Restless (Relentless Series Book 2) (12 page)

I stared past Amanda’s shoulder into the crowded restaurant, not seeing any of the people milling about. My head was too clouded, and the thoughts flying around were distracting.

“Earth to Taylor.” Amanda waved her hands in front of my face and I glanced back to her. She looked concerned. “Are you okay?”

“Yes. No. I don’t even know anymore.” She waited patiently for me to continue. “I can’t figure out why I am so messed up. I mean, what have I really had go wrong in my life? Relationships around me are fucked up, but that doesn’t mean that mine have to be.”

Amanda stared at me for a few seconds. “Where is all this coming from? I’ve always thought you were a free spirit that just wanted to enjoy life with nothing holding you back. Now you’re all introspective and deep. What gives?”

I took a sip of water to stall. “I hurt everyone around me. It’s never bothered me before because I didn’t give a fuck. Violet and Stephen don’t deserve to suffer though. For years I would disappear into the unknown without telling anyone. Vi spent a lot of time worrying about me. Poor Emmy has had to deal with my shit too.” My fingers delicately ran along the rim of the glass. “Stephen deserves better than me leaving in the middle of the night not bothering to give him an explanation. Something about him makes me want to be stronger.”

Amanda reached over and took my hand into hers. “It’s great that you want to fix things with Stephen, but don’t lose yourself in the process. You need to find what makes you, you. Figure out what’s important to you.”

“I guess that’s what I’m trying to do. He is important to me.”

“I get it. More than you know. When I was in high school I had a boyfriend, really he wasn't just my boyfriend, he was my best friend, but that's not important,” she said waving her hand around. “He left me because he didn’t believe he was good enough for me. No matter what I said, he wouldn't trust I knew what I wanted. I’ve always wondered what would have happened if he hadn’t decided for us. Just don’t push Stephen away because you are trying to be noble and think he deserves better. Let him help you.”

Tears pricked at my eyes. I was so sick of crying.

“What if it’s too late?” I whispered.

“He loves you. I’m sure he’s hurting as much as you are right now. You guys just need to work through it. Stephen has some apologizing to do too. He said some things that were out of line. Plus, he wasn’t completely honest with you either.”

I smiled weakly.

“Maybe. So tell me more about this old boyfriend.”

Amanda blushed and tried to hide her upturned lips behind her glass of wine, but I saw the sadness lurking in her eyes. “He was amazing. I think he’s part of the reason I can’t find anyone now. I'm too damn picky because I compare everyone to him. But enough about the past, tell me what’s going on with your writing. You were working on that huge piece last week.”

The conversation shifted to much happier topics. And while I was still a little distracted, Amanda’s words helped me focus. She was right; I needed to find out what was important. With all the articles I wrote on it, the solution should have been clearer. It was time for something more drastic. I was sick of playing the victim and not solving my problems.

“I love you from the bottom of my heart, but I don’t trust your cooking. Stay out of my kitchen.” Jaxon stared back at me. “Seriously, go. Alice warned me never to let you near a pot or pan. I’m cooking something nice for Stephen. I’m not letting you ruin it.”

“I can’t believe my mom said that.”

“Yes, you can. You and Connor both are hopeless in the kitchen. Sophia told me about the time Connor tried to make her toast and he caught a potholder on fire.”

“That was him, not me.”

“Apparently, you’re interchangeable in your mother’s eyes. Violet also told me about the waffle incident. Hands off. Why are you even here?”

“This is my best friend’s house. Am I not allowed in here anymore?”

“I’m just asking a question. Did you come to mooch food since Vi is studying for finals or did you just get bored?”

He ducked his head. “Can I choose option C?”

I pointed to a seat across the kitchen island with my wooden spoon. “Over there and don’t touch anything.”

“Yes, ma’am. So what are you cooking?”

“Chicken parmesan. It’s Stephen’s favorite.”

“I wish Vi would cook for me.”

“Jax, you have a wife that is balancing work, school, and a kid. You’re lucky she’s having sex with you.”

“True story," he said grinning.

I stirred the pot of homemade spaghetti sauce I had spent most of the afternoon making. The spicy scent filled the air and Jax groaned.

“Seriously. Vi cooks, but it’s nothing like that.”

“I’ll be sure to tell her.”

“Don’t you dare.”

I smirked. “It’s going to cost you.”

“It always does,” he griped. “What do you want dear sister?”

“I’ll let you know," I said winking.

I took pity on Jax and served him some spaghetti. He ate every bite of the homemade noodles and sauce that I gave him and made puppy dog eyes for more.

“You are a bottomless pit.”

“But you love me.”

I shook my head and started working on the chicken. Jax kept up a steady stream of conversation while I worked. He connected his phone to the Bluetooth speakers and turned on a Top 100 station. Every time a new song came on that he liked, he encouraged me to sing. A quick look at the clock told me I had another half hour until Stephen should be back.

Perfect.

“Jax, I love you, but get out.”

He kissed my cheek.

“Go change and get hot for your man.”

I smiled at him. He was a pretty kickass brother-in-law every once in a while.

“Damn it!” I screeched, ripping back my hand from the glass baking dish sitting on the stove.

My hand had just grazed the side of the hot glass as I pulled the chicken out of the oven, but it hurt like hell. I ran over to the sink and shoved my hand under cool water. Stephen came up behind me.

“I know the cool water feels better, but you’ll set in the burn.” He turned the water to lukewarm, and I gasped as the burn throbbed. Stephen rubbed my back as he stood next to me. After a few minutes he turned off the water. His lips brushed softly across the burn and my lips parted.

“All better,” he whispered.

I swallowed hard. He was always saving me.

“Thank you.”

“What’s all this?” he asked looking around the kitchen.

“Your favorites; chicken parmesan, fresh green beans, and my garlic bread sticks.”

“You made me dinner?” I bit down on my lip and nodded. He cupped my face and kissed me gently. “You are amazing.”

I smiled and moved past him to pick up the plates. Wincing, I adjusted my grip on the plate before it fell. The burn was throbbing as I set them on the table. Stephen poured the Lambrusco while I sat at the table. He held his glass up to mine and we toasted.

“To the future.”

“To the future,” I echoed.

“So why did you do all this for me?”

“I wanted to thank you for taking care of me and my ankle the other day.”

“Baby, you wouldn’t have gotten the sprained ankle if it wasn’t for me.”

I held up my hand. “Obviously, I’m a bit accident prone.”

He leaned up and kissed my hand again.

We ate the food slowly and enjoyed each other's company. The food was delicious, and I had another surprise for dessert. I went to the fridge and pulled out two cups of chocolate mousse. Jaxon hadn’t found them hiding in there luckily. Stephen grinned as I pulled them out.

“I’m a lucky bastard.”

I laughed and took them over to the table.

“Don’t get used to this,” I joked.

“Why? You don’t enjoy cooking for me?”

“I don’t mind that, but all this homemade shit takes a long time.”

His laughter filled the kitchen. I carried the ramekins to the table and swayed my hips as I came closer. He growled and pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around my waist. I giggled as I set them down next to him. When he grabbed me, some of the rich chocolate got on my hand. Stephen eyed it hungrily. His eyes locked with mine as he sucked my finger into his mouth.

Holy. Fuck.

I moaned as he tugged me onto his lap. He was rock hard in his jeans against me. Everything rubbed in the right places and I wanted him. The only problem was that when we added sex into the mix, things got fucked up. We needed this time to trust one another again.

“Stephen,” I said on a gasp. His tongue traveled the column of my neck, and I arched into him.

“Baby, I want you,” he whispered as his hands slid under my shirt.

“Stephen,” I said again. “We need to stop.”

His mouth captured mine, and I was lost. Every sane thought I’d had only moments before were gone. When he pushed his tongue into my mouth, I fought him back for control, my fingers running through his hair, tugging on the ends. He pulled away from me and put his forehead to mine. We were both breathing hard.

“You’re right, but I don’t want to.”

I kissed his nose and climbed off his lap, but not before he pulled my shirt down so he could look at my boobs.

“You’re impossible,” I said giggling.

He grinned. I held my hand out to him and he stood up. We grabbed the mousse and spoons so we could go watch TV while we ate our dessert. Snuggling into his shoulder was the best way to end the night. I just prayed that things stayed simple while we got our footing back.

My foot bounced up and down quickly and it took major effort for me not to bite my nails. I hadn’t done it since I was a kid, but in situations I wasn't comfortable, I always reverted to the nasty habit.

“Taylor, you seem nervous.”

“No, I’m fine.”

Dr. Harris pursed her lips.

“Can you tell me why you decided you needed to see a psychiatrist?”

“I have commitment issues.”

“Okay. Can you elaborate? Explain your situation.”

“I don’t know how this works. Is talking supposed to help me understand why I am the way I am? I feel restless anywhere I stay more than a few months. This isn't a new development, but I’ve been in California for almost two years now and I don't want to leave. Which kind of weirds me out. Stephen, my boy—"