Rome: A Marked Men Novel (21 page)

bottle of wine and I glared at her. She just shrugged and plopped down next to me.

“Make a doctor’s appointment in the morning, Cora. This is a big deal, and you need to take care of

yourself. I’ll go with you if you want.”

“Don’t worry, Cora, we’re here for you. Whatever you need.” Shaw chimed in right on her heels, and I

knew I couldn’t ask for better friends to get me through this initial period of shock that had settled around

me.

What I needed was for this kid’s dad not to be such a complicated handful and not be so damn sexy. If

he had just been an average guy, one of a million, I could have happily continued on my fruitless quest for

Mr. Perfect and never taken the scenic route into forever, life-changing, and gloriously imperfect. Rome

never made me feel like I was settling for less than I deserved, he made me feel like having a new dream,

where he was the center of it, just made sense.

“I know
you
guys are. Rome might be a different story. That’s a lot to level at a guy already dealing with

a full plate from the emotional baggage buffet.”

Shaw narrowed her eyes at me. “Stop it. He’ll be fine. He needs some help, just like Margot did, but at

his core, Rome is rock solid. He hates for anyone to see him weak, hates the idea that he isn’t the one

holding the entire world up by himself. If I have to beat it into him, I promise you he will be fine.”

I shook my head and let it flop back on the colorful couch cushions. Rome wasn’t solid, he was

unhinged and wild. I think that was what drew me to him so irresistibly in the first place.

“I don’t want to be with a guy who feels like he
has
to be with me, Shaw. I don’t want to be with

anyone that isn’t one hundred thousand percent as into me as I am into them. Not even if I’m pregnant with

his kid. I’m not ending up on the other end of what I did with Jimmy ever again.”

She made a face at me. “Rome isn’t Jimmy; he would never betray you like that.”

“No, he’s not. I thought he was better, but I don’t have the option to let him walk out on me every time

he’s having a tough time. That doesn’t work for me, especially not now.” And I didn’t want to talk about

how bad his sudden desertion made my heart hurt. That kind of pain was unfathomable when it came from

something so fragile and new, not to mention it freaked me out that the loss of him felt more potent, more

gaping, than walking away from Jimmy ever had.

“He’s worth the fight.”

“Because he’s an Archer?” I didn’t mean to sound so snappy, but Rome and his issues weren’t my top

concern anymore. They couldn’t be.

“No, because he’s a great guy that hasn’t had the easiest time of it lately. Don’t you remember telling me

how broken, how robotic, Rule was after Remy died? Rome went through all of the same things, Cora, only

he had to do it while fighting a war and watching his fellow soldiers die. Maybe he just needs someone that

makes him see he deserves a break finally.”

I didn’t want to fight with her about it, because I didn’t entirely disagree with her, but I also was the one

left alone and in the dark after he disappeared into the night without a word, and that hurt. Maybe because I

didn’t just hurt for me, but because I ached for him as well. The horror shining out of those blue eyes even

in the dark and the despair stamped across those handsome features made my chest ache just thinking about

it, but I couldn’t force him to let me in. And we couldn’t make anything work between us if he ran from me

every time things got rough. I didn’t need him protecting me from him. I was more than capable of doing

that all on my own.

“Just give me a couple days to get used to the idea that I’m growing another human being, and then

maybe we can talk about what I am or am not going to do with big brother Archer.”

Ayden nodded in agreement and gave Shaw a pointed look.

“That’s a good idea. Now, everybody calm down. Shaw, help me finish this wine. Just because Cora

can’t have any doesn’t mean this shouldn’t be a proper girls’ night.” She wiggled her eyebrows up and

down and leered at me in an exaggerated expression. “Plus Jet hasn’t been home on a Thursday in forever

and I miss sloppy-drunk sex.”

That was enough to startle a laugh out of me and I tried my best to relax a fraction and enjoy the rest of

the night with my friends. The future was such a huge, looming unknown and I refused to get sucked into

it. I would be okay, whether that meant I forged on ahead alone, or I strong-armed Rome into getting his

head out of his ass. I was terrified, but kind of excited behind the wall of fear. It wasn’t something I would

have ever planned for myself, not without a firmer grasp on what I was doing, but if anyone could take an

unplanned pregnancy and possibility of single parenthood in stride, I guess it would be me. I knew

firsthand what it was like to grow up without a mom, without a sense of home and well-planted roots.

There was no way any child of mine would ever have to go through that. I would move heaven and earth to

make sure of it.

By the end of the night I ended up putting Ayden to bed, without Jet. He was still out running around

with Rowdy and Nash, but I was sure he would have no trouble figuring out how to get her up and going

when he finally got home. Shaw left earlier; I think it was driving her crazy not to fire a million questions at

me and at the same time sing Rome’s praises. She was a really good friend, but in this particular case she

was caught between a rock and a hard place. If I hadn’t been the hard place and Rome hadn’t been the

rock, I might have been inclined to work up a smidge of sympathy for her. As it was, I made her promise

again not to say anything to Rule about the baby until I had it out with the older Archer. She readily agreed

and left with a hug and a knowing look.

I knew all anybody wanted was for me to be happy, for Rome to find some kind of peace and balance.

I just wasn’t sure those things went hand in hand anymore. I felt like if he got close enough to break my

heart, the damage done would be as detrimental to him as it would be to me. I wasn’t sure any of it was

worth the risk. Not with so much at stake.

Getting up the next morning was a little rough. Wrapping my head around the fact that I was no longer

operating as an autonomous person was weird. I didn’t know the first thing about being pregnant or having

a kid, so I figured I better start Googling stuff, like yesterday. I also called and made a doctor’s appointment

and tried to figure out what on earth I was going to tell my dad. What I didn’t do was call Rome. I couldn’t

think of a conversation I wanted to have less than that one.

When I got to work the guys were already there and doing their prep for the day. We all usually went in

an hour before noon to get the shop up and running. The guys typically finished last-minute drawings and I

called and reminded appointments for the day. This morning everyone seemed pretty sedate and I was glad

Rule and Nash both acted totally normal. Clearly Shaw had kept her word and not said anything to her

boyfriend. I was staring at my phone like maybe it would magically have all the answers I needed when it

suddenly dinged with a new message. It made me jump, and when I saw Rome’s name at the top of the

message box, my stomach lurched hard enough that I had to run to the bathroom before I hurled orange

juice all over my fancy computer and desktop.

I stayed in the bathroom longer than necessary. I had to splash cold water on my face and take a minute

to catch my breath. I couldn’t avoid him forever, and I really did want to know what he had to say for

himself after the last few weeks of radio silence. I fluffed my hair up, put on some bright red lipstick, and

felt like I had some kind of armor in place to deal with whatever that message might say.

Only, true to form, Rome liked to make things a million times harder than they had to be. When I came

out of the bathroom I stumbled to a halt because Rome was standing in the waiting room of the shop and

both Rule and Nash were all up in his face. Rule looked furious and Nash looked nervous. Rome looked

like crap, but he wasn’t saying a word as his brother screamed in his face and poked him in the chest with a

tattooed finger.

“We told you to leave her alone. Could you listen? No! Like always you know better than everyone else,

and now look! She’s been upset for the last two weeks, being meaner than normal, and now she’s so upset

you made her sick.”

Rule poked Rome so hard that this time the older Archer took a step back. None of them noticed me

just yet, and I wasn’t sure the best way to interrupt without making a bigger mess of things.

Nash shook his head and pulled Rule back a step. “I told you to leave it alone, dude.”

Rome cast those azure-blue eyes toward the floor and what little color was left in his face fled. He

looked like he hadn’t slept in a month; his pallor was awful, the turn of his mouth harsh and concerning.

All I wanted to do was give him a hug and tell him everything would be all right.

“You don’t understand.”

“No, I don’t. You threatened to kick my ass all over the place if I was messing with Shaw. Well, you’re

doing exactly that to Cora and it’s fucked up.”

Rome sucked in a breath and released it. I thought for a second he was going to turn around and leave,

but just then he looked up and his eyes locked on mine. He blinked, once and then once again, and I could

have sworn I saw some kind of shadow lift and clear, letting the dazzling sapphire light shine through.

“Rule, I’m not messing with anyone. Like I said, you just don’t get it, but I don’t owe you an

explanation. Cora, however, I owe way more than that.”

Rule swore again and Nash had to literally hold him in check. “You owe everyone an explanation,

Rome. This shit is tired and needs to stop. You can’t just keep hurting everyone because you’re unhappy.”

Blue eyes clashed with blue eyes and I saw the fire light up in Rome. It was about to get real.

“You mean like you always did? Funny how you can be so sanctimonious now that you settled down

with Shaw. Not too long ago she had to drag your hungover, booze-soaked, philandering carcass to Mom

and Dad’s because you had hurt feelings. Get out of my face, Rule. I don’t owe you shit.”

Okay, there was going to be a full-on Archer brawl if I didn’t stop this now.

“Rome.” They finally turned their full attention to me. “What are you doing here?”

He looked unsure of how to answer, so I made my way to where the guys were standing and inserted

myself in between them. I could feel the hostility blazing off of Rule and the remorse bleeding off of Rome.

I didn’t want to drown or get sucked into any of it.

“Uh … I was hoping I could talk to you real fast before you started work.”

I sighed. “Well, I wanted to talk to you all last week and you ignored me.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too, because now I don’t know that I want to hear what you have to say. I’m not that hard to

find, big guy.”

He sighed. “I know.”

We stared at each other for a long and silent moment until he finally dropped his eyes back to the floor.

I felt Rule shift behind me and figured I better split the two of them up before I had to clean blood off the

floor. I grabbed Rome by the arm and pulled him out the front door to the sidewalk in front of the shop.

Rule shouted something ugly out the door after us, and I felt Rome tense.

“Stop it. One battle at a time.”

He threw his hands up in the air in front of him. “That’s the problem, Cora. I’m so tired of fighting.”

His eyes were burning so hot I felt like they were going to leave holes right through me.

“I’m fighting with my folks. I’m fighting with Rule. I’m fighting my vices. I’m fighting my fear of the

future. I’m fighting my own goddamn head, and I’m just tired. I’m retired. I was supposed to be leaving all

the fighting in the desert.”

I wanted to comfort him, to tell him I understood, but there were bigger stakes here than just me and

him.

“So what are you going to do about it?”

That was the key. He could keep fighting, keep battling everything alone until he just wore himself into

a husk of a man, into a shadow of the person he once was, or he could ask for help. I didn’t realize I was

holding my breath until he finally answered me.

“I got the name of a guy from Brite. He’s a retired shrink and a vet. He only takes guys on referral. I

went to talk to him yesterday. He was a really nice guy.”

I let out the breath and felt my heart rate settle into something less chaotic.

“I spent the entire hour and a half we talked telling him about you. About how shitty I felt for bailing on

you, how I thought something really awesome was starting between us, and how I blew it all to hell by

being a pussy.”

He looked at me and I felt my heart turn over in my chest. The pleading in his gaze, the clear, naked

longing for me to understand just a little part of what he was dealing with, really touched me. All I really