Redemption Song (20 page)

Ethan heard the toilet flush and the sink run a few seconds before Ben sheepishly opened the door and exited to crawl back into his spot in the bed beside Ethan’s chair.

“You okay, Ben? Ethan asked once Ben didn’t offer up an explanation on his own.

“Yep.”

The kid was just as headstrong as his sister. He’d acted the same way when he’d almost drowned at the beach. Pretending like nothing was wrong.

“Does that happen every time you have to get a treatment?” Ethan asked slowly.

Ben shrugged. “Not every time. Just sometimes.”

Ethan sighed, wanting to find a way to talk to Ben and let him know that he was there for him. Granny had said that Ben looked up to Ethan as a role model and Ethan took that much more seriously now than he had a few days ago.

“Does it hurt?” Ethan said hesitantly.

“Does what hurt?” Ben turned to him with curiosity swimming in his big brown eyes.

“Cancer.”

Ben sat thoughtfully for a moment. “It does sometimes. But then God puts me to sleep so that I can’t feel it.”

“
God
puts you to sleep?” Ethan didn’t mean to be skeptical, but . . .

“Yeah. When it does hurt, it hurts all over. So I just close my eyes and ask God to make me go to sleep so that I can’t feel it. Then I wake up later and the pain is gone.” Ben smiled as if every word he said made perfect sense.

“Ben, are you sure that’s not just the pain medicine they give you?”

“Nope, I can tell a difference,” he said matter-of-factly. “It’s definitely God.”

“But how do you
know
?” Ethan realized in that moment that he was not asking this question to sway Ben from his belief, but to help his own mind come to understand something that had awakened inside of him since he had met Alaina.

“I don’t know,” Ben said. “I just feel it, you know?”

“Yeah,” Ethan said quietly. “I think that maybe I do.”

“Know what?” Alaina reached the doorway at that moment. Ethan noticed instantly that’d she’d been crying and had unsuccessfully tried to wash her face and hide it. On the outside, she was smiling at her little brother, but Ethan saw in her eyes that it was all for show.

“Uh . . . we know that Ben has officially set the hospital record today for the most Popsicles eaten in a single visit,” Ethan joked.

Ben laughed. Alaina gave Ethan an odd questioning look, but let it go quickly. He could tell that all the fight was out of her for the day.

“Well, Ben-ben, you think you’re ready to make the trip?” Alaina asked.

“I don’t know . . .” he replied slyly. “You think Granny would make me some of that strawberry ice cream cheesecake stuff if we call and tell her I feel really bad?”

Ethan couldn’t help but laugh. This kid was amazing. Even after all he’d been through that day, he still had a sense of humor.

“It will be too late for cheesecake by the time we get home,” Alaina said, trying to fake a genuine smile, “but I’m sure we can work on getting you some for tomorrow. How’s that sound?”

“Sounds like I’m ready to go home!” Ben jumped off the bed and bolted toward the door. “C’mon, what’s taking you guys so long?” With that, he was out the door and headed for the elevator.

Alaina turned for the door, but Ethan grasped her fingers before she could leave. “Hey, you okay?”

She didn’t answer. She just gave him a pained grin and released his hand so that she could follow her brother.

The car ride home didn’t hold many changes from this. Ben fell asleep, once again, in the back seat, and Alaina spent the majority of the time staring out the passenger side window. Ethan didn’t press things. He could tell that Alaina received bad news from the doctor, and honestly, he wasn’t any more certain of a topic of conversation than she was. The idea of hope running out for Ben’s recovery was affecting Ethan in a way he never would have expected that first afternoon when he’d met the lively, overly talkative little boy at the airstrip. Between spending the day teaching him guitar and playing in the sand, and sharing a room with him at night, Ethan had developed a bond with Ben, and the thought of losing him was something he could hardly stand to stomach.

It was well past nightfall when Ethan finally pulled back into his grandmother’s driveway. He shoved the gear shifter into the park position and stretched his arms out in front of him, stifling a long yawn.

“Finally,” Alaina said groggily. She opened her door, grabbed her bag, and climbed out of the car. Ethan followed and opened the backseat door as Alaina gathered up the pillows and blankets that Granny had sent with her that morning. Ethan reached in, got a good grasp on Ben’s hips and shoulders and heaved him into his arms. As he moved away from the car, Alaina kicked the car door shut behind them.

“How on earth do you do this every week?” Ethan whispered as she pulled her key out to unlock the front door. “I know you don’t carry him in like this.”

“Nope,” she whispered back. “I usually have to wake him up and make him walk. This is a much better system, though.” She flashed him a slight grin—the first one Ethan had glimpsed from her since they’d left the hospital.

Ethan and Alaina crept into the house as quietly as possible. The light in Granny’s room was off, signifying that she’d already turned in for the night. Ted lay on the couch snoring just as loudly as he had since he’d started sleeping there. It suddenly hit Ethan what an imposition it was for Ted to have to be here with him. Sure, it was Ted’s job, which was the exact thought that Ethan held when he’d arrived, but now that he stood back and actually saw things for what they were, he realized what a little brat he’d been. Ted was stuck on a narrow little couch that was a good foot and a half too short for him, with the coffee table pulled all the way up to the edge to block him from rolling off into the floor during the night. Ethan resituated Ben in his arms and took his first step up the carpeted staircase, making a mental note to go out the next morning and purchase Ted a cot, or at the very least, an air mattress.

When Ethan reached his and Ben’s doorway, Alaina turned the knob and opened the door for him. Ethan was then hit with the fact that Ben—the little boy that was fighting for his life from an illness that was zapping every ounce of energy he had—was stuck climbing up and down a ladder just to sleep at night because Ethan didn’t want to be inconvenienced with sleeping in the same room as a kid, much less being stuck with the top bunk.

Not tonight, not ever again, Ethan decided. He was healthy. He was capable. Who was he to want everything to be perfect just for him? Suddenly, his actions from the previous few days flooded back to his memory. The reason he and his mom had gotten in a fight in the first place . . . She’d just wanted to spend some time with her son, but that was too much to ask.
Ethan Carter
didn’t have time for his own family. He was too busy going to pointless social events and getting himself drunk. Oh and let’s not forget about the driving and almost killing someone’s father part. Then there was his grandmother, whom he’d been less than friendly to when she’d picked him up at the airstrip. What, five years wasn’t enough time away from her? He needed a little more in order to really appreciate how loving and forgiving of a woman she was? And then there was Alaina, who he’d fully expected to fall all over him and annoy him to the point of insanity because, oh wait, that’s what he’d expected every girl to do. And Ben . . . Ethan was nothing but hateful and rude and sarcastic for the entire first day of his and Ben’s time together, yet Ben still idolized him. What had he possibly done to deserve that? Ethan felt as though his knees were going weak. It was as though a light bulb—no, make that a spotlight—had gone off in his head and awakened him to reality. It was humbling, and honestly, made him a little nauseous . . .

“You okay?”

Ethan’s thoughts were jerked back to focus by Alaina’s whisper.

“Do you need me to help you get him up to the top?”

Ethan hadn’t realized how long he’d been standing there, in the middle of the bedroom, with Ben still sleeping in his arms. “Uh . . . no,” he replied. “I’m just going to lay him on the bottom.”

“But that’s where you sleep,” Alaina said.

“Not anymore.” He bent over and carefully rolled Ben out of his arms and onto the bed. Ben instinctively curled up into a ball. Ethan adjusted the pillow under his head and pulled the blanket up to his shoulders. Alaina watched his every move with a strange fascination.

“Wow, you do that really well for a guy with no brothers and sisters,” she pointed out as they walked back toward the doorway.

“Oh yeah, you think so, huh?” When they’d made it to the hallway, he slowly pulled the door closed and gave her a mischievous grin. “Well, I guess it’s your turn, then.”

Alaina’s eyes widened, not quite sure whether or not to believe him, but Ethan laughed to himself thinking that she didn’t know him well enough if she thought he wouldn’t. He leaned down, swept an arm behind her knees and braced her back with his other arm. In one quick motion, he swept her into his arms and carried her toward her bedroom just as he had Ben.

“C’mon, big sis, you’ve had a long day and it’s time for you to get some rest, too,” he grinned.

Alaina’s cheeks turned a dark crimson and she playfully kicked as though she wanted him to let go, but Ethan could tell she wasn’t putting up a real fight. “I can’t believe you’re carrying me like some little kid!” she laughed as he reached her door. The sound of her laughter made him feel triumphant, a task he wasn't sure he’d be able to accomplish that night.

Ethan carefully stretched out the fingers of his right hand just enough to shimmy the handle and open her door. He made the distance from Alaina’s door to her bed quickly. He held onto her tightly with one arm and pulled her blankets back with the other. Vigilantly, he rolled her out of his arms, just as he had done Ben, and pulled her covers up to her shoulders. Her dark hair cascaded across the top of her pillow except for one section, which lay sprawled loosely across her forehead. Ethan took the slightest moment to take her all in. In the darkness of her bedroom, lit only by the moonlight shining through the window, her soft skin and big brown eyes seemed to almost glow a shade equal to that of the light reflecting off her pillow. He reached his hand to her forehead and gently swiped the section of hair back to its proper position behind her ear.

Alaina’s eyes found his and held them for what felt like an eternity. Then, to Ethan’s surprise, Alaina pushed herself up to sitting position, reached her arms out from the blankets, wrapped them around his neck, and pulled his body to hers. When their lips met, Ethan felt as if an explosion had gone off inside his heart. He melted in her arms and wanted nothing more than to stay in that moment. Forget the tour, and the producers, and his arrogant agent. He would give them all up in a heartbeat to stay in that moment with Alaina. Her kiss was soft and sweet and genuine. It wasn’t needy or forced. It was long and deep and . . . perfect. When they finally parted, Alaina buried her head in his neck. Ethan sought to catch his breath, and his heart.

“Wow, what was that for?” he whispered, refusing to let her go.

“Just cause,” she said.

Ethan wanted so badly to ask Alaina what she’d been told in the doctor’s office, but once again, a strong feeling in his gut made him stop before he said a word. Instead he decided to ask her a question that he’d been thinking about the entire drive home from Birmingham.

“Ali, can I ask you something?” he said hesitantly.

“Sure.” Her head never left his neck. He continued to hold her.

“When you pray . . . to God,” Ethan felt weird announcing His name out loud. “What do you ask for? And I don’t mean when you pray for other people. I mean, what’s the one thing that you want for yourself?”

“Hmm,” she said. “Well, sometimes I pray for guidance, sometimes wisdom. But I guess I’d have to say that most often I just pray for strength, you know? Just the strength to get through each day as well as I did the one before.” She turned to look at him and once again found his eyes. “Why do you ask?”

Ethan ignored her question. “And do you find it? Does God give you strength when you ask for it?”

She cast a small smile and replied without hesitation. “Yeah, He does.”

“But how do you
know
?” Ethan persisted.

Alaina leaned forward and again allowed her lips to connect with his. When she pulled away, she said, “That’s easy. I know because he sent me you.”

Ethan took another glance at the miniature grandfather clock that hung on the wall above his grandmother’s ancient television. She didn’t have cable, but he’d managed to rustle up some of his grandfathers old Western VHS tapes. The picture was a bit bouncy, and every now and then the sound would fade in and out, but it was better than nothing.

Alaina had left early for work that morning. Ethan hadn’t even caught a glimpse of her in the hallway. Ben was still upstairs sleeping. Ted had gone into town to run some errands for Granny. It was just Ethan and Granny Mae, and making the understatement of the century, he was bored. It also didn’t help any that every time he looked at the clock, a span of only a few minutes had passed. Ethan didn’t know why he was so antsy. It wasn’t like he had bigger and better things he could be doing—although everyone involved with his tour was probably losing their minds at the moment wondering when he would be returning . . .

In fact, that exact question had been plaguing Ethan’s mind, as well. He knew he couldn’t stay at his grandmother’s forever. Obviously, he had a career he had to get back to. He had fans that paid good money to get tickets to his show and he’d already had to postpone two different venues since he’d been there. It was more of an issue of making the call. Number one: he was going to have to face his mom when he called, and he knew he owed her a huge apology. Would he have felt that way a few days ago? Not a chance. But a few things had changed since then. Number two: he was going to have to leave Alaina. She had finally opened up to him. Finally busted down the wall that he normally felt mortared between them. He just wasn't quite ready to go back, yet.