Rough Riders Bundle 1(books 1, 2, 3) (47 page)

Her cheeks flushed and she dropped her gaze. “No.”

“That wasn’t a real convincing
no
, Gem.”

“Fine. I like everything you do to me. But that’s why…oh, never mind.”

“No. Tell me.”

“I want equal time to do things to you.”

That was all? He relaxed. “Okay. I’m listening.”

“So far this relationship has been pretty one-sided.”

“You think?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s been two days, Gemma.”

“Oh. Seems longer, doesn’t it?”

Cash didn’t know how to take that comment so he let it go.

Gemma loosened his hair and massaged his scalp, derailing his train of thought. He groaned with appreciation at her magic touch.

She dug her thumbs into the base of his neck.

“God that feels good.”

“There are other things I can do to you that will feel this good. Or better.”

His cock perked up. “Like?”

“Like, I don’t wanna give you a play-by-play, Cash. I’m more of a doer than a talker.”

“That a fact?”

“Yep.”

“I gotta remind
you
of a fact, sweets. You agreed to let me be in charge when it comes to sex.”

“I didn’t think that meant all the time.”

“It did.”

Her fingers quit kneading.

“What?”

“Nothin’.”

Cash faced her. “If you ain’t enjoying bein’ with me, just say so.”

“See? That’s not what this is about. You’re just like Steve, taking everything so personal to the point we can’t talk about it.”

They stared at each other. It was the first time she’d brought up her husband’s name in front of him. It didn’t feel as awkward as he imagined it would. Maybe it was a good reminder to him that they both had a past.

“Maybe you oughta explain that comment.”

A gust of wind caught Cash’s unbound hair and it lashed Gemma in the face. Before he could yank it back into a ponytail, she grabbed a handful and pulled him close. “Let me take the lead once in a while. That don’t mean you’re doing anything wrong, it just lets me be on the giving end. Much as I like being on the receiving end, sometimes I just need to know you don’t mind when I’m aggressive and I don’t want to wait for you to take charge.”

Cash watched her eyes. She had no idea how much her confession meant to him. He hadn’t been kidding when he’d warned her of his savage appetites, or of his secret taste for a little kink. So, not only hadn’t he scared her off, she was letting him know she might even go him one better.

He whispered, “Show me.”

Gemma slammed her lips to his. After ravaging his mouth, she jerked his head back by the hair and sank her teeth into the skin above his collarbone.

And sucked like a vampire. He knew she’d left a mark and he didn’t give a damn. Her show of force made his dick hard even when it softened his heart.

She licked the stinging spot. “I like to bite.”

“I’ll keep that in mind when my cock is near those sharp teeth.”

Gemma laughed softly. “Let me finish your neck rub. No teeth, I promise.”

Cash relaxed into her once again.

“Tell me about Macie’s mom. And how Macie came to be.” When he stiffened, she chided, “You had to expect I’d ask sometime.”

“Yeah, well, you’d think I’d be used to it by now.”

He wished he had another beer. “Macie’s mom, Jorgen Honeycutt, came to Pine Ridge on some kind of mission trip one summer. She embodied a gypsy, which appealed to a kid like me, bein’s I was stuck on the rez. Probably for the rest of my life.”

“How old were you?”

“Sixteen. I lied and told her I was eighteen. When she mentioned she’d just graduated, I figured her to be twenty-two. Later, I found out she’d meant from grad school, which made her twenty-six.

“I ain’t gonna lie. Jorgen was blonde, beautiful, rich, sexy and I talked my way into her bed.”

“I’ll bet in your teens you were one of those cocky, slow-eyed, good-looking Indian cowboys, weren’t you?”

“Yeah. Me and Jorgen had nothin’ in common. She wanted to be with a ‘real’ Indian cowboy. We screwed around that summer and I knocked her up. Wasn’t a doubt the kid was mine as we were together all the time. She wouldn’t consider an abortion.” Cash still winced when he thought about how hard he’d argued for that option.

Gemma kissed the top of his head. “Sucks that sometimes those things from the past can still hurt us even when we didn’t make that choice.”

Soothed by her again, he continued. “Jorgen had some family money, and wandering feet so she took off. Called me six months later to tell me I was a father. I didn’t see Macie for the first time until she was two.

“I was such a bastard, Gem. I didn’t care. Thought I’d skated by easy ’cause I didn’t have to pay child support. Jorgen would call me, drunk usually, and tell me about my child. I dreaded those damn phone calls.

“I wasn’t interested in bein’ a father until my friends started having kids. I suppose Macie was about eight when I began to see her once a year. We had fun together, but it wasn’t any kind of relationship. Mostly because Jorgen made sure she had all the control.
She’d
decide when I could talk to Macie. Or see her. They moved all over the damn place so I had no choice. I never knew where they were, which drove me nuts.”

“Doesn’t sound like your lack of a relationship with your daughter is entirely your fault, Cash.”

“Maybe not. I don’t remember how it happened, but the year Macie turned twelve she called me. We talked for hours. I realized I wanted to get to know my child so I asked Jorgen if Macie could spend the summer with me on the rez.”

Gemma gently worked his left shoulder muscle in silence.

“Jorgen refused. I was traveling the rodeo circuit so it was easier for me to get to wherever Macie was. I went hundreds of miles out of my way to see my girl whenever I could.”

Cash took a break, not sure if he was doing the right thing telling Gemma all this nasty shit about himself.

“Can I ask you something?”

“I guess.”

“Is Macie like her mother?”

“In some ways.”

“Like?”

“Like I suspect she’s got itchy feet. Macie doesn’t seem inclined to put down roots anywhere.”

“Maybe she gets that from you. You’ve traveled around plenty yourself, Cash.”

He grunted.

“Or maybe she doesn’t know how to settle down because no one has shown her,” Gemma offered.

“True. But it ain’t like she’s gonna learn it from me. I should be happy that she’s like Jorgen in that material things don’t mean nothin’ to her.”

“I thought you said Jorgen was rich.”

Cash laughed without humor. “Every white person seems rich to a rez kid who’s living ten or twelve to a house and depending on government commodities to eat. She had enough money to get by, and that’s more than I ever had.”

“That doesn’t tell me what Jorgen was like.”

“Sounds stupid, but Jorgen was the type who collected life experiences and checked them off her life list and moved on.”

“Meaning?”

“She had a list of things she wanted to accomplish. Live in Europe. Check. Get a graduate degree. Check. Live on the rez with indigenous people. Check. Have a child. Check. Live in the desert. Check. Live in the mountains. Check. Live by the ocean. Check. Work in a cowboy bar. Check. Work in a casino. Check. Work on a cruise ship. Check. She went where she wanted to go, did what she wanted to do and didn’t care about anybody else.”

“Including Macie?”

“I suspect that’s the case. Macie doesn’t wanna talk about her childhood too much. I don’t know if it’s to spare my feelings ’cause I wasn’t around or because they ain’t the best memories for her.” Thinking about poor little Macie fending for herself made his gut clench and his heart hurt. “I know Jorgen loved Macie, as much as Jorgen could love anyone.”

“Did you love Jorgen?”

“No.”

“Still, you were so young when all that happened. I’m surprised you never married and had more kids.”

“After the shit I’ve told you, you think I’d subject a kid to having me as a father?”
Or a woman who’d want me as a husband.
He didn’t say it, he just shifted his weight on the hard cement. “What about you and Steve?”

“What about us?”

“You never had kids. On purpose?”

“We would’ve welcomed a baby. Just didn’t happen. And Steve was old-fashioned. He didn’t want fertility tests to figure out the problem. Nor did he warm to the idea of adoption. I know some folks look at me with pity because I’m childless. But you can’t miss what you’ve never had.”

“True. What would you do if you ended up pregnant now?”

Gemma choked. “What? Lord, Cash, I’m forty-eight—”

“You ain’t been through menopause yet, have you?”

“No. Have the symptoms, though.”

“Don’t matter. My
unci
had her last baby when she was fifty-one. She thought it was menopause. So, I guess that means we’d better make sure we’re using condoms, much as I hate it.”

“I hate it too but I guess you’re right.”

Darkness had fallen. The yard light clicked on. Pretty soon bugs would be out in full force. Cash was tired of talking. Spilling his guts hadn’t alleviated the ache in his heart or his head. Gemma seemed to sense his mood change.

She smoothed his hair away from his face. “How’s your head?”

“Still hurts.”

“Want me to keep going?”

“Nah. Thanks for the offer though. I think I might just pop a couple aspirin and crawl in bed.” He stood and grabbed his empty beer bottle. “Probably be best if I slept in the guest bedroom tonight so I don’t disturb you.”

“But that’s not necessary—”

“’Night, Gem.”

He didn’t look back. He couldn’t take her look of pity.

And he knew she wasn’t ready to see what he couldn’t hide in his eyes.

‡

H
eadlights swept the
windows above the sink. Water splashed in the mud puddles and the red taillights disappeared.

Macie was back.

Gemma didn’t move from the kitchen table where she’d been working on the ranch books. She glanced at the clock. Cash had been in bed for two hours. She’d resisted checking on him, more worried she’d find him awake and avoiding her than sleeping off his headache.

Things had taken a strange turn today. Not only because he’d fucked her senseless in the barn, but because he’d opened up to her. She suspected he was filled with regret about showing her that tender side of himself and the guilt he carried.

Did Macie know? Did she care?

How did Gemma reconcile wanting to be with Cash outside of the workday, when she knew he felt guilty that he wasn’t spending that time with his daughter?

She jumped at the four solid knocks on the glass window of the screen door. She said, “Come in,” and Macie slipped inside and hesitated by the wall.

“Hey, Gemma. How’s it going?”

“Good. How are you?”

“Okay.” She glanced at the doorway to the living room. “Umm. Is my dad around?”

“Yeah. But he had a bad headache and he’s in bed.”

Macie’s eyes filled with concern. “Is he all right?”

“I hope so.” Gemma expected Macie to say a quick goodbye and disappear back to the camper. It surprised her when Macie pulled out a chair and plopped down.

“Is he mad at me?”

“Why would he be mad at you?”

“Because he and I were supposed to go horseback riding tonight. I fell asleep at Carter’s. When I woke up it was already dark.”

Ah. No wonder Cash acted so melancholy. “He didn’t act like he was mad. Maybe a little disappointed.”

“Crap. I never meant…I just lost track of time.” Macie sighed. “Story of my life. Story of our life actually. Seems like our plans are always interrupted.”

Macie left her as good an opening as any to broach the subject. “Does it bother you that your dad is here working for me rather than hitting the back roads with you? That was your plan, right?”

“Yeah, but I’d never put any stock into it beyond getting to hang out with him. We talk on the phone at least once a week, but it’s not the same. It’s been a rough year for him.”

“How so?”

“Realizing he’s too old to rodeo fulltime. Having to take shit jobs just to make ends meet.” She shot Gemma a sheepish look. “No offense intended.”

“None taken.” Gemma sipped her cold coffee. “What about you? Are you taking a shit job just to hang out here?”

Macie grinned. “No. I was thrilled to find work in a restaurant. Mucking out stalls would be my idea of a shit job.”

“You working a lot?”

“We’ll see. I think Velma is testing me. Or punishing me. I’m waitressing some. I’d rather be in the kitchen.” She pointed to Gemma’s cup. “Got any more coffee?”

“In the pot.”

She stood. “You want a reheat?”

“Sure.”

Gemma watched while Macie made herself completely at home. It was weird to think this beautiful young woman was Cash’s daughter. It was probably equally weird for Macie to sit down with her father’s boss.

And her father’s lover.

Yeah. They weren’t ready to go there yet.

“So, you’re doing some modeling for Carter?”

“I guess. He’s been pretty mum on what it’ll turn out like.”