Release the Stars (19 page)

Charlie inhaled deeply, then sipped her mimosa. It hit her bloodstream hard, considering she hadn’t eaten anything since leaving Dallas. “I got into an, erm, argument with Ava. We broke up. It’s over. It’s my fault.”

“Jesus, Charlie. For a woman who can write page upon page of the craziest lesbian drama, you’re being very sparse with your words today,” Nick said.

Jason and Nick exchanged a glance.

“Take your time, Charlie,” Jason, an angel Nick had somehow lured from heaven, said. “We have all day. Nick and I are here for you. You know that.”

This almost made her well up again. Annie leaped off Jason’s lap and yelped at Charlie’s toes.

Charlie did her best to explain about her encounter with Eric and the seeds of doubt he’d planted in her mind.

“You just left her there? In the room?” Nick asked.

“I know.” Even though Charlie was fully aware that what she had done was inexcusable and very hurtful, she couldn’t think of any conceivable way she could have stopped herself from doing it.

“You do know that Eric was lying, right?” Nick’s gaze on her intensified. He was getting ready to crucify her.

Charlie stopped herself from asking if Nick knew about Eric and Ava hooking up while on location because it would set Nick off even more. And it didn’t matter anymore. “Charlie, Charlie, Charlie.” Instead of scolding further, he just sat there, shaking his head. “You’re my friend, but so is Ava, and so is Jo. When are you going to stop hurting my friends?”

Charlie leaned back a bit in her chair. “Me hurt them? That’s not how all this started, Nickie.”

Nick puffed out some air through his nose. “I’ve had enough of this, Charlie.” He steepled his fingers together. “I also have a plan.” He stood. “Jase, don’t let her leave. Tie her to the chair for all I care.” With that, he grabbed his phone off the table and headed inside.

“You know what he’s like,” Jason said. “His sense of drama knows no bounds. I think that’s why he likes you so much.” Jason tried a smile.

“What’s he going to do?” Charlie scratched her head.

Jason shrugged. “I have no earthly idea.”

“I might as well stay. I have nowhere to go, anyway.” Charlie drained the rest of her mimosa.

Discreetly, Jason pushed a basket with two croissants in her direction. Charlie grabbed one and started nibbling at it.

A few minutes later, Nick walked back out onto the terrace. “Here’s what’s going to happen,” he announced. “Charlie, you’re going to shower and make yourself presentable. Trust me, you want to do this.” He gestured wildly with his hands. “After you’ve washed, Jason and I are going to the farmer’s market. You’re to wait here. I will not answer any questions. All I’m asking is that you trust me. I know trust is a big issue for you.” He stretched his arms wide as though to physically display just how big an issue he thought it to be. “I’m your friend. I only want what’s best for you. And I’m not the only one. Understood?” He sighed dramatically.

If she hadn’t felt so foolish herself, Charlie would have wondered if Nick lived for moments like these. Regardless, she knew better than to argue with him. “Yes, Nickie.”

“I will also call Ava and check up on her. I was as surprised as you were when she turned up at that auction, Charlie.” He hung his head in disbelief. “How could you possibly have screwed that up? She made such a bold statement that night.” He clasped his hands together. “Okay. In the shower you go.”

“Can I finish my croissant first?” Charlie presented the pastry.

“Yes, yes, of course you can. Just don’t dilly-dally.”

* * *

After a shower cut short by Nick banging on the bathroom door, Charlie slipped into the one set of clothes left in her carry-on—she hadn’t exactly packed for a lot of non-bedroom activities.

When she emerged from the guest room, Nick stood by the front door, checking his watch. “The bell’s going to ring in about five minutes. Answer the door and please be polite. For once in your life,
listen
, Charlie.” He opened his arms. “Come here.”

Charlie hadn’t been told what to do like this in a very long time. No one else could get away with it. She stepped into his embrace. He smelled the way he always did—clean and fresh. His beard scraped against Charlie’s cheek. “Text when you’re ready for us to come back, but take all the time you need.”

Once they’d left, Charlie stared at the door for a few seconds. She wasn’t born yesterday. Nick had called Jo. Anyone other and Nick wouldn’t have required such a spectacle, but in a way, she was glad he had. It eased the nerves rising in her stomach, along with the fear she’d used as an excuse for putting off this inevitable moment for a very long time.

When the bell rang, right on time, Charlie was still startled by it.

She opened the door and looked at Jo standing in front of her.

“Hey, Charlie,” she said. “Can I come in?”

“Of course.” Charlie stepped aside. It was strange letting Jo into Nick and Jason’s house, but she was glad to be on neutral territory to have this long-awaited conversation.

While Charlie was in the shower, Nick and Jason had tidied up the kitchen. “Not sure what I can offer you to drink.” Charlie wiped her moist palms on her jeans. She hadn’t offered to hug or even exchange a brief kiss on the cheek with her ex.

“I’ve got that covered.” From a large bag slung over her shoulder, Jo produced a bottle of red wine. “Alex Duffy gave it to me, so it must be good.”

From the way her fingers fiddled with the neck of the bottle, Charlie concluded that Jo was nervous too.

“Why don’t you take it into the garden, and I’ll be right out with two glasses.” Charlie wasn’t overly familiar with this kitchen, but she sure as hell knew where the wine glasses were located. She took the few moments alone to steel herself for what was to come.
Listen
, Nick had said. He was right, and she would do her best. What she wouldn’t do was inquire about Christian or feel sorry about stealing time from him and Jo being together.

“It’s so lovely here,” Jo said when Charlie emerged from the house. She leaned her head back and basked in the midday sun. “I could get used to LA summers. And winters, I guess.” She straightened her neck. “Remember when our AC broke in the middle of the hottest August in decades?”

How could Charlie ever forget? They’d just moved in together and the landlord had proved not very interested in maintaining his properties. She and Jo had slipped ice cubes into their bras and slept on top of the covers with all the windows open, the city noise a perfect soundtrack for those restless nights. “God, yes.” When Charlie poured the wine, her hands trembled.

“Sorry for being such a lush last night.”

“No need to apologize.” Charlie sat down opposite her ex for the first time since she’d begged her—as good as on her knees—not to leave her for Christian. They’d exchanged text messages, spoken on the phone, and written e-mails, but after that last afternoon in their loft, Charlie had never been able to work up the nerve to face Jo. She’d been too angry at first. Then, simply too devastated. Afterward, she’d packed her things and moved to LA

“Just so you know, I was planning on getting in touch with you. It’s silly for us to be in the same city and not see each other,” Jo said. “I know you’ve had a hard time with… this, and I wanted to give you the space you so obviously needed.” She swirled the wine in her glass. Maybe it was a bit early in the day for her. It wasn’t for Charlie.

“I wasn’t too pleased when Jason said you’d taken the job.” Charlie took a sip. The wine was full-bodied and pleasant on the palate. “But I know it was a silly reaction. Just like last night, but that was… different. Partially, at least.”

“It must have been hard seeing me and Christian sitting in Nickie and Jase’s dining room like that. I’m sorry for what happened, although I don’t know the details.”

Charlie took another gulp. “I screwed up.”

“You don’t have to tell me, Charlie.” At last, Jo drank. “But, if you’re willing to listen, I would like to say a few things. Things I’ve been meaning to say for a long time but haven’t gotten a chance to.”

Charlie fixed her gaze on a tree branch to the left of Jo’s face. It was hard to look directly at the woman who had broken her heart so thoroughly that Charlie had fled the city where they’d lived together. “Of course. Isn’t that why you’re here?”

“I haven’t come here to argue or to open up old wounds. I’m simply here to talk and to tell you some things that, according to Nick, only I can tell you.”

“Be my guest.” Charlie couldn’t keep a hint of sarcasm from creeping into her voice.

Jo sucked her bottom lip into her mouth the way she always did. The gesture didn’t affect Charlie as much as she would have expected it to. “This isn’t exactly easy for me either.” She sat up a bit straighter in her chair. “Are you still so convinced that the only reason we broke up is because I fell in love with Christian?” Jo didn’t mince her words.

Charlie shrugged as if it were just a rhetorical question.

“Charlie, come on.” Jo’s voice shot up a fraction. “I loved you for a very long time. Hell, I still love you, but you made it impossible for me to stay with you.”

Charlie slumped in her chair.

Jo took another sip of wine, then tilted her head to the side. “This is what you do, Charlie. Exactly what you’re doing right now.”

“I’m not doing anything,” Charlie said. She couldn’t if she wanted to. All her muscles seemed to be suffering from a simultaneous cramp.

“It’s hard to reason with
nothing
.”

Charlie couldn’t look at Jo. She wished Annie was here to offer some light distraction, but Nick and Jason had taken her to the market with them.

“Remember when we ran into Clara in Central Park, and all three of us went for a drink? You didn’t speak to me for the rest of the day, Charlie. You gave me nothing, except the most agonizing, disapproving silence. Like you were such a big martyr, simply because you’d had to see me interact with my ex for an hour or so. Like you’d made the biggest sacrifice of your life for me.”

Charlie opened her mouth, ready to launch into a defensive reply, but thought better of it.
There was obviously still something between you
, Charlie wanted to say.
Something that made me feel insignificant and terribly insecure
.

Jo shifted her weight in her chair and leaned over the table. “This is not the first time I’m telling you this, Charlie, so it shouldn’t come as a shock. You have so much going for you. You’re a terrific writer. I mean, look at you, living in Hollywood. You and I, we had some excellent times together, but sometimes I can’t help but think that what you really excel at is self-sabotage. At not allowing yourself to be happy.

“The last year of our relationship, what you did more than anything was suck the joy out of everything for me. I didn’t want to come home to you in the evening. You were always on edge, always suspicious and throwing around completely unfounded paranoia. You were unhappy. And you took it out on me.”

Charlie couldn’t hold in her accusation any longer. “Because you met someone else!” Her voice was high-pitched and full of blame.

Jo closed her eyes and shook her head, expelling a sigh. “My only hope for you, Charlie, was that you would have learned something from our breakup. I can understand—to expunge yourself from the biggest guilt—why you would fixate on that… fabricated truth, but I’d hoped you’d have come to your senses by now.”

Charlie slammed the palm of her hand on the table. “For Christ’s sake, Jo. Facts are facts. Did you or did you not fall in love with a—” Charlie stopped herself from saying the word ‘man,’ “someone else while we were still together?”

“Yes. I did. But have you ever really stopped to wonder why?” Jo planted her elbows on the table and curled her fingers tightly around the stem of her wineglass.

“Clearly, it was because I had somehow become the most awful person on the planet.”

Jo sighed. “Here we go again. You’re impossible to have a conversation with sometimes. You have such a big void to fill in your heart, you make everything about you. What about me? What about what I wanted?”

“It’s very clear what you wanted.”

“Fuck you, Charlie. If this is how you’re going to be—if this is still the person you are—I want nothing to do with you.” Jo pushed her chair back. “I advise you to take a long hard look in the mirror. The world is not against you, Charlie. All the other women on the planet are not here to plant a knife in your back, or to conspire against poor little Charlotte Cross who never did anything wrong in her life.” The feet of her chair scraped against the terrace tiles as Jo pushed herself out of it. “Nobody’s perfect, Charlie, least of all me. But neither are you.” With that, Jo yanked her bag off the table and headed into the house. A few seconds later, the front door opened and then closed.

For several long moments, Charlie stared at the empty space where Jo had sat. It was familiar territory, after all.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Instead of looking at herself in the mirror, Charlie went up to the Griffith Park Observatory and stared at the Hollywood sign. Ever since she’d seen it on TV as a young girl, she’d felt that twinge of desire to be part of this mythical place. Now she was. Although the real reason why she’d come here—fled here—wasn’t very glamorous.

It was late afternoon, and apart from a few bites of croissant, Charlie hadn’t eaten anything. She wasn’t tipsy, but she probably shouldn’t have driven anywhere. She sat in a secluded spot and just gazed, feeling exactly the same way she had when she’d first arrived. In awe of where she’d ended up, despite herself, and still so terribly out of place. But perhaps this city
was
where she belonged. If only for its reputation of inhabitants who attached much more importance to what lay on the surface than to what really mattered.

Here, Charlie could pretend. Or at least
try
to pretend. But she’d ended up in the exact same position as before. Alone. And terribly, madly in love with a woman she had expertly chased away. She stared at the sign again. This was not how it was supposed to feel when all her dreams came true.