Resenting the Hero (13 page)

Chapter Nine

One week later, and we had a nearly full roster once more. Four Pairs had been pulled in from other sites and off the circuit, a temporary measure until the Triple S could make more permanent arrangements. Another Pair was on the way.

If Ogawa and Tenneson didn't wake soon, a final Pair would be summoned to replace them. I visited them in the hospital every day and felt guilty for having come through the Rushes unharmed.

In the week since the second Rush, High Scape had been calm, and our minds and throats had been given time to heal. But the memories weren't fading at all. I was even suffering nightmares. I never had nightmares.

But at least life was back to some kind of order. Watches in the Stall were longer and more frequent, but at least they were defined watches. The events that Karish channeled were more natural, and I stopped wanting to wince every time I felt his protections go down.

I visited Aiden almost daily. He made me laugh. He told marvelous stories. He was a wonderful distraction from my work.

It was only a little more than a week after the second Rush that I knocked on Aiden's door and was not called to come in, and was not greeted by Aiden's brother, Piers. I knocked on the door again, and a long time later, it was opened by Aiden himself.

I stared at him. He was pale and sweating and trembling. He was leaning heavily on a crutch. His left leg hung crookedly and obviously uncomfortably. “Are you insane?” I demanded.

“I'm tired of being in bed,” he panted.

“Keep up this idiocy and you'll consign yourself to it for life.”

“Don't nag.”

I shrugged. “Hey, it's your leg. Are you going to let me in or what?”

He shuffled back with some difficulty, and I eased into the house, closing the door behind me. I watched him anxiously, restraining myself from offering to help him to a chair, but only just. It infuriated me that Aiden would risk crippling himself for the sake of—what? Pride? Men were so stupid.

I sat in one chair and watched him settle into another. It looked like a painful process, but I didn't make a single sound of sympathy. When he was finally seated, the crutch leaning against the wall behind him, I said, “Aren't you going to offer to get me something to drink?”

He glowered at me.

Sometimes I was so funny I couldn't stand myself.

I left my chair and headed for the kitchen to make some tea. “When did this particular brand of insanity start?” I asked, hunting for tea leaves.

“Yesterday,” Aiden called from the living room.

“Are you sure it's a good idea?”

“I'll find out.”

Aye, I supposed he would. I guessed I wouldn't feel guilty if he couldn't dance again, after all. He had to be doing at least as much damage to his leg as I had.

“Tell me something,” he said.

“Perhaps.”

“Do you like being a Shield?”

I was surprised by the unexpected question. No one had ever asked it of me before. I had certainly never thought of it myself. “Of course,” I answered.

I heard him laugh. “Like there could be no doubt about it.”

I felt my eyebrows draw together and intentionally smoothed them out. “Why should there be?”

“I just can't see you being content to be Karish's servant.”

Ah. That.
“I'm not Karish's servant.”

“Aye, you are.”

How irritating.
“I thought Ryan had told you all about being a Shield.” Ryan was the brother who was a Shield.

A snort from Aiden. “He's been complaining about it for years. I never really believed any of it, though, until I met you and Karish. I can't believe all the refuse you take from him.”

I had to leave the kitchen then, so I could look at his face as he spewed all this nonsense. I leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed. “You met him once,” I reminded him.

“Aye, and a proper lord of the manor he was, too. If he's like that in public, I can just imagine what he's like when you're alone. Always giving you orders.”

“Karish doesn't give me orders.”

“I don't expect you to admit it,” Aiden said, generously relieving me of the responsibility of confessing. “I know he'd punish you if you told us what he's really like.”

I stared at him. “What has your brother been telling you?”

“Nothing but the truth, it seems to me.”

“Somehow I doubt it. Karish never tells me what to do.”

“He doesn't have to, does he? You're trained to anticipate his needs. You're trained to do what he wants before he even has to ask you. You think you're acting independently, from your own initiative, but it's all training.”

This conversation was getting boring. It always irritated me when people rambled on about subjects they knew nothing about.

“Sometimes I wonder how thorough the training is,” Aiden muttered.

I was speechless. He was jealous. I couldn't believe it. It was ludicrous on so many different levels. Karish had the whole city to choose from. There was no reason for him to risk his partnership by sleeping with me. That had to be obvious to anyone of even the meanest intelligence. But nothing else could explain Aiden's bizarre behavior.

“I remember Karish from the night we danced, Dunleavy. He was a little too possessive of you for someone who is just a disinterested Source.”

“He felt he had something to prove that night. I'd accused him of being irresponsible.” I didn't know why I was bothering to answer, though. My words weren't having the least impact on him. I could tell.

“I know what he looks like, Dunleavy. And I've heard what he is. Are you seriously trying to tell me you don't feel the slightest bit attracted to him?”

Not the slightest bit attracted? What was I, dead? And if he tried to tell me he wasn't attracted to almost every good-looking woman he saw I'd call him a liar. But right then wasn't the time to mention reality. It was a moment when I had to pick my truths carefully. “I've never considered Karish a possible sexual partner,” I said. “We're taught having sexual relations within a Pair is a bad idea, and I've always believed in that. To me, the Source is out of bounds. It would be like suggesting I sleep with one of my brothers.” Well, maybe that was pushing it a little. “I mean, I can look at him and admire the scenery, but it doesn't mean anything. I don't feel anything.”

“Aye, I buy that,” he said sarcastically.

One . . . two . . . three . . .
I shrugged. “I can only tell you what is. I can't help what you believe.”

He didn't look convinced, and right then I didn't care. It was none of his business, anyway.

“Tell me something, Dunleavy.”

“If you'd had the power to Choose freely, would you have Chosen Karish?”

“No,” I answered promptly, no careful honesty required. “I had my eye on Katherine Devereaux.” It was the first time I had thought of her in what felt like a long time. I wondered what she and her lucky Shield were up to. “My life would be so much easier if she were my Source.”

“Is Karish so difficult, then?” Aiden asked eagerly.

“No,” I said slowly. “It's just that who he is creates circumstances I would rather not have to deal with.”

“Do you like him?”

I had to think about that. Did I like him? Would I spend time with him if I weren't bonded to him?

Yes. I would. If I didn't have to work with him, I had no doubt I would be thrilled to be one of his adoring fanatics. I liked looking at him. He could be witty when he chose to be. And I would probably fall in love with him from a nice safe distance. But Aiden really didn't need to know that. “He is a better man than I had thought he would be, when we first met.”

It appeared Aiden was struggling with whether he should be satisfied with that or not. He settled with saying, “Ryan despises his Source.”

I went back to the kitchen and poured the tea. “That happens sometimes.”

“And you think that's all right, forcing someone to work with someone they despise?”

I mixed milk and sugar into the tea. “We have a rare ability that's more important than personal differences.”

“Ah,” he said mockingly. “How noble.”

I carried the two mugs of tea into the living room. “Why are you trying to pick a fight with me?” I asked plaintively, giving him his tea before settling into my chair.

“I'm not picking a fight. I'm pointing something out.”

“This must be my day to be stupid. What are you trying to point out?”

“That you're packed up and sent away from your family at a very tender age—”

“Boarding children at school is a common practice among the merchant and High Landed classes,” I told him. “My sister and brothers boarded, too.”

He wasn't in the mood to be enlightened. He glared at me for interrupting him. “Away from your family's eye you're trained in the beliefs of the Triple S and trained to live up to them. You're isolated from normal society for years—”

Isolated?
Normal?
That was open to debate.

“And then you're matched up with some high-and-mighty Source who has complete power over you.”

Zaire give me patience.
“You're being ridiculous. You make it sound like some nefarious conspiracy to enslave us or something.”

“Isn't it?” he demanded. “I mean, you go to the academies to be trained, right? But why do you need to be trained? Everything you do is by instinct. You just do what comes naturally, what you'd do if you had no training at all.”

“Listen to two singers, equally talented but one with training and the other without. The difference is obvious.”

“For that difference you have to suffer through years of isolation?”

The problem with Aiden's skills as a storyteller was that he sometimes spoke too melodramatically in ordinary conversation. “Leave it alone, Aiden.”

“I can't. That's what this is all about. Your minds are warped for the benefit of the Triple S, and most of you don't even know it.”

“But Ryan does.”

“Him and a few others.”

“Where is he posted, by the way?” I asked to change the subject. “You've never said.”

“Middle Reach.”

Ah. Light strikes. Middle Reach was a miserable little town out in the middle of nowhere, economically and politically and artistically if not geographically. It was once a thriving community, but the same upheavals that had given High Scape its waterways had deprived Middle Reach of its own. A nearly cold site requiring little talent to keep stable. So it was one of the dumping grounds for criminal or incompetent Pairs. Either Ryan or his partner had done something to earn that exile. From the sounds of things, the Source was responsible, which would certainly explain Ryan's bitterness.

Aiden was looking at me, a dangerous glint in his eyes, daring me to say something disparaging about his brother. Well, I generally didn't take dares. I sipped at my tea and gazed back at him. No accusations here. I was not going to help him start a fight, no matter how much he was itching for one.

“I just don't like seeing you being taken advantage of,” he said.

“Why don't you let me worry about that?”

“But you're not worrying about it. You're just taking it, accepting it as natural.” His face assumed an expression of pity. “But it's not your fault. Your mind has been forced to think that way.”

All right. That was enough. I'd come for some amusement and light conversation, and instead I was enduring an interrogation. And I was being pitied for being feebleminded. I set my mug on the table. “I'm going now.” I rose to my feet.

“Dunleavy, no.” He tried to rise as well but couldn't manage it so quickly. “Don't take it like this.”

Like what? I wasn't storming off in a huff. I was perfectly calm. But there was no reason for me to sit there and listen to him attack everything I believed in, then have him finish off the tirade with the reassurance that I wasn't to be held responsible for my faith as I was a naive, ignorant child. “I only came in to say hello. I have to be somewhere.”

“With Karish?” Aiden asked coolly.

Men. Bah.
“Have a good day, Aiden.” I bowed to him, and wondered where I'd picked that habit up. I never bowed. Then I left.

Chapter Ten

Upon leaving Aiden I went to the hospital to visit Ogawa and Tenneson, as I was in the perfect mood to be around vulnerable people. I didn't know how the healers were keeping them alive, but I had the feeling it wasn't going to be working for much longer. They were both getting so thin.

I sat beside Ogawa's bed. I looked at her slack face, and I felt furious.

Ogawa was dying, and I was just letting it happen. She'd seemed a sensible, steady person. I'd liked her. It was ridiculous that she was dying because of some strange natural disaster that hadn't been natural at all.

“Wake up, Ogawa,” I ordered crisply. “You've had your little vacation. It's time to go back to work.” Nothing. Not so much as a flicker of the eyelids. Well, no kidding. I leaned forward in the chair, taking up one of her hands. “Come on, Ogawa,” I said in a softer voice. “It's time to come back. I need you. I haven't got many friends here.” I hadn't really had a chance to get to know any of the new Pairs yet. Some of them sort of intimidated me. And Karish and Aiden didn't count, though for different reasons. “I'm starting to get bored.”

I thought it was rather too Shield of her to refuse to respond to that heartfelt plea.