Road To Whatever (Perfect For Me Book 1) (10 page)

I have knots forming in my stomach as I sit on the bed in the back of the bus. The guys said that Mandy and I could share the king size bed so I have been hiding out in the room since I took my shower. I can hear the guys laughing and talking up front. No one has come back here since they got on the bus.

For a tour bus the bedroom is pretty nice, with a huge mirror over the headboard of the king size bed. There is lots of storage space with hidden drawers and closet space. The guys agreed to let me and Mandy have the closet and drawers since we packed so much and the boys don’t care whether they wear the same outfit for the entire two months.

A knock on the door pulls me from my thoughts and the knot in my stomach just grows. Only it is Mandy who peeks her head in the room, her hair is still damp from her shower and she looks like she is afraid I am not going to welcome her in. I do consider throwing a pillow at her, but she was only trying to be a friend.

“Hey,” she breathes stepping into the room holding up two shot glasses, a bowl tucked under her arm and a bottle of tequila. “I don’t think I can take anymore of Linc and Nolan’s pissing match. I figured if you’re not talking to me we could both let the tequila talk to us.”

“Get over here,” I giggle.

Mandy beams and climbs on the bed with me. I reach for the bottle and open it while she sets the bowl with limes on the side table. I pour us each a shot as she holds the glasses up. We each take a shot and throw it back wincing and giggling. Laughter erupts from the other side of the door and I bite my lip as I look toward it.

“So… you and my brother?” Mandy quizzes as she follows my gaze.

“What,” I spatter and choke.

“Come on Kitty, I see you two on stage together and he looked like he was going to blow his top when I told you guys Linc was coming along for this trip,” Mandy replies with a roll of her eyes.

“Mandy, I love you but you are seeing things. Besides I am not your brother’s type. We have been over this before,” I sigh.

“Wrong, you are more Nolan’s type then you think. You two just seem to be fighting this thing that is going on with you,” Mandy smiles like she just hit the jackpot as I reach for the bottle to ignore her comments.

“Well for someone so observant you missed the part where I was totally into your brother and he just brushed me off,” I hiss before I can think about my words. I curse under my breath and pour another shot.

“Ah, so you admit you have a thing for Rage,” Mandy giggles.

“Past tense, had, as in won’t happen again, ever!”

Mandy presses her lips as she takes in my expression. I’m sure she can see I mean what I say. Rage is a closed case that I do not plan to reopen. Mandy starts to pout as she pours herself another shot. I watch her throw it back with my eyes narrowed on her. She is just getting her liquid courage in place. I know she has no plans to give up so easy.

“Kitty, one of these days you are going to have to let someone in,” I go to protest and she throws up her hand to hold me off. “Wait just listen, I get it Kitty you’re scared. I know you have been through a lot but you are not going to fully move on until you can let people in. I understand why you won’t let that person be Linc. I think I really finally get it, but Nolan is different Kitty. I think you two would be good for each other.”

I snort at her. “Nolan is not the one for me Mandy. He proved that the night he left the bar with Barbie number one and again with Barbie number two. All I am to him is a means to an end.

“He made me believe he was my friend and well I read more into it, when all along he just wanted chemistry for the band. That’s fine, I give him what he wants every time we get on the stage but I will not pretend that we have anything outside of that.”

“Oh Kelly,” Mandy shakes her head, “Nolan would never do that. I think you are seeing things all wrong.”

“It is pretty black and white to me,” I grumble between slamming back another shot.

“That’s the problem Kel, everything is not always as black and white as you try to make it. I know my brother and I see the way he is with you,” Mandy sighs and reaches to hold my hand in hers. “Nolan is never the way he is with you with anyone else. When Nolan loves someone he treats them like gold. He’ll do anything for them. Trust me Kitty. My brother has feelings for you.”

“Drop it Mandy,” I growl.

“Only if you promise me one thing, be open for the next two months. Let yourself live and whether it’s with Linc or Nolan try to open up and let someone care for you,” Mandy says while holding my gaze.

I sigh. “I’ll be open Mandy but I can’t say it will be to either of them,” I relinquish.

“Umm, we’ll see,” Mandy giggles and throws back another shot. “From the looks on both their faces you will be giving in to one or the other.”

I groan and throw myself back on the bed. The last thing I need is a war on this trip between two guys I don’t want. Well one I don’t want and another that I am really trying to tell myself not to want. This is going to be a long two months.

“I’ll tell you something Kitty. Those two may kill each other before the two months are up, but the one thing that is clear is that neither one wants to see you unhappy.”

I curl in a ball and rest my head on Mandy’s shoulder as she lays on her side next to me. It has been so long since I have tried to live again. So long since I’ve admitted to myself that I know I am not allowing myself to be happy. For the first time I want to try. But do I really want to try with Nolan?

CHAPTER Ten

O
ur first night on the bus sucked. Kitty ended up passed out in the bedroom with my sister while I got shitfaced with my friends and the one guy that could ruin everything I’ve been dreaming about since Kitty walked into my life.

I stood in the doorway watching her balled up next to Mandy wishing it was me. She is so cute when she sleeps. She is so small and delicate, but perfect. At some point I stumbled back to the front of the bus and passed out on the couch.

The smell of bacon has my stomach reeling as I open my eyes this morning or afternoon would probably be right. I hear Mandy and Linc murmuring to each other and Mandy is trying not to laugh too loud. It’s sort of annoying that both Mandy and Crush are cool with this guy. It isn’t lost on me that I don’t hear Kitty. She has been held up in the room since we pulled off from the bar.

I have a sinking feeling in my heart she is over me. I totally wrecked things with her the last four weeks and overreacted last night. I know the whole thing with Linc coming along could have been handled better on my behalf but I was counting on having her to myself to make her mine. I know I should have apologized to her or something but I was too chicken to go to her, so getting drunk and giving Linc shit seemed like the next best thing to do.

Now my head is pounding and I still need to go fix things with her instead of handing her over to Linc on a platter. I groan and sit up scrubbing my face with my palms. Sleep comes and plops down next to me with a coffee cup held out in my direction. “Thanks man,” I yawn.

“Dude, drink that. Then get in the shower and get your ass in that room,” Sleep commands, he has a silly grin on his face as if he can read my mind and knows that she is the first thing on it. “She’s been peeking out every five minutes to see if you’re still alive.”

I nod and down the coffee as fast as I can. I grab a towel, from the basket Mandy has set up for everyone, and hit the bathroom to wash away the funk of last night. My thoughts are racing trying to put together what I will say to fix this. Nothing comes to mind because the anxiety of being away from her is the only thing I can focus on, effectively ending my shower.

I wrap the towel around my waist and stand staring in the mirror. I have always gone after what I want and Kitty should be no different. I want her and I know there was a time when she wanted me too. I just have to remind her of that time and get her to see how much I want her. It’s time to face the music.

When I enter the room she is lying on her side facing away from me. I lose all train of thought seeing her there in her white tank top and blue running shorts, those amazing legs looking as if she has run track for years, teasing all the sense out of me.

I sit on the bed beside her and reach for her legs. “Kitty,” I murmur.

“Yeah,” she answers not turning toward me.

“I think we need to talk,” I sigh.

“About what,” she sighs back but finally turns to face me.

“About us, baby,” I reply.

Kitty snorts and runs her fingers through her hair. “There is no us Rage. So there is nothing to talk about. Unless there is something I am doing on stage that you want me to change,” she shrugs. “We really have no words.”

I pull a hand over my face and groan. “Babe, you can’t mean that. Kitty, I know you feel this too. I want to give us a shot.”

Kitty laughs and pushes up on her knees to sit beside me. Her face looks hurt and confused as she watches me. I just want to pull her into my arms, but I have lost the right and freedom to do that.

“Why now Nolan,” she hisses at me. “Is it because Linc showed up or is it because we are going to be on this bus for two months and you are looking for a steady hook up. I don’t need this. You hurt me already and I won’t let that happen again.” I can see the tears gathering in her eyes. It breaks my heart. I never wanted to hurt her and I have.

Knowing I caused her pain breaks something in me. I have to be the one to fix it. She has to let me try. Watching her little body shake with anger and hurt guts me. Without thinking I grab her waist and draw her to me. Before she can protest I crush my lips to hers and kiss her the way I’ve wanted to for so long.

At first she just stiffens in my arms not responding, until I bite her bottom lip and suck it into my mouth. Then she becomes like liquid in my hands. Her arms go around my neck and she gives me access to her mouth. I let my tongue plunge into her warm mouth and we both moan. I place one hand on her plump ass and the other I lock in her hair, lifting her to straddle my lap. She moans again throwing her head back as I start dropping kisses down her neck sucking at the soft flesh and kneading her supple cheek at the same time.

“Baby, I’ve wanted you for so long. I just couldn’t,” I groan into her ear. “Things changed and now I want to make you mine.”

“Nolan,” She moans out as she grinds against my lap.

I can feel the heat coming off of her and it is driving me insane. I pull her hips down on me showing her what she does to me and she moans again. Her small hand goes under my t-shirt and runs up my chest.

“Kelly,” I growl against her lips. “I’m so sorry baby I promise I’ll make it up to you.” She pulls away from me pulling her hand from under my shirt. I watch in horror as she retreats returning to her perch next to me. She looks confused and defeated. “What is it, baby? Tell me and I’ll fix it.”

“What changed, I haven’t? Why wasn’t I good enough before?” 

“Oh baby, you have always been good enough,” I sigh wrapping my arms around her, turning while pulling her against my chest. “The guys and I promised each other that we would not touch whoever we found to join the band. I agreed at first but then things got out of control and I was spending more time with you. The guys got suspicious that time you slept over and they saw you walk out of my bedroom. They made me promise that after that day I would back off. It was killing me baby but I had to do it for the band. The guys saw how miserable we both are so they decided to back off.”

“Are you kidding me,” Kitty growls. “You all thought you should dictate my love life. Really?” Oh great this is not going well at all. She looks pissed.

“Kelly, please try to see it from the guys point of view. This band is everything to us,” I try to reason.

She pulls out of my arms again and this time starts to pace in front of me. I know it should have been the last thing on my mind but her little shorts are killing me. I wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans waiting for her to say something.

She huffs and her shoulders slump. “Maybe we should start over,” she starts, placing her small hand to my chest as she stops in front of me. When I go to cut her off she shakes her head. “Nolan, first you have to understand this is big for me. I- I’ve been afraid to let anyone in. I don’t want to get hurt, but you are the first person I’m willing to try with. I do want you.”

Nolan, she keeps calling me Nolan not Rage, hearing her say it now I think I like it. It shows we have more of a connection than just the band. Pulling her closer, I kiss her forehead and press mine to hers.

“I want you too, Kitty,” I croon and lean in to kiss her.

I pull her back on the bed beside me as our lips began to learn each other’s. It starts out as a soft slow kiss until her hands move up my chest. I deepen the kiss while letting my hands slide over her curves, cupping her behind and pushing my thigh between hers. She moans and I roll her to her back as I take from her sweet mouth, her lips, her tongue exploring every inch of her mouth.

She whimpers into my mouth when my other hand searches out the curve of her breast, my thumb flicking across her erect nipple. Lost in the feel of her I start a trail of kisses across her face, down her jawline and began to place slow open mouth kisses down her neck.

Pulling one of her legs around my back I push my erection into her causing her back to bow off the bed. I want her so bad I can’t see straight. I reach for her other breast and cup it as I began to move my way toward her breasts with my mouth.

“Wait,” she pants. “Nolan, please wait.”

“Too fast,” I breathe back as I look up at her anxious eyes. She nods vigorously and sits up on her elbows to look down at my tented jeans that are doing very little to hide my arousal. Her eyes widen and she starts to bite her lip.

I chuckle and roll onto my back pulling her down on top of my chest. I kiss the top of her hair and start to rub small circles on her back.

“Sorry,” she murmurs against my chest.

“For what,” I ask and raised my brows at her when she looks up at me. “We haven’t been together an hour yet and I tried to maul you. I should be saying sorry.”

“It’s just you’re used to girls -,” she alleges before I daftly cut her off with a kiss.

“You are not some random groupie to me Kitty. When I make love to you I want you all in, because that’s what I want Kitty. I want to make love to you.”

Her breath hitches and I kiss the side of her mouth, then drag my nose across her cheek to her ear. “When you’re ready Kitty. It’s your call when you’re ready.”

“Thanks,” she breathes into my neck and I feel her whole body relax against me. She then starts to giggle and props up on my chest. “Nolan and Kelly sitting in a tree K.i.s.s.i.n.g,” she teases.

“Come here you nut. I’ve missed you,” I chuckle as I pull her down next to me and nuzzle her neck.

“Yeah, I’ve missed you too,” she sighs. 

We’d fallen asleep wrapped in each other’s arms. Kitty’s small frame pressed tightly against me and my arms locked around her. My stomach growling violently is what wakes me. Kitty starts to stir in my arms and I reach down to brush her hair from her face.

I’m crazy about that little smile on her face. I peck her on the lips and my stomach roars at us both. Kitty frowns up at me and places her palm against my stomach.

“What can I make my man to eat,” she asks smiling up at me sheepishly.

“Your man is not picky at all, baby,” I murmur, as I stretch my arms above my head.

“Okay, so why don’t you cover up those abs and I’ll get you something to eat,” she smiles as she ogles my stomach that my raise shirt exposes.

“Am I distracting?” I run my fingers down her neck and feel the shiver that runs through her.

“Very,” she purrs.

I slap her ass and chuckle as she yelps. “Go make me something to eat woman then get back in bed with me.”

“Don’t push your luck Rage,” she hisses, narrowing her eyes at me while rubbing her stinging backside.

I lean over her and kiss where her hand is making circles. Then I nip the same spot with my teeth. Her eyes widen as a little gasp escapes her lips. My stomach makes another loud announcement and Kitty leaps from the bed.

“I’ll be back,” she breathes keeping her eyes to the floor.

I stand with a huge smile on my face. I realize it has been awhile since I’ve had a steady hook up girl. I haven’t had a steady girlfriend since junior high. But something tells me Kitty will be so much more.

I learned a few things about Kitty this morning. One my girl is scared out of her mind to let anyone in, something I want to understand more about. Second, my girl being a virgin is something that makes me cherish her all the more.

At first it was hard to believe with her age and that killer body. Even the way she responded beneath me as I explored her body was incredible, but the look in her eyes when she asked me to stop said a million words. Third, Kitty is shy about it but she is not totally against us exploring more about the things I’ll do to her body. I saw that in her eyes when I nipped at her backside.

I draw in a deep breath of satisfaction when I feel soft lips press to my back and hands wrap around my middle. I turn to face Kitty and she lifts on her toes to try to reach my neck. I bend to get closer to her.

“What happened to the food,” I ask after kissing her nose.

“Their getting ready to make a stop, everyone is going to eat at a diner together,” she explains.

“Mm…sounds good but would it be okay if we sit by ourselves, I want to talk, just you and me,” I request as I drop a kiss on her neck.

“Um, sure but can I ask a favor?”

I don’t like the nervous look on her face. I am tempted to tell her no for fear that this has something to do with Linc. Instead I shrug my shoulders and place my forehead to hers.

“Linc asked me to ride with him tonight and I kind of want to talk to him after, but only if you’re cool with it. It will be a quick ride just for a few miles ‘til the next rest stop,” she rushes out the last sentence as my shoulders tense.

Of course I was right. I just know that if I want to keep my girl I am going to have to deal with this a lot better. “It’s fine, everyone brought their bikes to enjoy the open road. I want this, us, so I have to trust you,” I reply and kiss her nose. I have to say I surprised myself. Kitty is turning me into a six foot four cream puff.

“Thanks,” she smiles and pulls my lips to hers.

“Get dressed, I’m starving.”

I release her and go to the mirror to fix my hair. I turn to ask Kitty a question and find her bending over into one of the drawers. My mind goes completely blank. Those little shorts she has on are riding up in places I have had all types of dirty dreams and fantasies about. I almost choke on my words and groan at the sight of her.