River's End (River's End Series, #1) (5 page)

Ah… so she got it now. Jack was his brother and father; and it wasn’t an easy transference, she supposed.

“What happened to your mom?”

He looked away. “They were killed together in a car crash.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

He smiled at her and she blinked. He was so perfect, she wanted to merely stare at him in the sunlight. “So your mom died recently?”

She nodded. “Yes. It’s only been a few weeks…”

“It never gets okay. Losing your parents.”

“No, it doesn’t.”

He smiled, and she smiled back, nearly blinded by Joey’s flash of white teeth and dimples. God, he really should have left the ranch long ago to become a movie star.

“Has Chance shown you around?”

“Not at all.”

Joey glanced her way and she stared harder towards Jack. He gently laid a whip-like-looking device over the back of the skittish horse. What was he doing?

“Let me,” Joey said as he glanced down. “You have any shoes that won’t break your ankles? There isn’t any pavement. Not that those aren’t great shoes. They are. But…”

“But ridiculous to wear here. I lost most of my stuff in a fire recently. It’s part of why I showed up here.”

He frowned. “That’s terrible. You’ve been through it of late. Can I do anything?”

A knot of regret squeezed her heart. Joey looked so earnest, and appeared to feel actual sympathy for her. How long since anyone felt that towards her? Look at how Jack reacted to her. With unconcealed, total scorn. Joey’s first instinct was,
what could he do to help her
? No one had offered to help her in so long. She turned her full attention to Joey and smiled, suddenly appreciating Joey for much more than just his pretty smile.

“Could I borrow a coat?”

“A coat? Are you serious? You don’t have a coat? Or decent shoes? Jesus, Erin, of course, you can borrow a coat. But why doesn’t Chance help you?”

She glanced away. “He and I have never been all that close. He’s not like you.”

“Why don’t I take you shopping? We can get a few things.”

She was tempted. So tempted, she almost said yes. But she thought of the way Chance looked at her, and the way he expected her to deal with the Rydells. The way she dealt with Joey. However, she looked into Joey’s face and knew she didn’t have to use him. Or hurt him. She didn’t have to be what everyone expected from her.

She shook her head. “No, I’ll get some things. But I would take a coat to borrow until I can.”

Joey looked across at her. He took her hand and pulled her with him towards the house. “Okay a coat. Then I’ll show you around the place.”

The inside of the house was even better in the daylight. The furniture was big and comfortable, big enough to hold the massive men that lived here. There wasn’t a candlestick or dainty piece of furniture anywhere. It was all big and heavy, with square corners and solid legs. The walls were wood, with big windows that dappled the wood floor in squares of sunlight. The only bow to modern comforts was a ridiculously large TV that hung on the wall, which all the seating faced.

Joey came back from a hall closet with a brown coat. It was thick corduroy material. “There is no hurry to give this back. It doesn’t fit me anymore. In fact, just plan on keeping it, okay?”

She took it and slipped it on with a sigh as the heavy warmth surrounded her. She hadn’t felt warm in days. She smiled up at him. “Thank you, Joey. You can’t imagine how I appreciate it.”

“Come on; I’ll show you around.”

Joey took her hand and she followed him outside, breathing in the crisp, clean air, and feeling the sunlight’s warmth falling over the valley before her. The view from the porch was breathtaking. How could one wake up to this every day and not be glad just to be alive?

She followed Joey down a road that led past the outbuildings, and bordered a long meadow. He told her they grew alfalfa there all spring and summer. The road they walked on was dirty and dusty, with big bumpy rocks scattered along it. She tried to keep from slipping on them and twisting an ankle in her strappy, heeled shoes. Once past the buildings, the road dipped down towards the river. They came to a flat, camp-like setup. Pine trees were scattered all around with leafless, skeletal cottonwood trees, fat and thick, filling the riverbanks. The river was louder here, and the rushing gurgle echoed back towards them. The water flashed silver through the trees.

The road ended there. Two trails took off: one down along the mountain, and the other going off diagonally from them towards the woods. Joey took her along the mountain. It was a narrow, snaking trail that soon opened up as the river came into view before her.

She paused. She didn’t know why. But a feeling came over her. A strange feeling. Of what?
Coming home.
The view before her made her feel like she’d come to the spot she’d been searching for her entire, pathetic, brief life.

Erin walked closer as her feet sunk into the cold, deep sand. She picked over twigs and sticks of driftwood. Then she stood at the edge of the Rydell River. It was a beautiful place. She couldn’t explain why. It was special. Different. Better than any place she’d ever been. Before the Rydells’ beach was a deep section of calm water, green and clear as it flowed past. It looked so perfect, it urged Erin to put her feet into it, despite the chilly air and icy river temperature. She bent down and ran her hand in it. It was cold. Snow cold. To her left, she saw a jutting of rocks that rose into a formation that stood like a lookout point over the river.

“This is our swim beach.”

Erin glanced at Joey. Swim beach? That sounded like a trite description of this place. It was glorious; moving swiftly in the middle, but deep and placid along the shoreline. Across the river, mountains formed a deep V, cupping in the entire view. It was private and perfect.

“That is Rydell Rock. Anyone around here knows it. It’s one of the most popular spots on the river. Kids like to jump off it all summer.”

“You too?”

Joey shook head and laughed. “Sure.”

Erin looked up at him. “This place is amazing.” Like no place she’d ever been to in her short, city-filled life.

“Yeah, when the summer hits, and the hundred-degree days come, there is no better place to be.”

“Do you guys use it a lot?”

He shrugged. “Sure.”

She tried to picture Jack here and couldn’t do it. She couldn’t see him lounging on a beach towel or floating aimlessly down the river. She couldn’t even imagine him taking off his worn cowboy boots to go barefoot in the sand.

“Want to walk by the river?”

“Yes.” She barely glanced at Joey, she was so entranced with the surroundings. The soft gurgling of the water as it dipped and tripped over the round river rock that filled the bottom was soothing. The water was so clear, it was like invisible ink streaming next to her.

She could sit and stare at it, entranced, all day. There was something about this place that touched her like no place ever could. She wished she could stop, and just sit, to be alone and figure out why she felt so different there.

The shore was rocky as they walked along it until they came to a set of scary-looking, white water rapids. Suddenly, the banks of the river rose ten feet off the water. She glanced up to the top and oriented herself. The edge of the ranch was there, just behind the barns.

“How much land do you own?”

“Almost a thousand acres. No one has land like this around here except us. We held onto it through all these years.”

“That’s incredible. I’ve never heard of anything like this place. You must love it here.”

Joey shrugged, his eyes looking across the river at the steep bank. “It’s all I’ve ever looked at my entire life. How do I know what else there is? There’s like three neighbors along the road here. You haven’t been up in the hills behind us yet. There is nothing up there for miles and miles. It’s pretty rough around here. There are places without electricity even. So yeah, this place is special to me, but then it’s also my chain and anchor.”

“Do your brothers feel the same way?”

Joey shook his head and pitched a rock overhand into the rapids. “I never asked them, so how would I know? Shane doesn’t stay around much. He takes off a lot on his Harley. Ian works with the horses and farming the feed for the horses. Who knows what Jack likes. This place is all him. You can’t even understand what he is to this place. Or how many hours he works here. I can’t do it. I can’t work like that. It’s a problem that is growing between us.”

Among other things. “So you all work here? You don’t have to be anywhere?”

Erin couldn’t imagine having control over your own schedule and hours, and the tasks one does and when. She’d been at the beck and call of one low-level manager or another ever since she was sixteen.

“Yeah, we all work here if we want. Shane’s a mechanic. He has one of the shops turned into a workshop. He takes in work from the outside and can fix anything. He keeps the ranch supplied in trucks and machinery.”

“And this is what you want? To work here?”

Joey shrugged, his gaze pinned on the river, but his mind obviously somewhere else. “I don’t know what I want to do, or where I want to be. Sometimes I think I should just leave. I don’t know where I’d go… but maybe, I should just go somewhere. You know what I mean? Maybe join the military or something. Go see something besides horses and farmlands.”

“I know about wanting more than what is right before you. So yes, I know what you mean.” Erin looked out at the river too, feeling a kinship with Joey. She knew exactly what that felt like. She had never belonged anywhere and never knew what she wanted to do. Then again, she didn’t have the luxury of wondering what she wanted or where she wanted to be. She was usually too busy trying to survive whichever particular day she was caught in.

Joey glanced at her. “You wanna come down here with us tonight?”

“Us? Where?

“Some people from around. We’ll have a fire at the beach, some food, drinks; it would be a good time to meet the people around here. We do that sometimes. No one’s going to bother us down at our beach. And we bother no one either.”

Joey’s eyes gleamed as he stared at her. Shivers of anticipation slithered through her body. What else did she have to do?

“Yes, thanks. Maybe I’d best find some clothes to wear in the meantime. Where do I shop around here?”

He grinned. “Finally got a large discount chain close. Takes about an hour to get to.”

“Are you serious?”

“Welcome to the country.”

The flames flickered and crackled over the beach and surrounding mountains. It was beautiful and almost haunting the way the shadows danced and shifted from the fire that was burning at the center of the sandy beach. Large driftwood branches were fed into it by any one of the dozens of people on the beach. At times, the flames leaped higher than ten feet. Erin had to step back when the heat scorched her face. The river was behind her, inky and strange feeling. It seemed creepy to her now that it was night; the way it flowed and splashed in the dark, yet she could hardly see it.

Feeling the lovely pull of tequila that warmed her blood, and settled in her gut, Erin found everything looked better, fuzzier, and warmer. She took another sip of the drink Joey handed her and munched on the handful of chips someone had set up on a rock. Music blared out of a stereo. She met so many people, she doubted she’d remember any of their names. Most of them were young, and all of them knew Joey Rydell.

Her brother, Chance, had his hand up a poor girl’s shirt. Even from a distance across the fire, Erin could see their tongues twisting together. Erin rolled her eyes in disgust as Chance managed to pull the poor blonde away from the fire into the darker shadows beyond.
Yuck.
How could the poor girl not have more self-esteem than to think she could do no better than her brother?

Erin looked down until she felt a hand on her own. When she glanced up, Joey was standing close, his face illuminated by the strange light of the fire. Her breath caught, he was that handsome.

Her stomach jumped when she saw his gaze upon her.

“You managed to find some clothes, I see.”

She had to spend a hundred dollars she didn’t want to spend. But now had some jeans, shirts, and finally, a decent pair of tennis shoes. At least, she wouldn’t be such a disgrace around the ranch. As it was now, she needed to stay there awhile before she could figure out what to do next. The questions, the indecision, and trapped feelings of her life sent a rush of acid into her gut. God, she hated knowing she had nowhere else to go. Nothing else. She now had nineteen hundred dollars between herself and nothing at all. The thought made her want to throw up.

“Hey. I didn’t mean to make you upset. You’d look good in a burlap sack. The jeans look great.”

“It did take an hour to get there.” The trip took her up the valley, opposite the way she came from the west side of the state. It was as beautiful a drive as the mountain pass. After driving out to the main road, there was again pavement and a two-lane road. Turning right, within two miles, the twisting highway brought her through the small scattering of buildings that made up River’s End. It was directly across from the Rydells. If the river hadn’t been there, it would have been within feet of the edge of their land. The town was raised above the ranch, which spread over the valley floor, and butted up to the sway and pull of the river. The town had a diner, a church, a post office, a bar, a small convenience store, and a closed gas station. About thirty houses comprised the rest of it, and that was all. She had to drive nearly an hour to find a store that was more than a small grocery outlet or convenience store.

Joey smiled at her. She smiled back and felt the warmth of his hand over hers. It was so good and comforting. Almost like she wasn’t adrift without a soul in the world to care about her. The din of music, light conversation, and the warmth of alcohol made it seem like Joey’s presence could keep the dark unknown of the future, and her instability at bay. She shifted, and stared into Joey’s eyes.

“You okay, Erin?”

He asked. He cared. He was so sweet and kind to her. She nodded.

He nodded back, taking the drink from her hand and setting it into the sand. Then he took her hand and led her away from the fire. When he stopped, they were a good distance from the crowd. The fire was only a dot of orange. The stars overhead shimmered down brightly and vividly. She swore she could reach up and touch them, they were so clear and visible here. It was as if she stepped into a different world: a world of nature and beauty, of clean air and pristine land.

A place she almost wondered if she could be clean in.

Joey had a coat on and glanced at her before dropping the objects he snagged in his other arm: blankets and sleeping bags. He spread a big, flannel blanket over the sand and glanced back at her and smiled. It was a shy smile. A sweet smile. A smile that said,
Hey, I hope this is okay
. She dropped down to her knees and he did the same next to her. His hand came out to pull her closer to him. His mouth found hers and the kiss inflamed the warmth already burning in her gut. They fell back to the downy warmth of the blanket, over the rumpled, soft sand. His weight covered her, as his mouth trailed down her neck, and into the loose opening of her top. Staring up over him and at the stars farther off, she felt his heat and the wetness of his tongue as well as the grip of his hands over her. It was all so pleasant, she thought, in a haze of alcohol. Why not do this? It was far more pleasant than usual. It was outside, in the clean air, totally private and Joey was so nice to her. Why not do this?

She opened her legs and shifted so he could settle against her as his hands found the top of her new, cheap jeans. “This okay?”

“It’s fine. It’s fine, Joey.”

And it was. It was fine. It was nice. Joey was sweet and much gentler than some men. He was far more solicitous of her than most men too. They kissed and felt each other and used protection. So yes, it was fine. They were safe. They were kind. It made her feel not so alone in a world in which she seemed less than a pinprick of a star.

****

A voice woke her up. Erin felt the hammer-like pounding against her temple as she started to awaken. She opened her eyes to the strangest sky. She blinked several times to place herself, and stared at a sky so white, so sluggish and soft, the world had yet to illuminate.
Shit. She was on a beach. Outside. Freezing.
And it was probably dawn. Her stomach heaved in protest. She partied way too hard. She sat up straight as it all came rushing back into her brain.

Jerking to attention, she saw shoes on the edge of the blanket, and glanced up with a sickening thud in her gut.

Jack.
Jack Rydell was staring down at her. Why? What did he want? Oh God, how could she have fallen asleep out here? Goose bumps broke out all over her skin. She clutched the stack of blankets up around her chest. She was naked, wrapped in the blankets and next to a naked Joey.

Jack’s face didn’t show a trace of surprise or a hint of feeling. He stared into her eyes. Then up at her hair. She raised a hand to it and flinched. It felt like a rat’s nest, except gritty with sand.

Jack’s eyes left her and she sat there, burning up in shame. She’d never felt so exposed or so humiliated as she did in this moment. At the expression of disgust in Jack’s face. At being on the beach, with a killer hangover and ice nearly crusting on the ground.

“What the hell were you doing?”

Glancing up when Jack’s calm, mean, cold tone demanded an answer, she followed his line of sight to Joey next to her. Jack took a booted toe and nudged Joey, a lump of limbs under the blankets. Joey groaned and mumbled. Finally, he opened his eyes. He looked at her, then up past her, no doubt, realizing his brother was standing over them.

“What the hell do you want, Jack?” Joey asked, suddenly blinking awake in astonishment.

Jack bent over and grabbed something, which he threw at Joey. Joey took the shirt and put it over his chest, while Erin clutched the blanket in horror.

“What the hell am I doing? Looking for my fifteen-year-old son, you stupid, little shit.” Jack stood over them with his hands on his hips. He didn’t spare her a look. All of his wrath was directed at his brother. Erin tried to sink into a ball and curled her shoulders to hide herself.

“Ben? What about him?” Joey asked as he stood up, half naked, and pulled jeans over himself.

“Yeah, Ben, over there, puking his guts out. What did you think? That it was funny to let him come here?”

“I didn’t,” Joey said as he pulled on his jacket. Erin sat there, naked, looking up at the two men towering over her, now arguing. She wished she could sink into the sand.

“Yeah, while you were over here, Ben got drunk and nearly succeeded in having sex. Jesus, Joey, you never think. You never think that what you’re doing has consequences. Did you really think Ben even carries a condom? Or did you offer one up, just in case he got lucky too?”

Erin opened her mouth to protest, but seeing Jack’s eyes when he glanced at her kept her from speaking. She couldn’t remember ever seeing someone look at her with so much disgust in his face. Jack pushed the cowboy hat on his head back.

Joey shook his head. “He wasn’t there last night, Jack. At least, not while I was down there. He must have snuck up later, after I left.”

Left to have sex with her.
Erin heard the statement in Jack’s accusatory gaze at her.

Jack crossed his arms over his chest. “Get up to the house, Joe.”

“I’m not fifteen, Jack. I didn’t do anything wrong. Maybe you need to keep a better eye on your son.”

Jack glanced at Erin and threw a jacket at her. “It’s forty degrees out here. Yeah, I’m the one who needs to be smarter.”

Jack turned and left and Joey’s gaze followed his brother’s rigid back. He sighed and sat down next to her.

“Asshole. He still thinks I’m Ben to him. Like I answer to him. Or still his responsibility. So the kid snuck down and got into the booze. What teen hasn’t?”

Joey finally looked at Erin. “You seem cold.”

Cold?
That was such an understatement, she nearly slapped him. She was cold to the point of feeling numb. She was naked, exposed, and hung over. She pushed away the hand he put out towards her, grabbing her clothes scattered around them and getting dressed hastily. She shoved her foot into her new tennis shoe and made her way over the brittle ground, back towards the ranch. Her head throbbed. Her muscles ached from sleeping outside at a stupid time of the year, and her humiliation was so complete, she wanted to sink into the river.

She slammed the door on the trailer shut. It was cold in there and the heat wasn’t on. She walked over to the thermostat and spun it to eighty degrees while waiting for the propane to kick in. Her teeth were chattering. She looked up then and stopped at the sight of her reflection. She touched her face. Black rings outlined her eyes with day-old mascara. Her hair was a tousled, ratty mess of black. She had a hickey on her neck and she looked like a whore. The thought startled her. Why would she think that? So she had a good time last night. She’d done it before. So why did it feel so different this time? So much worse?

Sinking down onto the couch, she crawled into her sleeping bag to ease the shivering chill that was on her skin and seemed to have settled over her soul. What was she doing?

That’s all she could think about lately. What was she doing with her life? Nothing. The simple answer she always gave herself. She was doing nothing. And everything. There was no one who gave a crap about her. Oh sure, now there was Joey, for a few weeks… maybe. But he didn’t love her. He just wanted to sleep with her. He wouldn’t think about her much once it was over. She knew that. And yet, as always, that was fine with her. It was all she expected.

She shook her head and closed her eyes to the bile climbing up her throat and the images in her head. The ones that sent her life reeling into a chaos she couldn’t seem to rebound from. Her mother. Her mother being dead. Her mother sitting dead in
her
car. A car her mother left purposely running in the enclosed garage stall that they rented. The car Erin found her mother dead in. And her mother’s excuse? A sad, insignificant,
I’m sorry, Erin
. That was it. All the explanation of why her mother decided to kill herself. And in Erin’s car, in the only way she was sure that Erin would be the one to find her.

Erin opened her eyes at the image. The feeling of her mother’s cold hands. And the sight of her lifeless eyes. She tried to close her heart from falling into the deep pit of her stomach that wondered why she wasn’t enough of a reason for her mother to stay alive?

She blinked at the tears and shook her head.
No.
She wouldn’t. She refused to cry for the mother who deliberately abandoned her. She stood up to shower. That was enough for now. She had to realize that. It was all she had. Today. Today she had a place to live and food to eat. Who cares what tomorrow would bring? Who knows? She could be dead by then too.

****

Jack stared out the kitchen window. It was a view that any resort would put on the front of its brochures. He looked towards the sunlight, now filling the valley that spread in a gentle slope towards the river flashing below. Horses dotted the scenic green pastures starting to appear over the land. Mountains brought the sky closer to the earth. All was as it had been Jack’s entire life; except for Erin Poletti’s trailer, which marred the lower corner of an otherwise perfect view. Jack drank from the coffee cup in his hand.

He felt old. As he stared down at his hands, gripping a white coffee cup, a sense of weariness filled him that almost made him sit down.

He was now the chaperone. Out at his brother’s fucking party, collecting his underage son. His son who snuck out at night, to drink alcohol and make out with Marcy Fielding who lived up the river. At least, she turned him down to have sex. The thought made Jack’s stomach churn. Christ. In a handful of years, he could be Grandpa Jack if Ben did anything stupid. Which was what Ben seemed hell-bent on doing.