Remember Me: Oakville Series:Book Two (21 page)

C
LOSING THE
door to her room and walking away makes me feel like such a dick. What kind of husband am I? I left her there in that hospital bed terrified and in pain. And why? Because I’m a coward who can’t deal with what is going to happen. I can’t seem to find the faith and hope that Amber has. This chapter in our life is not going to end well. I don’t know how to deal with the emotions swirling around inside of myself, let alone the ones that will hit her. She’s going to hate me. I know she senses how I feel. That I’ve already given up any ounce of hope that our babies will be okay. Who can blame her? She’s doing what a mother should. She’s fighting tooth and nail for her children. So what does that say about me as a father? As a husband? Shouldn’t I be doing the same? Why can’t I? I just know the more I hope now, the more it will hurt later when we lose them. This is what I’ve been struggling with. As her husband, I should be fighting right alongside her, but I can’t. If I’m going to hold us both together when this falls apart, I need to prepare myself now.

I pull up at the bar, get out of my truck, and walk up to the door, needing a drink. Before I can get the door unlocked, my cell phone rings. My thoughts immediately shift to Amber. I fish my phone out of my pocket with shaky hands, my heart beating so hard it feels like it’s going to rip out of my chest. When I see the name on the screen, I breathe a sigh of relief. Then suspicion takes over. What the fuck is Jax calling me for at one o’clock in the morning?

“Hello.”

“Kyle, its Jax. Sorry it’s so late. Holly sent me a text to let me know about Amber. I just wanted to see if you needed anything... if there’s anything I can do?”

Though I don’t trust him or his intentions, I do need someone to talk to. Paul and the guys have been great but I’m afraid they will look at me differently if I tell them how I really feel. I don’t give a damn what Jax thinks of me.

“I just got to the bar. Want to come by for a drink? I could use some company.”

“Sure, be right over.”

It doesn’t take long for Jax to get here; long enough for me to have a couple shots of whiskey and a beer, though. I’m sitting on a stool at the bar, feeling much better than before, when he walks in.

“Hey. You okay?”

“No, Jax, I’m not.” Maybe it’s the fact that I hardly know him, or maybe it’s just simply that the alcohol is beginning to take effect, I have no idea, but I start to tell him everything, every feeling that I’ve been too ashamed to share with my wife and friends. I tell him how I’ve given up hope that we will ever be able to bring home our babies. I even tell him something that I haven’t been able to really admit to myself, how I’m not sure if Amber’s going to be able to handle a loss this big. He just sits and listens to it all. Not one ounce of judgment anywhere on his face. I’ve needed this, to unload all of these concerns without worrying about being judged. Hell, I judge myself enough; I don’t need it from everyone else too.

“I can see why you haven’t wanted to discuss any of this with Amber. I totally understand why you feel this way. I agree, Amber will never understand it,” Jax says.

“That’s an understatement. She’ll hate me if she knows I gave up hope weeks ago.”

“I won’t say a word, but at some point you’ll probably need to talk to her.”

“Yeah, I suppose I will. Tonight though, I’m drinking until I pass out.” Jax stayed for one more drink before leaving. I keep drinking long after he leaves.

“Wake up, asshole!” Holly screeches as she shakes me.
Damn! My head hurts.

“What was that for Holly?”

“Where’s your phone, dipshit? The hospital’s been trying to reach you for an hour.” I search my pockets, looking for my cell phone. Damn it! I see it laying on the floor and pick it up. I look at the screen. Ten missed calls.

“What’s going on? Is Amber okay?” I’m starting to panic. What could have happened? Again, here I am, fucking everything up. Sitting here passed out in the bar when I should be at the hospital with my wife.

“I’ll explain on the way to the hospital. Let’s go.” Holly grabs my arm and drags me out to my truck. As soon as we start driving, she better start talking. I need to know what the hell is going on. I start to walk around to the driver’s side but Holly pushes me toward the passenger side and gives me a nasty look. I guess that means she wants to drive. Once we’re in the truck, she peels out of the parking lot like a bat out of hell.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”

“I should’ve let Paul come so he could kick your ass. Everyone is at the hospital with your wife, even Angel who you can’t drag out of bed for anything before noon. Everyone but you!”

“Damn it, Holly! Tell me what’s going on!” I roar, panic and fear taking over. Holly jumps a bit, startled by my tone. She recovers quickly, and finally begins to explain what’s happening with Amber.

“Amber developed an infection called Chorioamnionitis. They have to deliver the babies as soon as possible. We’re having a hard time getting it through to Amber that this is the only option. She won’t do anything without you there, but she also says she’s going to wait until the babies have a better chance of survival.” She looks over at me, realizing I need a minute to let this all sink in. I never should have left the hospital last night. I should’ve stayed with my wife. Instead, I go and drink until I pass out and don’t hear my phone. Amber needed me and I wasn’t there. I have promised her, over and over again, that I’ll always be there when she needs me. Now, that promise looks like a lie. Holly squeezes my hand to pull me out of my head.

“Can’t they give her something to get rid of the infection?”

“I wish they could. The only way to stop it is to deliver the babies.”

“And what happens if she won’t agree to it?”

“She’ll die, Kyle,” Holly says, tears streaming down her face. “I know you love your babies, but they aren’t going to make it no matter what we do. Amber can, though. We have to make her see that she’s done everything she can.”

That’s the problem, making Amber see it. She’s not going to do anything knowing it will harm those babies. This is going to destroy her. Hopefully, I can hold us both together.

I
THROW
my cell phone to the foot of the bed. Why isn’t he answering his phone? If things were reversed, I’d have that damn phone glued to me. There’s no way in hell I would miss a call from him. I’d be too worried something would be wrong.

Dr. Courtney called Kyle but it went to voicemail. She found my cell phone for me so I could keep trying. After a couple more tries without luck, I call Holly. I explain everything that’s happening and that I can’t get in touch with Kyle. If she was standing in front of me, I bet there would be smoke coming out of her ears. She’s pissed. I can hear her telling Paul what’s going on. He’s furious, too.

“I’m sending Paul and Angel right down. I will go find Kyle. If I let Paul do it, Kyle may end up in a bed next to you,” she says with a touch of laughter in her voice. “Hang in there. The boys will be there in a few minutes.” With that, she hangs up. At least I now know that it’s not just me — that I’m not overreacting.

The pain is becoming unbearable. Every move I make, no matter how big or small is excruciating. Flat on my back is the only position I can lay in. The cocktail of pain medication they’ve been giving me is doing absolutely nothing. I’m not sure how much more I can take.
Please, God, help me make it through this day. Give me the strength I need to make the right choice, whatever that may be.
Between the fear and pain, the floodgates open and I can’t stop them. I lay there sobbing uncontrollably. It’s not until Angel is by my side, wiping the tears from my eyes, that I even notice Paul and Angel are here.

“Oh, baby girl. Please don’t cry. We’re here with you now. Everything is gonna be okay,” Angel soothes.

I wish I could believe him. Paul looks at me with those big green eyes full of sadness and sympathy. It’s so hard to see a look like that on the face of such a big strong man. Why is it that these two men can rush to my side and be here to comfort me, but my husband can’t even be reached? If I didn’t need him so badly right now, I’d tell him to take a flying leap when he does get here.
If he ever gets here.

It doesn’t take long before my room starts to fill up with people. Becky, Taryn, and Marcus are here with me, but still no Kyle. Becky says she called Beasley on the way over and he is on his way. I forgot he went to a conference in North Carolina. Nurses are coming in and out, checking vitals, and pumping me full of more pain meds. Not that they are doing any good. I have such a major decision to make, but I can’t...I won’t make it alone. I need Kyle here with me to help me. Just then, Dr. Monty walks in and panic sets in. He’s here to explain everything to us. There is no way I can take all of this information in right now, not by myself. Thankfully, I won’t have to. Behind Dr. Monty is Kyle and Holly. I’m not sure if I want to kiss him or punch him. By the sheepish look on his face as he approaches my side, he knows I’m conflicted.