Return to Me (Storm Lords) (18 page)

Opening her eyes, she held out her hands. The man on the bed watched her, brows drawn together, but he took her hands in his huge ones. A wave of agony washed over him, and his fists tightened around her hands, so hard she thought her fingers would snap. “Bryce, let go of the pain,” she urged.

He shook his head as though he didn’t comprehend what was needed, and she leaned over him, held his blue gaze, with her own.

“It’s all right,” she murmured. “I can take it. Let it go.”

Understanding flooded his eyes. He blinked once, and then his gaze locked with hers. His pain flowed through her. For a moment, she thought it might overwhelm her, suck her under, then she relaxed and her mind absorbed the hurt, transforming it.

This was what she was meant to do. What she had been born to do. How could she have denied it for so long?

Bryce released his grip on her hands, the lines of pain gone from his face. Sadness still lurked in his eyes, but she knew he would survive; the insanity was banished.

He touched her cheek. “Thank you.”

“My pleasure,” she murmured and smiled. “You should sleep now.”

She waited as he settled back on the pillows and then rose to her feet. A wave of blackness washed over her. She swayed, sensed Cade reach out to her as the darkness engulfed her.

She wanted him.

Torr had almost turned the car around and gone straight back to her.

A wild exultation rose up inside him. He’d known she was attracted to him, had sensed her need, but having her actually admit it to him was a major step for her.

In the end, he’d continued on his mission. This needed doing, and the truth was he blamed himself for the murders that had happened here. He would find those responsible and send them back to the Abyss. Then he could concentrate on Bella. He would take her somewhere. Maybe the beach. He had seen how she had loved the ocean last night. He would take her to a tropical island. A deserted one, with only the two of them and he would make love to her in the warm surf at the edge of the ocean. And she would turn to him, see his love, admit her own, and at last she would return to him.

For a moment, the fact that Razul had a hold of his soul, cast a shadow on his mind. Two more days until Samhain, and he still had no clue how he was going to get possession of his soul. But right now, getting Bella back was more important.

It took him most of the day, but finally, the demons were back in the Abyss where they belonged. He’d made sure the local police had not caught on to anything unusual, and now he could relax. At least for a little while and he headed back to the compound.

 “Bella?” He called out her name as though he could conjure her up, impatience gnawing at his insides. She didn’t appear, but Cade and Phoebe did, at the top of the stairs, and he knew instantly that something was wrong.

“Nothing is wrong.” Cade spoke quickly into the silence.

“Where’s Bella?”

“She’s in bed.”

For a second, he thought maybe she’d gone there to wait for him, but she’d have hardly informed Cade if that were the case.

He headed up the stairs taking them two at a time, pushing past Cade at the top. They turned and followed him along the hallway, dogging his footsteps.

“Honestly, Torr, there’s nothing wrong with her,” Phoebe said. “She fainted, but really she’s just exhausted.”

He turned abruptly. “Fainted? What the hell did she do that made her faint?”

“She cured him, Torr,” Cade said, his voice filled with wonder. “She cured Bryce.”

Shock rocked him. “She wasn’t supposed to go anywhere near Bryce.”

“We couldn’t stop her.”

He started to walk again then stopped and turned back. “He’s cured? You’re sure?”

Cade nodded. “He’s sleeping now. But she took his pain. He’s still hurting, but the darkness is locked back inside. He’s going to be okay.”

She must have broken down the wall. Why had Bryce been able to get through to her, when he had failed? Was she okay?

“Where is she?”

“In her room. She’s sleeping, but otherwise, she seems fine.”

Torr strode along the hall, his thoughts in chaos. What would she see when she looked inside him? His footsteps slowed. What if she saw only the darkness? What if there was nothing else? Christ, his soul was in the hands of a demon. Would that be clear to her? Would she see a great gaping black hole where his very essence should be?

He ran a hand through his hair, pressing his skull. He was scared. Fucking shit-scared-terrified.

If this failed, he would lose her. She wanted him, but that wasn’t enough. She had to love him and speak the words. The rules of the Covenant were specific. Lilith had made sure of that. Their defense had been that they stole the Elixir because of love. So now, their redemption depended on the existence of love. If true love really existed, Lilith had stated, it would survive anything: life, death. Bella would look beyond the demonized monster he had become and see beneath to the angel she had fallen in love with.

He’d always had faith. But the last few days had shaken his confidence.

Bryce had failed and nearly been destroyed. And there would be no Bella to take away Torr’s pain. If he failed then she would die, never to be reborn. And what would remain of him?

“Torr?” Phoebe’s soft voice broke into his thoughts. He’d come to a halt in the middle of the hallway. “It will be okay,” she said.

He gritted his teeth, nodded, and forced his feet to move, halting in front of the door to Bella’s room. He tapped on the wood, then pushed it open without waiting for a reply. He could sense Cade and Phoebe were still behind him, but he stepped into the room and closed the door. He needed to be alone with Bella for this.

She lay in the center of the big bed, still dressed, but with a white sheet pulled up over her. The shutters were drawn, but the early evening sunlight filtered through. In the dim light, she appeared small and fragile, her lashes dark against the paleness of her skin.

He crossed the room and sank down on the mattress beside her. She didn’t wake up, but rolled onto her side, so her face rested close to his thigh and she murmured something in her sleep. The words were indistinct, but she spoke again clearer this time—his name. She was dreaming of him, and some of his fear melted away.

He reached out and stroked her short silky hair, the color so vibrant against her white skin. Sitting beside her, touching her, for a brief while, he was filled with peace. He allowed the worries to flow from his mind: his soul, Razul, Lilith. That Samhain was tomorrow evening, and an army of demons was poised to invade the Earth. He closed his own eyes and allowed his mind to void of all the stresses of his life. Peace was an emotion which had eluded him for so long, since he’d lost her the first time, over two thousand years ago. In his mind’s eye, he saw Bella as she had been when he had first caught sight of her. So pure and good that she had put the angels to shame. He had wanted her from that first moment. Sometimes when things had been at their worst, when the pain had been new and raw, he’d wondered if there had been a point when he could have turned back; but in fact, he had been doomed from the start. Until he’d met Soraya, love had been an abstract emotion. She had made it real, and he would never regret that.

Whatever happened this day, he would always be happy for the years they’d had together.

He opened his eyes and found her watching him, her own eyes slightly unfocused, and the elusive peace fled as his panic returned. She blinked up at him, and then a smile curved her lips as she came to her senses.

“Torr.”

He forced a smile to his own face. “How do you feel?”

She shook her head. “What happened? I was with Bryce, but I don’t remember…”

“Apparently you fainted.”

“Really? How is he? Bryce I mean.”

“Cade says he’s better. You cured him.”

“He was in so much pain.”

“You knocked the wall down?”

Her gaze flicked away from him, then back. “It’s gone. I didn’t have any choice. Bryce’s feelings were too strong.”

She pulled herself up so she was sitting against the pillows, darting quick glances at him, as though scared of what she might see. He had to do this. He had to let her into his mind. But he needed to hold her one last time.

“You said you wanted me. Did you mean it?”

She licked her lips and heat shot to his groin. Then she nodded and relief poured through him. Reaching out he dragged her from the bed to sit on his lap. He ran his hands over her, feeling her innate strength beneath the fragility. Shifting her so she was sitting astride his lap, facing him, he laced his fingers in the short hair at her nape and pulled her toward him.

He kissed her as though he might never get another chance. When she had been taken from him the first time, they hadn’t even had the time to say goodbye. Now if everything went to shit, this would be his goodbye.

He poured all his emotions into that kiss. He couldn’t say the words, but he showed her that he loved her, with his mouth, his body. She opened to him and he filled her. He kissed her as though he’d never let her go.

Finally, he knew he must. He needed to do this before the resolve left him and he hid himself from her.

Her hands had come around him, and she clung tenaciously as his mouth left hers. He unpeeled her fingers from his shoulders and put a small distance between them. Her eyes had darkened with desire, her lips swollen from his kisses, her breathing short and sharp.

She reached out and stroked her finger across his lips, and his skin tingled beneath her touch. “I want you,” she murmured.

“I need you,” he replied. “But first, I want you to see me.”

Shock flashed in her face, and she stiffened in his arms. “What do you mean?”

“Look into my mind, Bella. See who I really I am.”

She looked away, swallowed, biting down on her lower lip. “I’m scared.”

“So am I.”

Her eyes widened at his answer, but her spine stiffened. She reached out both hands and cupped his face in her palms, her fingers soft against his skin, and heat washed over him. He held his breath as she stared into his face. Her arched brows drew together.

“You’re locking me out,” she murmured. “You’re so strong, too strong.”

He released the air from his lungs and forced himself to relax. She seemed to stare at him for an eternity. Inside his mind, he found himself praying. She was all he’d ever wanted. Let her see that.

The frown smoothed out, and a look of wonder filled her eyes.

For a brief moment, he allowed himself to hope. Then she went stiff, every muscle locking rigid. Her hands dropped from his face. He didn’t try to hold her as she scooted off his lap onto the bed and then as far as she could from him.

“Oh God, what are you?” Her voice was filled with revulsion, her eyes pulled wide with whatever horrors she had plucked from his mind.

Despair returned to swamp him, so it filled his mind, excluding all else.

He’d failed.

She had seen him as he really was after all. Maybe love wasn’t strong enough to overcome anything. He had lost his soul long ago, and now his heart was gone. He slowly rose to his feet. Taking one last, long look at her, he told her exactly what he was. “I am a monster.”

And he turned and walked from the room.

***

The door slammed shut behind him. For endless minutes, Bella stared at the spot where he had disappeared.

Had she ever seen such defeat? She wanted to get up, run after him, but shock held her locked in place. What had she seen?

She rolled onto her side and hugged herself into a ball, trying to banish the icy cold that gripped her in a tight fist of fear. Her mind was numb, and she didn’t know how long it was until she started to think clearly again.

At first, she’d been filled with wonder. His mind was bursting with strong emotions. Honor, loyalty, love. He loved her; she knew it now with a certainty, and despite her shock, the knowledge filled her with happiness. Then the darkness had started to encroach. Such darkness, it had sucked her in, and at its center had been a great gaping void, filled with…nothing. She had hovered on the edge of that vast expanse of emptiness, felt it pull at her, call to her. It wanted to absorb her, make her into nothingness as well, and she’d pulled back in terror.

He’d seen her terror and more, and he’d walked away. She hadn’t tried to stop him, but what she had seen had scared her. Was she strong enough to look again, and not give in to that darkness, when she knew it had the power to destroy her?

The door opened and fear warred with anticipation. Had he come back? But it was Phoebe who hovered in the open doorway—a very worried Phoebe—gnawing on her lower lip and shifting from one foot to the other. When she saw Bella watching her, she took a tentative step inside.

“Are you okay?”

Bella pushed herself up so she was sitting. She hugged her arms around herself, but some of the ice had thawed from her veins. She nodded, and Phoebe stepped closer, until she hovered above the bed.

“It didn’t go well, huh?”

She shook her head.

Phoebe pursed her lips and plonked herself down on the mattress beside her. “You have to see him. He’s going away.” Her tone was urgent. “You can’t let him go, Bella. You don’t understand…”

Her jaw clenched, as anger rose up inside her. She was fed up of not understanding. She didn’t need it pointed out to her again. “Then tell me.”

Phoebe lifted a shoulder in a helpless gesture. “I can’t.”

“You know, I keep hearing that. Everyone says they can’t tell me what’s going on, but no one will explain why.”

Phoebe reached out and rested her small hand on Bella’s arm. “Have faith, Bella.”

Tears stung at the back of her eyes. “I don’t know how.”

“Let go of your preconceived ideas of good and evil. Let your heart guide you.”

Bella swallowed and blinked back the tears. She remembered the brief glimpse she had gotten of Torr’s despair, before he had locked down his emotions. Nothing truly evil could ever feel regret of that magnitude. If nothing else, she had to tell Torr that she didn’t believe he was the monster he claimed to be.

She’d been shocked, not so much by what she’d seen in his mind, but more by what was missing—that huge gaping maw of nothingness at his center. His whole mind had given out a feeling of wrongness. Not evil as she’d originally thought. She’d never encountered anything like it before.