Rome: A Marked Men Novel (20 page)

“You don’t have to wait up for me. I was just going to put you in bed and crawl in next to you.”

“If we’re going to be in bed together, neither one of us needs to be sleeping.”

Man, this girl was just something else, and it only took about two seconds to get both of us naked and

down to business. I fell asleep pretty quickly afterward and as usual she was draped across the top of me

from shoulder to hip. In reality it had only been a very short time since we had invaded each other’s life,

but something about it just felt like this was the way it was supposed to be.

At least it felt that way until sometime in the early morning.

There was sand in my face and I couldn’t breathe. I was hot, hotter than normal, in all my gear and

for some reason I couldn’t see past the red haze covering my eyes. My ears were ringing in my head and

from somewhere really far away I could hear voices screaming. I wanted to lift my hand up to wipe my

face, to pull my helmet off to see if that would make it easier to breathe.

I couldn’t get my arm to work. I couldn’t get most of my body to cooperate.

I managed to turn my head to the side, just enough so that the blood covering my face trailed down

my nose and out of my eyes, barely letting me get a look around.

I wasn’t in the Hummer anymore.

I was on my back staring up at the sky and a cloud of dust and dirt was sticking to all the blood and

sweat coating any of my skin that wasn’t covered by my gear.

I didn’t have my gun in my hands anymore, and I couldn’t see any of the other guys who had rolled

out on the op with me. There had been six of us in total in the Hummer.

I wanted to call out, wanted to scream because my shoulder was on fire and I wasn’t sure what was

going on under my helmet, but the river of blood covering my face showed no sign of slowing down

anytime soon and I couldn’t see that great. I just didn’t know if our location was secure. Didn’t know if it

was an IED or enemy fire. If any of the other guys had made it out, I wasn’t going to be the one who gave

our location away to the insurgents, even if it meant I had to bleed to death on enemy soil.

I don’t know how long I lay there. I went in and out of consciousness more times than I could count,

and finally, what felt like days later I opened my eyes to a medic pulling my gear off and trying to move

me without breaking more of my body. I think they told me it was an IED. I think they tried to tell me I was

going to have to get airlifted home. I’m pretty sure they said brain injury and possible loss of motion in

my shoulder, but all I really heard was “sole survivor of the blast.”

It didn’t matter that my ears were ringing. It didn’t matter that I was probably minutes from bleeding

out. It didn’t matter that it was war and things like IEDs and dead soldiers were an everyday part of life. I

started screaming and screaming and screaming until I felt like everything inside me was empty and

hollow. I think they doped me up to get me to calm down and minimize the damage, because when I woke

up I was in Germany and they were doing surgery on my arm and trying to sew my face back together.

Everyone thought I was so lucky. I got to go home and recover. I got to live.

Every night after that I woke up either screaming or choking on blood and tears that couldn’t fall.

Bolting upright on the bed, I forgot all about the fact that I was holding on to Cora. I had cold sweat

pouring off my arms and chest, and I felt like I was suffocating on blood and sand even though the desert

was a lifetime ago. My lungs billowed in and out, my chest heaved up and down, and I knew I had to get

away.

I swung my legs over the side of the bed and scrambled to find my pants. I could feel Cora shifting on

the bed behind me. I flinched away from her hands when she went to lay them on my back. All I could see

was crimson and dust. All I could feel was loss and desperation. I didn’t want her anywhere near any of it.

“I have to go.” My voice sounded like I was talking over razor blades and salt.

“What?”

She reached for me again and I lurched off the bed. I pulled my shirt on over my head and refused to

look at her. I heard the sheets rustle as she sat up in the bed.

“Rome, what’s going on?”

Her voice was quiet, like she was afraid she was going to spook me. She had no idea about the terrible

stuff rolling around like a silent movie behind my eyes. It was so horrific.

I grabbed my phone and keys off her nightstand and made my way to the door. I couldn’t even look at

her. I needed to say something, to try to explain, but the crazy, the pain, the memories were too close to the

surface and I just couldn’t get to her through them. I was being an asshole, but it was either bail on her or

break down in a sobbing pile of goo on her bedroom floor. I couldn’t let her see me like that, didn’t want

her to be a part of the stuff inside me that was so ugly and hard to forget.

I didn’t start to breathe normally again until I had the Harley under me and the wind in my face. The

nice thing about the bike was that it didn’t matter if some of the emotion working its way to the surface

leaked out, the night air just whisked it away. I felt like I was never going to sleep again.

CHAPTER 9

Cora

This Thursday-night girls’ night was unlike any the three of us had ever spent together before. Ayden

was propped up in the doorway of the bathroom off my bedroom alternating between texting on her phone

and staring at me with concern. Shaw was sitting on the toilet practically bouncing up and down; her green

eyes were huge in her pale face and I knew she was just dying to say something. I was sitting on the edge of

the tub trying to decide if I wanted to scream, or throw up, or cry, or pull all my hair out, or just laugh.

Maybe a combination of all of the above. What did I know about trying to raise another person? I had spent

my entire childhood shuffling from one random adult to the next. I had no idea what being a full-time

parent even looked like.

“Well?” Shaw just couldn’t stay quiet any longer.

The little white stick on the edge of the tub next to me stared back at me with two glaringly bright pink

lines. Not that I was really surprised. I had been tired and moody for the last two weeks, and not just

because Rome had pulled a disappearing act and wouldn’t return any of my calls. I was also queasy, and it

was just my luck that forgoing Mr. Perfect was going to end up biting me in the ass for the next eighteen

years. I had really started to think he was worth the risk of letting that dream of someone steadfast and

secure go, that I was tough enough to weather the storm that came with him, only now I was high and dry

and looking back on my long-held dream of perfect and shaking my head.

Ayden snorted and walked farther into the room to pick the pregnancy test up from where it was resting

next to me.

“Seriously? Look at her face. It’s totally positive.”

Shaw let out a noise that was between a gasp and a squeal. I glared at her and she clasped her hands

over her mouth. Her eyes were bright and shining at me from over the tops of her fingers and I wanted to

smack her. Ayden leaned against the sink and frowned at me.

“So what’s the plan?”

I groaned and shoved my hands into my eye sockets. What was the plan?

“You mean besides never, ever having sex again? I don’t have the first idea.”

Having kids wasn’t something I ever really thought about. When I was with Jimmy I just figured it

would be something that came up after we were married for a couple years and in a financially secure place.

Now … well, now, other than wanting to murder Rome and his stupid perfect face and body, I had no clue

what the plan should be. But the funny thing was that from the second it even occurred to me that I might

be pregnant, there was never a moment when I considered anything other than having this baby. The

alternatives are definitely there—and maybe there was a time when I would have gone down that route—

but the very idea of a baby inside me meant that this child was all mine and I was going to give it the best

chance possible. And I would never let a child of mine feel unloved or unwanted. I would never let my kid

feel lost in a sea of adults because I wasn’t able to give them a home. I just wished with everything inside of

me I could say Rome felt the same way about parenthood. The fact of the matter was, I had no idea what he

thought about anything right now because he wasn’t saying anything.

Shaw bit her bottom lip and said so softly I almost didn’t hear her, “You have to tell Rome.”

I sighed and pushed my eyes even harder. Of course I had to tell Rome. Eventually.

Telling Rome was going to be a lot easier said than done since the big idiot wasn’t quite finished with

his epic freak-out. I wasn’t exactly sure what had happened the other night; all I knew is that he had run

from my bed like the sheets were on fire, he was shaking and the color of paste. That was ten days ago, and

I hadn’t heard from him since. The first couple of days I called and called, sent text after text, and worried

myself into a concerned lather. By the end of the week I was good and pissed and clearly had more

important things to worry about than Rome Archer because I was pretty sure I was carrying his baby. I had

heard from Asa he was spending all his time at the Bar and that his venture into sobriety had taken a

nosedive. Apparently he was back to drinking like a fish and grumbling and growling at anyone that got

within breathing distance.

I had enough pride, and enough bad history, and a healthy dose of fear working inside me, that tracking

his stubborn ass down and making him talk to me wasn’t a workable option. I refused to be in yet another

relationship where I was the only person invested in the outcome. I figured he knew where I worked and

where I lived, so if he wanted to make things right, he knew where to find me. Admittedly I thought he

would have come around a lot sooner, but now it looked like the choice was going to be taken out of my

hands.

“I know that, Shaw.”

She cleared her throat and shot a look between me and Ayden.

“He isn’t doing so hot right now. I don’t know what happened, he was starting to get back to his old

self, starting to fall into some kind of pattern, and then, boom, he’s right back where he was when he came

home from Afghanistan. I thought Dale was going to cry when he didn’t show up for brunch last Sunday.”

I brushed hard hands through my short hair and rolled my eyes up to the ceiling.

“I don’t know either. Things were cool, I thought we had a pretty good thing going even though it was

pretty brief. Then one night not so much. I can’t believe I was so stupid.”

Ayden clicked her tongue at me and waved her finger back and forth in my face. “Stop beating yourself

up. Jet and I had a near miss right before we broke up. Sometimes those boys just burn too hot and

common sense goes right out the window.”

Shaw nodded. “Yeah, if I wasn’t on the pill since like the dawn of time, Rule and I would’ve been in

the same situation. You’re just human, and Rome can be pretty overwhelming.”

All of it was overwhelming.

“Fuck.” That seemed to sum it up nicely.

Ayden laughed and reached down to pull me up to my feet.

“I think that’s what got you into trouble in the first place. Let’s go eat something.”

I groaned but followed her out of the bathroom. “I don’t think I can eat.”

I pulled her to a stop and grabbed her and Shaw both by the arm. “You guys can’t say anything. Rome

doesn’t need to hear about this from Rule or Jet. I’ll talk to him when I’m good and ready.”

Ayden just rolled her eyes but Shaw nodded gravely. “I can’t believe Rule is going to be an uncle.

Margot and Dale are going to flip.”

Well, crap. That was a whole other headache I hadn’t considered. “My dad is going to kill me.”

They both laughed at me and I went to throw myself on the couch. Even though we had technically

only been seeing each other for a few weeks, I really thought there was something bigger working between

Rome and me. I felt it in the way the air changed when we were together. He was vital, so much larger than

life. I could still see the fracture in those blue eyes, see the things he was trying to work through, but I

thought we were doing fine. Now I didn’t know what to think and there wasn’t enough history, enough

time to know which way to go with it. On top of it, there was this added complication and my life was one

big pile of no-fun at the moment. I never would have let him get to me had I known he was going to have

such an easy time walking away. I was too guarded, too careful with my heart, for that.

Shaw came back from the kitchen and put a plate of pasta down in front of me. Ayden brought in a