Road To Whatever (Perfect For Me Book 1) (8 page)

CHAPTER Eight

M
en suck; they are all a bunch of babies. Linc hasn’t talked to me in two months. He won’t return my calls or my texts and he has tried to have his mom lie to me about him not being home but Melody would never lie to me. She just gives me a sad smile and tells me he is still not ready to see me.

I hate it when he does this crap. I have known about his crush on me for over a year and have not changed my mind once. Why is it such a surprise to him every time I say no? I just don’t understand him. Why can’t we just be friends and move on? 

I know I might sound cold but Linc is a manwhore. He makes the boys in the band look like saints. He changes women like I change underwear and that is saying a lot. I won’t risk our friendship for what he thinks he wants because I know him too well. Two months is just mean and he is just being a baby about this.

His text on my birthday made up for nothing. He should have been with me, as my friend. I blame him for the screwed up relationship I have with Rage. If he were around this would have never happened. He would have been able to warn me that Rage was no good for me and kept my head on straight.

Then there is Rage himself. He is a total dick. Whenever we are at the bar for a gig he is over protective and overbearing. I used to envy Mandy for having older brothers. That was until I met the real Nolan. Since the night he left with that groupie he has changed so much. He won’t come too close to me himself but he makes sure no one else does either.

Rage avoids me like the plague when necessary, but when we are on stage it is totally different. It is like we say everything we don’t say in real life. He finds ways to lock his grey eyes with mine when we sing together and it is amazing the way we get lost in a trance only broken when the music stops. There is so much sexual tension between us on the stage that I know the audience can feel it and it makes for an awesome show.

Then there is nothing when the music stops. It’s like a bucket of ice water is thrown at the stage and I no longer exist to Rage, neither him to me. I give him the chemistry he so desperately wanted, so much so he led me on. I almost hate him for it but some of the best times in my life were during those weeks I spent with him.

Mandy knows something is up, but she has been so busy with the tour and booking everything that she hasn’t put her finger on it. She is usually too drunk to notice the Rage thing. She has just noticed my bad attitude. I let her believe it has something to do with Linc.

The last two weeks have just gotten worse. Rage has gotten into fights twice in the past two weeks. All one guy did was touch my arm and Rage flipped out. When I confronted him about the last time, he blew up at me. He told me I needed to dress more appropriately for the bar then he stormed out of the bar with yet another blonde with fake boobs.

Chris has been the one saving grace that has kept me from leaving the band. I always know what I am going to get with Chris. He knows all about the Linc situation and he has really stepped up to be there for me. Something both he and Rage used to do. Now Rage is too busy being a complete jerk. When we finish a gig Chris checks with me before he finds the lucky girl he is taking home for the night, just to see if I am cool.

If I look like I need someone to keep me company he blows off his groupies and takes me home to watch movies and talk about old times. Chris has helped me through a lot in the past months. The whole Rage thing kind of put me in a dark place I had thought I was finally making my way out of.

It made a disappearing Linc hurt so much more. Once there was a time when the only place I felt safe was in Linc’s arms. I really hate that I can’t give Linc what he wants when I think about how much he has been there for me. He tried plenty of times to get me to go down to the studio and make music again but I just couldn’t, yet here came Rage and Crush and I felt safe to try. I wish Linc was a part of that.

I hadn’t even thought about trying to perform again until Mandy came back into my life. She was so excited about managing her brothers and the great sound the band had. I am glad Mandy and Chris have come back into my life. I didn’t know how much I missed them.

Chris even sat me down to talk about the whole kiss thing. He explained that he panicked the next day when he realized what he had done by kissing me and that he was embarrassed and afraid to mess up our friendship. By the time he was ready to own up to it I had pushed everyone away and so much other stuff was going on. He also told me he had a thing for me, he just knew he wasn’t right for me.

I respected that and let him off the hook and we have been tight since. This somehow has been getting to Rage as well, Nolan can be a pain in the ass. He rides Chris all the time about us dating not being a good idea for the band and we continue to tell him we are not dating.

“Crush, Kitty is off limits. Get your tongue out of her ear,” Rage growled one rehearsal while I sat at the drums working a new song out with Chris.

Chris was only counting in my ear to show me the change he was thinking about while he wrote out the music. Rage even started to make all types of band rules that were driving everyone crazy. Mitch finally agreed to have a talk with him since we are getting ready for this tour and we’ll all be stuck on a bus together.

I am excited about the tour. I think it will be good for the band to really start to come together more and I think I will be able to take my mind off the Linc and Rage thing. Well Linc at least. Hopefully Rage will get it together. 

It will be the five of us plus Mandy and that should be interesting as well as a good enough distraction. We all put in to rent the tour bus and Mitch had the awesome idea to rent a rig too, so that we could take our bikes and Rage wants to bring his Nova. Storm is a friend of my dad’s and was happy to let us rent his rig and drive for us. Tommy is another friend of my dad’s and he will be driving the tour bus with the guys offering to pitch in here and there.

I passed both their information to Mandy asking her to keep it from the band that I had given her any contacts. Mandy did an awesome job booking us some great gigs and keeping us booked solid for the summer. Then she started working on my wardrobe. I had my bags ready for the trip, but Mandy ran through them throwing out anything she felt did not belong on this trip which included a pile of my sweats that are now in the corner of her room.

I tried to tell her that those were for sleeping in and maybe to even ride in. Mandy wasn’t having any of this. So now I have shorts and tees to sleep in. I threw my running shoes and boots back in the bag this morning while she went out to run her last minute errands.

I can’t believe we are going to be gone for two months. I have been sitting wrapped in a towel trying to figure out what to wear tonight for our kick off performance at the bar. Mandy will be meeting us there so she will be no help and I just feel so lost. I am so nervous. Chris and I finished the song I wrote for Linc, and I text him to ask him to come out.

I don’t think he will come but I’m super nervous about playing the song and I am hoping the crowd likes it. I think it is more of the possibility of seeing my oldest best friend than not knowing what to wear that has me sitting here in a daze.

“Hey Kitty, we gotta go,” Rage yells as he bursts through the door startling me. I jump from the bed and pull my towel closed. Rage’s eyes widen as he takes me in from head to toe. “Oh sorry, I should have knocked. Babe, you have got to get dressed. We are loading up and we have to go.”

“Okay,” I murmur and push my hair behind my ear.

Rage huffs and backs out of the room to leave closing the door after him. I decide on a pair of fishnet stockings with random gaping holes. Over those I shimmy on a pair of mini shorts that do little to cover my cheeks, a red and black satin corset to match my now red streaks. My spiked calf boots for some height, finishing it all off with a couple of bike chains hooked to my shorts. I slip on my charm bracelet that reminds me of the days when Rage was not a jerk. A knock at the door tells me I am still not moving fast enough.

“Come in,” I call.

“Hey Kitten,” Chris smiles. “Babe we can’t wait. They’re unloading your bike you can meet us at the bar. I just came to get your bags.”

“Oh okay,” I reply, rushing over to my luggage to zip it all closed.

“Is this everything?” Chris asks.

“Yeah, I think so,” I muse looking around the room. “I’ll bring my backpack with me.”

“Hey, you okay?” Chris asks looking my face over. He drops the bags he had and places his hands on my waist, pressing his forehead to mine, and then placing a hand gently at the nape of my neck. “Don’t do this to yourself Kitten. If he doesn’t come it’s his loss. You’ve tried for two months now.”

“I know,” I say just above a whisper.

“Can we please get the hell out of here,” Rage yells.

I pull away from Chris to see Rage narrowing his eyes at us. I turn to the mirror to start on my hair. I can feel Rage’s eyes still on me but I will not turn to look at him.

“Dude, stop staring at her and help me get her bags, geeze,” Chris chuckles.

Rage snorts and grabs a few of my things before walking out. “Don’t be late for the show,” Rage calls back over his shoulder.

So I guess Mitch’s talk was useless.

~B~

I can’t believe I am going to be trapped on a bus with the sex kitten herself for two whole months, this is going to suck. She is all I think about, all I want and it has me feeling like I’m going to lose my mind. I have tried not to think about her, not to want her. I haven’t been with another girl since I’ve met Kitty. Not that I haven’t tried twice and each time I ran from the girl like she was on fire.

Sure I could have been an ass and pretended in my mind to be with Kitty just to get off, but if I am going to think about Kitty during sex I want it to be with Kitty. Those eyes, those lips, the way she feels when she is in my arms. I know I totally screwed up taking that first girl home. I noticed when Kitty started to look at me differently and that’s when I started being a total jerk.

I was supposed to stay away from her for the sake of the band but things have just been so wrong since Kitty’s birthday. The first performance after was a disaster. Since then it has been great for the fans but the way Kitty teases me on stage shreds me to pieces and I’m no better because I play just as dirty flirting and singing every song with her in mind.

Wanting her as bad as I do when she looks at me the way she does, is killing me. The night she lost it on me, over the guy I handed his ass for touching what belongs to me, was no better. I grabbed another groupie with a bigger rack and this time a nice ass too. Nothing change, Kitty was all I could think about.

I’ve thought about kicking her out of the band so I can finally claim my girl but we have never sounded this great without her and she writes awesome music. Then there is the fact that the guys and Mandy love her, and we need her. They would all hang me by the balls.

All I want is to make her happy. I know my crazy shit is not helping but it drives me insane that that douchebag hasn’t called her in two months and I had to abandon her too. Some best friend he is and some new friend I have become. He just ignores her for two months and I have been doing the same thing for a month. I just want to hug her and make her smile again.

I came close many times until I remember the guys. Then I become a total dick, but I do it for the band, for my brothers. I won’t ruin the band because I have this crazy obsession.

So here I sit on my fourth beer stewing because I want something so bad and I can’t have it. I almost lost my shit on my own brother tonight when I saw his hands on her. I know they have told me a ton of times that they are just friends and I see all the tail Crush bags but I still can’t see straight when it comes to Kitty.

“Hey Nolan,” Mitch calls me out of my thoughts and nudges me. Ut-oh this is big if Mitch is calling me by my real name again. He was the one that started the nickname Rage. He always had my back in high school when I would lose it and end up in a blind rage.

“Hey man, what now? Don’t tell me Kitty is going to be another hour,” I grumble and take a pull from my beer.

“No,” Mitch chuckles, “but she is what I need to talk to you about.”

“Yeah, what about her?”

“Me and the guys were talking… she is really unhappy Nolan,” Mitch starts hesitantly.

“I bet she is. She’s still waiting for that douche to call her back,” I rumble.

“Dude, if you really think that is the only reason she is so unhappy right now you are further gone than I thought.”

“What is that supposed to mean,” I turn on my stool to face him this time.

“It means Nolan, we all know you have a thing for Kitty and you are going to drive us all crazy until you get her. The guys talked and she seems to like you too so we think maybe it would be better if you guys did hook up. I mean it can’t be worse than the crap you guys are putting each other through already.”

“Well I am so glad we have your blessing,” I bite out.

“Come on Rage you know what I mean. Talk to her see how things go and we can all relax for the next two months.”