Rough Ride (17 page)
“Doing the whole house?”
“Pretty much.”
He stepped in the smaller room she gestured to and lowered her to the air mattress. “Bouncy.”
She laughed as he covered her with his weight and the light noise was smothered by a moan shuddering up her throat.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
She doubted she could say that enough to convey how much she’d missed this. How much she’d wanted him this way. Just one last time.
How often had she thought that? She stripped his shirt overhead, not even wanting to go there. That was in the past. This was now. And he was staying. They had a chance this time for what she wanted. An opportunity and she wanted the chance to grab it.
He stripped her bare and didn’t waste time making up for their time apart. Open mouth kisses trailed over the length of her. Hit every spot on her body except the high points. This was what he did best. Made love to her. To her whole body. Left not one spot untouched or unloved. Drew her in tight with tension and need with simple kisses to her thighs and belly.
If this moment was a prediction of the future then they could make it and be fine. Because of him she’d found what she’d been needing. The courage to get out there. To try for what was missing.
He stripped the rest of the way down. God, his body was perfect. Lines and definition. Sculpted muscles with his boyish smile and intense dark eyes. The softness of his touch was such a conflict to his unforgiving look. Even his tattoos, the bold letter ‘I’, standing for his last name on his arm and his mother’s name in script-looking handwriting across his abs were a stark contrast to the gentle and wounded heart beneath.
He settled over her and she welcomed him in her arms, dared to risk her heart just a little as he sank between her legs and filled her. Each thrust rocked her deeper, wound her tight and held her in suspension. His arms cuddled her to his chest, wrapped her in. She was always just her, but Lane held her like a treasure.
She wrapped her arms around his shoulders as best she could. Hooked her ankles at his lower back. His thrusts increased. Heat bundled until it was too much. He stroked harder, faster until she couldn’t hold anymore. Pleasure kissed through her blood. Heat flushed until she was crying out his name on whimpered breaths.
Groans rumbled from his lips against her ear. The hug he wrapped her in tightened as he stilled. Another moan pulled out of his throat. And then, best of all, her name was hummed as he relaxed. His firm hold softened. Fingers caressed the damp hairs at her nape.
He rolled them and tucked her to his chest. His fingers never left her hair. “Thank you, Gretchen. I know I was a shit last time.”
A smile bloomed from deep within her chest. “No more sneaking out of bed either.”
“I swear. Unless I’m going to work and you look too comfortable to wake up.”
That grin? Still there. “I think that’s a good exception.”
She settled in against him and just lay there for a while. Absorbed his scent. Enjoyed the caress of his hand on her back. His heat warming her. She dared not to get too attached too fast. It was going to be hard, but she couldn’t just completely fall for him when she had no idea where he stood. Him leaving the first time when she knew the score was hard enough.
She glanced up at him and found him staring at her. “You didn’t tell me how the talk went with your brothers.”
He breathed. “Trent took it well enough. Jacob walked out for a bit then got over it. Neither agreed with me. Both thought I should have said something, but in the end they understood. Jacob pointed out we might not be here in this town like this if I had said something.”
“That’s good. What about Grant? You were worried the most about him.”
His hand on her back stilled for a moment. “I haven’t gotten to tell him yet.”
“You haven’t seen him since you got back? I thought y’all talked?”
He cleared his throat. “We did, it just hasn’t been the right time to talk about it.”
The warmth and glow of having him back was wearing off fast. “You’ve got to tell him.”
“I will. When it’s the right time.”
She pulled her hands from him. “And when is the right time?”
“Soon.”
“Soon,” she repeated and pulled away from him. She was so stupid. So damn stupid.
He frowned at her. “Where are you going?”
She dropped her shirt on. “I think it’s time for you to go.”
“Why?”
She shook her head and stumbled in her shorts as she reached the door. “I’m not doing this, Lane. You want me, you’re going to have to tell him.”
He chased after. “Gretchen. Come back. Please. I’m going to tell him, I promise.”
She pulled a bottle of water out of her refrigerator. “Are you?”
“Of course.”
“Or maybe it’s going to get too hard and you won’t be able to stand it and there you’ll go, running off in the middle of the night again.”
His frowned flipped to fury. “That is not going to happen.”
“Yeah?” She shook her head and opened her front door. Trembles shook through her whole body. Shudders nearly buckled her knees out from under her. “Then grow the balls to tell him. We’re not doing this until you tell him.”
“My problem with Grant doesn’t change anything about us.”
The laugh that raked out of her throat was hollow and thick. “It changes everything. I don’t trust you Lane. You leaving the first time was hard enough. I’m not getting involved with you again until you come clean.”
“Damn it, Gretchen. I will tell him.”
“Or maybe you’ll desert me again because you’re afraid of hurting your brother. I’m not so foolish to think you won’t make the same choice twice.” She went out the door, hurried down her steps and toward Tonya’s house before he could follow, since he was naked.
Lane hugged the small pink bundle in his arms and felt the little girl’s sleepy sigh relax through his body. “What’s it like?”
“Exhausting.” Grant dropped in his recliner nearby. “But so damn worth it.”
Rebecca walked by and tickled the top of Grant’s head with her nails. “Watch your mouth daddy. I’m going to sleep in the hammock.”
Lane looked down at the little girl while the two whispered and exchanged a kiss. The baby’s face was round with all the usual parts. Two eyes. A nose. Mouth. He assumed ears under the thick cap. What was so bad about this little thing? She just laid there. How was that exhausting?
The front door shut, and Lane looked up to find himself alone with his brother. “I can’t imagine how she’s exhausting. She’s just sleeping.”
Grant chuckled. “She ate just before you got here. She’ll be like that for a few hours.”
Yeah okay. Lane knew all this. He was seven when the stork brought Grant, but it just seemed so different. “You’re happy?”
Grant frowned for a moment. “Of course.”
The baby made a face and Lane rocked her a bit, settling her back down. “How come you haven’t gotten married?”
“Rebecca wanted to wait.”
Lane glanced to his brother. “Y’all have talked about it?”
“Well, yeah.”
Huh. It wasn’t too surprising. Lane would have discussed it if he was in Grant’s shoes. Hell, Lane would have told the whole damn world. “Why did she want to wait?”
“She wants the wedding at the manor after it’s finished. It’s why we’re together.”
“If momma had told you about this place before she died, do you think you would still be here like you are?” Lane shrugged. “I mean, would you have come here trying to fix it up?”
Grant shrugged. “Probably. I would have liked to have moved momma here if she had wanted it. I can’t help but think you’re fishing for something.”
“Not fishing so much as trying to say something.” He bounced the girl in his arms. He found another use for this little thing. Her daddy wasn’t going to kill him as long as he held her. “I want this. What you have here.”
Grant’s eyebrows nearly shot off his head.
“The baby. The family. A home with my brothers nearby.”
“Then why did you leave?”
Now or never. “You know how none of us knew about mom?”
Grant nodded.
“And we were all mad because we didn’t know?”
Grant hesitated. “Yeah.”
“And that part of the reason you’re here like you are is because you regretted not doing this family thing sooner.”
Grant’s eyes narrowed. “Lane.”
Lane swallowed. “I knew about mom. She begged me not to tell and I didn’t. Then when it got bad…it was too late. I wanted to tell you. Wanted to tell all of you, but…I didn’t. Then after she passed, I wanted to say something, but I….”
Grant’s jaw was hard. His fingers tightened into fists as he finished the sentence for him. “Was too much of a chicken shit to say something?”
Oh, boy. Lane breathed. “Was afraid you’d be so pissed you’d never forgive me. And I’d rather be a distant part of the family than not at all.”
“I can’t believe you kept that a secret.”
“It’s what she wanted. I was honoring her wishes.”
Grant’s voice was deathly calm. “There’s honoring wishes and then there’s doing the right damn thing. We had a right to know.”
Lane shrugged. “It’s what she wanted.”
“That’s all you have to say for yourself?”
“There’s nothing else to say.”
Grant shook his head and stood to pace the room. “That’s the most irresponsible thing I’ve ever heard. Just when I thought you couldn’t do more, you surprise me.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“You always do selfish shit like that. Everything you do is always about number one.” Grant pointed at him. “You never think of anyone else when you make a decision. Everything is all about you.”
Now that was too damn far. He didn’t keep shit from Trent and Jacob, but there was a lot Grant didn’t know, simply because he was so much younger. “That is not true.”
Grant shook his head. “Even as kids, you were always off by yourself. You never wanted to play with the group.”
Hell, he had three brothers. He didn’t always want to do the same crap as them. It wasn’t a crime. It was finding breathing room.
“High school.” Grant carried on. “Trent and Jacob were always in the middle of something. If there was a fight, they were in the middle of it breaking it apart. You? Standing on the sidelines. Why is that Lane? Not worth a broken nose to stop some kid from bullying another?”
“Taking notes on my life?” The baby started to fuss. Lane rocked, but it was useless. His muscles were tense. The easygoing swing he was doing was stiff and jerky.
Grant plucked her out of his arms and buckled her in the swing next to his chair and started it. “I was seven years younger, Lane. I followed you three everywhere and I watched everything you did. I wanted to be you.” Grant stood and glanced at him. “Do you know why?”
“From what it sounds like, I was an asshole. So yeah, why would you want to be me?”
“Because you wasted it. You had everything I wanted. Every chance I wanted and you
wasted
them by worrying about yourself.”
Lane stood, unable to sit anymore and walked around the small living room, hands in his pockets. “I didn’t waste them, Grant. Momma worked double-shifts to put food on the table for four hungry boys but it wasn’t enough. We helped out where we could, doing what we could. Trent and Jacob were off doing God only knows what at times to bring money in. You were all but a baby to me growing up. I didn’t break up fights with the bullies because they were paying me to write their homework. It’s not that I didn’t want to. I hated those sons of bitches who thought their shit didn’t stink, but I knew what I needed to do. I also knew Trent and Jacob would more than whip someone’s ass without me needing to get involved.”
He turned and found Grant staring at him. “Dream to be someone all you wish, but don’t dream to be me. That’s one life you don’t want. Selfish is the last damn thing I am. I’ve given everything I can to try and keep everyone in my life happy, give them what they want and it’s reached a point where it’s not working anymore. Maybe that does make me selfish after all.”
“Lane.”
He shook his head and headed for the door. “It’s fine.”
“No, it’s not. Lane, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
“You weren’t meant to know. You were eight and nine at the time. We never even talked about it around mom. We gave her money as we got it and she never asked. When she was sick and I found out, I kept my mouth shut because that’s what she wanted.”
“I get why you thought you shouldn’t have told. But you still should have.”
“Do you think you would be here right now if I had told you? It would have changed everything about all you have.”
Grant was silent and his gaze landed on the baby girl sleeping in the swing.
Lane sighed. “I’m sorry. About it all.”
He started out the door, but Grant caught him. “Are you really staying here in town?”
“Yeah. I’m staying.”
Grant nodded, but didn’t let him go. “You’re not just staying to make me happy, are you?”
Lane shook his head. “This is what I want.”
Lane climbed in his truck and rested his head on the steering wheel. It was done. Now where to go, because he knew where he wasn’t going. Not to Gretchen. She deserved better. What was so wrong with him that he needed ultimatums to get shit done and do the right thing? Hadn’t he learned after momma died not to waste time? That sometimes it was worth the risk to upset someone to get what he wanted?
Apparently not.
He wanted to be the man Gretchen deserved. Fact of the matter was, he wasn’t.
Gretchen stabbed at the pie in front of her and shoved the yellow bite in. The once bittersweet lemon was now just bitter. The pudding was heavy on her tongue as it slid sickly down her throat and she could do no more. Forced to admit defeat, she pushed her pie away from her. “I’m done.”
“Done?” Tonya blinked and scooped at her own lemon pie. “I’m going to beat you.”
Gretchen rubbed her stomach, which was close to exploding, and shoved the half eaten lemon pie even further away. Lane had her stomach in so many knots, it wasn’t funny. “Don’t care. I’m stuffed. It’s not fair. I had a big breakfast.”