Rouge (28 page)

She waited, but I didn’t speak.

“I’ve never seen Roland cry.” Her voice was quiet.

A flash of memory hit me. “The food,” I mumbled. My voice was hoarse and it hurt to speak.

“What?” Evie leaned forward, frowning.

“The food,” I whispered.

“Are you hungry?”

I shook
my head. “The food in the room.
”

I could imagine Evie or the other girls stealing it, sneaking it back to their rooms to eat, and then…

“
Rosa
cleaned out the room last night,” Evie said. “Looked like it hadn’t been touched.”

I nodded and turned my head back into the pillow, remembering Guy’s last words, his promise that Teeny was next. The tears started to fall and my nose grew warm. He was still out there, and we were still in danger. And I had failed.

Evie patted me and stood. “Just rest. Maybe tomorrow you’ll feel better.”

I will never feel better.

* * *

Sleep must’ve come because when I opened my eyes again, it was dark. There was no moon and the only light was the one streaming in from the crack beneath the door. I had no idea where Teeny was and for a moment, I was concerned. But it was too hard to care about anything anymore. My only feeling was pain. And emptiness.

I hadn’t moved from my position facing the wall when I heard the door open slowly. Soft footsteps crossed the space between the door and me, and I felt the bed depress and a small hand touch my head. Little sobs came from her body, and I wondered if she knew what had happened. I didn’t move, hoping she believed I was sleeping. Another voice in the passage spoke.

“You’ll stay with me again tonight,”
Rosa
said. “Come away now.”

I felt her small mouth kiss my ear, and she quickly crossed to the door again and was gone. Alone in the dark silence, I stared at the wall. Somewhere, something mattered. I just couldn’t remember what it was.

All that food laced with strychnine. I wondered why I hadn’t eaten some. There must’ve been a point in the night where I might’ve slipped a fruit into my mouth or drank a glass of wine. Perhaps I was afraid. Perhaps I didn’t want to know if it might not be poisoned. Or perhaps I still wanted to live, to survive this. I closed my eyes as a tear slid down my nose.

* * *

The smell of coffee roused me. I slowly turned to face the door for the first time and saw Roland sitting in the chair across from me. Our eyes met and he dropped to his knees at my bedside.

“Will you eat?” he asked softly. I frowned and struggled to lean up enough to take the mug from him. I cupped it in both hands and sipped, allowing the soothing warmth to travel through my body as my eyes closed.

He watched me silently for a few moments before running his index finger down my left hand to where the gold band still sat on my finger.

“He’s been asking about you. I told him you were ill, but that won’t keep him away. He’s very determined.”

I stared at my hand and tried to force myself to feel something, some emotion. But the only thing in my chest was hollow pain.

“I’m sorry I was too late,” he whispered, his voice thick. “I’m so sorry, Hale.”

He dropped his head onto the bed, and tears stung my eyes. But I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want him to think I blamed him. It was my plan, after all. He’d told me not to do it. Everyone had. He looked up, his eyes wet, and a knot formed in my throat. I blinked and two salty drops fell.

“Oh, Hale,” he breathed, slipping his arms around me and pressing his lips to my head. “I’m so sorry you were hurt.”

We were quiet as he held me. I inhaled the faint scent of cigarette smoke mixed with the warm smell of coffee. After a few moments, he stood and pulled a handkerchief from his pocket. He touched his eyes and held it in his fist. Then he turned away from me.

“I was much younger than you when it happened to me.”

My eyes went to him, but he didn’t look at me. He looked up past the mirror to some distant memory.

“I didn’t dream of killing him. I dreamed of permanently disfiguring him.”

I
didn’t answer, unsure how
. He glanced back and saw my frown. “I thought that punishment would fit the crime. But it was never possible, and eventually he moved on to another poor soul.”

He stepped back to me and touched my face. “I never thought it would happen to you. And I’ll do whatever it takes to keep it from happening again.”

I felt the coffee on the verge of coming back up. It could happen again. And for all I knew, he could still be here, waiting. The one part I allowed myself to remember from last night was that Teeny wasn’t safe. It didn’t matter what I’d done or sacrificed, he’d promised to have her, and so far my plans to protect us had been useless.

“This came for you.” Roland held out a letter, and I recognized Freddie’s handwriting. I’d all but forgotten my former safety net, and I watched as Roland placed it on the bed beside me.

“It feels impossible, but you’ll get through this pain,” he said. “Now I’ll fetch you some food. Be right back.”

The door shut, and I leaned gingerly to place my cup on the small table, grimacing as I did so. My entire body felt covered in bruises. I repositioned myself and lifted the letter to tear it open.

My Dearest Hale,

Please forgive me for not writing sooner. I’m afraid Father’s business has kept me occupied considerably longer than I expected. I hope you know you are always in my thoughts, and I am counting the hours until I see you again.

That blissful moment in fact might be sooner than you think. And, darling, I have a proposition that I hope will fill you with joy, or that at the very least will spark your interest.

Unfortunately, it appears I will not be able to return from
Paris
on a permanent basis as soon as I had hoped. In fact, I will most likely have to come back within a day of my arrival in
New Orleans
.

The reason for my return is part of my news. My dear sister Annemarie has requested that you come back with me and stay at her home for the duration of our engagement.

The sudden nature of my proposal might come as a shock to you, but I do hope you took my words before I left as truly as I meant them. I hope you will consider what I have written here as I must have your answer when I see you again.

I should be back at the theater the second week of November, and I hope you’ll say the prospect of our marriage fills you with as much joy as it does me.

All my love,

Freddie

I stared at the letter a long time before lowering it to the bed. There it was. My way out. Yet all I felt was hopelessness and misery. I looked up as Roland returned to the room and watched him place the stale bread and a few pieces of fruit on my table. And a surprise.

“You managed a piece of ham.” My voice was hoarse, and it sounded different to me.

He glanced up and smiled, then brought it to the bed. “Had to move fast. Still, it’s mostly gristle.”

I watched him slice it and hand me a piece. The salty meat gave my mind something to settle on apart from my wretched state of affairs.

“Back soon?” he motioned to the letter, and I passed it to him with my free hand.

His eyes quickly scanned the thick ivory paper, and as he read, his expression changed. He stood and walked to my dressing table, replaced the dish he was holding, and then turned back to me.

“You’ve got to get up. If his date’s an estimate, he could be here as soon as tonight.”

I blinked. “I don’t understand.”

“Get up,” he ordered, jerking back my blankets and lifting my legs around. “You have to clean up and start moving.”

My feet touched the cold floor and tears jumped into my eyes. I tried to lift them back into the bed, but he caught me and pulled me to my feet. I started to cry.

“Come on, Hale,” he urged, giving me a little shake. “This is the best news you could get. It’s a way out and tomorrow’s the tenth!”

I closed my eyes and dropped my shaking head. “I can’t do it anymore. I don’t feel anything. I just want to die.”

Roland caught my chin and lifted my face back to look at his. His lips were drawn tight and his dark brow furrowed. “You have to find it. Grab what’s inside you and force it to stand up.”

Tears flooded my eyes as I looked at him, but he didn’t soften. He clenched his jaw and gave me a harder shake. “Do it!”

I sucked in a halting breath and grasped his arms. His hands were still clenched on my shoulders, but I took a step back and turned toward my dressing table. The reflection in the glass gave me a start. My eyes were red and my skin looked pale. Even my hair seemed dull.

“You’re an actress, Hale,” he said, stepping behind me to look at my reflection over my shoulder. “Clean yourself up and act like the star that you are.”

I stared at his dark eyes in the mirror and knew I couldn’t do it. “I was never an actress. All I could do was sing. I’m not even sure I can do that now.”

He breathed and wrapped an arm across my shoulders. “You’re a terrific actress, and you
can
do this. You must. It’s a chance none of us ever had.”

I looked into his eyes once more, and for a second he allowed me to see the pain he kept at bay. I lifted my hand to his forearm and squeezed gently. Then I nodded.

“That’s my girl,” he whispered, and with a quick kiss to my ear, he released me and walked to the door. “Come as soon as you’re ready, and we’ll practice a few songs. Work out your voice.”

I watched the door close and then turned back to my reflection and stared deeply into my own eyes. Brown dashed with a stroke of green and a tiny bit of gold. They were beautiful, but they were broken now and sad. The eyes I wanted to see were hidden in them, in memories, but I had to let that go and run through the door that had opened.

* * *

My pace slowed as I approached the stage. I knew he would be there waiting, and I had no idea how I would respond. The scrubbing and brushing had done little to change the hollow in my chest, but a quick survey in the mirror showed my appearance had improved.

My soles crackled as I tread on the rosin left over from last night’s performance, and as always, I inhaled the faint smell of cigar smoke mixed with earthy mildew as I approached the lighted stage. But I was still in the wings when a familiar hand caught mine. I stopped.

“You’re up,” Teeny said, wrapping her arms around my waist and placing her head on my chest. “I wanted to stay with you, but
Rosa
said you were ill.”

I wasn’t sure what they’d told her, so I caressed her hair and tried to settle my racing heart. The thought of walking into view onstage almost caused me to run back to my dressing room, but Roland was right. I had to get back out here for her as well as me.

“Do you feel like singing today?” she asked, searching my face.

I forced myself to smile. “Doesn’t matter. The show must go on, right?”

“I guess. I wouldn’t if I didn’t feel well.”

“Working helps me feel better,” I lied. “And Freddie’s coming back.”

She frowned then. “Do you care?”

“Of course I care.” The lies were getting easier the more I talked. “I promised you—”

“Yes, but what about Beau?”

“I need to find Roland.”

The last thing I could do right now was argue with Teeny, especially about that. I kept walking toward the lighted stage as the piano music started a fast tune. I heard Frank and Carla’s feet tapping out the rhythm and waited a moment before stepping forward. Teeny’s presence, watching me, was the only thing that kept me moving.

Everyone stopped when I stepped into the light. Carla dropped Frank’s hand and crossed to embrace me.

“How are you feeling?” The soft concern in her voice made my eyes prick, but I followed Roland’s instruction and fought it back, forcing a smile.

I nodded. “Better.”

Carla smiled, but her eyes were worried. She squeezed my hands and then walked back toward Frank, who was watching me from afar. I heard his low voice speak to her, but I didn’t try to understand what he said. I set my eyes on the piano and continued walking.

Roland looked up and smiled. “You look very good.” I reached across the top of the piano and grasped his hand for a moment. “Feel like singing?”

Before I could respond his eyes flickered above me and strong arms encircled my waist from behind. My heart stopped.

“They wouldn’t let me back to see you,” Beau breathed in my ear. I gripped the piano to keep from fainting as he released me and stepped around in front. “
Rosa
said you had a fever? I hope it’s nothing serious.”

He was smiling, but I couldn’t look up. My whole body was shaking, and I wasn’t sure I could speak. He reached out and lifted my chin. “I missed you,” he said, then he pulled me forward into another hug and pressed his lips to my temple.