Restless (Relentless Series Book 2) (14 page)

I went into the bathroom and locked the door behind me. Taking a deep breath, I opened the wrapper and did what I needed to do. For three minutes I tried not to stare at the innocuous little piece of white plastic that would tell me my future. The shot wasn't fool proof, I got that, but if I hadn't looked through my planner for a previous deadline, I wouldn't have realized I missed my appointment.

The timer on my phone went off, and I hesitated before looking. My eyes stung as I read the words ‘not pregnant’ on the tiny screen. I should have felt relief, but instead there was only pain. That negative meant that things with Stephen really were over. I didn't have a reason to go after him and tell him that we needed to be together and beg him to take me back.

I leaned back against the wall and slid down slowly. Hot tears rolled over my cheeks as silent sobs shook my body. The pain took over as I tried to absorb my bitter disappointment. At least I could try to move on with my life.

I groaned when I looked down at the phone. If I didn’t pick up, she would keep calling until I did. After I drug myself off the bathroom floor, I laid down in my bed. That had been two days ago. Violet was worried. Her strained smile and wrinkled brow told me so every time she walked into my room. My finger slid across the screen and I answered.

“Hey, Em.”

“Are you okay?” I gave the phone a dirty look.

“I don’t know how to answer that. No, not really. Don’t take this the wrong way, but why are you even calling?”

“Violet told me everything.”

“Fucking Violet. I’m fine.”

“We all know what you really mean when you say you’re fine. It means you’re two seconds away from buying a plane ticket to God only knows where.”

“I’m not going anywhere. Can’t you people just let me deal with this my own way? I haven’t run off yet and I don’t plan to this time, but I need some space to figure out what to do next.”

“Do you want me to come out there?”

“Honey, I love you, but if you fly out here I won’t talk to you either. I want time to myself.”

“What can I do?”

I sighed.

“Let me mourn my relationship with Stephen. I will always love him, but it’s never going to work out between us. We both realized it after I got back, but we didn’t want to accept it.”

“He loves you.”

“I know, but sometimes love isn’t enough, Em. Stephen is great, and someday he will make some woman very happy. And I’ll be jealous as hell of whoever it is, but we are too broken for it to work between us. He doesn't trust me and I can't force him to.”

She was quiet for a minute.

“I’m proud of you.”

“You always say that, but why this time?”

“Because you’re finally facing your fears.”

I took a deep breath. “Em, I’ve always felt restless, but with Stephen it was different. Wherever he was, was home. It’s going to take me some time to get over that. It’s been hard, but he made me realize that I was wrong about being in a relationship. All my adult life I’ve avoided making a connection with someone because I thought things were doomed from the beginning. Look at my parents, your marriage with Mason, Vi and Aaron, all of those were awful.”

“Things weren’t right between me and Mason, and none of those are good relationships to base your life on. Mase and I truly loved one another; we just waited until it was too late to talk about our issues. He's my Stephen.”

“The man didn’t actually file the divorce papers because he loved you so much. He's an asshole for that, but he was too scared to talk to you about what he wanted. He never should have given you the ultimatum, but I think there's more to that story.”

“So you want to base your relationship off an idiot that can’t admit he was wrong?”

I sighed. “It’s not just Mason. No one I know has had a healthy marriage.”

“What about Vi and Jax. Aren’t they doing amazing?”

“Yeah,” I admitted. “But they have only been together for two years.”

“Not all relationships are doomed from the beginning. If I could fix things with Mase, I would in a heartbeat. Sometimes you just know, Taylor.”

“I guess you do.”

“If you want to be with Stephen, you guys can make a relationship work. That’s just it though; it’s a lot of work. And you both have to be willing to do it.”

I didn’t answer. There was nothing more to say. I couldn't force him to trust me and without that, there was no future for us.

“Taylor, don’t give up what you have with Stephen if he’s what you want.”

“I’ve got to go.”

She sighed. “Hang in there, Tay.”

“Bye, Em.”

I stared at the phone in my hand for a few moments before setting it on my night stand. Wrapping my head around everything she said was hard. As much as I wanted her to be right, there was nothing more Stephen and I could do to fix our relationship. Right now I was living second by second, hoping the next breath wouldn’t hurt as bad as the last.

The tide crashed over my ankles every few minutes as I ran along the water's edge. It wasn’t the first time this week I ran like something was chasing me, but it was the first time it had actually helped. Violet and Jax were back to avoiding me because of my horrible mood. Maybe they were just trying to give me room to heal; either way they hadn’t bothered me.

Yesterday I overheard Jaxon telling Vi that Stephen had left early to start filming. He didn't say it, but I knew it was because of me. As much as it killed me for him to be gone, it also gave me some peace of mind I wouldn’t run into him at the grocery store or anywhere else for that matter. I didn’t want to leave, but it was getting harder to convince myself to stay in California.

As I approached the deck I was surprised to see Rhys sitting in one of the patio chairs. He glanced up as I climbed up the stairs and tried to smile. It looked more like a grimace, but I honestly couldn't blame him.

“What are you doing here Rhys?”

“I came to apologize. I’m sorry that I—”

“Don’t worry about it," I said cutting him off.

“Here’s the thing, I am worried about it. You weren’t yourself the night of the cookout and I shouldn’t have let Stephen bug me so much when he taunted me. I feel responsible for you guys ending things.”

It didn’t surprise me that Stephen started the fight. He’d been aching to lay into Rhys since he'd shown up.

“Look, I really just want to be left alone. I’m trying to figure things out for myself. Stephen and I are done and now I need to figure out my next move. I'm debating if I even want to stay in California.”

“Go out to dinner with me.” I scoffed. “Just listen. We can go as friends. No pressure for anything else. I’ve never pushed you, but I think you need to get out of the house. The walls will close in on you soon.”

“That’s not a good idea.”

He sighed. “If you change your mind, I’m here. But all I wanted to say was that I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve to be put through that.”

“Thanks Rhys.”

He stood up, and I took a step back to let him go down the stairs. I met his eyes and the spark between us was there like always. It surprised me that even after everything I had gone through in the past few days I could still feel that way.

“I’ll talk to you later, Taylor.”

I nodded and watched him walk away. He was wrong; the house wouldn’t close in on me. I was fine.

Fuck. I wasn’t fine. Rhys was right; the house was closing in on me. Less than twenty-four hours later I was staring down at my phone trying to decide if I should text him or not. Out of principle, I didn’t want to, but I was lonely. Violet was in class, Jax had left for a few days for some promotion shit, Amanda was in New York, and Alice was watching Harper. Literally everyone had abandoned me.

Almost magically the stupid thing chimed.

Bored yet?

I grinned. Apparently Rhys knew me better than he let on.

I’m sorry I was a bitch. Hang out with me tonight?

Instead of texting back like I expected, he called. I jumped when my phone started its familiar ringtone.

“So, I wore you down already?”

“Shut up,” I said laughing. “Just because I can’t stare at my laptop anymore doesn’t mean you wore me down.”

“No, it means you need to get out of there. Let me take you to dinner.”

I bit down on my lip. If I agreed did that make it a date? “One condition.”

“Name it.”

“It's not a date. I won't let you pay because I’m not ready to start dating. If you pay that makes it something bigger and I can’t—”

“Taylor, just slow down, it’s not a date.”

“Promise?”

“I promise. We can go to a fast-food restaurant for all I care, just quit freaking out.”

I took a deep breath. “Okay. What time?”

“I’ll pick you up around eight. Does that work for you?”

I looked down at the clock. It was only four.

“I'll be ready.”

We hung up, and I stared at my phone. I know we said it wasn’t a date, but it felt like it was.

Holy shit.

What did I just agree to?

Rhys was late picking me up. He sent a text telling me he got caught up at the bar, and I tried not to be disappointed. If this had been a first date, he would have failed the first test. I poured a glass of white wine while I waited for him to show up.

I was on my second by the time he showed up almost an hour later. He looked exhausted. The red roses he brought took me by surprise and my hand shook as I reached out to take them from him.

“My apology for being late,” he said sheepishly, handing me the bouquet. “I’m sorry. I had a bartender no show and one of my waitresses hurt her ankle as I was about to walk out the door.”

“We can always reschedule or go hang out at the bar so you can keep an eye on things.”

“No, I have to let the new manager start taking over.” He sighed. “My brother told me about a place in Washington that he wants me to look at soon, so I won’t be here much longer. I’ll still be back every few weeks for the first year though.”

“Rhys, do you ever sleep? You’re at the bar until closing every night practically. I see your car at the gym early each morning. Seriously, do you ever just rest?”

“I am tonight,” he said taking my arm. His smile left me a little breathless. “Let’s go.”

Apparently we have different meanings of the word rest. We went to the boardwalk and chose a funky little Italian, seafood fusion place that was amazing. I wasn’t thrilled that Gage was sitting across the restaurant with a redhead. He frowned at me and acted like he was going to come over, but he stayed on his side of the restaurant and we didn't move from ours.

After dinner, Rhys took me for ice cream. The rocky road was aptly named for my mood and tasted amazing. Rhys chose butter pecan, my other favorite. I gave him puppy dog eyes, until we ended up splitting both of the cones. He laughed as I jumped up and down, giddy at getting my way.

I drug him down to the arcade that Jaxon had taken Violet to for their first date. It was a secret gem tucked away on the boardwalk. We played skeet ball for almost an hour, racking up massive amounts of tickets.

“I didn’t realize you were so competitive,” Rhys said raising his eyebrow.

I giggled. “Oh yeah, Stephen won’t play board games with me because I throw a fit if I lose.”

The smile on my face died as I thought about him for the first time all evening. I had been doing so well.

“Hey,” Rhys said cupping the side of my face. “Don’t worry about it. He’s a major part of your life and that’s not ending anytime soon. He's been one of your best friends for forever." I nodded and broke eye contact. “Let’s go pick something out with our tickets.”

“Sure.”

We stood at the counter looking at the kitschy knickknacks. I pointed at a purple stuffed hippo.

“That.”

“Are you sure?” Rhys looked at the stuffed animal doubtfully.

“Yep.”

“Okay, the lady wants the hippo.” The attendant smiled and handed it over. I hugged it to my chest and grinned.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Why that one?”

“My dad used to take me to the zoo when I was a kid. Every time we went we would have to go see the elephants because they were my favorite and the hippos because they were his. He passed away not too long ago. I really miss him.”

“I’m sorry about your dad, but that’s a great memory to have of him.”

“Thanks. He was great. He was one of the few people that understood me.”

“That’s the first time you’ve mentioned anyone in your family besides Violet.”

I winced. “My mom and I don’t talk.”

“Gotcha, sorry, I made it awkward.”

“I’m awkward all by myself. I don’t need any help.”

He laughed, and the tension was gone. Rhys had a way of putting me at ease and I was thankful for his ability to know what I needed most. The evening could have taken a million different directions, but he’d helped me keep my mind out of the places that could hurt me the most. I appreciated that he had finally gotten me out of my rut.

I opened the kitchen door and wasn’t all that surprised to see Gage standing there looking incredibly pissed off. Luckily Violet and Jax had already left for the day. He stared down at me and I tried not to wince. The intensity of his eyes was something I hadn't seen from him before.

“Good morning.”

“Don’t.”

“Okay,” I drawled. “Come inside. I’ll make coffee while you bitch me out.”

He grunted once and followed me through the house. I peeked over my shoulder to watch him as I set out filling up the carafe and measuring out the beans. Gage was pissed. More than pissed, maybe irate would explain it? I was sure he wouldn't make me wait long before he exploded.

“I know you’re mad,” I stared, and he grunted at me again. “But it wasn’t what it looked like.”

“What it looked like was that you were leading Stephen on this whole time." He smacked his hand down on the table. "You went out on a date with Rhys not a week after you tell Stephen you can’t be together.”

“That’s not what happened!”

“That’s exactly what it fucking looked like when Rhys had his hands all over you. Did you end up coming home and fucking him?”

I slammed down the coffee cup I had been pulling out of the cabinet and turned to stare at him. My breath caught in my chest and I tried hard to fight back the sob that was working its way out of my throat.

“No, I didn’t, you fucking dick.”

He rubbed his hand down his face. “Then help me understand what you were doing?”

“It doesn’t matter if you have already condemned me for hanging out with a friend.”

“We’ve talked about this, Taylor. Rhys doesn’t want to be your friend.”

“I get that, but it doesn't mean I’m going to date Rhys just because I'm not with Stephen anymore. Rhys wouldn’t be a rebound guy if I ever went there. Not that I'm going to,” I said narrowing my eyes.

“See, it's things like that that make me believe that you’re playing Stephen.”

I picked up the coffee cup and lobbed it at him. He ducked to the side, and it missed his head, but not by much. The sound of the porcelain shattering on the ground was temporarily satisfying.

“What the fuck?” Gage yelled jumping up from the table.

“Don’t tell me I’m just messing with Stephen. Don’t tell me I don’t love him. Don’t act like this isn’t fucking killing me inside. I'm dying here, Gage.” I choked back a sob, and he started towards me. I held out my hand to stop him.

“Then why did you go out with Rhys?” he asked. He walked over and took my hands in his. When I looked up at him, his eyes weren’t silently judging me anymore.

“Rhys stopped by two days ago and told me he was sorry for what happened. I wasn’t sure if I would ever want to talk to him again, but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to. He was a good friend. I’m lonely and I miss Stephen. You guys are all busy, and I hate being so damn pathetic, begging for anyone to spend time with me. Rhys was sincere when he apologized. I made it clear to him that last night wasn’t a date, and he accepted that.”

“What would have happened if Stephen would have seen you?”

“He’s out of town already. Jax told Vi he left early to start filming because he wanted to get away. It hurts to know the reason he needed to leave is me.”

“He misses you. And he hates how things went down. He's beating himself up just as much as you are.”

“What other choice do I have, Gage? We make up and I think we are finally on the right path, and then something else happens to mess it all up again. Not only that, but he doesn’t trust me.”

“Why do you think that?”

“He believes I'll leave again. I can see it in his eyes, and every time Rhys’ name comes up, he loses his mind.”

“It’s not that he doesn’t trust you. It’s that he’s afraid he’s going to lose you again.”

I pulled a chair out at the table and sat down, laying my head in my hands. Gage rubbed my back softly as I cried.

“I can’t keep hurting like this.”

“So what do you want?”

“Stephen,” I whispered. “But we’ve tried. All we do is hurt each other.”

“You keep pushing him away though. He wants nothing more than to be with you and love you with everything he has, but you won’t let him. You make up these bullshit excuses of why you can’t be with him. One day you’re going to push so hard he won’t be there waiting for you anymore.”

I nodded my head and bit down on the side of my cheek.

“You’ve never given up so easily before. Why are you this time?”

Because I’m afraid of getting hurt or hurting Stephen again.

“I don’t know,” I answered softly instead of telling him the truth.

“I think you do, but you’re too scared to actually say it. If you can’t tell me, maybe you should think about saying it to Stephen.”

Gage rubbed my back once, then went to the pantry and pulled the broom out to clean up the glass from the coffee cup. I watched him sweep up the pieces. That’s how my heart felt right now, shattered into a million tiny little pieces that could never be put back together. Even if I made it through this, I would never be the same.