Romantic Promises (Alluring Promises Series, #2) (37 page)

I turned around to Matt and we started to head toward the door. With Ava. I felt like a third wheel the entire walk home, but I realized I did this to myself. I forced Matt to come out here under the pretense of friends. What did I expect? A good looking man like Matt would always find attractive women, especially at a speed dating event.

Ava spoke the entire time. I didn’t say a word, nor did Matt. The elevator was the same way. Arriving at our apartments, I stuck my key in my lock as Matt did the same to his. Only he had someone about to enter his apartment with him. I didn’t. My heart was hurting as I recalled our intimate, romantic kiss in the rain. What I felt for him Sunday night was nothing more than just a heated moment together.

“Wow, you guys really are neighbors. Right across the hall,” Ava noted and also brought me from my personal thoughts.

I nodded my head, barely glancing in their direction. “Yep, just neighbors. Good night guys.” I managed to squeak out as I quickly opened my door and walked into my apartment.

As I closed the door and leaned on it, I knew I only had myself to blame for this. I teased him and then pushed him out to a night filled with plenty of women. Claiming to be just friends at every turn might have been my internal way of making sure I didn’t cross that line with a guy like Matt. I cringed knowing what Matt and Ava were doing right now. Hot, raunchy sex like we had flashed through my mind, just like the jealousy that coursed through my body, gripping my heart. Visions of our hot passion in the bedroom and again in the elevator continued to roll through my mind.

Shoving myself off the door and taking a deep breath, I tried to push away thoughts of Sunday night. What I thought was the most amazing kiss in the rain, was nothing more than Matt being Matt. The man knows how to kiss and definitely knew how to sweep me off my feet so that he could try to get me into bed again.

I took off my jewelry and then slipped off my heels thinking about my life. I took a break from Charles so that I could focus on what I really want for myself. I couldn’t spend it pining after Matt.

I enjoy spending time with Matt. I love his sense of humor, our fun banter and most of all the way he always made me feel desirable. On the flip side of that, any girlfriend of his would constantly be vying for his attention from other women. My insecurities and self-doubt, things that I was trying so hard to work through, would be too difficult to contain if Matt and I were to become something more than friends. I laughed at myself, noting how I already advanced my relationship with him to girlfriend status.

Sighing to myself as I slipped into bed, I recognized quickly that the only relationship I should and could have with Matt was friendship.

I think.

******

The next morning I awoke with a fresh outlook. Friends is all Matt and I would be. I decided if we saw each other today, which I was pretty sure he
’d spend the day with his new friend Ava, I intended to keep our relationship to nothing more than just friends. The type of friends most people are, not being naked in front of each other and teasing each other in a manner that led to sexual tension.

At least that was my decision right now.

I went ahead and took a shower, did my make-up, hair and slipped on jean shorts with a top that helped me feel good about myself — and my new life choices.

My first thing to do today was reassess my life and my new plan. I grabbed some coffee and a notebook and sat down at our small dining room table. I made sure to face the windows, which looked out toward the city skyline. I loved this apartment more and more every day.

I stared out the window and thought about what I really wanted from a new relationship. What was it about my relationship with Charles that bothered me so much? Was it that he was perfect for my mother? That wasn’t it. He has amazing qualities. So what was missing that I craved? Needed.

Romance.

While I didn’t need to have sweeping, whirlwind romance, I didn’t want the romance to be Charles taking my car into the shop for me. That was not romance.

Not perfect
.

While that one wasn’t really an item that most people list, I wanted to make sure the person I fall in love with won’t need me to be perfect all the time. I don’t want to have to constantly live up to someone else’s standards. I could call my mom if I felt the need for that.

I sat there staring at my two items on my list. I tapped my pen against the notebook as if that would help me think things through.

Were those the only two things that bothered me about Charles? There had to be something else. I wouldn’t toss away a relationship just based on those two things, would I? Those were things that could be discussed. I could discuss those with Charles. He would understand and try to appease me.

Love.

I wrote that down quickly. I love Charles very much, don’t I? It’s not heart throbbing, sweep me off my feet love, but that can’t happen all the time and even if it were, it would surely fade over time, right? Did he do that in the beginning? No.

I thought back to the beginning of our relationship. Realizing it was actually my mom who continually pushed us together for functions at the country club. Even though my heart pounded when we first started dating, it was likely that I really wanted him to like me so that my mom would finally be happy with me.

Charles was her choice for me. While he’s a good choice for me in every sense of the word, he’s not who I would have chosen for myself. Rather, he’s who I would settle for, for my mom.

I crossed my arms on the table and rested my head on my hands staring at my new list.

Romance

Not perfect

Love

Was that all I really wanted from someone? I knew there was something else, but I was pretty sure it would sound silly if I wrote it on paper. I was just about to write
More Sex
when my phone chimed. I looked around wondering where I left it this time. In my purse from last night, I realized as I stood up and picked it up from the coffee table. Pulling my phone out of my purse, I glanced at two texts, both from Matt. One seemed to be from earlier when I took my shower.

Matt:
Hey Gorgeous. Feel like grabbing some coffee while I eat breakfast?

I stared at the time and wondered how early he kicked Ava out. Why didn’t he just take her out to breakfast?

I read the next text.

Matt:
Are you mad at me or something?

Mad? Was he thinking I was mad about Ava? Well, I was last night while I sat in my room alone and jealous. I was definitely jealous last night. Today, after my renewed thinking and resolving how Matt is with women, I was going to be calm and…not jealous.

I decided to ignore his question.

Me:
I’m having my coffee now.

My fingers hovered over the touchpad, unsure of what else to write. I decided to leave it at that. I would think that suggested I’m not heading out for breakfast with him since I don’t eat breakfast and already having my coffee.

I walked into my room and grabbed my old laptop. I usually use my work computer for everything, but if I wanted to log onto the dating site, I wasn’t going to use my work laptop for personal use.

I set it down on the table next to my notebook and turned it on as I sat down in front of it. I logged into the dating site that Aubrey set up for me and checked the text she sent me a while ago with my account name and password. Several chat boxes popped up the second I logged on from men who were apparently doing the same thing I was this morning.

A knock at the door pulled me from reading what one man wanted to do to my “sweet fucking body.” I cringed when I clicked on his fat, balding picture. I made a mental note to delete him from my list as I walked towards the door.

I glanced through my peephole and giggled. Matt was making a funny face in front of the peephole. I opened the door, still smiling.

“You like that?” He asked, grinning from ear to ear. I nodded and stepped aside, letting him in my apartment.

He walked over to the back of my couch and leaned against it, crossing his ankles and folding his arms.

“What’s your plan for today?” He asked.

I had no idea what I was going to do except log onto the online dating service. My eyes flicked over to my laptop as I heard several “pings” emanating from it. I looked back to answer Matt and realized he had followed my gaze and was staring at my laptop also. He gingerly walked over to it.

“Wha’cha got going on over here?” He asked as he bent down to look at the screen. He pulled his brows together as he looked at my notebook next to my laptop and picked it up. He began reading my very short list and looked over at me as I walked up, slightly embarrassed, next to him.

I swallowed, realizing how pathetic I must look having a list and online dating service. “I was…”

“Making a list?” He asked as he smirked at me.

I shrugged, knowing what he was thinking. “I…sort of. I was just going to change some things in the profile that Aubrey set up for me.”

“Are you one of those crazy women that need a checklist for any guy they’re going to date?”

I shook my head, laughing that it seemed that way. “No. I just…” I took a deep breath and rolled my eyes. “I was just trying to figure out what I want from someone I date. Those were the things I could come up with.”

Matt stared at me for a few seconds, his face softening slightly before looking back down at my very small list. “Romance, huh?”

I bit my lip, feeling silly. “Yeah, I guess I’ve never had that, so I thought if I put it on my little list that…” I trailed off feeling really stupid. “I just think it would be nice to have, that’s all.” I swallowed, feeling my eyes well up slightly.

I sat down in the chair and crossed my legs, leaning on the table with my elbow. “What about you? You’re not the romantic type I remember you telling me once before.”

He sat and leaned down, resting his elbows on his knees. “Nah, I tried that once. Romance didn’t work out for me.” He glanced around the room.

I sat back in my seat. “Explain,” I commanded. I wanted to know the reason behind him feeling like this. Maybe romance was just tough for some guys. Maybe Charles is just one of those guys and I should give him another chance. Or maybe I’m longing for something guys just can’t provide.

“When I tried that with Stephanie, that was my last time,” he said casually.

“Romance? Like being sweet to someone, buying them gifts, giving them all your affections?” I teased.

He smiled at me. “Is that the definition? Then yeah, I’ll never do that again.”

“Why? What if you find that one person that could be ‘it’ for you?”

“Are you trying to be that person?” He teased with a smile.

“Not if you can’t promise me romance. What woman doesn’t want a man to be romantic, to do things out of the blue for them, to shower them with affection and love?” I shrugged, “I don’t know any woman that wouldn’t want that.”

Matt chuckled. “Aubrey.”

“You’re wrong. Aubrey claims she doesn’t want that, but all women do. If a man is willing to do all that for them, why wouldn’t you accept it?”

“Did Charles not do any of that for you? Mr. Perfection?”

I swallowed. “No, he doesn’t do those things for me. He takes care of me. He never just…sweeps me off my feet.”

Matt’s smile fell, his eyes pulled together as he told me, “You’re speaking of him in present tense.”

“Am I? Did I?” I frowned. “I guess after all that time, it’s hard to just turn off thinking we’re still together.”

Matt nodded and looked away. “Yeah, I guess after Stephanie, I did that for awhile.”

I stared at him waiting for his story. I sang, “Wait-ing.”

He rolled his eyes at me and pressed his lips together and gave a small head nod. He clapped his hands lightly. “Okay. Well, my high school sweetheart and I thought for sure we’d be married. In my mind, we would have kids by now.”

“Kids? Plural?” I asked, slightly teasing, but was curious to see how many kids Matt would want.

“Yes, plural. I had it already mapped out actually. Three kids, two boys and a girl. I always wanted a sister, so I wanted my boys to have one.”

His little fantasy family was endearing, but I had to ask why he wanted it just that way. “Two boys?” I questioned.

He gave a sheepish smile and slightly shrugged his shoulders. “Although I’d never admit it to Z, he was my best friend growing up. He annoyed me, but we were always there for each other. I had an added bonus with Flynn. They were inseparable, so I had twin brothers following me around.”

“That must have been fun,” I noted, with a soft smile.

“A little. It was tough during high school since I was four years older than they are, so they were more like annoying little tag alongs, especially when I went on dates and stuff. They were relentless in their teasing.” He let out a soft chuckle as he shook his head. “They sat behind me at movie theaters and threw popcorn at me and my date.” He shook his head, laughing. “Jerks.”

He looked like he was reminiscing too much and I wanted to hear what happened with his girlfriend. “Back to the girl part, Matt,” I prodded.