Resonance (Marauders #4) (6 page)

When the doctor left, I turned to Felix. “We need to do the feeding now. If Dad can stay, I’m sure he’ll read to you.”

“I can stay, and I’ll read. Pick a book,” Tommy said and started towards the armchair, but halted when Felix shook his head.

“Can Mom read? She does the voices, and then you can listen so maybe you can do the voices, too.”

“Okay,” Tommy answered with a smile. “I’ll listen and try to learn the voices.”

I had planned to leave them alone, but I’d be damned before I left just to please Tommy if Felix wanted me there, and he didn’t protest. I lay down in the bed next to Felix once I was done with all the tubes and had made sure that the food was running from the IV to Felix as it should.

“Ready?” I asked Felix, and he nodded. “The sun did not shine, it was too wet to play,” I started, doing my very best to forget that Tommy was in the room with us.

Felix lasted longer than I’d expected, and I read several books to him. Tommy stayed with us the entire time, but he barely spoke, just answered Felix’s direct questions.

When Felix finally fell asleep around lunch, Tommy and I left the room as quietly as possible.

“We have these family dinners. Would it be okay if I took him with me?” Tommy asked.

“Dinners?”

“Not parties. Just dinners. I’d bring him there for the food, let him meet the other kids, and then take him straight back home.”

I really didn’t like sending Felix away with anyone, and I’d never let anyone but Mom or Dad take care of him, but I doubted Tommy would let me come with them. He’d probably rather not take Felix at all than bring me. He noticed my dislike of the idea and shrugged.

“Fuck it. Just forget it.”

“No. Just…” I sighed. He was his dad, and it wasn’t his fault that he’d never had the chance to take care of him. I needed to prove that I trusted him, even if it was just for a few hours. “So it’s for the families of the club?”

“Yes. It’s a fucking dinner. We eat and talk, and the kids play a little. No big deal.”

“You need to keep an eye on him the entire time, Tommy.
All
the time, when he eats, too, so he doesn’t eat something he shouldn’t. And no crazy wrestling games or something. The other kids need to be very careful with him, too. You can’t just leave him to play with other kids.”

“Okay.”

“I’m not kidding you. If I find out you left him alone, I’ll cut you open.” I knew I was a bitch, but he needed to understand.

“I know! Leah’s told me all that. I get it.”

“Just so we’re clear.”

“As crystal,” he said and glared at me. “I’ll tell him when I see him next time.”

“Don’t give him a date. Just call and ask me or Mom how he’s doing that day, and if he’s fine you can come and get him.”

“Okay.”

“And if you come here to pick him up with a bike, you’ll be able to carry that bike home in a duffel bag.”

“I have a truck.”

“Then I suggest you use it.” I shifted uncomfortably before I brought up the next subject. “Mom said he’s been watching you do things with your bike a few times.”

“He just watched,” he said defensively.

“Did he sit on the ground when you did?”

“So?”

“Bring a blanket for him to sit on next time.”

“Why?”

“Does it matter? Just bring a blanket.”

“Just fucking tell me why.” He took a step towards me, and even if I knew that wouldn’t really hurt me, I took a step back.

“Because the urinary track infection could be because he got cold or wet,” I said and sighed when Tommy looked horrified. “That’s why I didn’t want to tell you.”

“Fuck.”

“It might’ve happened anyway, but try to keep him warm.”

“Okay.” When he looked at me, it was the first time he hadn’t looked like he wanted to hit me since I told him about Felix. “I’ll talk to him about dinner.”

“Yeah, and talk to Mom about his food.”

He nodded and was about to say something, but shook his head and left without another word.

Later that night, a complete stranger called me, a woman, and she wanted to talk to me about Felix’s food.

“My name is Melanie, and Tommy told my husband that your son is on a special diet, so I just want to know what I can cook for him.”

I was completely lost. “Your husband?”

“Brick.”

“Oh.” The big guy with the mustache who pulled me out of the clubhouse. “You know what, if you give me your email address I could just send it to you.”

“That much?” she laughed.

“Or… Why don’t I just send food with him? That way you can just add whatever you’re making that he can eat?”

“That might be best. I just don’t want him to feel left out.”

“That’s really nice of you, but he’s quite used to it when it comes to food. He understands.”

We talked for a while longer, and she seemed quite nice. Once we’d hung up, I started to really think about what it was I had agreed to, and in my mind, I came up with a thousand scenarios where he ate something he really shouldn’t, or was hurt playing, or… just anything.

CHAPTER FIVE

Get In

~oOo~

IT HAD BEEN A shit week in so many ways it was ridiculous. The fact that I’d spent Valentine’s Day listening to women remembering being raped was really just the icing on the cake as far as bad weeks went. I’d never cared much about Valentine’s Day, but this was a low as far as ignored Valentines went. Some of the girls had suggested a drink and a dinner afterwards, but I went home.

The line of crap continued, and on Friday my car broke down. I had to pay a silly amount of money to have it towed, since it was off hours, and took a cab home.

Mom was waiting for me in the kitchen, completely oblivious to my bad mood, and she immediately started talking about Tommy and what he’d done with Felix that day, topped off with what a great guy he was.

I ignored her for as long as possible, but then I lost it. I turned around and glared at her.

“I know he’s the perfect fucking dad, and that I’m a horrible fucking bitch. I get that you’re so insanely disappointed with what a lousy daughter and mother I am, but could you please,
please
, just leave me the fuck alone. Just today. You can keep shoving this shit down my throat tomorrow, but I need the day off from your lectures.”

Mom stared at me with wide eyes, and to my horror I could see tears in them.

“This isn’t about you. I’m just glad he’s back. I’ve missed him, Billie. He was my boy almost as much as Zach was.”

I congratulated myself for having, once again, completely misjudged the assholeness level of the people around me.

“I’m sorry, Mom.” I shook my head. “I think I’m just overly touchy at the moment.”

“He’s good with Felix, Billie. You don’t have to worry about that. He’ll take care of him.”

“I take it he told you about the dinner.”

I was still on the fence about whether I’d made the right call about the dinner or not. It had felt absolutely impossible to deny him, and equally impossible to demand that I had to go with them. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what his friends thought about me. Hell, it was probably in the line of what I thought about myself. I wanted him to get to know Felix in peace, and he couldn’t do that when I was around, simply since my presence made him more than a little tense.

Until I’d agreed to the dinner, I hadn’t realized myself how much I wanted to show Tommy that I trusted him, and I wasn’t sure why I wanted that. Or, I knew. Just like Mom, I’d missed him. He’d been my brother as much as Zach had, and not only had I pushed him away, I’d kept his own kid from him. I was ashamed, and I wanted him back in my life, but I had no idea how to do that. Also, if I wanted him to take part in Felix’s life, I had to show he’d be allowed to.

“He told me about the dinner,” Mom confirmed with a small smile. “I made him promise to call me if he was unsure about anything. We’ve talked a lot about Felix’s food, too. I’m not sure he’s paid much attention, but he at least knows why it’s so important.”

“I guess that’s something,” I mumbled. “I couldn’t say no,” I admitted.

“I understand, honey.” She leaned closer and took my hand. “I never meant those comments as something to hurt you. I really didn’t.”

I looked at Mom with a raised eyebrow, but I couldn’t help smiling. “Maybe not to hurt me, but they were less than subtle hints, too.”

“You’re probably right.”

“I’m definitely right.”

Mom smiled, and we sat quietly for a while. I had a feeling we were thinking about the same thing, but none of us wanted to bring it up first. Dad had asked, but Mom never had, and I figured this was the time.

I wasn’t wrong.

“Why didn’t you tell me who the dad was?”

“A lot of reasons. Most of them involving things I was embarrassed or ashamed of.”

“You were ashamed of Tommy being the father of your child?”

“I was ashamed of having fucked him on the day of Zach’s funeral, and I wasn’t sure which one of us was taking advantage of who.”

It had been… strange and so good at the same time. I’d stayed close to Tommy the entire day. Initially, I’d thought it was because it was like being close to Zach, but then I’d realized that he was the only person in the room, including my parents, that I felt safe with.

I’d been raped while I was serving in the Navy. The really sad part was that I hadn’t even been surprised when it happened. The man, my superior, had raped another woman in our squadron a few months earlier, and I doubted she was the first one, either. She’d pressed charges and ended up being charged with conduct unbecoming, since the man in question was married, and that had only happened after months of humiliation from the people that were supposed to help her, or at least should have remained neutral. When it was my turn, I didn’t even try, and that could very well be one of the things in my life that I was most ashamed of. It might not have been my fault, and it might not have made any difference, but by
not
trying, I had in a way enabled him to keep raping women. Because I knew he still did.

For some reason, the sexual harassment and rape of my friend hadn’t been something I could talk to Zach about. Maybe because I didn’t want to worry him, it’s not like there was something he could do about it, but also because I’d fought with both Dad and Zach about my decision to join the Navy. Then I was raped. So badly I broke my tailbone, and I couldn’t sit down for weeks. Zach had deployed by then, and I couldn’t write to him about it, I just couldn’t.

Months later, I’d been so ready for Zach to come home, to be with someone I’d be comfortable around, and the same week he was expected to land on US soil, I found out that he was dead and Tommy was injured.

Tommy was the next best thing, and someone I trusted and loved. I still didn’t know why he had gone along, but when we snuck away to talk, I’d kissed him, and he hadn’t protested at all. Not even a little. In fact, he’d been really damn eager. He was the first one I’d had sex with since the rape. He was actually the first man besides Dad that had been allowed to touch me. Having Tommy there, someone so familiar, had wiped away any bad feelings for the moment, and it had only been good.

Then I’d fucked it all up. I’d fucked it up so bad that when I realized I was pregnant I simply didn’t have the balls to contact Tommy. I couldn’t even imagine standing face to face with him.

~oOo~

BILLIE HAD CALLED HIM on Sunday before lunch to tell him Felix was okay that day, and that he could come with Tommy to the family dinner. Around three o’clock, he’d gone to pick him up, so now they were outside the house, and as much as she was trying to hide it, Billie was flipping the fuck out.

“Promise me to be careful,” she said while holding Felix’s cheeks.

“Yes,” he answered, and he sounded a little annoyed.

“I love you, little guy.”

“Love you, too, Mommy. Can we go now?”

When she closed the door, Tommy could see her swallow a sob before turning towards him, and that caught him off guard.

He’d seen Billie fall seven feet from a tree and break her arm without shedding a single tear. When she was fourteen, she’d cut up a five-inch gash in her leg while surfing, and she was mostly annoyed she couldn’t go on, but no tears—and now she was about to cry.

“Please, please,
please
don’t let him out of your sight,” she pleaded. “He can get so carried away when he’s eager about something like this, and he can be really fast sometimes. Faster than you think.”

“I know.”

“I sent Melanie the list of his diet, and keep an eye on how much he drinks and…”

“Fucking hell,” he muttered. She’d be a mess before he got Felix back home, and she was actually starting to make him worried he’d fuck this up. So he opened the door to Felix’s side of the car. “How about we bring your mom to the dinner?”

“What?” Billie said.

“She can come?” Felix asked with a big smile on his face.

“Sure,” he pointed Billie towards the back seat. “Just get in the fucking truck.”

“You sure about this?” She looked at him hesitantly. “They won’t mind?”

“No one will give a shit. Get in!”

She didn’t ask anything else, just got into the back and buckled up. Felix was quiet for a long time, but by the time they were on their way out of Phoenix, he turned towards him.

“You said
both
the s-word and the f-word. They are not nice words.”

He looked at Billie through the rearview mirror, but she was staring through the side window doing a piss-poor job at hiding her smile.

“Kiddo, you’re gonna hear a lot worse words when we’re at the dinner.”

Felix just stared at him with big eyes. “Do you use those words often?”

“Your mom doesn’t?”

As he remembered it, Billie had an impressively imaginative vocabulary when it came to cussing. She could put together words that didn’t even sound filthy until she paired them up. It was basically her superpower to curse and insult people.

“Never!” Felix emphasized. “My mommy is not a potty-mouth.”

“Sorry to tell you, but your dad is.” He fucking loved hearing himself say that—
your dad
. “Get used to it.”

It dawned on him that he was bringing Billie into a pretty shitty situation. She wasn’t popular among the members. Partly because he’d told them he didn’t like her, and partly because they thought what she’d done was as cunty as he himself thought. He was wondering if he should warn her, and if he would get the chance to do it without Felix overhearing.

When they parked the truck in front of Brick’s place, he got out first, and Billie helped Felix before putting the backpack with his food over his shoulders.

“You can wait for us by the door, kiddo, I’m just gonna have a quick talk with your mom.”

“Okay,” he said and went over to stand on the stairs before pointing at them and yelling, “I’m standing here.”

“That’s good, honey,” Billie said before turning to him. “So?”

“They might not be chummy with you.”

“I didn’t think they would.”

“Just wanted to give you heads up.”

“Thanks for that,” she said and started towards Felix. When he didn’t follow her, she turned around. “I understand. Don’t worry about it. I’m used to dealing with hostile men.”

He wondered what the fuck that meant, but then he shrugged and walked past her to get to Felix first. Wasn’t really his problem.

And he’d been right. They were very impressed with Felix, since he shook hands with all of them and introduced himself as ‘Felix Jensen’ and insisted on calling everyone ‘sir’ or ‘ma’am,’ but they weren’t friendly with Billie. They weren’t exactly hostile, but he knew it would’ve been different if she’d been there with him, as his woman. She didn’t seem to mind much. She helped in the kitchen and prepared Felix’s food, then she sat next to Felix, who was seated between them. She had Anna on her other side, but spent most of the time helping Felix. Tommy quickly realized it was lucky she was there, because Felix kept asking what he could taste and how much, and he wouldn’t have been able to answer. He should probably learn that pretty fucking quickly, though.

Tommy looked around the table, and it dawned on him how many club kids there were now. Dawg and Edie’s two boys, Travis and Jacob; Mac and Vi’s boy, and they were expecting a second; Mitch and Anna’s girl, who was the only girl but too young to give a damn about it; and Bucket’s kid, Adam, who was about the same age as Felix. And those were just the really young ones. He noticed that despite being almost the same age as Adam, Felix was much smaller. He hadn’t really realized just how small he was for his age.

Once dinner was over, Travis came over to their side of the table and asked if Felix would come and play with them. Felix looked at Billie.

“Can you come with us?”

“Sure,” she said and left the table with the two kids.

“How did she get him to call everyone sir or ma’am?” Edie asked with a laugh. “That was very impressive. I can’t even get my kid to blow his nose.”

“Think it might be his granddad who’s behind that. Billie and Zach were the same when they were kids. It’s a military thing.”

“Did she serve?” Brick asked.

“Yeah, in the Navy.”

“Can’t be that many women there,” Mel said.

“Think it’s about the same as the rest of the military—around fifteen percent. Only in the Marines there’s a lot less.”

Billie stayed out of the way for the rest of the time, and when he went with Dawg to find her and the kids, she was on the floor in the TV room with Felix, Travis, Adam, and Jacob during what seemed to be a traffic jam.

“Who’s got the ‘copter?” Billie yelled, and when Travis held it up she continued. “Get it up there! We need to get a bird’s eye on the situation, soldier!”

“Aye-aye, captain!” Travis yelled and started hovering the helicopter over the traffic jam, while Adam arranged the cars on the floor.

“Oh, no!” Felix said as he came running holding a train. “There’s a train on the way.”