Revolving Doors (31 page)

CHAPTER 56

~*~*~

Decisions
had to be made.

Before I left the resort, I emailed Robert to let him know he didn’t need to pick me up from the airport.

I told him that my parents were coming, but in truth, I was taking a car service. I was 100% sure he would have arrived with the limo so that we could partake in a dick down part deux and I couldn’t.

He didn’t know it yet, but those days were over for me. My heart had found its way home – to Ken. 

On the ride home, I reminisced about the intimate details of the past week. They were phenomenal. I never thought I would see Ken again and I certainly never thought that we would be together as a couple after so many years.

Of all the places in the world to meet…the place I went to for refuge ended up being the place that bridged the gap between the two of us. My heart hadn’t raced as it had when I saw him –
since him
. Everything had come full circle.

When the car pulled up in front of my house, I was still deep in thought. The driver opened my car door to allow me out, then commenced to unloading and delivering my luggage inside.

“Thank you,” I said, tipping him at my front door.

“You’re welcome, Ms. Sandoval. Enjoy the rest of your day.”

To say I was exhausted was an understatement. Abandoning the luggage, I made my way upstairs, undressed and went around the upper level opening windows to allow the spring air to move through freely. My strongest urge was to greet my pillow for a few hours.

I went into my room, and my cell phone chirped with a text from Ken: “
I love you. Call me when you’ve rested up. Can’t wait to hear your voice
.” After blushing like a teenage girl receiving her first complement, I responded, “
You should know that’s the FIRST thing I’m doing when I get up! Oh…and I love you too
.”

No sooner than I sat the phone on the nightstand, the doorbell rang.

“Damn! Will rest ever come?”

I threw a thin black robe over my naked body, ran down to look through the peephole and there stood Robert.  

What the hell was he thinking? Why would he just pop up at my house without calling first?

I opened the door trying my hardest not to appear agitated.

“Hey…Robert…what’s up?”

I realized that I might have come off dismissive, but in the moment, I couldn’t muster anything outside that.

“Aren’t you gonna invite me in?” he asked.

I tried to keep the deep sigh at bay, but it managed to escape.

“I was
just
about to lay down for a nap. I’m
really
tired. That jet lag is no joke and I’m already feeling the effects of it.”

“I won’t stay long.”

As annoyed as I was that he was there unannounced, I figured it was as good a time as any to have the dreaded conversation. I didn’t want it to happen that way, but since the opportunity presented itself, might as well take advantage of it.

I held the door open. “Sure. Come in.”

I pulled the robe around me tighter and fastened the belt to ensure my goodies were securely tucked.  

“Wanted to give you these…” he said offering the bouquet of flowers in his hand, “…and hope that we could talk for just a few minutes.”

“Sure, that’s fine. Here…” I gestured, with my hand out, “I can take those and put them in water. I’ll be right back.”

“Okay. I’ll be right here,” he responded.

When I returned to the living room, I found him standing in the same spot.

“Robert, you
can
have a seat. You said you wanted to talk, right? Surely you don’t want to stand the entire time.”

We sat down simultaneously, with me sitting a few feet away from him on the same sofa.

“I’m all ears.”

The look on his face was serious as he searched for what I surmised was a place to begin.

“I’d like to start with a question for you…I saw you pull up with a driver, but you told me your father was picking you up.”

I shifted in my seat, instantly uncomfortable because of the lie I had been caught in.

“Before you get the wrong idea, I wasn’t stalking or anything like that,” he insisted. “I still had your flight information so knew an approximate time you’d be arriving. I really just wanted to leave the flowers on your doorstep. But as I was driving up the street, I saw the car service. Needless to say, I was confused.”

I choked up briefly caught off guard, lowered my eyes and nervously pulled at the robe for the hundredth time. I felt bad. Lying to him wasn’t something I was proud of.

“
Whew
…” I said holding my head down briefly. When I looked back up, I confessed. “I lied, Robert. I am truly sorry for that.”

“Sorry for the lie?
Or that I found out about the lie?” he charged.

He sat with a stare that demanded answers and it tugged at my heart. He tried to be the man I needed, but without knowing it, he never really stood a chance. My heart had unfinished business with someone else and there was no changing that.

“I needed the time to myself,” I told him.

“
Really
? The time to yourself for what exactly?” he pressed.

I hadn’t had the chance to fully gather what I wanted to say yet, so I had to improvise.

“I made a decision and needed to gather my thoughts before you and I sat down to discuss the details. Again…I really am sorry that I lied to you.”

He neither blinked nor interrupted. He came for answers and wasn’t leaving, or showing the smallest bit of emotion, until he got them.

“The truth of the matter is I’ve had time to think and I realize that we’re in two very different places with the relationship – you wanting to move forward and me not quite sure that I can. I’m not able to give you what you want…
need
, as a better half. I just can’t.”

“Why are you
just now
telling me this? I doubt you used your vacation to think about things, it would have defeated the purpose of going. So is it something you knew
before
you left? Hell, how long have you known?” a mixture of hurt and anger welled up in his voice.

“I’m sorry
---”

“Yeah
…you’re
sorry
. I got that memo,” he snapped.

“I wanted to tell you before now. Just didn’t know how.”

“There really isn’t anything to
know how
to do, Gabriella. They’re words…it’s called
honesty
. It’s called choosing the real over the bullshit. You’re so vocal about everything else, yet with this you chose to string me along rather than get it out in the open. Why so selective with what you do and don’t tell?”

“I think I was battling with the reasons, Robert. It was more about not hitting the delete button on something that might
---”

“
Might
?” he jumped in, angrily. “You’ve been hanging onto a
might
?” he charged.

I didn’t blame him the least bit for being as upset as he was. He had every right to be angry.

“You’ve been good to me. I didn’t want to hurt you. I guess I was afraid that I would be ending things for the wrong reasons. My disinterest in a long term relationship played a big role. You deserve to have that with someone who wants it.”

“So, in essence, you’ve been forcing yourself to be with me?”

“I wouldn’t say that.”

“What would you say then?” he demanded.

“Aside from the
pressures
to move things along, we had fun together, Robert. I don’t view any part of what we had as a bad thing. It just got to be a bit much when you would push the issue about meeting my parents…and beyond.”

“Yet you introduced me to them anyway
.”

“I did. Because when I thought about it, I figured it wasn’t the worst thing in the world for you to know them. If you remember, my biggest concern was that they – particularly my mother – would get the wrong idea about the status of our relationship. Do you not remember me saying that?”

I hoped that he comprehended my point, but somehow I didn’t think so. He was enduring feelings of betrayal that trumped anything I could use as defense. 

Then out of nowhere he asked, “Who hurt you, Gabriella?”

“Huh?” I said, my eyes widening.

It was like a punch to the chest.
It was a question I hadn’t expected. One better suited for the beginning of a relationship, not one on its way to extinction. 

“Uh…what makes you think I’ve been hurt?” I asked defensively.

“How else would you explain the actions of someone who fights so hard against love? It’s the only logical reasoning. I mean, think about it.
I’m a catch
. Let’s just keep it all the way genuine right now. I could have had my pick of women, yet I chose you.”

Whoa
! His arrogance was rearing its ugly head.

“Is there a point?” I uttered, suddenly feeling attacked.

“
Yes
...there
is
a point.
I picked you
, which means you were chosen, which means I consciously put energy and time into making
us
work. You received above par sex from me. You received attention from me. You got pretty much anything you wanted from me –
when you wanted it
. Yet, it was never quite enough. That problem lies with you, not me. That much I know.”

I was convinced that he was determined to start an argument. Something that would make him feel better. If he was going out, he wanted it to be with a bang.

I concluded that it would be best to allow him to walk away in victory having hurled the best insults. If that’s the finale he needed to hold his head high, who was I to take that from him?

“So…” he continued. “It only makes sense that somebody fucked you over pretty good before I came along, and now me, and every other man, has to suffer for it.”

He was right. I had been hurt and yes, it was probably crazy as hell that such long ago pain affected how I treated intimate relationships as an adult. But a while back in the conversation – somewhere around the onset of insults – I decided against giving him any type of explanation.
Hell no
!

Relief had set in, so we were both winning, in my opinion. He let me off the hook without even knowing it. I no longer had to feel bad. I forfeited the last word so that he could sever ties, ego intact.

“You know, Gabriella…you’re a beautiful woman, but somewhere inside you lives an insecure little girl. She allows you to hide behind your 16-hour work days, your vacations and your lavish lifestyle. She’s not doing you any favors, you know?”

I sat listening to his mini rant. He made it a point to keep his demeanor semi-calm. And why shouldn’t he? He was letting me have it – or so he thought.

If what he was spewing hadn’t already been said to his friends, it was clear he’d been thinking and feeling them for quite some time.

Clearly, I wasn’t the only one that had strong emotions toward the union. He too had strong feelings about our relationship.

“That’s a nice analysis, Robert,” I countered. “
Damn
. I never quite thought of it that way. But now with how well you presented it, I do see that it makes perfect sense.” 

We sat silent for a few seconds – engaging in a battle of the stares.

For me, there was nothing to say. All the things I’d planned to say were out the door. I was just ready for him to leave so that I could take the nap I was headed to earlier.

He stood slowly and hovered for a second before asking, “You have anything more you’d like to say?”

Are you kidding me
? The way he had just ripped me and he was asking if there was anything I had to say!
Please
!
Anything like what, you asshole
?

“I don’t,” I responded casually. “I do wish you the best though.”

He held his hand out to assist me from the sofa to escort him to the door. I accepted, one hand in his, the other gripping the front of my robe.

When we got to the door, he leaned into me for what would be our last hug and while I may have been ready to let go, my nipples were reacting.
Oh my god
! I was hoping with everything in me he hadn’t noticed.
Pull back, Gabriella
!

He reached down and with gentle hands, held my face. It was as though it slipped his mind that he had just finished reading me the riot act mere seconds before. 

“For old time’s sake?” he proposed. I instantly knew what he was referring to.

R. Kelly went through my head…My mind’s telling me no! But my body…my body’s telling me
yesss
!