Release the Stars (16 page)

“I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. If only I knew how.”

Liz regarded her with a funny look on her face.

“What?” Charlie asked.

“The answer is so simple you might want to punch me in the face when I tell you.” She accompanied her statement with a grin.

“Then please don’t keep me in suspense any longer.”

“Just live, Charlie. Live your awesome life.” Liz held her hands in front of her face and ducked behind them.

“You’re lucky I’m not a violent person, Lizzie. You’re safe.”

“I know you were an emotional mess when you came to LA, but so many great things have happened to you since then.”

“Yeah, like my ex moving here.” Charlie pushed her beer away. She needed to drink water instead. “For the record, I’m only joking. I’m good with it, as long as she stays away from me.”

“That’s the thing with you, Charlie. You always have a condition. Things are great with Ava, as long as you’re in the same city. You’re over Jo, as long as you’re
not
in the same city. Do you recognize a pattern here?”

“What are you saying?” Charlie started fiddling with her beer glass again. “That I should become friends with my ex?”

“Not necessarily. Just that it’s not always someone or something else’s fault.”

Charlie’s hackles went up. She grabbed the glass and drank the remainder in three large gulps. “I know I have many faults, Liz.”

“We all do.” Liz shrugged. “So what?” Liz eyed Charlie’s empty glass. “I want this to work out for you. I know how strongly you feel about Ava. Just give it a decent chance. I do think you’re ready, but just… I don’t know, take things slowly, let them develop at a natural pace and… don’t give her too hard a time about being enough of a lesbian.”

“I’m doing my best. I really am. But I’m afraid my best won’t be enough.”

“Trust me, buddy. Your best is usually more than enough.”

Charlie met Liz’s gaze. “Do you think I should see Jo? She’s going to be here for another few months. I’m surprised I haven’t run into her yet, to be honest.”

Liz nodded thoughtfully, but didn’t respond.

Charlie continued, “It’s just that, in my head, she’s grown into this monster. This woman who deserted me for no good reason—for a man. In truth, we shared a number of happy years together.”

“Why not? What have you got to lose by seeing her?”

Only my mind
. Charlie was over-dramatizing again. “I think I will. Before Ava comes back. It might help me put some things into perspective.”

“Good.” Liz nodded like a satisfied school teacher. “Now, for the elephant in the room.”

“I knew you were stalling by giving me a speech, Lizzie.” Charlie was, of course, playing dumb. Liz was, of course, referring to her lackluster commitment to the softball team.

“I fully understand you’ve been too preoccupied for softball practice, and I also understand you were hiding under too thick a blanket of self-pity on Sunday to come to the game. In fact, we both know this isn’t about softball. But you need to say something to Josie. How do you think she felt when she saw the person who won the date with her all over Facebook, hand-in-hand with Ava Castaneda?”

“I know.” Charlie shook her head. “I’ll call her.”

Liz cocked her head.

“Soon. Tonight, after we go home. I promise.”

“You’d better.”

“What are the rules for this sort of situation?” Charlie asked in earnest. “Does the date have to be consummated?”

Liz visibly tensed. “It’s just a date, Charlie. A date can be grabbing a cup of coffee at Starbucks. It doesn’t have to be a spectacle. The main goal of the auction was to raise money, and we’ve far exceeded all our expectations on that front. But I certainly wouldn’t want anyone’s feelings to get hurt because of it.”

“Understood.” She fell back into her chair. “Sometimes I wish I could fast-forward a few years. Of course, on the condition that Ava and I stay together, and just be done with all these doubts and nerves that come with the very beginning of a relationship.”

“Don’t say that. Every stage of a relationship has its place and virtue.” A smile came over Liz’s face. “I remember courting Sarah. While it’s true I was a nervous, mumbling wreck for the better part of it, I have nothing but fond memories.”

“Perhaps, but so much can go wrong as well.”

Liz slanted her head and looked at her in silence for a few long seconds.

“What?” Charlie asked.

“Well, you haven’t been very detailed in your descriptions, but I do take it you and Ava have… you know…”

Charlie chuckled. “Fucked?”

“Fucked?” Liz’s mouth fall open and she covered it with her hands. “You mean two women can
fuck
? Even the notion!”

“I know. How would they do it, right? It’s anatomically impossible. Where do we get the right to even call it that? I really don’t know.” Charlie enjoyed the chuckle that rippled through her.

“Okay. Enough of that.” Liz playfully slapped the table with the palm of her hand, a wide smile on her face. “Indulge me, Charlie. What’s it like to have sex with Ava Castaneda?”

“You’re not wearing a wire, are you?” Charlie jokingly looked around for people listening.

“Oh, please.” Liz pulled her lips into an offended pout.

“I’m not of any religious affiliation, but I believe one could compare it to going to heaven,” Charlie said solemnly. “Also, I as good as came in my pants the very first time, but I digress.”

“You didn’t?” Liz slapped the table again. “How is that even possible?”

“Remain untouched for long enough and… boom!” Charlie mimicked an explosion of fireworks with her fingers.

“So, you and Ava were kissing, and you came in your pants. Then what happened?”

“Oh, screw you. I knew I shouldn’t have told anyone about this, least of all you. I’m never going to live it down, am I?”

“Come on, Charlie. Remember how to take a joke?”

“This stays between you and me, okay? You don’t even tell Sarah!”

“But we’re lesbians,” Liz said. “We tell each other everything. How will our relationship survive?”

“Stop it. I think you’ve had enough, by the way, Lizzie. Why don’t I walk you home?”

“I’m just messing with you.” Liz relaxed in her chair. “Let’s have another.”

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Knives Out
shot every season in a different American city. When Charlie landed in Dallas, she hoped that the next season would be filmed in San Diego or, even better, Santa Barbara. The flight was only two-and-a-half hours, but Charlie didn’t have the sort of job where she could close her office door at five. She wasn’t the showrunner for Underground. Still, it felt like her show. Her brain had birthed the characters and, together with Liz and the other writers, she had crafted the lines of dialogue the actors spoke in front of the camera when they embodied her characters.

To her surprise, Charlie found it difficult to leave LA and not be there for an early Saturday morning shoot. Her presence wasn’t required, but it felt a little like leaving behind a child for the very first time.

By the time she boarded the plane, Charlie was so tired, she fell into an uncomfortable slumber. Despite being exhausted from a long week with early mornings and late nights on set, Charlie’s brain refused to relax enough to allow her to drift off peacefully.

She hadn’t seen Ava in two weeks. She would arrive at Ava’s hotel in the middle of the night, and Ava was scheduled for an early wake-up call the next morning. If she wanted, Charlie could join her on set, but they would only truly be together later that day and in between shots. Charlie had to leave Dallas on Sunday evening and had to be on set at six in the morning on Monday for one of the biggest
Underground
scenes of the season. It was the type of scene that defined a show and gave the star, Elisa Fox, a chance to show them that she was worth the astronomical fee the network was paying her. Charlie wasn’t going to miss that, even though she’d probably only be allowed to watch from a small screen in someone’s trailer because Elisa had demanded a closed set.

Charlie could have opted to stay in LA of course. No one would have minded. But she had to see Ava. The real reason was easy enough to disguise in this lovey-dovey stage they were still in. She had to see Ava, and she had to see Eric and Ava together. She had to see for herself how they acted around each other.

Charlie lay with a face mask pulled tightly over her eyes, her neck sore from being forced into an uncomfortable position, and went over her reasons again. She felt terribly small-minded, petty, and jealous. But she was convinced that if she could just reassure herself, everything would be all right from then on. For Charlie, it was an important step.

After spending an hour in self-enforced darkness with noise-canceling headphones covering her ears, Charlie had had enough. The cabin lights were dimmed when she took off her mask and, as though she had been waiting for her to wake up, a flight attendant was by her side within seconds.

“May I get you a beverage, Miss Cross?” she asked.

From her tone, Charlie could glean this particular flight attendant was up to speed on all things Hollywood gossip—and probably even knew why Charlie was flying to Dallas.

“White wine, please.”

“Right away.” She sped off, only to return within minutes with an empty glass and a bottle of Pinot Gris. She lowered the built-in tray, set the glass on it, and presented the label of the wine to Charlie before pouring.

As she filled Charlie’s glass, she smiled so broadly, Charlie feared her cheeks might stay cramped in that position forever.

“Keep it coming, please,” Charlie said, shooting the flight attendant a practiced smile in return.

Charlie drank, and the familiar sensation of a chilled drink hitting her palate calmed her nerves. She checked her watch and counted the hours until she would see Ava.

* * *

A car sent by the
Knives Out
production team picked Charlie up from the airport. It was past midnight and traffic was easy. Charlie made it to Ava’s hotel by one in the morning, and an extra key was waiting for her at reception.

Charlie knocked very quietly before inserting the card into the electronic lock. Her heart banged inexplicably against her ribs. It wasn’t like she thought she’d find Eric in bed with Ava. The room was silent, and Charlie let herself in as quietly as she could.

“Ava?” she whispered. A dim nightlight by the door didn’t help Charlie to see very well and the room was so eerily quiet, Charlie thought it might be empty. While her eyes adjusted to the darkness—she didn’t want to turn on the light and wake Ava—she made her way farther into the room. The sheets on the bed were folded back as if someone had just gotten up.

Charlie started to wonder if she had the right room, when someone grabbed her from behind.

“Charlie Cross,” Ava whispered in her ear, “I’m so delighted you came.” She folded her long arms around Charlie’s waist.

“Jesus fucking Christ!” Charlie screamed. “I nearly jumped out of my skin.”

“Why don’t you start by jumping out of your clothes instead?” Ava spun Charlie around in her embrace. “I missed you.”

“Fuck.” Charlie was still recovering from Ava’s prank. “Don’t ever do that again. I think you shaved a few years off my life.”

“Did you really think I would be sleeping when you arrived?” Ava’s eyes sparkled in the low light. “I wouldn’t let you come all this way for that, baby.”

“Don’t you have a wake-up call at six or some other ungodly hour?” Charlie melted under Ava’s gaze.

Ava nodded. “I believe that gives us five hours.” Ava brought her face within inches of Charlie’s. “Did you bring that present you promised?”

Instantly, Charlie flushed with heat. She’d ordered it on the internet and then picked up the package from the post office herself because there was no one home when the mailman rang her bell—it wasn’t the sort of package she would send an assistant to get for her. It had been one of the more stressful moments of her life, but it had been discreetly wrapped and the nondescript box could have held anything.

“I did.” Charlie smiled.

“Let’s save that for tomorrow though. Tonight, I want to feel you.” Ava pushed Charlie toward the bed. “I want to fuck you, Charlie. So badly.”

“That’s what I’m here for,” Charlie joked. A knot uncoiled in her stomach, and she felt foolish for having worried.

Ava meant business and, in one quick movement, pulled the tank top she was wearing over her head. Charlie swallowed hard at the sight of Ava partially naked and reaching for her.

“Let’s get these clothes off you.” Ava’s hands were all over Charlie in an instant. “Do you want to take a shower?”

Charlie nodded, and Ava disposed of all of their clothes in no time. “How about you kiss me first?” Charlie asked. And only then, when they were both completely naked, did Ava press her lips to Charlie’s.

Lust and pure happiness rushed through Charlie. Liz had been right. Fast-forwarding to a time when this feeling would become less intense would be against all rules of relationships—and humanity. Charlie returned Ava’s kiss, pulled her close, and let her hands roam the expanse of Ava’s soft, soft skin.

When they broke from their kiss, Ava said, “Let me show you how grateful I am to you for coming all this way.” She held out her hand. “Come on.”

The bathroom boasted a huge walk-in shower, and Ava pushed Charlie inside.

“Still bossy then,” Charlie said.

“Don’t pretend you don’t like it.” Ava stood there with a huge smirk on her face, and her hand on the faucet. “Let’s get you nicely soaped up.” She flipped the tab up and water rained down on them. The first few seconds it was cold, and Charlie’s nipples hardened to even stiffer knots. Ava grabbed a tube of shower gel from the alcove in the wall and squirted a considerable amount into her palm. “Hands up, Charlie.”

Charlie could hardly pretend she hadn’t come here to comply with Ava’s wishes. And this time, not only would it be logistically impossible for her to come in her pants—Ava had tugged them off her already—but she
had
taken matters into her own hands during Ava’s absence.

Ava lathered her with soap. She began with Charlie’s belly.