill Devils too. Kian’s in town anyway.”

Whether Caspar called Kian in for backup specifically for Keller or if it was a coincidence entirely that he was already there, we wouldn’t know. But hell, the more people on our side when the shit went down, the better.

I shook Caspar’s hand. He looked at me like he wanted to say something else, but he didn’t.

I knew what it was—he’d stopped asking me and Bish about joining the MC a while ago. We were still here, and that bothered the older generation, but not as much as the fact that Caspar had taken over Defiance. If we allowed ourselves to be initiated in, that would go a long way in proving to that generation, and to the rest of Defiance, that we were behind them as a whole and that we weren’t just Caspar’s rogue team.

Bish and I walked out the back of the clubhouse and headed over to the small clearing that overlooked what used to be Lance’s house. There was a small spotlight over there, since it backed up to the diner also, and we stopped and sat on the grass for a while.

I was going over the upcoming fight in my head already, even though it was days away. I’d do it constantly until the minute the fight actually happened.

“There’s another fight tomorrow over in Cumberland,” Bish said finally. “Good practice.”

We both knew I didn’t need the practice as much as I needed to blow off steam. I also needed the money and so I nodded.
Set it up.

“I will.” He paused and then told me, “Comes down to this—if you want to keep Jessa safe, we’re better off staying in Defiance and getting initiated into the MC.”

I stared at him for a long moment. He was right, I knew that, but I also knew he hated being backed into a corner as much as I did.
I
was the one who pushed you to come here.

“It was a good choice, Mathias. I know how you feel about staying in one place though.”

I didn’t want any more attachments. I had to give that shit up because of the Chaos and I never wanted that level of attachment again.

“What the fuck am I?”

That’s different.

“How?”

Because you’re me.

Bish stared at me and smiled. It was true, somehow. We were connected, like twins born to different mothers. He knew me better than he knew himself and vice versa. When he got hurt, I could feel it. Just like I could feel his attraction to Luna.

Just like he could feel mine for Jessa.