Rough Ride (18 page)
Flora wasn’t stopping to comment. Not that Gretchen could blame her. The woman was kicking Tonya’s ass in the pie eating and was no doubt about to set a record on putting that pie down.
Tonya’s eyes narrowed. “Loser.”
“Uh-huh.” She pointed to Flora’s pie plate. “Second place is still losing.”
“Shit.” Tonya dug into her lemon pie with renewed fervor. Even with her shoveling pace, it was going to be hard to catch Flora.
The two were elbows on the table, faces over the pies and Gretchen wanted to puke. She’d woken this morning and baked. And ate. And baked. And ate more. The fresh lemons that had been decorating her table looked too good to be used for decorating and that’s where the lemon pies came from. What else was she supposed to do? Three weeks.
Three. Weeks.
And not a word from Lane. She knew he was still around. He came to the diner daily and Tonya kept her in the loop of it all, so he was definitely in town. But three weeks and apparently he hadn’t talked to his brother yet.
So it was official, he just didn’t want her bad enough and she needed to let him go. Easier said than done. The man wiggled under her skin and she couldn’t get the scent of him out of her head. Or the touch of him out of her nerves.
Jacob walked into the diner and Gretchen waved him over because Flora wasn’t coming up for air anytime soon. He neared closer, his hands close to landing on Flora’s shoulders.
Gretchen shook her head. “I wouldn’t. She might kill you.”
He leaned over Flora’s shoulder and grimaced. “Tell me y’all are not having a pie eating contest.”
“Of course we are. And Flora’s winning.” Occasionally Gretchen did find something to smile about. And this was one of them. Flora had a quarter of a pie left. Tonya was gaining faster than she ever had before and had just under a half left. “We’re fifteen minutes in and Flora looks to be setting a new record.”
Jacob’s grin broadened and he dropped in the seat. “Y’all are the coolest girls ever.”
Gretchen smiled. “We try.”
He watched Flora for a few minutes then turned his gaze back on hers. “So when are you going to give in and let Lane have a trailer?”
“When he comes back and asks for it.”
Jacob blinked. “He said y’all weren’t talking. Because of what happened.”
She rolled her eyes. She didn’t want to have this conversation, but damn it, she craved information. “I’m ready to give him the trailer whenever he comes back and asks for it. We’re not together because he hasn’t told Grant about what happened.”
Jacob frowned. “About momma being sick?”
She nodded. “I told him I couldn’t trust him until he told Grant,” she shrugged and opened her hands up. “I just can’t.”
Jacob shook his head. “He told Grant about momma damn near four weeks ago. Maybe three?”
Her heart simply stopped. “What?”
“Yeah. They worked it out. That’s old news.”
It was redundant, but it’s all she could say. “What?”
Flora lowered her fork and covered her hand. “Sweetie. Let it go. He’s a jackass.”
Gretchen blinked. “But….”
Tonya pushed her plate away, unfinished as well and looked at Jacob. “Where is he?”
Jacob shrugged. “Last I saw him, at the manor chopping wood.”
Gretchen was out of her chair and heading for the door before even taking a second thought.
How could he do this? He said he wanted her. Said he wanted to try without him leaving hanging over them.
She groaned and headed across town. The once nearly hidden drive was wide with a fresh coat of gravel. The formerly rusted down gates blocking the entrance were removed, leaving behind brick pedestals marking the entrance.
The open fields carried a light coat of green from newly planted grass. Large Oak trees shaded the expansive yard. The legendary falling apart manor was repaired. It needed paint and windows and such, but the home itself no longer sagged and crumbled on one end.
It was all new and fresh. Full of hope. More so than she.
She stepped from her car. Wind blew across the open yard and teased the hair off her sweating neck. Silence was golden and only broken by birds in a nearby tree. Now where was he? And just as important, what would she say to him?
Oh, geez. This was all so stupid. What was she even doing here? He knew the score. He knew what she wanted. She reached for her car door to leave but a
twack
stopped her. She pulled her hand back to her side and followed the noise around to the side of the house.
She had a right to know why he hadn’t told her. Why he hadn’t come back to her. Why…he’d left her, again. She rounded the corner and stopped.
The
twack
sounded again as the ax Lane swung ripped through a cut of wood. Those muscles bunching. Tanned skin streaked with sweat. Body flecked with shards of wood. Low slung denim jeans. And those work boots. A piece of wood splintered to the side. Lane grabbed the hunk of wood and added it to the stack on a trailer at his side. He steadied the piece he was splitting and she moved forward.
Sticks crunched under her feet and he stilled. His gaze lifted, met hers and his lips parted as she stepped in closer. “Gretchen.”
She swallowed. Any number of surely intelligent things were about to come out. But then there he was. Just all of him on display and so much more manly and in her face than he’d ever been. She looked back to his face. “Why?”
His eyes lowered and he went back to work.
Just flat out turned away from her and acted like she wasn’t even there. “Did you think I would never find out? You owe me an explanation. After all you said about what we were and what you wanted. You had it and then…nothing.”
He lifted the ax and sliced it over his shoulder and sank it in the wood. “This is who I am, Gretchen. It’s not enough for you. They’re right. You do deserve better. I can be better, but it would be a lie.”
She blinked. “I don’t understand.”
“I make choices and I do things I think are best for everyone. It’s what I’ve always done. The only reason I don’t do that is if I’m pushed. With me Gretchen, you’re always going to have to force me, threaten to leave me if I don’t do what you want.”
She winced. She had forced him. “If you didn’t want me, then why did you tell Grant? I don’t understand.”
He stacked up the pieces he’d sliced in half. “I was going to have to tell him eventually. Trent and Jacob knew. I figured that day was as good as any.”
“But I am what you want…ed” Her throat itched. “At least three weeks ago I was what you wanted. Did you…change your mind?”
His brows pulled down sharply over his eyes and he stacked a new piece and picked up his ax. “It doesn’t matter.”
Anger shot hot through her blood. “The hell it does! It makes all the difference.”
“No it doesn’t. You didn’t want me on my terms. I’m not what you need.”
“I gave you the ultimatum because I wanted to know you were going to be able to stay. I wanted you to be rid of the guilt you’d been carrying around for so long. Yeah, maybe I was a little selfish in making you choose, but if that’s what got you to work things out with your brother and relieve you of that weight, then I’m not the slightest bit sorry and would do it over again.”
He cut into the wood. “That’s just the thing, Gretchen. You didn’t give me a choice. Is everything with us going to come to that? Where you get your way by forcing me?”
Never in her life had she felt such a strong desire to do physical damage to another person. “I don’t know Lane, when the going gets tough are you always going to default to deserting me?”
“You knew I was leaving. I didn’t desert you.”
“Bullshit. You know it. I know it. We started out as temporary, but when you left me, we were anything but. We didn’t say it, we didn’t talk about it, but it was there. You even said as much in my house three weeks ago!” Her hands shook. She pulled her fingers into fists. “I’m really not sure why I’m surprised you’re doing this. It’s what you do.”
He paused with the ax. “
What
is what I do?”
“You leave. When things don’t happen like you want, you leave. Let me show you what it looks like.” She turned on her heel and marched away from him.
“Gretchen.”
She was done.
“Gretchen!”
“No,” she called over her shoulder. “This is how you like it. If things don’t happen how you want, you leave. You don’t try to make an ‘us’. You try to make a ‘you’ with me as a tag-a-long. Guess what? You’re right. That’s not good enough for me. It’s not good enough for anyone. You have to give something, Lane. And I can see you’re not going to. I’m done. Flora and Tonya were right. You really are a jackass.”
Lane walked through her door and kicked it shut. “I’m not a jackass.”
Gretchen glanced up from her chair, met his gaze and disappointment rolled off her with the shake of her head. An hour ago she’d left him. In that time she wasn’t sure what was going to happen. She’d tried making a plan to move around him in case he came for her. A plan for dealing with him if she came across him in town. She never figured out an answer to either. “I’m done with this.”
“Too bad.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “My whole life I’ve done everything I can to make people around me happy. It’s what I do. Sorry that offends you.”
She frowned at him. “That’s not what you do.”
“I see that.” His whole face just fell and softened. “In trying to make everyone happy, I’ve made myself miserable. And you. Hurting you is the last thing I ever wanted. I want you to be happy more than anything.”
Best not to look at him anymore. She flipped through papers on her desk. “Right. That’s how you came up with the idea of
you don’t deserve me
. I’m sure. Why are you here?”
“Because even though I don’t deserve you and you could do so much better than me, I still want you. And I’m tired of putting me second. And for some ungodly reason, you want me too.” He walked closer, nearly close enough to touch her, but he stopped. “Unless you’ve changed your mind.”
She wouldn’t look at him. “It’s hard to keep up with my feelings with the way you keep treating them.”
“I know.” His voice was soft and gentle. All the hard tones he’d been using were gone. He reached out and cupped her shoulders. “I know. But I’m here in this town because it’s what I want. I’m in front of you begging you for another chance because it’s what I want.”
“And what about what I want?”
“I hope you want the same.”
She walked around the side of him and he let her go. “How did you imagine this conversation would end?”
“Your footprint on my ass and me on the ground outside your front door.”
A smile started on her face, but she caught it and walked down the hall. “Why do you want me? What did we have other than great sex?”
He stopped her in the hall and turned her to face him. “That’s not all we had.”
“Wasn’t it?”
“We had companionship. Each other. When I’m with you, I don’t have to pretend.”
“Lane.”
He looked away from her face, unable to look at the disappointment there and what he saw was…bare walls. Empty dressers and nightstands. “Where did all your stuff go?”
“I’m remodeling.”
“But your pictures?”
“Put away.”
“Where?”
“Packed. I didn’t realize keeping Paul so visually in my house could be awkward with someone new. I’m ready to move on, but I wasn’t letting my past go. I wasn’t letting Paul go.”
“Wow.” His eyes shuddered and lowered. “I just constantly screw up with you, but I’m not giving up. I left that night because I
was
a jackass. I’d cursed that man in the photograph and you for being in a relationship while coming on to me. Then you said he died. And while trying to save others at that. He sounds like a great man and I’d called him all sorts of things. That’s why I left.”
She bit her lower lip.
“You didn’t get rid of everything, did you?”
She shook her head and pointed to the chest against the far wall. He crossed the room and lifted the lid. On the top was the photograph of them that had been by her bed. He stared at it feeling…sorry for the guy. For Gretchen for going through the loss. He didn’t feel jealousy, only a fool would. He turned and walked out of her bedroom.
“What are you doing with that?”
He approached her desk, pushed papers aside and put it on the corner facing her. “There. I don’t want you to give up anything of yours. Moving on doesn’t mean you have to stuff your past off in a box and forget about it. I’d never want that and anyone who would can rot in hell.”
He turned back to see tears filling in her eyes. This distance between them was at an end. He reached out and brought her against him. There was no resisting. No pausing. Not even a slight stiffening of her limbs. The fear that had been holding him upright melted away and he was finally able to breathe fully.
Her fingers fisted in his shirt with her sniff. “I need to know what you want.”
“You. That’s all.”
“For how long?”
“As long as you’ll let me keep you. And then longer because I’m not letting you go.”
A tiny sniff creaked out of her. “Okay.”
He pushed her off him just enough to tip her face to his. “Okay?”
Tears dripped over her cheeks and streaked through her broad smile. “Okay. We agree. This is all I’ve wanted.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. It’s what I’ve wanted since our first kiss, since I first saw you. I just didn’t know how much.” Her hands eased up around his neck. “I want you. Not just tonight. Or tomorrow night in a bed, but also in the morning over the newspaper and breakfast.”
“I think you owe me a peach pie too.”
She snorted. “I do. If I remember right, you promised me a bake off.”
“Maybe I did.”
“So what do we do first?”
He grinned and wrapped his arms around her waist. “You mentioned something about opening my zipper with your teeth.”
Color filled her cheeks as her gaze lowered to the part in question. “I did.” Her brows pulled in with thought. “I’m not sure it’s possible.”
He hooked his thumbs in his belt loops and rocked on his heels. “Only one way to find out.”